I need to concentrate on ME and my own life!
By HomeBase
@HomeBase (1153)
United States
October 3, 2012 6:28am CST
So, where do I start? The long and the short of it is that I need to concentrate on my own life. I do a lot for other people, and tend to neglect myself. I have always been like that.
A friend of mine called me a few months ago. His girlfriend (at the time) had left him, took the kids, took all of the money out of the bank account (left him with NO rent money for the upcoming month in the apartment that the 2 of them shared together), took the kids, went to live with another man, stole a lot of stuff from my friend before she moved out. Needless to say, he was devastated.
I gave him my shoulder to lean on, for months. I neglected my housework, I put things that I needed to do on the back burner and talked to him on the phone for hours every day and every night, for about 2 months straight. I neglected myself, all in the name of trying to help him.
So, he calls me the other day to tell me that she had just called him, out of the blue. And do you know what he told me he said to her? He told her that he loves her and he misses her
.
Soooo, I just wasted the past 4 months, is that what you're saying to me?? I really need to concentrate on me and the things that I have got going on in my life.
.
Soooo, I just wasted the past 4 months, is that what you're saying to me?? I really need to concentrate on me and the things that I have got going on in my life.10 people like this
17 responses
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
15 Jan 16
It seems to me that you also need to start focusing on maybe starting another discussion of your own that we can comment on.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
15 Jan 16
@HomeBase It's just something to think about, and after careful consideration just maybe you will have a decision by 2018.
1 person likes this
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
17 Sep 21
@JimBo452020 I don't even know what to say to this. And since Anna's comment is from years ago, I'm sure she no longer needs me to concentrate on her, not that I ever would in the first place.
1 person likes this
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
14 May 17
@Lupita234 This is very true, because staying stuck in the past doesn't help anyone except the people who are trying to hold you back.
1 person likes this
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
12 Jan 16
he is being dumb and you should distance yourself from him or he will drain your energy - still be a friend but let him make his own mistakes
1 person likes this
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
12 Jan 16
@HomeBase Hadn't noticed the date on the feature to be honest - hope it goes well if you do get in touch - good luck
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
12 Jan 16
@arthurchappell No, no, no. No getting in touch. I don't need this person in my life anymore, and I've been reminded of that fact! Thank goodness!
See, that's the miracle here... 1) you commented on this post 2) You didn't even notice the date 3) I just came by to myLot 3 days ago 4) I was going to get back in touch with a person who obviously had taken my emotions through the ringer!!
I was going to call him just yesterday!! But now I remember...I don't need him! And reading this post of mine again helped me to realize this!!
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
12 Jan 16
It's 'funny' that you comment on this now, because I wrote this in 2012, but... just recently, within the past dayor so (the past DAY!), I was thinking about calling this same guy and re-kindling our friendship, even though I was kind of feeling like reaching out to him is not the best thing for me to do right now.
I didn't even remember that I had posted this on myLot years ago, but you have brought it back to my memory. You've also brought back how terrible I was feeling back then. And to think, I was going to call him!!
I was seriously. Just. Getting. Ready. To. Call him!, and here you bring my attention back to THIS post. And I just got back on myLot 3 days ago, after being away for a long while.
Amazing. Simply amazing.
), I was thinking about calling this same guy and re-kindling our friendship, even though I was kind of feeling like reaching out to him is not the best thing for me to do right now.
I didn't even remember that I had posted this on myLot years ago, but you have brought it back to my memory. You've also brought back how terrible I was feeling back then. And to think, I was going to call him!!
I was seriously. Just. Getting. Ready. To. Call him!, and here you bring my attention back to THIS post. And I just got back on myLot 3 days ago, after being away for a long while.
Amazing. Simply amazing.
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
5 Oct 12
It was really nice of you to spend so much time on him and his needs. Its important that you've realized you need to concentrate on yourself though. I've gotten caught up like this for my family and friends - not for so much time but in the end I just felt so drained afterward. I'm sorry though that he just basically undid everything you'd tried to help him with. @HomeBase (1153)
• United States
18 Oct 12
Yes, it was "nice" of me. I have to concentrate on being nice to myself and my immediate family instead of being so nice to everyone else. This is not the first time that I have done this, I have a habit of feeling like I need to nurse the emotionally wounded back to health, but when they recover they skip off, full of energy, into the sunset and I sit there drained and exhausted
.
I'm glad you identify with what I am talking about, it feels good to know that I'm not alone in my tendency to help others to the point of being drained
.
Oh well, c'est la vie. You live, you learn
.
I'm glad you identify with what I am talking about, it feels good to know that I'm not alone in my tendency to help others to the point of being drained.
Oh well, c'est la vie. You live, you learn
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
14 Jan 16
I know right?? Tell me about it. I wrote this in 2000 and 12 (twelve!!) and I was getting ready to call this guy again just the other day (unbelievable!
) until I re-read this post. Sometimes one has to look back on things to see something for what it really is.
) until I re-read this post. Sometimes one has to look back on things to see something for what it really is.1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
28 Jan 13
Well, unfortunately no matter what goes on in someones life, you cannot live their life for them. Even when you are trying to be their friend, etc. they have to learn to live with their choices, and if he is one who wanted to go back to someone after she cheated on him, that is his choice. Sometimes people do not learn, and you just need to be ready to accept the fact, and move on. Yes, it is hard but people are people and there is nothing you can do to change them.
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
3 Oct 12
Well first of all you shouldn't put any man before yourself you just have time for yourself as well. You can still help him out and talk to him on the phone but you should worry about your life and be able to do you're daily things too and not put them off like you did. Sorry you wasted 4 months for nothing trying to help him out. Hopefully he will learn a lesson in life and not take friends for granted. Hope you can get caught back up on your house duties and your life.
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
4 Oct 12
You are so right, I should not put a man before myself, but I seem to have a history of doing that type of thing. I really am the type of person that has to consciously be concerned about my own life, because I let the problems of other people come into my life and damn-near consume me.
You are right, he should not take me for granted as a friend, but I'm sure that he does because anytime he calls, I always answer. I suppose that he is not the only one that needs to learn a lesson, I need to value myself more is what this is really about for me.
@airasheila (5454)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
A pleasant day to you HomeBase,
With reference to the situation that you have encountered in your life, I guess, you must really focus on your self for now. Then try to divide your time in every situation that may arise next time. So you will not be spending a lot of your time to other people. As sometimes, it really feels hurt if the people to whom you spent time cannot grasp a small piece of sensitivity in their heart.
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
4 Oct 12
The thing about it is, this is not the first time that I have done this. I have a habit of dedicating large amounts of my time to people who seem to be in need of that sort of thing, then in the end, it turns out to have been kind of a waste of time for me.
Of course I learn things in the process, and learning is always a good thing, but after the fact, I also think to myself, I should have just done for myself during that time and left that person to their own devices.
It does hurt when people take you for granted, but I think that it is up to us to make sure that we put some boundaries in place and not wait for someone else to do that for us, because more than likely, they won't.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
24 Oct 12
I am sure that your friend greatly appreciates your kindness when he was in his lowest point. You could not keep away the love he has for the woman most especially if he has kids with her. Yes, all the things that his partner did could be enough to stop loving that kind of person, for some.
You have done your job well as a friend. And you ought to get back to your own life.
@STOUTjodee (3572)
• United States
13 Oct 12
You're now realizing this after 4 months, that you need to concentrate on you and your own life? I think I would have figured that way before now!
I understand that you're a caring person, but it sounds like you maybe still have feelings for this person and that's why you gave him all your attention. You have to remove yourself some times when people have problems. Sure, you like to help but that doesn't mean you should put aside your life for them. Is there anyone there for you 24-7? Sounds like there isn't so ,you should be the only one for yourself 24-7.
I understand that you're a caring person, but it sounds like you maybe still have feelings for this person and that's why you gave him all your attention. You have to remove yourself some times when people have problems. Sure, you like to help but that doesn't mean you should put aside your life for them. Is there anyone there for you 24-7? Sounds like there isn't so ,you should be the only one for yourself 24-7.
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Hi Homebase,
I think you should be happy now for your friend for he already settled his problem with his girlfriend.You should not be feel awkward what had happened for you have said earlier that you are a friend anyway.Indeed, you are really a real and true friend for in times of his needs, you were there to helped and lifted him up.That's a good deed.
But with your behavior and based on your mood in this situation,you felt as if you were dumped by him and you are now nothing for him. I think you fell in love already with him. I am a girl also and I could conclude that you already has fell with him.
@RebeccasFarm (86520)
• United States
17 Sep 21
You cant fix stupid..I tell you..
You are very kind and compassionate but now you know..remember your own self and what you need because people will do what they want and it is usually the wrong thing after you listening for months.
@JudyEv (325345)
• Rockingham, Australia
18 May 17
This was written some years ago so I hope you're in a better place now. Thanks for reading my post.
@GardenGerty (157485)
• United States
3 Oct 12
You are right. You cannot fix stupid and that sounds like what is wrong with him. Find your limits and boundaries and hold tightly to them. I have had friends like that. My little children, pre teens, finally told me, "Mom, that person is not your friend", and about another user in my life "Mom, you take better care of her than of us." My kids are smarter than I am.
@edsss17 (4394)
• Philippines
7 Oct 12
Oh! There are really people like him. No matter how smart or successful they are, in terms of love, they will get blind and martyr. I've seen a lot like this.
And sad to say, yes, you have wasted your time letting your friend lean on you but don't get frustrated as well, dear. You're his friend and that's what real friends do. Sometimes we feel everything we've done for them becomes useless. Let those things pass.
Give yourself sometime to pamper. Do what you have to do for yourself.. He'll see what you have done for him. Maybe not now, but in the right time.
@pgiblett (6524)
• Canada
3 Oct 12
One thing that you do have to remember about other people is that they are ultimately responsible for making up their own minds about the ways to go with their own lives. The fact that you state that you "wasted four months" tells me that you also have feelings for this man. Perhaps you have not reconciled yourself to this fact.
Ultimately everyone has to think of their own happiness, and clearly your friend had major feelings for this other woman. You should also remember that if they share children together then this can mean so much.
I do however agree that you do need to think about yourself and your needs and I think here this is much more than the neglected housework.
