Pre-marital Struggles. Did you have any?

United States
October 2, 2012 9:23am CST
Time is ticking... I am going to get engaged in the next 3 days.... There are family problems.... there are financial problems.... we dont know where we are going to live yet... I look at persons whose lives are so easy. They fall in love, they have everything handed over to them (ie house, car, land etc), they have kids and live happy. Then I wonder to myself how come I didnt fall in that bracket. I have to struggle and fight to make ends meet and things work out with my soon to be fiance. What struggles did you have to go through before you got married? However what helped you to overcome it?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@berting600 (3453)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
You have to prove to your soon to be wife,and your incoming in in-laws,that you are going to double your time to make a good arrangements in your financial savings,so that the future of your incoming family would guaranty a stable living condition.
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
You are definitely correct there Lisa,that both of you have to make yourselves worthy to become married one day,and have a decent life.Your future husband must also prove his worthiness for you,because he was the stronger gender,so he must be exerting more efforts to make an ideal family you both are transforming.I wish you all the best.
• United States
2 Oct 12
To make our situation better, I have changed jobs. I am a female and I want to be a capable wife to my soon to be husband so I try to do my best to prove to him that I can be.
1 person likes this
@obriens (16)
• United States
2 Oct 12
No matter who you are there are problems in every relationship! I have been married now for 4yrs, but have been with my husband for 12 yrs. We have had our share of problems! There was a time before we got married where we split up, during that time I got pregnant with the man that was my boyfriend at the time. During my pregnancy my husband and I remained close and ended up getting back together shortly after my son's birth. Time went on and I pushed him to buy a house, after all, if we were committing to each other then that was the next step (in my eyes). About 3 yrs went by I and learned that my now husband had cheated on me with my best friend at the time. Our relationship was on the brink and it was a decision on both of our parts on whether or not we loved each other enough to work out the problems. It took a lot to forgive and move forward, however, we did it. Two years later we got married. Financial stresses are always there, but we get by. We don't use CC unless we absolutely have to and have learned to budget and use coupons. Our life is not perfect, and it never will be. We work on our marriage daily and always keep the lines of communication open, which is what has helped us to make it.
• United States
2 Oct 12
I can see that you and your husband have been through alot and I admire how you both were able to stick together despite. Keep it up and all the best.
@linoxy (283)
• Cyprus
2 Oct 12
First and foremost, there are rarely people who do not have any problems. It just looks like that when looking from outside. You may see only a little portion, but underneath there is no such thing (if you exclude politicians, celebrities, moms' and daddy's sons and daughters). I'm married for more than 3 years now, but me and my husband live together for more than 5 years. We had the luck to already have an apartment to live in. However, it was ruined by some of my relatives, who used to live here. My husband is freelance programmer, and I worked at a large telecommunications operator (till this September due to reasons not connected to this conversation). Living in a country where it is not easy to find job or job opportunities, my husband struggled with finances. So, basically I was the provider till now. We managed to settle down in this apartment, did some renovations, bought major important things. Back to the point. We never, ever wanted to take or get money from our parents. We only spend what we earn, and never got into debt. There are people who we know, who have "greater support from their parents" and they have it all. But is this ok?
• United States
2 Oct 12
I really appreciate your response. Sometimes looking at the outside and at how some persons just have it all I tend to get down. When I read about persons like you who go through alot and is sill standing I look at myself and think that I can make it. Thanks again for your responce and I wish you all the best.
• United States
2 Oct 12
Im not married yet. Im in the process of getting a house. Nothing is handed down to me at all and i wish things were easier too. Buying a house is a big commintment. We have said we need to get a house before getting engaged and getting married. We need to be settled in a house together and let time go by and see how things are like that. At this moment we go between my parents house and mine and its not easy and once we get a house i think it will be easier. Of course we have our own bills and things to pay and things to do, but at times its easier when we will be on our own not worrying about what house were staying at and all the other stresses in life.
• United States
2 Oct 12
Wow!! I am reading your post and wondering to myself if I wrote it lol. I am in the same position of going between houses with my soon to be fiance. We are trying to obtain our house as well and I agree that when we do things will be alot better. However for now I have to bear with the stress leading up to that.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
I gave birth prior to getting married at an early age. And I can say that I don't think I was in my right mind to be marrying that young. Not that I do not love my husband when I got married. But if only we could have waited longer, I am sure we could have had a much better life now. The emotional struggle I had then was thinking of how my dad would react if he finds out that I gave birth 3 months prior to graduation. He was working abroad then and was about to come home to spend Christmas with the family. I was really apprehensive on what he will say and do to me. Luckily, my dad did not slap me or disowned me. He just held me in his arms so tight and told me that everything was going to be alright. But of course, that doesn't stop there. I was sure he wanted me to get married right away. I am not sure if my husband, my boyfriend then, is up to that idea. I asked him and his parents to come over our house so they can speak to my dad. Well, nobody asked me if I wanted to get married. I didn't ask my boyfriend if he wanted too. It was all assumed that marriage was the next step...and SOON! And so, a month after giving birth, we got married in a civil court in the morning, then had my son baptized in the afternoon. Six months after, we had the church wedding officiated by Manila's Archbishop. Now we are married for 17 years.
@riyauro (6421)
• India
2 Oct 12
everyone has problems. Sometimes we think that the rich people and those who have everything have no problems, but they also have problems in life. I am from poor family and i used to think like you but I know now. Something or other is there in a persons life. Now take for example my in laws. They have such a big house, they have bank balance and they have everything but still unhappy people because father in law has ego problem and he is become like a mental. he does not socialize with anyone, doesn't talk to the neighbors and is just inside the house all the time. he does not allow mother in law to go out and talk to people too. She gets very upset because of his behavior. so trust me everyone has problems. Stop thinking about it and be positive, you and your fiance will do good. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead
• United States
2 Oct 12
Thanks. I will keep your words of encouragement in mind and try to stop stressing. Like you said everyone has problems. I just need to learn how to deal with mine. Thanks!!
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
The one thing that makes me struggle in such condition is financial instability. Other things aside from money is not a big deal for me. The important thing in life is love. Those problems maybe cope up unless both of the couple have the desire to succeed with those things...
• United States
3 Oct 12
"Anything that I do, I try to do my best in. I'm gonna tell my granddaughter how many calls I've made because I want her to know that you have to work for what you get. We're going to win this election.?
@rog0322 (2829)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
3 Oct 12
Hi, It is going against the impossible that help create complications and problems. Some of our goals and expectations are way too high for us to reach thus the struggle to keep up. In my case, I don't overdo what I am capable of and if things are far too way beyond the reach of my two arms, then I have to let them go and I deal with myself alone and no other. If I don't have what people around me has got, then, I make a pact with myself to be at peace, being spared from the burden of having to carry them around with me. No struggles here, for that matter.
@adnileb (5256)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Hi lisa. I am not married yet but soon. Financially, me and my fiancé aren't stable yet because of low salary. We are now saving for the future though it's really difficult. You can have those that you want in the future because we can't have them in an instant. Those that you mentioned are maybe born rich. Everyone who doesn't have much will soon get rich depending on how persuasive you are. I think those rich people doesn't have much before but they wanted to be rich that's why they strived. Goodluck to your engagement.
@jazzyrae (1745)
• United States
3 Oct 12
I'm sorry but I think you're thinking of the fairy tales ya see on TV. everybody has problems in relationships that you know you're going to be engaged in 3 days. that would mean my husband I need to show my god we just got here at house so that's the only difference. my mom hey didn't get they didn't even come to my wedding my own mother and my stepdad and all my brothers and sisters pretty much boycotted. ellen the wedding we have to pay for ourselves so is really cheap low budget kind of family fun. it was the most stressful time I think I've ever had my life but it was so worth it in the end it with somebody that you just love so much. the couples you see who seemed Wallace are never really fall it. in fact I truly believe only the slightly insane can stay in a lasting relationship. I wish you the best of luck there just know the hard times are there and there's always good time to follow
• United States
3 Oct 12
I know how you feel. My fiance and I are struggling too. I'm doing everything I can to help. We're living with his parents. I want a house and a car. Its so unfair. Just keep trying, things should get easier Lisa. I wish you the best.