Do you think this is right?

@dfollin (12769)
United States
October 16, 2012 8:51pm CST
I have 2 adult boys that are now married and have kids and I have a teenage daughter and she lives at home and attends high school.When the boys were young I never got to take them on a vacation,but they have been places on their own as adults and attended trips when they were younger with church and boy scouts.There were a few sports programs and recreation things they were able to enjoy for free or low cost. Now the scouts programs are so expensive and even the trips thru church are costly.I have been able to send my daughter on a few trips and camps.And the sports and recreation things are not free or low cost any more.So,she has not got to attend much and she is almost 16. I had only been on one vacation in my whole life and my daughter had been on none.In her father's dying wish her wanted me to be sure I took her to a get her a fish,take her to a beach and Disney World.And when she gets old enough make sure that she goes to college.I knew we had to move and I was going to find a new job come September so I scrimped and saved and took her to Disney World and a beach there.This was her first vacation and only my second.Both of ours first time at Disney as well as my 51st birthday. When we got back my oldest son was upset with me and I had never taken him.I was told my youngest son was upset with me too,but he has never said so.But, both of them,mostly the oldest one have been on vacations and never invited us.My daughter and I would love to go again,but my oldest son has made me feel like I should never go anywhere again.I would love to take them,my daughter-in-laws and granddaughters,but I am afraid the oldest son would ruin my time by being rude to me and I can barely afford to take me and my daughter. What do you think?
6 people like this
16 responses
@Zer0Stats (1316)
• India
17 Oct 12
Tell your boys that it was her father's dying wish,he wanted you to take your daughter to the Disney World.But I think it'd have been better if you had told this earlier and you'd love to take the whole family(after all they are your sons) but you can't afford it.Plus if they really wanted to come they would have managed the money as they are now a married men and the whole family would have enjoyed the trip.
2 people like this
@riyauro (6428)
• India
17 Oct 12
But din't you think that they should be happy when the mother and sister are happy. Can't they see their family happy. There is no need to take them, they must be the ones taking the mother and sister since they are grownups married and have children. The mother does not hole responsible for his outing now, unless she is a billionaire. don't you think so?
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Lol, riyauro,Your so right and if I were a billionaire I wouldn't be on here scrapeing pennies,huh? My oldest son does not care if I am happy. My youngest son doesn't have as much of a problem with this situation as the oldest one does. Zerostats,Hi and they have know for almost 8 years since my husband passed that those were his wishes.And right now the way the economy is it is hard for them to manage the money.I just lucky and was able to come up with the money,we didn't get to buy a lot of things that we wanted,but we made sure that we brought a gift for my son's,their wives,all the grandkids and my one son's ex's kids,my mother and uncle.We also did not spend enough time there to see all that we wanted to see either.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
17 Oct 12
I can see there point of view, it's like that in my house. My younger brother who refued to do anything this including Scouts, etc. Always whines and complains that my sister and I have gone to Disney land he didnt. We raised money through donations, and so on to go with the Girl Guides years ago. I think it's just because she got to go and they didnt. It's different when you have to pay for it, and go, then as a family. Maybe, they feel left out, or jealous.
2 people like this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
There are a lot of things that she didn't get to do that they did,like sports,recreation classes and go on day trips to caverns,the mountains,the beach,the zoo's,museums and farms.They shouldn't feel left out they got to do a lot more then she has done.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
Well I think your eldest son is being unfair. He should understand the situation and be able to compare the then and now costs of having a vacation. He shouldn't feel bad about it. He can provide for his own vacations with his own family, right? Your daughter is still in school and does not have any means of providing her enough money to use for her own vacation. Go have fun with your daughter. Time comes so fast.
2 people like this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
They have gone on some small ones but,he said they will never be able to afford to go to Disney.
@saiKO92 (392)
• Malaysia
17 Oct 12
It's seems here you've a family problem. First thing to do, as I would suggest, gather your family members and have some talk. First of all, explain clearly why you didn't bring the two boys along during your vacation with your daughter - it's your late husband's dying wish and you couldn't afford to pay for their parts. If the are mad about it, try to reason with them about they went on vacations and didn't invite you. If both party - you and your sons have calm down, try to arrange other vacations. One that will involve all of you. If its about money, then work together as a family (since you're working and your sons also do) to gather the expenses for the trip. Its for the sake of having good times as family. Well, the important part about my suggestion is to have some talk and discuss. Not just this matter but any matter that involve the family. Don't let small things like this ruin your family relationship.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi Saik, and thanks for your comments.Just to let you know I have talked with them and the youngest son understands,but not the oldest one.My mom has talked to him and he still won't let it go.
@saiKO92 (392)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 12
Your older son is being childish. But then, maybe he's missing your love. Try to go somewhere or do something with him so that you may know what he's hiding. When you're doing so, don't talk about this matter cause it may lead to worse scenario.
@GardenGerty (102613)
• United States
17 Oct 12
He should not be spoiling what should have been a wonderful fun time for you. I liked the one comment that said you should tell him to his face that it would not be fun with his attitude. You cannot undo the past, only plan for the future. I hope you and your daughter have a bright one. He is an adult now, he can make his own fun. You cannot help what he did not have, and he should remember all the things he did have. Remind him that as an adult now it is his turn to make the fun and vacations for his kids.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
18 Oct 12
Hi Garden Gerty,Yes,that was a good comment.He did have more other things then my daughter has and has had.I have talked to him,so has my mom and his wife.
@milkliu (85)
• China
17 Oct 12
Although I have no children,I think your old son maybe feel unfire.You never take him to travel.You can explain you idea to him,ask his thoughts.Then you plan a big traveling with your family.Maybe you needn't go to the same places.Going to somewhere your son wants to,and i think your son will happy!
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
18 Oct 12
Hi milkiliu,Thanks for your thoughts.My oldest son wants to go to Disney,but he wants to stay in a Deluxe resort! And then I would have to pay for his wife and daughter too.If I could afford it I would not mind,but the whole time we are there he wouldn't be nice to me.
@estremms (324)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
Both of your sons are acting selfishly, they should understand that you're already old and should go on vacation once in awhile. It's alright if you bring your daughter with you because she doesn't have her own family yet and she's still young and needs you with her. Your sons are not your responsibility anymore because each of them are married already. And besides I think that once a parent gets old it's the time of the children to spend for their oldies, take care of them and give them vacations.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
18 Oct 12
Hi estremms,You are right.
@riyauro (6428)
• India
17 Oct 12
this is not being reasonable at all. he is acting like a small child how they fight for small small things. He is married and doing this, how idiotic can that be. I can understand you here. He has his only sister and he can't see her going places, i don't like it. Our parents whatever they have given each of us, we never bothered what we got and what not. How could could he do this to his own sister and mother, why can't they see you happy?? I seriously don't like this behavior and it is unfair to the core. very sickening attitude
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi riyauro,You are so right it is sickening.
• China
17 Oct 12
As the old saying"Every family has a skeleton in the cupboard."As for your situation,as a outsider,I still think that your adult boys are too childish even though they both have kids,your boys should understand you and care you more,it is very hard to raise three kids,and now it is the time your boys feed you back and look after you.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi skyandgrassplot,Thanks for your comments. Yep,I say "supposably" adult sons,lol
@Tongcv (173)
• China
17 Oct 12
This is wrong,as children with their parents shoudl not live up to expectations,and your two sons father,not afraid of his children will learn from him.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi Tongcv,No parents shouldn't have to.But the kids make it hard.
@rsa101 (15609)
• Quezon City, Philippines
17 Oct 12
Well I guess you can do what you want with your life with your daughter with you. And I guess you were just following your husband's dying wish granted to her daughter. I think your two son's are just over exaggerating things since they have their own families to tend to and this is an affair between you and your daughter. I think you should remind them that you are still their mother and they should respect the decision you made for your daughter. I think that they should be mature enough to understand that you and your daughter need some time to enjoy each other and they had their time when they were young as well.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi rsa101,My younger son seems to understand more than the older one does.Thanks for your comments and outlook on the situation.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
Ah, the good old "sibling rivalry". I thin you should have just told him that it was your husband's dying wish and you didn't have enough budget so you chose to honor that wish. If he keeps on bugging you and being rude to you about it, then I guess you have the right to tell him "I wouldn't enjoy going there with you!" straight at his face. He is an adult and you have no obligation to explain things to him. I think that son of yours just needs some discipline. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi laydee,Thanks for your comments.He knows it was my husbands dying wish and that I don't have a lot of money.He don't care.
@SIMPLYD (83290)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
Your eldest is being childish. He know pretty well that when they were in their teens you cannot afford such trip even if you have to scrimp for them, because they still have to go to College. Now that they are now on their own and have their own job, you can already afford to save for that trip for your daughter. Don't they even thought of even adding some money from them for that trip, just so their little sister can really see Disney World. I think you should have a heart to heart talk with your old boys, my friend.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi Simply D, I have talked to them.The oldest one keeps saying that he would never be able to afford it.But,no wonder he doesn't want to stay in the value resort like we did,he want's to stay in a deluxe resort.Neither of my boys finished high school or even got their GED's.My daughter is in high school,doing very well and is talking about going to college.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
17 Oct 12
I don't think that it is right of your son to be upset with you because your daughter is still a child and for that reason you are expected to foot the bill for her for the next couple of years. However, I think that you could have mentioned to your sons that you were going to be going to Disney World and they were welcome to join you and your daughter if they were able to afford to have gone with you. It would have been a lot of fun to have gone as a family with your grand children as well. However, what is in the past is in the past and your son should not harbor hard feelings about it.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
I don't think he should keep any feelings of the past.But,he did know a few months before we went that we were going.
@Hatley (164484)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Oct 12
well what I think is this is its mean of your oldest son and sounds contemptible to talk like that when you and your daughter had enjoyed something for the first time and that goes for the youngest too.just you go and take your daughter and yourself let the ungrateful boys sulk. shame on them,.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12769)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Hi Hatlry,Thanks for commenting on my tough situation.
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Hello dfollin. I think your oldest son is being a total jerk. He has had his time of being a child and dependent on you. He is now supposed to be a grown adult man. But he is acting like a immature little jealous bratty boy. You did all that you could for your boys while they were home. Things have changed since your son was dependent on you. He now has a family and shouldn't be so jealous of what you can do for your daughter now. When he was home you had two boys to care for and do for and now there is one child. I really don't understand these jealousies of younger brothers or sisters. I hope things work out with your son. Hopefully he will come to his senses. It is so difficult when one of your children is angry for silly reasons.