Being a Mistress

Philippines
October 14, 2012 12:45am CST
My country is one of the remaining two countries in the world that don't allow divorce. Annulment is available, but very expensive. A lot of married couples who separate and find new partners then just resort to having them as common law partners. But in the event of the demise of their loved one, the legal wife is still the one who can claim all the benefits even if they have been separated for years. The word mistress in my country is associated with shame. If you're called as such, it is an insult to your being and your family who in the eyes of these moralists have raised you with no manners or dignity. It doesn't matter if the married person in question has been long separated. What matters to them is that person was married in church and that is binding. Hence the term, till death do you part. I wonder if in other countries and cultures who have divorce, is the word mistress still hurled at people who unfortunately found love with someone who is or previously married? Or is it just here in my country, whose people try to maintain a facade of morality but in truth is hypocrisy? Your thoughts?
1 person likes this
13 responses
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
14 Oct 12
I have a lot of things against "the other woman" if you would ask me. There are many things to consider for what i will say but then this is just me and i do not intend to specifically pinpoint to everyone that what i know about these women should define all of them who have been in the situation. There are sure a lot of things we ought to consider and know about. Women who knows they are having a relationship with married men - or men who are attached (with gf) are especially not to be pitied, after all they know what they are getting themselves into. They know they are only asking a fraction of the time of the man they claim to love. in the first place, you would not love the person on the first time you met them and since it was a choice to be with them even if you know you are not to be their priority... well that is really just utterly insane. For those women who are victims of the men too who does not say they are married or with a gf, well that is a different story. I think though that for most who have values intact, they would know how they should go about their decisions when they come to know the truth. Yes sometimes the situation, our love for the person gets the best of us and we settle trying to think that we will be chosen by the person instead of the gf or the family. But still.. as i always tell my friends when it comes to this - it is a decision. you know what is right, let us not think only of what would benefit us. Maybe my opinion of this is so strong, that is because i have had a very bad experience about this. My father - left his family(us for another woman) This woman was a secretary in the office where my dad gets contracts for. My mom's friends in this company told my mom that this woman did say that it does not matter to her if she is to be called a mistress, a kulasisi, the other woman, kabit, etc so long as she will have money from my dad.. that she is resting on a "wall". And then there was this ex boyfriend of mine - where this other woman who has gotten close to him apparently became his other gf?! and that they had a relationship and she knows everything about me, everytime my bf and i would meet, family affairs, what's going on with me and my family.. she knows it. =( And when everything was blown out of proportion, when i discovered their affair, she told me she was just waiting for my ex bf then to tell me because he has confirmed with her she is to be chosen... but my ex was apparently still trying to woo me. And so there was this game he was playing and she knew there was no chance for the both of them but she still kept on believing and that i was her fault!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Oct 12
I understand your feelings, especially if that person is still living with their respective spouses. But what I mean is for those who have been separated for quite some time and do not have the means to get the marriage annulled. They are still tagged as such. Thanks for your response.
• Philippines
15 Oct 12
@chiyosan I am no longer going into details as I have the same stand as yours. I know and understand how you feel. For me, marriage is still a sacred thing no matter what other people would think and say about it. That is why we're always told to think thousand times before marrying someone as this is a permanent bond unless one of the couples committed infidelity. @anne with regards to your post, I believe that when one of the couples already have a relationship with other person, I think it is already a ground for divorce/annulment, I am referring to bible principle here. But my understanding is that when the husband cheated on her wife, it is the wife who has the right to divorce the husband and married other man or vise versa. But of course, we have existing laws in this land and definitely we should follow. I believe that they created those laws to protect the family. The topic you presented is complicated and should have been more definite as there are many reasons why couples resort to separation. There are also cases that the husband just move out of the house without the wife's approval. If that is the case, definitely, someone was really hurt. If you're to ask me, I will honestly say that whenever I see or happen to know that someone is a mistress or living with a married man/woman, it is really disturbing for me. But I never called someone a mistress or tell her straight to her face what I feel about it. I still respect them as every individual deserve that. But of course, we should also respect our existing laws. We should abide and follow them because if not, I don't know what will happen to us now if violators of law will just be out in the open. I hope you understand why there are laws to protect the families. It is not just between husband and wives. When family was ruined, it is not only the wife/husband who will get hurt. With regards to those people who loves to gossip and find dirt on other people's face, I think that they are short of understanding. I've been with people who were not properly educated. They see things as plain and simple. They no longer look for reasons behind and won't neither accept if there is. So I suggest that you don't mind them. If you knew yourself that you are right and aren't hurting any people, maybe you can also take legal steps to sue those people.
15 Oct 12
I think this discussion is very complicated....much better if you title it in annulment...heheheh this just a suggestion. Mistress is the general term i think and not a specific term coz just as i read your on what you wrote was about divorce and annulment right ?....because their are many topics that you can discuss on the word mistress.... In my opinion is not easy to comment. Because we have to considered and balance the situation....especially to those affected badly.
@aejey322 (1006)
• Philippines
15 Oct 12
Maybe if you're being a mistress to somebody who is already separated, maybe it will not be a big issue. But still since it is not really accepted in our society, some people will still look down to that person. BUt maybe in a lesser percentage. As I said, it is not really a big deal because the couples are already separated. BUT if you are a mistress of somebody still living together, then that's the problem! Because such mistress is a home wrecker. I personally hate those people too... I know of somebody who worked as a casual employee in our company. She got close to our officemate who is married. AND SHE DOES KNOW that he is married. At first she denies having a relationship with our officemate. But the HR still advised her to resign and not to finish her term, for morality sake. The wife of my officemate always investigates because she also is already suspicious of her husband's actions. That happened more than a year ago... To end the story, oh not really to end the whole but only a chapter.... It is the first birthday of the mistress' baby today. Oh well just in time that I read your post. My officemate got separated with his wife because his wife could not accept that he is having a baby with another woman. I personally, could not accept if my husband would do that also... But our officemate (who is now an ex-officemate because he was also told to resign) just got the wrong choice. He chose his mistress over his real family... TOo sad. But the wife said, it's a much peaceful home without his husband now...
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
The nerve of the guy! I also share the same views especially if the husband and wife are still living together. Thanks for your reply.
@aejey322 (1006)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
yeah... his nerves! and he was even proud about it... that girl by the way is pretty and is being fantasized by maybe all of the men here in the office. So it makes him feel triumphant that he got to own the girl... oh well, the nerve of the girl too! She knows that the guy is married but he still agreed to have a relationship with him. I really hate that kind of people. I am sure regrets will come to him later in his life... He cannot feel it yet now because he is still happy and proud with what he did, but I know sooner or later he will realize his mistakes.
@adhyz82 (36262)
• Indonesia
14 Oct 12
mistress is something that people hate but the fact, there are many mistress.. i think we should be fair.. why the mistress appear? it must be discussed with a care and seriously attention,.. will it appeared because of economic factor or what??
• Philippines
14 Oct 12
It is a sensitive topic. Thank you for your response.
@adhyz82 (36262)
• Indonesia
14 Oct 12
of course..it`s sensitive case and topics i try to be careful to give my respond
@artemeis (4069)
• China
15 Oct 12
I believe the good side of this law will be that couples will consider seriously before entering a marriage. At the same time, observes high level of commitment in a marriage and believe that women are being slightly more protected here. I have to admire the stance of your country's government to preserve this law till this very day, it must have been extremely hard.
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
My country having no divorce has it's pros and cons. Not all marriages are perfect, but couples with a troublesome marriage are stuck with it because they have no choice. There are a lot of marriages here that do last, with both couples loyal to each other. Thanks for your reply.
• China
15 Oct 12
I wonder where r u from? I'm from China and divorce exists everywhere, especially among our young people who was born in 1980s. and I wonder in ur country, does it mean the woman who falls in love with a man with a legal wife? or does it mean the female host in a family? If it's the latter, I don't think "mistress" in my country refers to shame or something like that, but if it's the former, it does the same in ur country but not that seriously.
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
I'm your neighbor Annie, am in the Philippines. The word mistress is associated with shame here in my country because there is no legal way to get out of a marriage. Mistress is being hurled at females who get into a relationship with a married man. Thanks for your response.
@lampar (7597)
• United States
15 Oct 12
That is refreshing, a married couple doesn't love each other is not allowed to divorce under the law of your land, but only can live separately as far as it go, i assume your law makers continue to hold on to the belief that the marital affair between married couple is their vital business to interfer with, may be they just want to maintain a facade of morality superficially for other to see, even though in truth it is a hypocrisy. It is funny though such an antiquated law still exist within your country after many decade of independence.
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
Yup, it's an antiquated law and if you do want to settle the separation legally, you have to spend big bucks just to do so, which in our country is very impractical to do so. Thanks for your resply. Oh, and by the way, the people who really benefit from our so called annulment are the lawyers and the doctor/psychologist who needs to be paid around $2000+ just to certify that there is indeed grounds for annulment.
@Magz1989 (272)
• Philippines
14 Oct 12
Well, everyone deserves to happy. You should not burden your self with that. No matter what people may say the final decision is yours:If your happy then who cares...its your happiness is at stake not theirs.
• Philippines
14 Oct 12
People are very judgmental and find faults in how others live. Thanks for your response.
@asliah (11148)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
yes that is true that our country never allowed divorce but annulment is yes but very expensive and have a long process and this is because the catholic church never allowed it to happen,its really questionable why there are woman who want to be mistress.
@Tongcv (173)
• China
15 Oct 12
I am here because the mistress is a third party,so called mini three;wife discovers her husband Xiao San bully this small three or defamatory,but this is not desirable as a wife would be held liable in this divorce andnot expensive,but divorce is necessary division of the property,many married former women asked to have her name on the house,this is divorce for the future and intend to do.
@asdomencil (4276)
• Philippines
15 Oct 12
I think havign a mistress is one reaason why others filed divorce in contries that allow divorce. I just want to share that annulment is really expensive only if the grounds really needs some experts to show and proof that they are not capable of having married life like the mentally incapacitated really needs a psychiatrists or psychologist.
• Philippines
14 Oct 12
We really cant avoid it as most of them are even called a home wrecker though i dont know of whose fault it is like probably the wife or the husband and we cant avoid it as what if the husband or the wife is no longer happy. Though i dont want to judge people nor question them as they have their own mind and heart to follow and i also have my own to attend so i really dont care too unless im in the position but i wish it wkll not happen to me.
@natliegleb (5184)
• India
14 Oct 12
its a tough job,we need to maintain the morality and trust factor all time,profession needs to take a back seat this time
• India
14 Oct 12
Hi friend, in my country, divorce is possible and we have the ability to divorce our partner with a good reason if we have problems and issues with them as well as not interested in continuing our life with them. Here also the term Mistress don't have a good image. Most of the people don't consider this kind of mistress as a human being