I can't blame him

United States
October 19, 2012 7:34pm CST
There is this couple I know. They live each other to the moon and back, but there is a problem. She has a mental illness in which she has a handful of personalities. There is one that is impulsive and one that is mean. The mean one has tossed her wedding rings away several times. He would get upset and go off on her and then get her another set. Then something would happen and that mean one tossed her wedding band down the toilet. Her husband was furious with her. He made her go without a wedding band for several days. Well I heard this evening he got her a less expensive band and put it I. Her finger. He said if you do this again, the next ring will be one that I get out of a Cracker Jack box. I can't blame him. He is crushed. That ring she threw away meant more to him than it did to her. I believe she wasn't in her right mind when she did it. Just like she wasn't in her right mind when she cut her arms to shreds and nearly lost her arm. That damn dissociative identity disorder is really heart breaking. There is no medicine for this disorder. Therapy doesn't help. Psychiatrists won't use hypnosis or electroshock therapy or whaever. This woman that keeps doing these things doesn't want to do them, but she isn't aware that she has done something until after the fact. But at the time she isn't conscious of it. She wasn't conscious when she burned herself with cigarette butts. It's just awful. I'm interested in this kind of stuff on a clinical level. My heart goes out to her and her husband. My daughter has this too but thank God she is more stable now. Many font understand how this illness affects a person. 300 years ago a person with this disorder would have either been out away in an institution until they died or been killed for being a witch or something. There are still people who call them evil people or possessed by a devil. It's a mental illness. I get so mad when I hear my adopted mom say things like that. She says 'they are full if the devil!' It just makes me crazy to hear it. I know several people who have mental illnesses in some form. What are your thoughts?
2 people like this
12 responses
@Hatley (164639)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Oct 12
hi pointless questions I am with you as its a bad mental dissociative disease . I knew one woman who was in my writing class. she seemed to like me then one day I asked her how her assignment was coming and she snarled at me like a teenager "You snoopy b.it.ch" and she jabbed her lead pencil into my hand. oh my hurt and I pulled the pencil out but the tip of the lead broke off in my little finger.She clearly was in a different personality a mixed up teen ager although she was 35 years old.I had that tip of pencil in my finger for years but it finally dissolved.After that I a sked to not be seated close to her ever again.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Oct 12
Hi Aunt Hatlet! Wow! I can truly relate. This woman I talked about here used to be a 911 operator until she got fired for whatever reason. I can only imagine that it had to be how she flipped from one mood to another or one personality to another. One time a few years ago I was at her house and she had lots of nail polishes and cuticle stuff out. She said I could use the polish if I wanted. She went into another room for a minute and came back all hateful and said 'what are you doing with my stuff?' I knew then she had flipped again. She is worse now than she was then. I'm sure of it.
• United States
21 Oct 12
I'm bipolar and have odd yet they say im fine even though i suffer from depression and low self. Esteem
• United States
21 Oct 12
Many people suffer from liw self esteem. There are three types of bipolar disorder that I know of. One is very mild.
• United States
22 Oct 12
Yes but I have three split personalities and i suffer from depression and low selfesteem
@celticeagle (118607)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Oct 12
I have also read that some authorities don't believe in the disorder. I have watched both Sybil and All About Eve and I also read a book that was about a guy who had multiple personalities and one was a serial killer. I think that the personalities come out when they are directed. When the person can't handle a situation a stronger personality comes out to help. So this gal can't get any help? All they need to do is get to very point where she made this break and help her reunite all the personalities again. I find this stuff fascinating.
@celticeagle (118607)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Oct 12
It sounds like quite a Catch 22. It is just rediculous that they can't afford their co-pays. Dipping fingers in the icewater does sound soothing. Sometimes the slightest thing can turn a frown upside down. lol
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
20 Oct 12
go back as earlier as the 1950's and people were given lobotamies for this as well. Some people spend all their life in a mental institution for this kind of mental disorder. It is too bad this couple cannot go on the Dr. Phil show he would make sure the got the best possible care today.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 12
I know. I love Dr Phil. I don't think they would want the whole world to know what their life is like. There is such a stigma attached to it. He said to us that he didn't know the extent of her mental illness before they married. He said he found it out little by little. I think he was so enamored by her beauty that he fell in love with her. He does love her and wants to just have a normal life with her, but he said that will never happen. He gets so upset with her sometimes he will ask her what her major malfunction is. He tries to understand her flipping all the time, but it is hard.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
20 Oct 12
Yes it is hard but he is his own worst enemy by not getting help.
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
20 Oct 12
Yes, and some meds make people even worse. I have seen this with a friend here in Mexico.
• United States
20 Oct 12
Yes, especially if they are put on the WRONG medication. Like I cannot take Prozac. It gives me bad thoughts. I can't take Celexa for the same reason. I can take other meds though that have helped to heal me on the inside so I can think clearly and objectively.
@MsTickle (24980)
• Australia
20 Oct 12
It's only natural to show fear, negativity or distrust about a condition we are not aware of or a condition we know a person has but one we are not familiar with and know little about. Mental illness is still not something that is spoken about openly. Not so long ago, epilepsy was a dirty word but these days, we are more informed and so it is better tolerated. We are becoming more informed about many diseases and illnesses but it can be a very slow process.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 12
Yes you are right, MsTickle. It is only natural. Not too long ago people were afraid of people with seizures, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. It's sad that the mentality is as such.
@Raine38 (9115)
• United States
20 Oct 12
I admit that I have never encountered someone with similar condition. And to be honest I don't know if I will be able to take it, or handle it well. But I do know that I am better than hurt them or make it worse for them. I have seen in documentaries, and some programs how some people would even handcuff or put their own relative in a cage because they have this condition and the victim is very unpredictable. So they just keep them under lock and key while they go about their business and they will just bring them some food and see to their hygiene like once a week. My heart goes out to them because they're still human and I know that they never wanted this for themselves. Their families reason out their lack of money to re-arrange their lives to be able to take care of their sick family member but still I think putting them in chains is way too harsh.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 12
It is difficult to cope with such a person at times. It's like when it's good, it's very good and when it's bad, it is horrible.
@AmbiePam (49500)
• United States
20 Oct 12
I've always read that certain medications and certain kinds of therapy while didn't cure it, helped curb it. Once she got rid of the first ring I wouldn't have gotten her anything else. I mean if she was prone to doing it, it doesn't make sense to throw money down the drain. Poor guy.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 12
Yeah he called himself a fool for throwing good money after bad and expecting a different result. Sometimes they both come over here and she will flip on him. He might mention that he has to deal with women on his job and she will accuse him of liking them. It drives him nuts cause all he wants us her.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I think that if a person has this kind of disorder and has become dangerous in the presence of other people, the person should be placed in an institution wherein he can harm no one. I don't think this is a harsh way of treating them coz as you have mentioned, there is no cure for this kind of disorder and great tolerance should be observed when around them.
• Canada
20 Oct 12
I don't agree with that. An illness is an illness, and whether it can be treated or not, the person who suffers deserves to try and lead as normal a life as possible. I believe that this lady isn't mean all the time, and she harms herself, not other people, so in that sense, she's not a danger to anyone. To place her in an institution will only stress her out even more, then she's at even greater danger of harming herself, perhaps even fatally. That's not what anyone would want.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
Well, I think if she has not done harm towards others, still she has harmed her self which is not normal. How can everybody in her household live a normal life when all they could be thinking about is her safety. She clearly is not aware of the things he suddenly does and that makes it real dangerous for all of them in the house. Not unless, the family could provide somebody to look after her, then being in her home can be suitable for her.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 12
This person has an illness, and she has a devoted husband. Granted, her husband gets frustrated, but that is all. It's not the Middle Ages anymore. Most people with fragmented personalities have had horrific events occur in their lives. I also have the same disorder but not to the same degree. I am fragmented. If I were thrown away to an institution I would surely die feeling unloved or unwanted. Many people with this disorder function very well. There is no cure, but therapy does help to resolve the issues that caused the psyche to fragment in the first place. This is what has happened for me. It can happen for anyone who can get the proper therapist, and is evaluated by a good psychiatrist. Much more is understood about DID than even a decade or more ago. People with DID are not necessarily psychotic. Someone suffering from a psychotic episode may need hospitalization, but to lock them up and throw away the key is very outdated.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
21 Oct 12
Hi PointlessQuestions, People who say such hurtful things have big problems themselves and could benefit from seeing a good psychiatrist. I'm surprised that nothing can help this lady but I agree with you, even 100 years ago, she would have been put in an institution and 300 years ago, she would have been burnt as a witch. I feel sorry for people who are born with such disorders and pray that some day there will be a cure. Thank goodness, more and more people are beginning to see the light. Blessings.
• United States
22 Oct 12
They just need jesus to forgive them for they have sinned
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I am sure one day some one is gonna have a cure for it. there's no way that they will allow this disease to be what it is, because there are medical experts out there that is helping and doing experiments to have cure for this disease. that is the disadvantage when ever some one doesn't understand medical condition and yet spout religious beliefs that makes them ignorant and poor to these people who have conditions.
• United States
20 Oct 12
I hope it can be cured one day. I'm not sure why people flip. I do to some degree. I have a little girl inside of me but my doc said I don't have real DID.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
30 Oct 12
I don't blame you for getting upset with your adoptive mom!! I find it odd that she could talk about her granddaughter that way!! I have not heard of this illness before but it sounds heartbreaking and painful. I can't imagine what it is like to be someone with one of these illnesses. I have a friend that is schitzophrenic and did a lot of research on that. It's hard to deal with, hard to live with and hard to treat as are many of these illnesses. I'm sorry for your daughter and I'm glad that you have it under control. That is half the battle...finding the right meds that actually help.