My boyfriend and his ex girlfriend's picture

@kokomo (1868)
Philippines
October 7, 2012 7:00am CST
What would you feel if you see the picture of your boyfriend or girlfriend's ex in the photo album that was kept and taken care of by your boyfriend or girlfriend?Will you be hurt?Is it a big deal for you?
7 people like this
39 responses
@Asylum (31584)
• Manchester, England
7 Oct 12
No, this is not a big deal to me at all. An old boyfriend is part of her life memories, so I see no reason not to keep them. We all keep mementos of the past, and nobody thinks twice about albums containing photographs of schooldays or past holidays etcetera. I see no reason why a previous girlfriend or boyfriend should be viewed any differently.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (14299)
• United States
7 Oct 12
I actually feel the same way as you but because my husband didnt like it I got rid of the pictures to prove to him that I didnt still care about and want those guys. I have no problem with the guys I am with having pictures of their exes though. I actually asked the man I was with the past few years if he had pictures if his ex I could see just out of curiosity to put a face to the name I have heard so much about. He showed me the one picture of them that he had kept. She had curly hair like me but was prettier and shorter and fatter. I have no grudges toward her. She was in his life before I was and it helped make him who he was while I was with him. Every relationship is a learning experience.
@Asylum (31584)
• Manchester, England
8 Oct 12
I do not understand why he had a concern about you having those pictures, since you were content for him to keep pictures of his previous girlfriends. I actually have a pictures of myself and an old girlfriend in a gondola in Venice, which is obviously a romantic setting and speaks volumes for our relationship at the time. I have no intention of disposing of it because it is a part of my history, but it is also a previous relationship that is now over and in the past. However, I believe in equality of standards and would not object to finding pictures of my current beloved's past boyfriends. How could I possibly justify such double standards?javascript:__doPostBack('ctl00$cphMainContent$lbStart','')
• United States
7 Oct 12
This is a loaded question no matter what. It would hurt to see the picture of a boyfriend's ex in a picture album but there can be many levels to this. If this picture was out and on display in his room it would be a big deal because obviously that could be a bad sign. Having it in an album could just be a reminder of all the things that he has gone through in life. If this is an album filled with pictures of her than this is a big problem. So many times we don't always know the back story behind people or things but picking at it could cause a bigger problem than what is actually going on.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
20 Nov 12
i think as long as your couple gesture, love, attention for you isn`t changed, why the picture is the big deal??
@adnileb (5022)
• Philippines
7 Oct 12
THAT is a BIG deal for me. And I experienced that one too. I saw the picture on my boyfriend's phone, at first, I didn't ask him why. But when I get the chance of asking him, he just said, he never knew it was still there. I was so annoyed that I want to throw the phone out. He keeps on saying that what is important is the present. I don't believe it. Why would he keep the picture anyway? And just what would it remind him when he sees it? I don't understand.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
20 Nov 12
i think maybe the perspective of woman and man is really different the woman uses their mind the man uses their logic
@mythociate (11680)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Oct 12
No. It's like seeing a picture of her-with-a-bad-haircut in there: sure, she's "ashamed" of having had such a hairstyle; but she lived her life for a time with that hairstyle, had some good times while she was with that hairstyle, & can also remember why she left that hairstyle forever As her boyfriend, I would expect to be a much a part of her life now as that ex was then---worthy of a place in her photo album. I remember my first "girlfriend" (although we were only in fifth grade, so we didn't do much more than talk on the phone for hours & -hold hands that special way ). I don't have any photo-albums (other than school-yearbooks), but--if I did--she'd be in there a time or two; even though she's married-with-children now. (Maybe I'm in her photo album )
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
7 Oct 12
To me it's not that big of a deal. It's memories that he wants to keep. I do it too. And so did my hubby. At first I freaked out about it but that was for nothing. We talked about y he still has it and they're over each other then it's all good. If IF something happens to happen then hey! There are plenty of other fish out ther I the sea!
1 person likes this
@besweet (4949)
• Greece
7 Oct 12
To be honest, I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't say anything about it. I am not one of the people that will erase the number, the messages and all the photos of my ex-boyfriends. I still have the photos in my albums because they are part of my life and I want to have memories from that time. I also think that my current buyfriend should have this freedom as well, so even if I might feel weird if I se pics of his ex-girlfriend (that are dated at the time that they had a relationship of course!), I would like to give him the freedom to keep his memories and I wouldn never ask him to throw them away.
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8718)
• Netherlands
7 Oct 12
I threw away what was my past so includes pics of my ex. There are only very less pics of my ex in between the pics of my children. They are there for an other reason. I don't expect everyone to throw away pics of the past or ruin a photo album that way. It's not realistic. To me pics means nothing anymore if it comes to that. I also don't make an album anymore so it's easy to take out some pics and throw them away. I would not make a big deal out of it unless my partner would glaze at them day and night.
1 person likes this
@beamer88 (4271)
• Philippines
7 Oct 12
It would sting a little or probably more. It depends actually on the picture itself. I mean, if its a picture of them having casual conversation, for example, I wouldn't be bothered by it. But let's say it's a picture of them being quite intimate, that would definitely hurt. As much as I would want to keep her past relationships separate from our present one, seeing pictures of exes somehow makes it difficult to do so.
1 person likes this
@sunny5u (2073)
• India
7 Oct 12
Hi kokomo, I will tell you one thing don't feel. Just think is he teasing you or else just ask him if you are going to do this then why I am required to you. If my girl friend do this then simply I will choose another one or else I will keep another girl pic with mine. Luckily all my past or present are not that type and I am happy with that.
@subhojit10 (7384)
• India
7 Oct 12
Hey thanks for posting this discussion. Well of course any body on this earth would be hurt at first after seeing such a picture and would feel like burning down that picture immediately and this is pretty normal. But we should rather think from our mind and not from our heart that may be our boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to keep all the memories alive in his album and we have no right to tear or burn it away. It should not be that a big deal for us as we are his/her present. What say?
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
10 Oct 12
of course I feel hurt. if he keeps it, then he might still love her or at least could not forget her yet. it's very simple conclution... I will confront him why he keeps the photo
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
11 Oct 12
maybe he forgot throw away her picture.. who knows?? how are you redva?? do you still write and follow my suggestion in shvoong?? try it and you can feel the result..
• Indonesia
11 Oct 12
yeah, it's possible, but he must tell the truth if he forgot to throw it away or intended to save it... I will follow your suggestion about shvoong, of course shvoong is interisting opportunity now
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
20 Nov 12
thanks redva, if you want to follow my suggestion in shvoong..iam glad if you think it`s the interesting opportunity..i do hope i`ll get your glad news about your achievement in shvoong.. back to the topic sometimes before the man explanation, the woman had cried.. so what the man can`t do if the situation like that??
@sharra1 (6344)
• Australia
9 Oct 12
No I would be curious. I see nothing wrong with having a past. Why should I be offended if my partner has pictures of his ex? Why should he be offended if I have pictures of mine? In fact my partner does not have pictures because he has lost them over the years, I do. They are just past events in my life and quite meaningless. Do you think that your boyfriend should pretend that he has never dated anyone other than you? Surely that is living in fantasy? When I first started going out with my partner we talked about all our past lovers to make sure that there were no secrets between us. If you are offended that your boyfriend has loved others then you will have to find someone who has never dated anyone in their lives before and was just waiting in limbo for you to come along. Completely unrealistic. Perhaps you are worried that he still cares about his exes? I hope he does because that means he is a caring person who will also care for you. If it bothers you then I would suggest that you never date anyone who has ever been married because you will have to deal with an ex if there were any children involved. In fact it is better for all if you can deal with past loves.
@Aja103654 (5663)
• Philippines
20 Nov 12
good point sharra. We shouldn't jump to conclusions. Sometimes, us women, tend to over react and get all paranoid. That is why an honest explanation is necessary to assess how our boyfriends feel about his past loves.
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6344)
• Australia
21 Nov 12
I went through my photo collection a little while ago and I was surprised at the boyfriend pictures I had. I have never got rid of them because they are links to my past. I had forgotten all about them and it was a surprise to me that I had so many. I only ever remembered a couple of them, oddly enough the ones I remember the most were the really weird ones and I do not have pictures of any of those ones. Still they are years past and long gone. When I look at the pictures they remind me of events I had forgotten and now as my memory is failing it is important to me to have things I can use to trigger memories that are otherwise lost. But the only man who means anything to me is my partner and we both have past loves. In fact I enjoy hearing about his because they tell me about his past life before we met. They enrich our lives because every past experience shapes us and makes us who we are.
@aerous (13482)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
It's really be hurt, friend. Because you are assure that they are no longer connected and contact each other. After all they are meeting someone without your knowledge. Really hurt because that is a kind of betrayal in your part if that maybe the case...
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
11 Oct 12
why we don`t give the time for him to explain about it?? tell with a cool way and not to ask like you want to make war with him..
@aerous (13482)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
Our friend here post this discussion ask if we get hurt when we see our girlfriend or boyfriend together with his/her ex. Our good friend didn't have to create war, friend.
@Aja103654 (5663)
• Philippines
20 Nov 12
I would feel hurt but I would ask my boyfriend why he is still keeping the picture. If he doesn't explain it to me honestly then I'd get more upset. If he is still not over her then, I'd let him go and deal with his unfinished business. Not because I'm kind but because I want a man who is sure of himself and a man who will stay with me, think of me and love me, me only. If he's got other women in his mind(those who aren't related to him) then he has got to go. It will hurt but it should be done. But if he gives me a valid reason(though i can hardly think of any) then i will try to understand.
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
20 Nov 12
is it big sin for you??
• Philippines
7 Oct 12
Before i react i'll try first listen to the explation why s/he still keeping their picture and what for?
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
20 Nov 12
i think it`s wiser.. we should hear his or her explanation about it and then we can decide what is our reaction
• India
7 Oct 12
Its really a big deal for me. It will really hurt me. I will only accept my place in my girlfriend's heart. And this policy is also allowed to me. Everyone should give respect the love of their partner.
@adhyz82 (36295)
• Indonesia
7 Oct 12
it`s big deal and you are angry with her because of the picture??
@aabuda (1729)
• Philippines
20 Nov 12
I think I will not be hurt. Because you have to accept that his ex has been a part of his life and that you can't deny the fact that good memories might be keeping him treasure the picture.
• Hyderabad, India
20 Nov 12
i will be hurt ed very hardly
• Philippines
12 Nov 12
hi maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend is so much attached to his/her ex.So that he/she cannot erase the picture.But i think it is not a big deal because you already own your boyfriend or girlfriend,and past is past.
@asliah (11149)
• Philippines
10 Nov 12
hi, of course i would feel anger to my partner when i will see his ex girlfriend pictures in his wallet or where ever he kept it,because once it ex it should never kept it especially when you already have a partner now,actually it happened to me and when i found the pic of his i burned it all without telling on him.i don't care if he will feel angry to me.