Assessing people and being Judgmental the same ?

@kiran8 (14841)
Mangalore, India
September 22, 2012 11:50am CST
The other day some of us friends were discussing about some new neighbors who had moved in some time back and generally discussing about the family since we were all curious ...One of my friends got quite upset and told us that we shouldn't be judgmental about others.When we tried to convince her that we were only assessing them and that is not being judgmental, she said it was one and the same...I feel that there is a lot of difference between the two terms..
2 people like this
12 responses
@dpk262006 (53689)
• Delhi, India
23 Sep 12
Hi Kiran! I would go with you that you were just making an assessment about the new nighbours. You all would have limited clue about their conduct or attitude as most of you would not interacted with them at lenth. In my view you were not judgemental and your friend does not appear to be correct. Rather she could be said to be judgemental about all of you ........ lol! have a grt SUNDAY.
@dpk262006 (53689)
• Delhi, India
24 Sep 12
You have every right to 'know' about your neighbor specially when these days some people carry out clandestine activities. If they do not mingle with you it raises suspicion in one's mind and you must check if they are social and normal neighbors. Now a days one needs to be vigilant about one's surroundings.
@dpk262006 (53689)
• Delhi, India
24 Sep 12
I am in agreement with you that what you did was correct and it is necessary to find out some information about them, if it does not come out automatically.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
22 Sep 12
Kiran! What you say is true. There is a difference between assessing a person and passing judgment on the person. Assessing a person is needed because these are days where many people do not have scruples about exploiting others. We need to guard ourselves. We need not be too defensive but if we have to be aware of things an assessment is needed. On the other hand if we gossip about who ran away with whom or why a person’s marriage failed or why the next door man did not get along with his wife or why the lady had to beat up her husband as just a time passing activity then it is gossip and being judgmental in some cases. Unfortunately when people get together and discuss things there are many who participate and not all are similar in their approach. You may have made a mild mention of the issue; there are others who thrive on juicy bits of gossip and something may have struck your friend the wrong way and she might have jumped up to the rescue of an unsuspecting victim unnecessarily. If you assess the nature of this person, you will know why it happened.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
23 Sep 12
Yes kala, I too would think so...Actually we were more worried about safety since these days that has become a major issue.As you know we have many hard core terrorists coming from Bhatkal and Kerala since Mangalore is in the border.So when anyone new comes we would like to know a little about them, so that we need no worry anymore after that...Personally I hate discussing any personal details about neighbors or even relatives ..I think what you say may be right about my defensive friend, have to ask her and see why she reacted so strongly..take care kala
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
25 Sep 12
We must worry about our safety these days Kiran and if what you have said has been proved that there were terrorists in your area it is all the more essential that you be informed.I cannot understand why the friend should get defensive .As I said earlier, even among friends , some people sit in judgement of why something is said in a particular way instead of realising the reason.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
25 Sep 12
I think it is because she is from the same community and feels sensitive about the issue, thats my feeling and this is a kind of defence mechanism .The funny thing is that she is taking it personally ...I agree , many people have the habit of drawing negative conclusions about others without knowing all the facts which is really wrong !
• India
23 Sep 12
kiran Assessing and judging are certainly different, your friend is right in telling that we shouldn't be judgmental about others Many these days don't like interference by others in family matters; this is more true in big cities like the one where you live. wishing you a happy sunday
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
24 Sep 12
Hi Professor,Of course we all know the difference between being judgmental about people and assessing people and that's why it is all the more reason for friends not to make judgments about our actions .I think it is not about personal interference but about simple curiosity since the new neighbors were hardly to be seen so this lead to a lot of speculation, have given the details above in deepaks post...
@suni51 (1837)
23 Sep 12
I would not like to be judgmental as long as I can avoid it. People are not behaving according to my choice neither would they do so suddenly listening me suggesting them the way to behave. I can have my views and even exchange the with mutual friends but that would be my personal opinion only, nothing more or nothing less. Cheers, I know some people are over smart and want to be that way. In fact they cannot digest little bit of judgmental powers.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
24 Sep 12
Hi sunil, thanks a lot for sharing your views all the best and happy mylotting
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
I think your friend just got upset because maybe some of your choice of words are more relevant to judgmental rather than to what you think is just an assessment.For me, an assessment has a two face, it may be good or bad.Being judgmental is really a bad manner or a thing.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
24 Sep 12
Hi kokomo, The problem we were discussing was regarding safety to the neighborhood since we were trying to know who the new people were.We have had many incidents in India where criminals use residential localities to operate from, so most people tend to be extra careful about knowing all there is to know about newcomers in the locality and when they dont mingle it is all the more reason for concern and people do talk..
@lifes97 (885)
• United Arab Emirates
23 Sep 12
hello to you, we human like to talk and talking means talk about people and anything to do , that is something mostly free people do when they are free so i think talking mentioning things is ok but no need to judge, all the people have some unique thingks
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
24 Sep 12
Hi life, I agree that people like to talk which is but natural in life.But causing stress other people by our talk or harming their reputation is a negative aspect if done unnecessarily or without reason...Life is nothing but a sequence of actions and reactions , thanks a lot for your response and happy mylotting
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
In my opinion, when you assess a person's personality, you are seeing both the positive and the negative traits of the person. As for being judgmental, i think it is seeing only the bad side of the person.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
24 Sep 12
Hi jenny, I too would go with that view point.I too feel that assessing is more like getting to know a person and judgmental is one step further where you tend to slot them which as you say is most of the time negative ..Thanks a lot for sharing your views, happy mylotting
@hereandthere (22985)
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
i think it's all just curiosity on your part which is natural for most of us. what's wrong is when you start making comparisons and unfair conclusions or generalizations about them, which i'm sure you're not doing. but it would be much better if you take the time to get to know them so they feel welcome in your neighborhood. of course just be friendly, but not nosy. they might appreciate tips about how to get around, where to shop, any rules and policies that need to be followed, etc. just be helpful and show concern if needed, but respect their privacy and let them decide for themselves.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
24 Sep 12
Hi, thats exactly what we were doing,getting to know the new neighbors through each other.In fact, they had moved in a week ago and we had no clue about them.These days we have to be careful about neighbors esp since there are ,many criminals moving into residential areas to ward off any suspicion and in my city we have had many such instances .And they tend to keep to themselves , so it was in that context that we were discussing...Once you are able to sort of place them, we dont need to bother about their personal day today activities ..Thanks a lot for your response, enjoy your day
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
23 Sep 12
Short answer: yes, yes they are the same. Long answer: no, but an 'assessment' can easily turn into a 'label you paste on that persons forehead, showing you what you expect of them before you even pay any real attention to them' ... if you assess a person by what they have done, it's impossible (in your mind) for them to do a job very-much-better-than your assessment.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
23 Sep 12
Hi mythociate, thanks a lot for your response I guess what you say is true to a certain extent.It is difficult to draw the line, but I associate a lot of negative feelings when a person is judgmental about others whereas when you assess a person, it is more like trying to find out details..all the best and happy mylotting
• Indonesia
23 Sep 12
Maybe we will be surprised to listen tifak that because obviously the people now like to talk about other people about what he did and his habits. I think we should eliminate the habit because it is not a good thing. We should not judge or judge people from the outside.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
23 Sep 12
Hi diezmara, I agree that most people do have the habit of forming negative impressions about others which is being judgmental , however, assessing a person is simply forming an opinion since you do not know much about them..at least that's how I take it, all the best and happy myllotting
@Raine38 (8987)
• United States
23 Sep 12
Assessing and judging are 2 different things. When you try to assess a person, the manner on which you communicate or issue your assessment becomes a judgment when done in a malicious manner. Also when you favor one character over another, like when you only focus on the bad side of the person without giving chance to see the person's good side, that assessment crosses over to be a judgment.
@kiran8 (14841)
• Mangalore, India
23 Sep 12
Hi Raine, thanks a lot for sharing your views I agree with what you say, being judgmental is often forming a negative impression about the other person, whereas when you assess a person that too a newcomer who comes to live in your locality , it is actually to get to know the person.In our country we also have a problem of terrorism , so it is better to know who is living in the neighbor hood - all the best and happy mylotting
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
22 Sep 12
Kiran! What you say is true. There is a difference between assessing a person and passing judgment on the person. Assessing a person is needed because these are days where many people do not have scruples about exploiting others. We need to guard ourselves. We need not be too defensive but if we have to be aware of things an assessment is needed. On the other hand if we gossip about who ran away with whom or why a person’s marriage failed or why the next door man did not get along with his wife or why the lady had to beat up her husband as just a time passing activity then it is gossip and being judgmental in some cases. Unfortunately when people get together and discuss things there are many who participate and not all are similar in their approach. You may have made a mild mention of the issue; there are others who thrive on juicy bits of gossip and something may have struck your friend the wrong way and she might have jumped up to the rescue of an unsuspecting victim unnecessarily. If you assess the nature of this person, you will know why it happened.