Why Would You Want Him?

Jacksonville, Florida
September 28, 2012 11:16pm CST
I know someone who wants to be with this guy. Okay, he might be good to her and everything but he told her already he doesn't want the responsibilty of being a step dad to her child. He said he does not want to be with her because she has a son. Sorry, if someone said that to me if I was a single mother it would be a DEAL BREAKER! I would not still want to be with him! Her and her son are a package deal, period! Would you still go for a guy who said this to you? Or do you feel like I do about it?
6 people like this
27 responses
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
29 Sep 12
I did date a guy..this is what he said. I could really love you but I don't want the financial responsibility of three kids...this is what I said. Don't let the door hit you in the azz on your way out!
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
VERY good answer Jill! Your a great mother. =)
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 12
I couldn't have answered that any better Jill!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117833)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Sep 12
It's a definite deal breaker for me. THis reminds me of a mother in the news who actually murdered her boys because they were baggage to her and she wanted the man more than she wanted the children. Sick as it is some people are selfish like this. I hope this woman you speak of needs to drop this loser before she gets attached and it gets harder to let lose. It is sad.
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Sep 12
It would be for me too. My child is WAY more important than a guy...I think it is ridiculous that she would even think about dating this guy after he said that! What is wrong with people?!? That is a horrible mother to KILL her children for some guy, how terrible!! Some people should NEVER have children.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (117833)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Sep 12
My child is more important that a guy, work or most anything really. Some people are amazingly uncaring aren't they?
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
They are uncaring and it kills me!
1 person likes this
@AJ1952Chats (2340)
• Anderson, Indiana
29 Sep 12
At least, the man is honest. He has told her the way it is, so she needs to simply think of him as a good friend instead of a marriage prospect. People don't have to like all of the same things in order to have a happy marriage (though they should respect each other enough not to force the other one to do everything together), but there are certain things that are, as you've said, deal breakers. If somebody doesn't want to be a step-parent to your kids, he or she isn't the right Mr. Right or Ms. Right for you.
• Anderson, Indiana
29 Sep 12
This song just came to my mind... http://youtu.be/BjO1F6oCab8
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
I agree with you, it was good that the guy was honest. But with him being honest she should have walked away! She is trying so hard to be with him even after he told her that. Why would anyone with a child still want to be with someone who does not want a child in their life? They are not dating, she just wants to date him...I don't get it!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Sep 12
hi aj and Lov ing I listened to that song and I find myself in tears , good tears as that was so great wow.thats a great song indeed.
• United States
30 Sep 12
This reminds me of the movie Small Sacrifices. It is about a woman who tries to kill all three kids because the guy she " loves" didn't want to be a father to her children. I put quotes around the L word because I don't think this woman knows what the word means! Sadly there are a few women who rather have a man han put their children first. I applaud this guy. Many would Never admit they didn't want to be a step dad. They would just string her along and just avoid the kids. If this woman Still wants him , then she is a lover first and mother second. A real mom puts her kids first, above All others.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
Oh, wow I have never seen it. I probably won't watch it now either because I hate movies that make me cry! Lol, I am too sensitive for all of that. That is definitely not love! There are women that put their guy first before their child and that is really sad. =( I agree, the guy was honest with her and she should be grateful for that, especially since the guy is young. That was very mature for him. But she should have the same level of maturity and just walk away. There are other guys out there who have no problem with being a step dad...She should find one of them instead!
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 12
I agree about the guy. It is rare for a guy to man up and say No, I don't want kids! I hope this woman wises up and finds a guy who will love her children.
@inertia4 (27605)
• United States
29 Sep 12
I agree with you on this. After all, her son comes first no matter what. And thats the way she should be thinking about this. Look, I know that my evil ex is with this guy, she claims to want to be with him. Now, my daughter, 8 years old, said, mommy said this is her last chance to be with someone. Now thats sick. So what is happening is that she is demanding the kids to like him and respect him. He does not seem to mind the kids since he has two of his own. But to force the kids to like this guy, which by the way, they don't, is ridiculous. So I think this woman you're talking about should be happy that the guy is up front and honest. She should move on.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
Her son should most definitely come first in her life, before any guy! That's not right of your ex to make your kids like this guy. That is so unfair... I agree she should be happy he was honest with her but she should also walk away and find someone else who is ready to be a step dad in the child's life.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27605)
• United States
1 Oct 12
Well, the kids do not want a step dad. Not by a long shot. They have me and thats all they want. I don't think they would like anyone she would be with. I understand how they feel. But she should lay off the "you have to like him and better respect him" routine. She is building a big resentment in them over this elmer fudd looking guy. When the kids come to me they chill and enjoy their freedom.
• United States
29 Sep 12
This is one reason some children are abused. He has already told her he does not want anything to do with her son, and if she has an ounce of brains, she would run the other way. She probably thinks she's going to change him, like a lot of women do in their relationships like this. It's not going to happen. And even if he falls in love with her, the child will always be in the way and then he can get hurt, physically and mentally. It's a lose, lose situation and there will always be a resentment there. When my daughters were little and I was single and dating, I could find out anything I wanted to know on the first date. If it didn't sound like what I was looking for or if there was any type of strange comment, that was the last time I dated this person. My children came first and foremost before anything. One more point which might make you chuckle....if I had a cat right now and someone was getting serious about me, um, it's still a package deal, haha. I would not give up my cat for anyone either, or get too involved with someone who hates cats. What sense does that even make? He might hurt my cat or kick it when I'm not looking. I know it sounds funny but that's the way I am. You can find out rather quickly what you want to know about people and then it's up to you to make the choice.
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
Your right, it is and it is so sad for the child involved. I agree, she should definitely run the other way. They are just friends right now but she WANTS to be with him. Why? I have NO idea! She probably does think she could change him but we all know that does NOT work! Her child should come first and before anything or anyone else. Lol, it did make me laugh but I understand what your saying. I love dogs and I have 2 so if someone did not like my babies they would have to walk out the door. They are part of my family and they were here before anyone else came into my life.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Sep 12
What a perfect sentence! "They are part of my family and they were here before anyone else came into my life."......You are so right! Your friend is running with her emotions and needs to really move on in the other direction. I hope she does because she will be so sorry she did this...and then it's too late. I don't really even want to think of the consequences involved with this......but she should and not think so much of herself.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (15206)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
30 Sep 12
Being a guy myself, I cannot dare to say I know all the factors that weigh in on the decision (female-'body needs,' -cares, -emotions etc.); but I can try to simplify it down to 'what she is looking for.' If she just wants a 'boy-toy,' that guy's wish might help her 'get away from the life of a harried mother' for a while. But obviously the man she wants for a 'husband' will have to be okay with 'the fact that she's a mother' and maybe -with 'the fact that she may not be sexually faithful to him.' She needs him to love her whole life and not just -her bedtime life. I think the child SHOULD'VE BEEN a "deal-breaker" for the guy you're talking about, and it probably is if she's looking for 'something serious.'
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
Well, I don't think she is just looking for a toy. I think she is looking for a man to settle down with. The thing with her is that she thinks she is worth nothing. So she goes for anyone that shows her the littlest bit of attention. The guy was honest with her and I think she should just move on with her life and find a guy who does want to be the step dad in the picture. They are not together, she is just trying to be with him. She is trying to change his mind but if she manages to change his mind, I think he will become resentful later on down the road...
@jadoixa (1171)
• Philippines
29 Sep 12
i am a single mom and if a man has this kind of attitude even if he is good to me and does not want my child, then it is better not to be with him because if he loves me then he should also accept and love my child. and respect, love the child like his own. i can't be without my child, and if i have to be with a man and leave my child because he doesn't want her, i would rather leave this man than leave my child.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
I totally agree with you! The thing is, they are not even together yet. They are just friends right now. She wants to be with him. She is still trying to be with him even after he told her that!! Ridiculous! Your right, if I was single any man I date would HAVE to accept my children or not be with me...
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6291)
• Romania
29 Sep 12
no...if he loves me than he has to accept my child also. I know a case like this too. that woman had a baby, she divorced from the father of the baby so she became a single mom. her ex0husband lost any interest in her or her baby. later she met this businessman and he also told her that he want to have his own family and he doesn't see that boy as being a part of her family. what was her decisioN? she sent the baby to his grandmother in order her to raise him. so she ditched her own baby to be with a man...I'm sorry but that's not a mother
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
Your right, if he wants to be with a single mother than he needs to accept the child too! If not, then she should walk away and find someone else... That is so sad that the lady your speaking of sent her baby away over a man!! Your right that is NOT a mother at all...
1 person likes this
@ryanong (9695)
• Vietnam
30 Sep 12
For sure i leave that guy immediately. If he wants to settle down with that woman, he should take care her and her kid, why not? if he can't do like that, better that woman finds another man. He is not good enough to be a husband.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
I would walk away from the guy too. Apparently some people care more about their love life than their child. She should find a guy who wants to be involved with her child as well...
@ryanong (9695)
• Vietnam
2 Oct 12
yeah, i agree. her kid is a part of her life now then if a man wanna live with her, he should love her kid also. I hope that woman will find her right man soon.
@winterose (39921)
• Canada
1 Oct 12
absolutely not, I was a single parent and my son and I were a packaged deal. It took me 23 years to find a good man and it was worth the wait.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
I understand, my children and I are a packaged deal as well. I am not a single mother but if I was I would feel the same way. I would not be with anyone that did not want my children around!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
1 Oct 12
That would most definitely be a deal breaker for me. I am a mother and being a mother comes first. This means that my children will always come first for me. So, if I was in the situation that I was a single mother, if I was to start dating again, anyone that I dated would have to love my children more than they love me. If they were to tell me that they really didn't want to be a part of my children's lives, then I would absolutely not want to pursue a relationship with that person.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
Yeah me too. Your absolutely right, being a mother is number one. A guy would be number two for me. Right, if they did not love my children they would not be in my life. I would walk the other way and find someone that did want my children as well.
@ElicBxn (60832)
• United States
30 Sep 12
There's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
I absolutely agree with you! =)
1 person likes this
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
30 Sep 12
I definitely agree with you on that, if the guy didn't want me and my child if I was a single mother, I wouldn't date him. I wouldn't force someone to be with me who didn't want to. They probably feel that maybe eventually the guy will change their mind and maybe like their child. But I don't think that would probably ever happen. What if they just don't like kids. Then I would say okay that is fine and then move on.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
I would not either. The guy would have to be involved with my child too or not with me at all. I agree with you, that is probably what she is thinking but your right it is not likely to happen that way, you really cannot change someone like that... I would move on as well and find someone who did want to be involved with my child too.
• Philippines
30 Sep 12
definitely not. i am a single parent myself. i would rather be single for the rest of my life than be with a guy who thinks of my child as heavy luggage. this kind of guy doesn't deserve anyone. and surely, someone out there will love me and my kid equally.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
I am not a single mother but if I was I know I would rather be single as well than for my children to not be wanted by the guy I am with! She is not even with him, she's just trying to get with him... Really sad.
• United States
30 Sep 12
I feel the same way you do. If that guy can't except her child then it would be a big deal breaker. I would leave him and never look back no questions asked. If she stays with the guy then the child is sure to suffer and their relationship will be bad.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
Yeah, she should find someone who does want to be a part of her child's life. She needs to stop settling when she could find someone else. I would leave also and never even think about looking back!
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Sep 12
hi LovingMyBabies no indeed were I in that situation I wou ld tell the cretin to get lost as my son goes with me or no deal. yet I have seen women give up a child to relatives because she is bestotted with the crummy man.how can a woman give up her child like that? I know I could never have done that. thats sick really.
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Oct 12
It would definitely be done for me too but they are not even together yet, she just wants to be with him. He was honest about it and therefore she should find someone who does want to be involved with her child's life also. I have heard other women do that too and it absolutely blows my mind! I could NEVER give up my children for any man!!
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
29 Sep 12
If this guy does not want the responibility of being s step dad,she should dump him as fast as she can! So many woman think if they keep a guy around like this he will change. Most times it doesn't! She needs to fine someone else who will be excited to be a step-dad!
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
They are not even together yet, she wants to be with him. Why? I have NO idea at all!! I know, you cannot change someone else unless they want to change themselves... I agree, children are a Blessing and that's how they should be treated!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Sep 12
hi LMB, I have a friend who is a single mom before the guy court her she will say that she have a children she don't hide it if the guy like to continue dating her then that's fine but she will never accept a man who can't accept her children. And I salute her for that. happy mylotting
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
I agree with you, your friend is a good mother then! This girl is still trying to get with this guy even after he told her that! Crazy to me...
@marguicha (92119)
• Chile
29 Sep 12
Maybe after he said that, your friend accepted him for the time being (which, after all, is the only way she can do it). She may not want to break with him in the moment, but either he hopes that he changes his mind or she wants more time to break up. As a long term relationship, if things don`t change, there`s no possible deal though.
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Sep 12
Well they are not even together yet! She is trying to get with him even after he told her that! Yeah, it would not work with him not wanting anything to do with her son...