my friend is engaged in an illicit affair

@pahak627 (4208)
Philippines
October 20, 2012 3:50pm CST
I have a friend who has just become a widow. I visited her yesterday with my cousin who is also her close friend. I have known that she is involved with a married man and according to her she enjoys the man's company so much. She told my cousin about it too. My cousin is a religious woman and she asked our friend if she is not afraid of God on what she is doing. I understand my friend about this. I even asked her what if the wife will discover their relationship, I even told her that both GSIS and SSS are so strict regarding the giving of pension to their members, that the member/surviving spouse should have no spouse or live-in partner during the period that he/she is receiving pension. I just wish my friend happiness but I still prayed that she will be enlightened and will stop her illicit affair soon.
2 people like this
15 responses
@donsky14 (5964)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I've been in that situation before wherein I was the "other woman". But I already ended the relationship, cause really...it does not do any good. I thought before that it was worth it, because I loved the guy, he loves me...its us against the world. But reality check, if the guy really loves you then you would not have to share his love with another woman. At the end of it all...its always the woman who suffers.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 12
donsky14 ..I am sorry you suffered..and I think everyone suffers sooner or later and if children are involved it is all the more tragic...
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
I'm sorry to hear of your suffering, donsky. Forget the past and move on. I just hope my friend will soon realize that it's not good to be the other woman.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
29 Oct 12
Yes, anybody will suffer.
@andy77e (5171)
• United States
21 Oct 12
She is being evil. You should have told her straight to her face "You are an evil woman now. You should stop". Being friends is great, but you end up like who you hang out with. I would not hang out with this woman.
@alottodo (3063)
• Australia
21 Oct 12
Why do you call her evil? she is not the one cheating! the man is! she is single he is married HE is cheating! I would not go out with a marry man because if he can cheat on his wife he would cheat on me as well! this man is not worth having around I would give him a kick in his back side and send him packing home to his wife and children.
@andy77e (5171)
• United States
21 Oct 12
So if someone seduces and steals your spouse, they are not being bad? Sleeping with another persons spouse is evil. She is evil. Horrible evil person. Flip the situation around. How would she feel if some other women was stealing her husband away? Yes HE IS CHEATING. I understand this. But don't play this game that because he is doing wrong, you are exempt. You are not. You are just as evil as he is. Two wrongs, doesn't make you right. It makes you just as wrong as the other person. Evil. Horrible person.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Well she is my friend and she will remain my friend whatever, whoever and wherever she is. We have been friends since we were yet very small kids before we started going to school. I could not say that she is evil. She is good and she has her weaknesses.
@jenny1015 (13395)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Being involved with such kind of relationship is really difficult no matter how you view it. And it is also difficult to insists on telling your friend to back off from the relationship instantly. Maybe what you could do is to always remind her of how she can be happier. Point her out these: * will she be happy knowing that her partner is legally involved with another? * will she be happy knowing that she is destroying a marriage and the family? * will she be happy being just the second player? * what assurance can her partner give him? It is difficult to get out of this mess once you have completely loss your sense of reality. Remain to be a friend and let her meet other people.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
I told her what if his wife will discover their relationship and other what ifs. But she has always reasons to explain. She can't be stopped really. If I insist maybe that would be the end of our friendship. I understand her situation also despite different buts...
@jenny1015 (13395)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
It is really hard fight over it. We can never force anyone to get out of it. Only those involved in the relationship can make them give up.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
29 Oct 12
Yes you are correct on that jenny. As I see it, she would stick to what she thinks is right for her this time. It's for her to decide and whatever will be the outcome, hope it would be the best for her.
@silverfox09 (4727)
• United States
21 Oct 12
I hate that a woman could do that to another woman . How would she ave felt if her husband had cheated on her . That man that is now cheating on is wife is even worse , I wonder how he sleep at night . I sometimes wonder if those wife not aware that their husband is cheating and turning a blind eye to it .
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
That is really disgusting. In our society, a woman who cheated is not acceptable however if a man cheats, some will say "well he is a man and a man remains a man even if he will be turned upside down". If a woman cheats, society looks at her like mud. That's really unfair.
• United States
21 Oct 12
I hate the men the most because he is the one that could have stop everything , he is the cause of it all . I hate those kinda man and I think little of them , because they should just leave the woman they are with if they hate her that much . Those men get to play games with woman and everyone cheer on the side lines .
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
28 Oct 12
You are right. It's also the man who make the first move. The woman will not go after a man, she is supposed to wait for the man to go after her. I agree with you on that.
@ravisivan (14051)
• India
21 Oct 12
It is wrong on one's part to have illicit affair. The married man coming after this lady will not take much time to ditch. It happens like this because as a widow she feels let down or envious of others. What is GSIS and SSS.? What are the benefits received through this? is it for allow widows or people below some poverty line?
@ravisivan (14051)
• India
21 Oct 12
pahak you have explained nicely about GSIS and SSS. pension scheme/ thanks.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
28 Oct 12
You're welcome and thanks for the response.
@Aja103654 (5663)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
No matter how right she feels, what she is doing is still wrong. But I really couldn't blame her for wanting to be happy.
21 Oct 12
Today's it not a matter.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Yes I agree with you what she is doing is not only wrong it's a very big sin. It is against one of the commandments of God.
• United States
21 Oct 12
I think over all you and your friend need to stay out of her personal affairs. if she will ruin her life it is hers to ruin. no one should be telling her what to do with her life. I feel she will find out soon what is going to happen in the long run.
@ravisivan (14051)
• India
21 Oct 12
Experience is the best teacher in all these aspects. Getting into one will result in complications in others areas and cause a lot of problems for all the persons involved. The children of both the people will certainly object.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Well, I just listened whatever my friend said to me about her affair. I have not told her about my objections to her affair. I just prayed that she will realize soon.
• Philippines
29 Oct 12
Your friend may be enjoying a great time with that married man but I don't think what she is doing is right. The fact that the man is married means that she is destroying the family of that man whom she dearly loves now. That makes her sinful.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
5 Nov 12
Yes, she is enjoying a lot with this relationship. She kept telling us that she really sinned and she always ask forgiveness from God.
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
29 Oct 12
in terms of pension regulation that you mentioned, if she is not living with him, then she will still receive pension having an affair doesn't always mean live-in that said, I know there are people who care for nothing but their own happiness they have no idea that ruining other people's happiness will eventually ruin theirs there is nothing much you can do about her affair she will find out sooner or later whether it's worth it or not
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
29 Oct 12
I agree with you. That's really true. I just hope that she will realize soon. In that case, there will be nothing more to worry. I'm worried of her as she is my friend.
@jdalaqui (1074)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Any one will surely enjoy the delight that the flesh brings but it won't last forever. There is no real happiness achieved in having illicit affair. Sooner or later one will find himself or herself alone and abandoned.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
29 Oct 12
Yes that is true, happiness on this kind of affair is not forever. They will soon realize the same and hope it will be so soon.
@jaiho2009 (38010)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Since she already a widow why can't she find a single man and marry again. I don't judge all mistresses or woman who involved themselves on this elicit affair, but in your friend's case- hope she will find a free man and settle without wrecking a happy home.
@kukueye (1761)
• Malaysia
21 Oct 12
Ya she is lonely and found another guy.Properly the guy is using her also for relationship outlet also.If open minded, i guess if the guy still go back to his wife and family and responsible for his own family then is not that bad. If the illicit relationship is causing the family to be broken then better stop because other innocent life is at stake.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
29 Oct 12
Yes, she's really lonely and she has no relatives in the place where she lives. The guy is also lonely as his wife is living in a far away province to manage their business. Sometimes the wife will go to the place where he works. I guess, the guy does not abandon his family.
@Raine38 (8756)
• United States
20 Oct 12
Maybe your friend is just lonely, but goodness there are a lot of single men out there whom she can hang out with. How would she feel if she were in the shoes of the wife? She's been a wife so she definitely knows how it would feel. Do they have kids? Does your friend have kids? If she can't be straight for herself, at least do it for the children. There is no good reason for anybody to start an affair with another who is already committed to someone else. In the eyes of God and men, it is very wrong. I hope that she realizes her mistakes before its too late.
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Yes, she told me that she is lonely and she missed her husband so much. She knows that she has sinned because of this affair but she can't control her feelings because this man is according to her thoughtful and cares for her. I should have told her to stop this but I know I feared that she might be offended. This is the life that she chose so let her continue with it. What am hoping is for her to realize what she has been through.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 12
pahak627 So sad..of course you want your friend to be happy but time and again we see one can't build happiness on anothers pain. Many will suffer...but this has happened before and will happen again
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Yes, I want her to be happy. I just wish that someday she will come to realize that her relationship with that man is only temporary. It may end anytime. Hope she can end it up before she will be gravely hurt.
@mariaperalta (19225)
• Mexico
20 Oct 12
I have never liked this idea. How would the man feel is she was cheating on him?
@pahak627 (4208)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
She is already a widow. It's the man he is dating who is married. The wife is living away from him and I'm afraid the wife will know.