Do you need closure?

United States
October 21, 2012 11:43am CST
If you have an argument or a fight do you need sit down with the person and talk it over or do you just walk away?Or do you just forget it and start a new day with a clean slate? Me I walk away. If they don't apologize it only shows me that they Wanted to hurt me and therefore they have just made an enemy and I don't talk to enemies I seek to destroy them! If I can't , then I just wish them ill for the rest of their lives. How about you?
5 people like this
17 responses
@ShyBear88 (17052)
• United States
21 Oct 12
For me and hubby it really just depends on what we are disagreeing about. I don't think we really fight or argument as much as we disagree on things. Most of the time we either both just drop it and wait till we are both cool down and try to bring it back up later or just leave it alone all together. Some things for us just isn't worth time to bring it back up.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 12
My guy and I don't argue. The closest we have come to disagreeing was on a subject that hasn't come up again.There isn't a need to fight or argue. He listens And hears me and I do the same.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (11437)
• Paso Robles, California
21 Oct 12
What happens if he wants to go one place for dinner and you prefer another? Do you go your separate ways? Or does he give into you? Just curious.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 12
He goes to get his food and I get my own. Why do you have to choose? besides I don't like the food he likes and he doesn't like the food I like.
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
21 Oct 12
D*mn!! You seek to destroy them? You wish them ill for the rest of their lives??!! D*mn again!! Good grief!! Well, for me it depends on what the argument was about and who it was with. I have a philosophy about arguing, and that philosophy is that I have to care about the person in order to argue. There are some people who have argued with me, I really don't care about them one way or another, so I just walk away and let them "win". Whatever, they don't matter to me. See ya. I might say a few words to put them in their place, but I'm not gonna stand and argue with the person if I don't even care about them. If the argument is with a good friend, and I care about them, then yes, that argument will bother me and get under my skin. Then, I have to do something about it. If I'm at fault, I need closure and so I have to go to that person. If they are at fault and they don't apologize, it makes me realize that they were not a real friend in the first place. I might be mad about the situation for awhile, depending on how deeply it hurt me, but sooner or later I forgive them, but I don't forget it. I remember what kind of person they are so that I don't get mixed up in their web again. But I forgive them and let karma take care of it. I don't like giving my energy to other people through hatred and bad thoughts.
3 people like this
@bagarad (11437)
• Paso Robles, California
21 Oct 12
Quite right. I imagine that makes you a happier and healthier person than Sarah.
• United States
21 Oct 12
Everyone is healthier than I bagarad. I thought you figured that out. I am not suppose to be happy , right?Or be here in the first place.See I enjoy seeing my enemies in pain. That is why I am not healthy , right?
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 12
I will argue my point to anyone who will listen. I will tell off a stranger if I have to. But if they are a stranger then I won;t wish them ill as much. I mean people who say they care but will not see me as is or purposely hurt me are from then on an enemy. And I do wish them ill. To me it is fun. I feel in a previous life I would have had them killed. But I'm not a gangster this time.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (14978)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
22 Oct 12
Well, I do walk away; but not until I've made my case ... my 'this is how it is.' Then it's good to walk away, to give all sides a chance to back up for some wider perspective.
3 people like this
• United States
22 Oct 12
Exactly! I am used to be deemed crazy or just plain wrong but I do have a right to have my own view and I will voice it these days. Back in the day I wouldn't say anything. I would just think I don't have the right to say anything Or feel anything and with that habit I was about to kill myself at age 18. Now I know many would see my view as wrong or even evil But I don't care. I have my voice and I will use it.
2 people like this
@missjahn (4578)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
it is bad to curse people but it is we've done when in the state of too much anger. i cannot slept well if argued with someone else even if it is not my fault or not. the same thing happened but of different reasons. when if it is my fault, i do not have a peace of mind for hurting someone. and if it is not my fault, i cannot calm down because of furiousity and would think the reasons why such thing happened that the person afforded to hurt you and all. but would seek apologies to the person i mistaken with. but to those who had hurt me, i do not want to talk with him or her. but if ask sincere apology, then who am i to turn the person down. i guess, i am matured enough to do what is needed to do and vengeance would not be mine. thanks :)
3 people like this
• United States
22 Oct 12
I may never be called mature but I do seek out a person I wronged if I didn't mean to hurt them and apologize.And if a person apologizes to me Immediately there is no need for revenge. But if the person refuses to apologize or agree to disagree then they have just made an enemy out of me and I wil wish them ill for the rest of their life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
For me I want closure at once, I want to talk about what was going on between us especially if he/she is part of my family. But I want to talk about it when we are both calm but not everyone has the courage to talk about it when the war is over. So, when that problem rise up again it is still the same you argue with each other again, so it doesn't end. Because it is never had a closure.
• United States
22 Oct 12
I do agree it is better when you can sit down and agree to disagree. If that happens I don't need a apology Or the need for revenge. I also just never talk about that subject ever again.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 12
If it's a fight I have with my boyfriend I prefer to have closure and talk about our argument so we can move on and not stay angry with each other. But if it's anyone else I don't really need to have closure after a fight. If I was wrong I'll apologize if I end up seeing them but if not, I just move on and don't stress about it.
3 people like this
• United States
22 Oct 12
I feel I'm right even if to the other person I'm wrong. I will apologize if I hurt a person's feelings when I didn't mean to but I will not apologize for my point of view. I think if I were to fight with my guy we wouldn;t be together now. I would have walked away.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
21 Oct 12
ARe you talking about romantic situations or any situation? In romantic situations I like closure or I have a hard time moving on...in other areas it just depends on the situation.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 12
Any situation.I have my ex and a few friends just disappear , no closure was available. But mostly I was talking about when you have an argument.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Depends on the situation. If the person is willing to settle the matter then it would be better to talk and have some closure. It is always best to part ways with peace, but if the other person doesn't want to talk and settle whatever the issue is- then I won't insist.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 12
If there is no immediate apology Or a agreement to agree to disagree then I just walk away. I see them as an enemy and wish them ill.
2 people like this
@GemmaR (8526)
21 Oct 12
Most people do need closure, because if they are not able to get this then it just means that they're going to carry on going over the same things in their mind. It is always good to be able to put things behind us, as it means that we no longer have to give them any attention. I know that a lot of things have gone wrong in my life in the past, but I will always talk to the person who I have argued with to make sure that either we can be friends again or at least if we can't be friends we don't have to be enemies anymore.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 12
That is ideal. But most of the time the person Never hears me so I just stop talking and I wish them ill as I leave. It may never close but at least I am not around to be hurt over and over.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 12
I try to get away from the person for the rest of my life. if it is someone i am close to like my man I will just be quiet till he comes around and talks to me.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Oct 12
My guy and I don't argue. I see eye to eye on about 95% of things and the 5% doesn't seem to come up.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27385)
• United States
23 Oct 12
Wow. Okay, I have been there and done that many times. I am not one that can just come down off an adrenaline rush and be fine. I need time to come down. And I feel bad for anyone who gets near me before I do calm down. Now, I will try to explain what I meant after an argument, but only if the other person is willing to. I am not one that apologizes when I know I am right. And if the other person is looking for one, they will be waiting a life time. But if I am wrong I will apologize. So in essence I need to walk away and calm down. Otherwise there is no talking to me what so ever. But I am reasonable. So like I said I would be willing to sit down at a later time and discuss the situation.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 12
Hello Twin. My dear twin! I'm Exactly the same way, especially with apologizing! I am not alone! Hey Now!
2 people like this
@inertia4 (27385)
• United States
24 Oct 12
I know you're not alone. There are others like us, but I have yet to find them online. Nice!!! We must belong to an elite group of people. It is a nice feeling.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Oct 12
It sure is!
2 people like this
@Hatley (164755)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Oct 12
Sararuthbeth hi Yes I really do as I do not want to feel that anger for days but I try reverse psychology I start killing them with kindness and they get it that i am out to stop them from fighting with me. Either we become friends or they move out.This way I have not lowered myself to their level.I used to give back as aood as I got but realized that' made me as bad as them., but if this is with a loved one yes I d o sit d own and talk it out of course. family and beloved friends are worth that.
• United States
22 Oct 12
I'm nice until it is time not to be nice! Then g-d help them. I will show them they are mere amateurs and they will soon be so sorry they started with me!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 12
I'm a gangster. It all fits.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
22 Oct 12
I don't need closure from them...I close it myself. I usually walk away and never look back. I won't bother myself with them again if it was a situation I felt they were out to hurt or damage me. I don't seek revenge..I am one of those that leave it to karma...that stuff does the trick most of the time. I have went out of my way before to show someone that tried to hurt me how good I was doing though..does that count?
2 people like this
• United States
22 Oct 12
I think that counts. I did gave an a$4hole a look and I never saw him again back in highschool. But I still wish I could get every bully back somehow.
@chiumee (851)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
i have to agree with JenInTN. as much as i would think no one knows how much or what i am capable of doing if someone hurts me, i would think the other way around as well. that i wouldn't know what they are capable of doing to me or anyone. so i just leave it to Karma. and then they won't think that i hit them back but that will make them realize what and how they have been in the past. happy mylotting
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 12
Well I guess my Karma is to borrow some power from Kali and destroy my enemies.I don't want to wait for them to think anf come around especially when they showed me they are stupid. If they are dumb enough to mess with me what makes you think they will Ever figure it out that what they did was wrong?
@STOUTjodee (3390)
• United States
24 Oct 12
For me it depends on the situation. If it's a stranger, I might give them my thoughts, if they still want to argue with me, I will walk away. It's better for me to know that I am the better person to just walk away. If it's a loved one, I still give my thoughts and if they still want to fight I can forgive them but I will always remember what they did to me. After a while I might bring the subject up again and might find out they didn't mean what they said and then I can have closure. Some times having closure is best for all, because you never know how long some one will be around and there's no sense in wishing them bad luck, because I believe in karma. I try to get along with everyone and if I can't I give myself distance from those people who want to fight with me.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Oct 12
I have always thought I was evil, even before I knew what karma was. So I knew I was doomed but it let me be free to be nice Or mean. It is up to the person. If they are nice, I'm nice back. But once they hurt me And do not apologize, then They go on the enemy list and I wish them ill until I die.Sure I will walk away And I Never speak to them but I will Still wish them ill.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (11437)
• Paso Robles, California
21 Oct 12
I'd say that carrying hate and the desire to destroy will hurt you more than the other person. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Romans near the end of Chapter 12 that we should not avenge ourselves, but leave it to God and do good to our enemies, because by so doing we will heap burning coals upon their heads. I know the New Testament is not your book, but he's also quoting parts of your book , I believe, to back up his case. They point is that your enemy will suffer more if you do him good by giving him a drink when he's thirsty or feeding him if he's hungry, because then he will feel guilty for what he's done to you. I always try to resolve important arguments and hurt feelings with people I care about if the issue is important. If it's an issue which really isn't that important, such as how much something cost or what we had for dinner on a given day, it's not worth pursuing the conversation to prove I'm right. When I believe I have hurt another person, I always try to make it right. The problem is that sometimes we can say something that hurts another person and we don't even realize it hurt the person. That''s why Jesus said if another hurts us, we should go to that person with our complaint so that he will know and can apologize or make it right. Cultural and other differences in perspective can leave some people in the dark about how another might react to their words.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 12
No enemy of mine deserves water or anything good especially from me! Being nice to an enemy says I have no right to feel Anything! They are correct and I don't exist.Your St Paul I do not like anyway . He doesn't respect me so why should I respect him? I believe Every fight is worthy from what is for dinner to am I suppose to have any feelings! But where you get me wrong is I Know I'm Always wrong and the other person is always right, except when I comes to my core. But if they are not going to listen why should I stay and be ignored?! And if they enjoy hurting me then they are an enemy and I will enjoy seeing them suffer! So you are right. I'm unhealthy and worthless. I will Never be allowed to be connected to anything good and I'm going to hell But I am ready and willing to go Just as long as I get to see them suffer.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 12
I forgot! I am not suppose to care if I'm listened to. I forgot My point of view does not matter and that is why I Have to forgive Everyone and Never be able to feel anything. Oops I forgot!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 12
Oops. I said it wrong. I mean to All others I'm always wrong . I'm used to that. But I will not stand or sit and let Anyone take my right away to be right For me.Being Vengeful is have always been right For Me! Hating my enemies is right For Me. Being Destined to go straight to hell feels right For Me. Am I unhealthy to you? Fine. You want to stop being my friend because I will taint your goodness , that is ok. But to say I have to forgive an enemy Without getting a apology will hurt me more than all this so called pain you say I Must have by hating my enemies. see as an Evil person Everything is backwards. What make you feel blesses Shows me I'm cursed. It will always be that way so if you have to damn me go ahead.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
22 Oct 12
Well, I don't wish them ill. I've tried that and it ends up just eating at me. I like to talk things out. It doesn't always happen. And with some people I know not to even try. They like to pretend nothing happened. And in the past when the really hateful people have tried to get at me, I just did everything I could to cut off contact. I think of a situation with a girl I used to work with. We also went to the same college although she was four years older than I. She did something at work to a kid that I would have been irresponsible not to report. So I reported it, and they told her who had reported her. Maybe that was right, maybe that was wrong. She probably had a right to know her accuser, but then again, if you tell the person who "ratted" on them, you set them up for a toxic conversation. Well, when she found out I told on her she confronted me in a very hateful way. I ended up having to quit a couple of weeks later (health problems started). I hadn't lost my temper with her during that time and while I didn't go out of my way to interact with her, I was polite when I had to. She went to great trouble to give me the evil eye. lol Cut to six years later when that same girl meets up with a girl who used to be a roommate of my sister. They start talking and my sister comes up. Which leads to me. Which leads to that girl talking about the work situation six years prior. My sister's former rommmate was perplexed why she would bring it up. I had not talked to my sister about it, so her roommate certainly didnt' know about it. When I heard about this I was absolutely amazed. I had not thought one bit about that for six years. Evidently, it had bugged her for a long time. I guess I was able to get my own closure where she didn't.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Oct 12
She didn't get her proper revenge... you left to quickly. You did what you knew was right. She was so wrong but she will Never see it that way. She will never have closure. Me?I never got to get back at the bullies from school and that was more than 6 years ago. That is why instead of letting it eat at me whenever I think about them, I wish them ill. It's fun. It takes only a few seconds and then I can get on with my life. If I Had to forgive them it would hurt me more. It would linger and tarnish Everything now.
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
22 Oct 12
I would have liked to see that girl try to get revenge. I could have gotten her fired. The lady who ran the daycare did indeed tell her I ratted on her. But the man whose daycare it was was friends with my dad and thought of me as his grandchild. Would have been fun to lord that over her. hee hee
2 people like this
• United States
22 Oct 12
She was screwed either way! and i don't blame her for holding on to it. this will be with her always!
• Canada
31 Oct 12
The only time I need or give closure in an argument is the rare occurrence when I have an argument with my husband. The reason being, I want to make sure we both know why we had the fight in the first place, and make sure any problems get solved.
1 person likes this