What will you do if your husband gives more time to others than you?

@ztuberi (395)
Philippines
October 8, 2012 9:19pm CST
I might get crazy if I'm on this situation and have tried everything but fail. What if your husband gives more time and effort to his biological family? I believe that if married already. It will be your family already. Should prioritize above anybody and everything else. What's worst if he goes to other house first before coming home to you after work. I've heard stories like this. Especially those who gives time of drinking alcohol outside instead of being with own family. Guys, are you like this? What's wrong with you?
2 people like this
16 responses
@superbadx (484)
• Malaysia
9 Oct 12
Well, i am a guy. But if i am in the same situation with my wife, i would feel really left out. Being with friends is not a bad thing, just that if you have your own family, they are the only people you should be with.
1 person likes this
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
I salute you..that's all I can say. But why your name is "superbadx"?
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
I can honestly say that my husband loves his biological family than I. I already accepted that they are his first priority although like you said, I really thought that it is supposed to be I. At first, I find it hard to accept but I am a person who hates competition. There's no way I am competiting for something or for someone when I know myself that I will only get hurt in the end. My husband would usually go to his parents' house and would spend time in there. There was this weekend that he said he'll just visit them for a while I am preparing for lunch but hours have passed and he did not come back. I ate lunch alone and just went to our room. This happens many times and I am tired of it so whenever he leaves, I don't wait anymore. I even had an accident once and called him but only to find out I am already alone in the house and he has gone to his parents home. It is actually heartbreaking to realize that the person you thought will be at your side is not around during that time. I cried and accepted that I made the wrong choice. After that, I started caring about myself as I don't feel I have someone in there to care about me. But although things have changed, I think that my husband don't mind this at all. Until one night I asked him, 'what if I don't love you anymore?' I really don't wait for his answer and said 'because I am actually going that way'. I wanted to say more things but I can no longer speak as I felt that my heart will explode and I might burst into tears. He did not answer but I've seen little changes but I also learned not to expect as what's natural will come out so there still time that I could see that I am the least priority. Whenever he tells me that he loves me, I would just say no you don't. Honestly, I wanted to end this as it is easier to go to church alone, eat alone, sleep alone, dream alone and do everything alone if you know yourself that you really don't have someone to be with. I am just trying to focus my attention to other things because I would be thinking about this every day, I won't have peace of mind.
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
We've been married for a year and we don't have kids yet.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
Oh my..I'm sorry on how you feel. May I ask, how long you are together? And do yo have kids?
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
Oh I see. You're just starting. Dont frown paper_doll, you just have to work things out. You have just started to be together, there are lots of differences that you have to be united. Just work on it. Dont look always negative to your husband. Discuss things to him positively. Oh my, I'm on that stage too, and we also have stuffs to work out. C'mon, I dont want you to stay like that your whole life. Maybe can have your own baby.
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
My husband and I usually see each other on weekends. I don't have similar problem with what you post. I just sometimes get jealous when I'm there and he still finds time to go to his sibblings and chit chat with them. LOL. However, I have to become mature. I guess he also needs to talk to them once in a while because they're his family. He's also out on weekdays so I guess he doesn't have time to talk to them too. It's just a matter of understanding between us. Happy mylotting.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
Same here, we only have personal times on weekends, and I also get jealous on times that he's texting or calling thru phone to other persons/or his family. We're on the same boat!
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
I hope they will spend more time with us. We also need them by our sides.
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
I hope they will spend more time with us. We also need them by our sides.
@mhypie03 (683)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
My dad is like that ever since and that is one of the major factors why everyone in the house is so cold to him until now. It is a fact that once you get married your first priority is your immediate family not your extended family or even friends. While I am trying my best to give the respect due to him, I am still having a hard time showing the love to honor him as my father.
@mhypie03 (683)
• Philippines
14 Oct 12
I think it's called reciprocation.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
12 Oct 12
I hope guys will realize this, that the whole family is affected if he lacks in giving love and attention.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
Well, we can not prevent them if that is what they like. At this stage of my marriage, I don't care if he has more time with others than me.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
No, I don't spend my time with others. It's my husband who has more time with his friends and the organizations that he joined. I devote my time in my work and with my daughter. She needs me.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
Really? May you also spend time with others?
• India
9 Oct 12
Iam not married yet. But i love to give time equally to my girlfriend and family. And after marriage she will be also in my family. As husband and son it will be my duty to take care of both of them. And give them time equally..
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
I dont know if that's in your culture. But for me, as also what was written in the bible, that a man leaves his parents to go with his wife. You and your wife will become one. Your wife now will be your family. Not the other way that your wife will be a part of your family, though its also true, but its not the point of being married. Whatever happens, your wife should be your priority even over your mother or father.
• Malaysia
9 Oct 12
Well, in my culture, the women must put her husband first before their parents after marriage, the husband however will put his parents first before his wife. But i would try my best to make they both receive equal care from me too.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
12 Oct 12
Hey superbadx, I understand if that's your culture. But me, I dont want an equal care. I must be the priority, we're his family now (but thank God, my husband is not like that).
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
10 Oct 12
I think that every person needs a little "friend time" either the husband or wife. If don't allow any such time; it will turn out badly. I've seen this turn out time and time again, people who don't have any me time, just for themselves even if they love the heck out the spouse. I think I will respect this time, as long as it is not an excess.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
Yeah, I agree too, a little sometimes. Just not choosing other things or anybody over wife and children.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
10 Oct 12
I would be angry if my husband is choosing his biological family over me . The day the vows is made means you are no longer two but one and should be his first priority not his relatives . I agree you are family once you are married and you should be the closes family he have now . I have seen some people like this rather to stay out and get drunk with other family members . I know this man that never take his wife side even in a family quarrel, he say no one get between him and his family and I always make wonder if his wife not apart of his family .
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
I strongly agree. But is it sometimes selfishness or jealousy?
@akash009 (452)
• India
9 Oct 12
hello, this is real bad. sometimes its okay but its not okay if it happens all the time. your husband should give the most attention to you rather than someone else. its simply not understandable. this is unacceptable. he should not do this. you have to talk to him and make him understand that you are the most important person in his life and that he should give most of his time to you and not to some strangers or other friends or family members.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
And what if he doesn't listen at all?
@asyria51 (2861)
• United States
9 Oct 12
My husband has gone through stages where he spent more time with friends than at home with myself and his daughter. I found that those stages were ways to hide his depression, and was glad he was out with friends where he could vent his frustrations without picking a fight with me. I am lucky that his family is many many miles away so it is not an issue.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
It seems that we wives have really some issues if the family of our husband is near them? Why is that? Is it just jealousy? Thanks for sharing.
@riyauro (6421)
• India
9 Oct 12
I have seen this common also and i would not like it either. My husband is not close to his siblings or father. He does talk to the mother and that also not for too long .. So in a way it is okay with me. i would not mind if he was in terms with them but since I know him, he is like that. So he has been always like this so i do not interfere. i do not know how there past was and what went wrong that they are like this. only thing i know is that their father was always abroad and they did not get the love of parents and all the siblings went hay wire but doing okay now. so I really don't bother. He goes with friends but He calls me every now and then. If I tell him to come home, he will come home instantly. So I feel sorry for those who are going through a bad time in married life where the husband spends less time with family than others. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
Looks like its not an issue to you. You dont have any problem with your husband. And since he is not that close to his family. He is more focused to you. And good thing that he respects you.
• United States
9 Oct 12
No, I don't like it. Maybe I lack care and attention to my husband if that would happen. Instead of fighting, I will take attention to him and feel to him that I really love him. If it doesn't work, I will talk to him patiently regarding our current relationship. Hopefully talking like that would solve the problem. :)
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
At first I will just ignore it, then if it happens again, I will tell him in a not serious kind of tone but if he keeps on doing it, well I'll show him that I'm mad and warn him not to do it again. I admit it sucks but I have to balance things if it's reasonable enough that he give time to them then why not as long as he also give me my need of time for him. This happen to me actually, when hubby would like to bring his siblings to grocery than me (I know it's a bit silly of me but I was quite used of me and hubby going to places). I asked him once actually why he would rather asked his siblings to accompany him and his answer was it's easier to go there with them than you. With them whenever I said let's go we go but with you I have to wait and spend more. hahaha. I understand his point but still bogs me.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
I understand how you feel. I would also feel the same way. Right, sometimes they want to do stuff with their friends, maybe those who have the same thinking like them. And usually, girls get hurt because we tend to think a lot and bothers a lot. Thanks for sharing.
9 Oct 12
This is makes me sad of course if its happened to me and my partner. I can allow him to spend time with others but he must know whats the limitations. I might say priority must be given to his family and his works not most of his time with others.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
Guys are really different to women. And to adjust in a married life is I think harder to men.
@jricky1 (6800)
• China
9 Oct 12
What you need is make sure that he loves you.And what i believe is that he also needs his person time but he regard those person as just normal friends.But honestly i do not like man who doesn't has the responsiblit of family.So take your thoughts and only you knows how to decide.
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
I believe that married couples should solely focus on their own family. Maybe, majority of their time, money and effort to their spouse and their own kids. We cannot avoid giving some time to our parents, for they are family. Our parents and family came before our partner, and we should remember that. But I agree with you that instead of doing things like regular drinking liquor with relatives, we should give ourtime to our own family. Socializing and bonding for some time can be good but if it will become habitual, it's a different case. Thanks