Hhaving a hard time reconnecting with who used to be your bestfriend

@choybel (5059)
Philippines
October 4, 2012 1:18am CST
I started a discussion about this several months ago and I believe I have stated there that I will try to make it work. For those who were not able to read that discussion, here's a summary to it, I had a long-time best friend from way back high school, and for years now we drifted apart to a point that we barely talk to each other. So, I did try to see where everything went wrong and I tried inviting him to stuff we used to be interested in. We had conversations and did those said stuff, but then I just felt uncomfortable. I realized that for some reason, he irks me. I can't really point out what it is or maybe it's just me but I do sense that he feels the same towards me. Now, realizing all these, I just feel sad and hopeless. We were really great together, brothers almost as some of those who knew as would have described, and now it is just what it is. I am still hoping that this could be fixed but not as enthusiastic as before. Anyway, I would love to hear suggestions and similar experiences from you guys.
5 responses
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
Some friends who have become distant to each other may feel awkward being together after a long time of being a part. I think it is called being in the "adjustment stage". Give it some time, do not rush things. Invite him over after a few weeks to hang out. If you still feel the awkwardness, maybe it's time for you to talk about how you feel. That way, you'll also know what is on his mind.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
That's probably one of the things I feel right now, awkwardness when being with him or talking to him. I have made some plans in my mind and payed out situations but I am hesitant that things will go the way I think they will. I don't know if talking about it would be the right move right now but it's definitely in the list.
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
I have a huge group close friends from high school. I have not been that close to them since College coz all of us went to different schools. But they often get together and I was, well, just didn't have the time to be with them coz of my class schedule, plus, my boyfriend was always with me. (BIG mistake there, I guess). Anyway, when I tried reconnecting with them, there was a feeling of awkwardness. Although some of them seem to have not changed on how they treated me, there are a few who just had the look of, "Oh yeah, okay" attitude, when I was speaking with them. But I have realized, it takes time to build the gap.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
6 Oct 12
Sometimes people change. It is a shame but they do. I think that it's nice that you are making an effort and maybe after a few relaxed situations, things may start to be different. I think you may have to get used to each other again.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
I think that it is also one of the things we have to try, getting used to each other again and then maybe I can just start building again from there. I just feel that it would be a great waste if I would just allow this friendship to become just a part of my past and that friend to be just another person.
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
Hello Choybel, You shouldn't feel bad about yourself at least you tried, right? nothing in this world stay the same. some stay in and some goes away, what never goes away is change. people aren't always the same as they use to when drifted away from you, there could be change some where out there during his or her experience with you being there. just try to understand and accept the fact that he or she has changed which they chose to better themselves define who they are.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
I have always accepted change but I never foresaw this one to be going the way it is right now. Accepting is one thing and doing something about it is another, so I choose the latter because I truly believe that there is hope for this friendship, this brotherhood we both had.
@GemmaR (8526)
4 Oct 12
I was best friends with a guy for several years, but then when I got my boyfriend he stopped talking to me really. I think that this might have something to do with the fact that he liked me in a different way to the way that I liked him, and me getting a boyfriend was always going to change our relationship. But I have tried to get back in touch with him recently and I was shocked at the fact that he didn't seem to want to meet up with me. It would seem that he still doesn't like the fact that I had a partner. The ironic thing was that if he'd told me how he felt in the first place then chances are we would be very happily together at this point.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
Some people are just too scared of rejection and maybe your friend is one of them or maybe he just treasured your friendship more and was afraid that telling you the truth would ruin your friendship eventually in one way or another.
@subhojit10 (7384)
• India
4 Oct 12
Well i can understand the pain of living away from your best friend and how desperate u are to get things back on track is clearly visible in your discussion. The same thing has happened with me also when i was not in talking terms with one of my best friends but we have reconciled and have become good friends again. For some it is hard to forget the past and to move ahead and for some they feel that whatever has happened in the past should be forgotten as soon as possible. I think u and your friend should do the same thing, reconcile again and sort out the differences and start a new beginning by keeping things simple. What say?
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
I always thought that it would sort itself out someday, but it didn't and it just went worse. I guess it also has something to do with pride as both of us seem to just put this thing aside no matter how obvious it has become, and none would rather approach and put it to open for us to discuss. I believe that, as you said, forgetting the psst would really be a big help but I wonder if it is possible. I don't recall getting into a big fight with him and there was no misunderstanding, I guess we just grew apart more and had other interests of our own. It was clear to me when we did hang out once a few days ago. Perhaps I just wasn't the me he used to know and maybe I see him now for who he truly is. Yet, despite all this, I am truly willing to bring things back to where we used to be. With Christmas coming, I guess I could use that as an opportunity to try fixing this. You are right too, I guess it does have to start by keeping things simple, nothing too big. Thank you very much!