self interest in friendship

@roshigo58 (4871)
Pune, India
October 4, 2012 2:58am CST
I have taken voluntary retirement. Before retirement I have many friends in my company. but after retirement they forget me. Only two of them are nice friends. They are still in contact with me. They come to meet me. We meet each other and have a fun together. But other don't even a make a call for me. In the beginning I tried to call them and talk to them but I understand that they have no interest in talking with me. I think it is true for some friends that there is self interest in behind every friendship. This is the bitter truth. What do you think?
3 people like this
19 responses
• India
5 Oct 12
Real friends always in get in touch. Time teaches us who are real at the right time of our need. After your retirement you have the chance to know who are always with you and who acted as a friend to you. Money and work should not decide the friendship and the affection of people.
1 person likes this
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. Money and work should not decide the friendship and the affection of people. Time teaches us to recognize the true friends. Thank you for the response.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Oct 12
I agree with both of you, money, work, salary are immaterial, i have some TRUE friends who are said to be below poverty line
• India
5 Oct 12
How old you are now? What job you did? Well many of the so called friends, are not real but selfish ones, i have this bitter experience.. Professor
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, I am 54 years old. I have taken voluntary retirement. As my wife has problem in walking and my boss is forcing me to go to Mumbai and work there. It was not possible because my wife can not live alone at night. Fr the whole day she has company of her student Pooja and she is engaged in doing tuition and some other online work. I am now working as an insurance adviser and I can come to house at night after completing work. I have some selfish friends but I also got some true friends also who are always ready to help me.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Oct 12
thanks for details friend
@adforme (2116)
4 Oct 12
True friendship reveals itself in ways that show sincerity and lack of any motive having nothing to do with preserving the friendship. If there is nothing more your friends have in common with you, they may seem distant. You are retired and that is a life change. Your friends who are still working may have more responsibilities and/or problems to solve. Just realize that the dynamics of some friendships change with life, and sometimes a friend has to reach out and get in touch on his or her own time.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. We should have something common for making friendship. I have some old true friends and some new friends. So I am happy. Experiences teaches us how to live in life. I will not feel sad if I have same experience in future. Because my past experience taught me how to deal with such situation. Thank you for the response.
@adforme (2116)
5 Oct 12
Its all about understanding how life affects relationships.
• China
4 Oct 12
Indeed, when I graduated from primary school, junior high school and senior high school, many of my friends never contacted me again. But I know that those who still keep in touch with me are my true friends, so I feel content. I believe that no one can have hundreds of true friends, therefore, I never feel disappointed when someone who just care about themselves' interests ignores me.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
4 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. We should never feel disappointed when we come to know that someone has keep friendship for his self interest. I also have some true friends. Some are of school time friends. Thank you for the response.
• China
4 Oct 12
Those true friends are my precious treasure. They will encourage me no matter when I feel frustrated. Indeed, although I have not met them for a year, we can talk about our feelings and experience just like we are never far apart.
@Canellita (12059)
• United States
14 Oct 12
Not everyone sees friendship the same way. People you work with are colleagues, not friends. It's good that you have two people who you can actually maintain a relationship with, but none of you are kids anymore. The other people you thought were friends are still working and busy managing their lives. You shouldn't take it personal that they are not going out of their way to make time for you. They have their own priorities and less leisure time. You should be out enjoying your retirement and making new friends!
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
20 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. I shouldn't take in personal. They have their own priorities and are busy in their work. I am working as an insurance adviser and enjoying my retired life and I have some new friends here. Thank you for the response.
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
6 Oct 12
A lot of times people that used to work together fall out of touch because they have nothing in common anymore. I like to think it is that more than self interest. The people you still have contact with after a few years are good friends. The others weren't really friends anyway, just friendly co-workers.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
7 Oct 12
Hi, you are right. My friends in the company were just friendly co workers and not true friends. But I got 2 nice friends. Thank you for the response.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
6 Oct 12
I totally agree with you..some people say absentence makes the heart grow fonder, well I don't believe that...I truly believes "out of sight, out of mind"...It takes a real friend to stay in touch even with miles between them...But real friend will find a way simply because they are friends...
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
6 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. A real friend stays in touch with us even with miles between them. They remain together forever. thank you for the response.
@bellis716 (4807)
• United States
6 Oct 12
If you still have 2 friends left from your working days, you are doing better than I. Since I retired 12 years ago, I've had one phone call from someone with the company . That was to invite me to a party they were giving for one of the bosses who was moving on to a job with another company. I declined the invitation and never heard from any one there again. My retirement was voluntary , too. Although I was a year past the usual retirement age, I could have kept working. I was even offered a part time position, but I chose to retire. Most of the people who worked there were 30 old more years younger than I, even most of the bosses. Maybe that's why no one cared to keep in touch with this old fogey.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
6 Oct 12
Hi, When our friends behave like this we feel very sad. But we have to accept it and go ahead and try to make new friends and live happily. Thank you for the response.
@prashu228 (18632)
• India
5 Oct 12
of course , purely self interest and their profit, i have seen such friends, when we are in college ,this one friend whom i use to think "best friend" ( i feel so ashamed of myself now) used to spend lot of time with me, used to call me for any shopping or festival or any help. But after leaving the college , no sign of her, never attended my phone or any such things, later i came to know she was with me only because , i was there to help her and go with her with out saying no at any time. When the work was over she completely forgot me. now with a new circle of friends (may be with another bakra, as we call) who is to help her. Now that's fine and happy ,at least i am relieved from such friend.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. Your friend was very selfish. You are rightly said that she had find another bakra and she will leave him after using him. It is very nice that you have taken it positively. Now you should be careful wj=hile making friends. Thank you for the response.
@mikyung (2235)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
A true friend accepts you whoever you are, regardless of your status in life and what happened in your past. I have several experiences regarding that matter and it makes me feel bad when I think of it now. But life's like that. People really change or they only treat me good back then becasue I have the money and power. Well, just go ahead with your life. be good to everybody and enjoy your retirement. Good luck. Thanks
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. We should go ahead and enjoy life and shouldn't waste our time in worrying about the future. thank you for the response.
• Greece
4 Oct 12
Friendships at work are strange things. We feel close because we share most of our days together, but that is all we have in common sometimes. So once we retire the friendship have nothing to keep them going. You have done well to keep two friends. I was recently contacted by a woman I worked with 20 years ago, she found me on the internet. We have exchanged a few pleasantries and I was [pleased to hear from her after all this time. You may have a similar experience when your ex colleagues also retire and want to share memories with you again. As one door closes so another opens and I hope that you will make some new friends of your choice who share your interests and live nearby. I found adult education helped me when I joined a writing class and met lots of people who loved to write.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. When we are working at that time we have something common so we feel close together. After that we don't keep any contact with each other. But when we suddenly meet the old friend we feel very happy. Now I am working as an insurance adviser and I have some new friends. But I will not feel bad if I have the same experience because I am prepared for this. Thank you for the response.
@riyauro (6431)
• India
4 Oct 12
yeah i have lost friends too. Mostly i have lost friends because I am down to earth person but my friends were normally very hifi and duh like ones. Well, everyone's day comes.... okay back to you, It comes to me that other two friends must be committed to something or somewhere that is why they might call be able to catch up with you. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. Everyone's day comes. I have some friends which are very nice. Thank you for the response.
@airasheila (5460)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
hi there roshigo58, with reference to your post, i think there are some people who belongs on this category. that they are just befriending the person as long as they are under one company. perhaps, they just need to but not for real. so what you are experiencing is just normal to some extent.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. They are my friends because we are in the same company. Now I am working as insurance adviser. I have made some friends in this company also. But as I have experience in the last company now I am prepared for what will happen with me about these friends. But I would not feel sad if this happen to me again. Thank you for the response.
• India
4 Oct 12
Hi friend, sad to hear that your friends are avoiding you after the retirement, really this kind of activities will give more pain to us. As per your writing we must be very careful while making friendship, as well as self interest in important in keeping touch with our friends
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, I think every retired person has the experience of this. It is really painful but we should not be disappointed. We come to know who are our true friends. Thank you for the response.
@alottodo (3062)
• Australia
4 Oct 12
When I retired from work I had so many promises " like I will call you,meet for coffee,lunch or what ever" and you know what? only a few keep in touch whith me! and I like that! now I know who my friends are.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Oct 12
Hi, You have the same experience like me. Now I can realize the true friendship. Thank you for the response.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
4 Oct 12
I think that what you call friendship is not friendship at all. These were your collegues and you had something in common which was your work/the company. Now this is not the case anymore. So you better make new friends with people you do have something in common with. Interests or hobbies for example, who are in the same stage of life as you are. This has nothing to do with the bitter truth but with reality.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
4 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. It is reality. I have made many new friends. I am now working as an insurance adviser, so I have friends in this company. As you said we have to make new friends who have something common. Thank you for the response.
@pahak627 (4206)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
I also experienced that. Don't worry you still have your true friends from your company. Don't mind those who lost interest in your friendship. You know, I don't consider my officemates as my friends. I know that when we're not officemates anymore, we will also lose whatever connections we have. I'm prepared for that because of experience. When I transferred to my present office, I lost connections with my officemates before whom I considered friends. That is why, I'm prepared to accept that during my retirement, they will no longer be my friends.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
4 Oct 12
Hi, You have experienced this at the time of your transfer so you are well prepare for what would happen after retirement. You are prepared your mind that after retirement they will no longer be my friends. Thank you for the response.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
We meet a lot of people along the way. But only true friends stay with us.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
4 Oct 12
Hi, You are right. Only true friends remain forever with us. Thank you for the response.
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
4 Oct 12
In my college life total 11 friends was there 5 girls and 6 boys among those 4 got love marriage. All are forget to me and other friends but still two friends are contact in me and some time we talk on phone also he meets me her wife and I also meet him to my husband. This is depend upon us how take interest to maintain the friendship.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
4 Oct 12
Hi, Some are our true friends. You ahve also two friends who are true. You have maintained your friendship after marriage also. It is very nice. Thank you for the response.