Help... It's so hard to forgive!

@averygirl72 (37544)
Philippines
October 22, 2012 3:31pm CST
Right now, I seem to see that one of my greatest issue now is forgiveness. I am very careful not to offend others but I still unintentionally can offend others every now and then. My problem is that there are people who I guess had already exhausted all my the patience. There are people around me that really has been a challenge for me that at some point i just ignore them but times come that I really want to spank them. But since I cannot do that I just have feelings for them that I cannot simply forgive them. I will forgive them but not now, I still feel the damage is still fresh but they just have to wait for me to forgive them. No,I can't forgive them easily even if that is the right thing to do. How easy is for you to forgive your offenders?
1 person likes this
20 responses
23 Oct 12
I think that the forgiving is the 'easier' part-it's the forgetting that sometimes can hang you up.. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Yeah, the forgetting part should be resolved first then the forgiving part is the easiest and of course if they made an effort to say sorry.
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
Hello averygirl72, i too had an issue about forgiveness, i'm having the same question if i really have to forgive someone who's done something irrevocable to my life. forgiveness, for me, depends on the weight of the sin that they have caused you, simple things can easy to forgive, however, if this has become an attitude of them, your going to have to wait for them to change into good before forgiveness can take effect. it takes time to forgive, so just give yourself a little space and think of all the things that happened to you, weigh things down if that person really deserved your forgiveness. i wish you luck. Happy Mylotting!
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Great, I can actually forgive but it takes time, just give me ample amount of time and I can totally erase all their sins to me.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Oct 12
You know there have only been two people that have passed through my life whom I've never been able to forgive. The first of those people is one of my ex-boyfriends that stole a lot of money from me and then threatened my life when we broke up. That is something that is completely unforgivable in my book. The other person was a former friend of mine that ended up stealing my debit card and just fell off the face of the earth. This is unforgivable as well because she knew that our family was struggling financially and also she knew that I am the kind of person that would give someone the shirt off of my back if she asked for it, but she felt like it was necessary to steal from me.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
30 Oct 12
Wow, that's a real example. That's very difficult to forgive on my part. I really hate when I completely trusted someone then the person ruined that trust and intentionally hurts us. Someday we can forgive, hope so.
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
30 Oct 12
just take some time ,relax and try to forget everything and try to make mends for it by doing the right thing forgiving ideally for sure
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
30 Oct 12
Hmm, yeah just relax, forget about it. Be busy with other things in life. I guess it will work when we are not hard on ourselves too. Wait till we are ready to embrace our offenders with a big hug.
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
27 Oct 12
Well it is always going to be difficult to forgive. But in the end it is for us that we forgive, not for them. It is so that we don't hold the pain they have caused us inside and it will be a huge burden from our shoulders when we do this.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
30 Oct 12
Hmm, that's right. Just let go of the offense and it will not stay for too long in our shoulders, the weight becomes lighter, we don't hold it any longer. Thanks
• United States
30 Oct 12
We will feel better for it, for sure. This is great about forgiveness.
@babyeve (1048)
• Seychelles
23 Oct 12
Hey there I totally understand your situation because I am going trough the same thing. I have got someone that has really exhaust my patient that I have been trying my best to stay calm and avoid talking to her so as not to lose my patient with her. I ignore her completely because she always managed to come up with the same crappy issues all the time. It is not just me, other people around her also has grown tired of her attitude. I really want to forgive her, but I know like she has done in the past, she will continue to do the same thing again after a while. I have talked to her several times and told her how I feel, but still it did not help the situation at all.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
Totally true, same crappy issues all the time-like if you forgive them the issue will just be the same or you simply grow tired of their attitude. I guess just keep a distance, forgive but forgetting the offense may take some time.
@babyeve (1048)
• Seychelles
29 Oct 12
Yes forgive but still remember that a lesson has been learned and therefore make sure that history does not repeat itself. :)
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Oct 12
avedry girl when someone offends nme it depend s on h ow it is.A clerk that is insolent to me I will just let it go and not shop there again,.but if someone' offends me who is close to me I get hurt and it takes awhile to forgive them'but most times the offender has apologized to me so I c an forgive and forget. To keep hatred bottle up inside ones self is to poison your very soul,.so I do forgive them but may not forget for a long time. I will be civil and outwardly friendly but it will be awhile before its like before.Some offenders who do serous wrongs I do not even try to forgive as theres no reason too.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
That is it, if they sincerely ask for forgiveness, you can forgive, but how if they even still feel proud like they think you deserve what they do. I guess that is right, there is no reason to forgive them.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
23 Oct 12
I would definitely need time. Even if I did forgive, I would not forget. I am one that can say..OK...they did this to me this time but then..what responsibility is it of mine to assure that I don't allow this to happen again.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
30 Oct 12
Yeah, we are just being honest and true to our feelings. It is easy to say Okay but wait until it really takes effect.
@cloud31 (5809)
23 Oct 12
I had been cheated few tines in my life its intentional or even unintentional.I use to take the situation seriously and think deeply how it happened to me. But at last know the reason because sometimes I just let them passed. In your case,some person who are close to you and even have a place in your heart are hard to forgive.But when you deal with other people whose nothing to you then you won't mind them. I can deal easily with my forgiveness, I can forgive easy and even give chance to others though I know it will not easy for them to learn. We are not perfect in every way, if you feel its hard to forgive then let the pain subside on you and see if you still feel the same towards you offenders after the anger has gone. In this life,sometimes things just make us understand what we need to understand and realize what we need to. What is happening to you is just normal, in your maturity stage. You are more likely to deal easily to those who offended you after passing through these stage of life. You will then just take them as challenge. Take care and Stay as you are!
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
Feel cheated, that is right. You see every time you remember those ugly things they have made against you, you feel anger in your heart like that is so long ago but you cannot simply forgive them but if I don't remember those memories, I see I can easily meet them face to face. The truth is people who I know insulted me somehow, I don't want to see them face to face because I have no sweetness to show them, instead they might see my natural "human" reaction---I roll my eyes like I don't wannna see them around or I want them out of sight as they can ruin my day. But that's it---we are not perfect in every way- I am not perfect, they are not perfect-I completely understand.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
We are all an imperfect person and the initial instinct when someone hurts us is to feel bad. Forgiving them may not be easy sometimes. It is such a heavy feeling that we would sometimes think that it is just impossible to forgive them. I can easily forgive if the harm done to me is not that grave. But I can forgive anyone who has done me wrong as long as that person admits his mistake and shows his deep sincerity in asking forgiveness.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
That is all true. It depends on the gravity of the offense and if the person admits his mistake but if they keep on denying it and even acts more stubborn then I just cannot forgive.
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
we should master our emotions not emotion to control us. part of controlling emotion is forgiveness. like in the movie "The last air bender" for the main character to master the water element he needed to forgive and control his emotion because we should be like flowing waters everything should flow such as forgiveness and hurts it should just flow and be part of your development as a human being.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
Master our emotions, right, but there are times it is so powerful. Let us see how we can master that.
@SIMPLYD (90727)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
ACtually, our forgiveness depends on the gravity of the offense that is done, my friend. There are offenses which we can easily forgive. But there are those that we just can't right away. When the offense involves strong words done to demean our being, it's a bit difficult to forgive in my case. It will take time, because the hurt it created is etched in my mind and heart.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
30 Oct 12
That is one thing I learned the quickness to forgive depends upon the gravity of the offense. So, it may take some time before one can really honestly say that he or she forgives, without faking it.
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
22 Oct 12
avergirl yes. it is hard to forgive people when we were very close to them. We always fight with our close people. we are not fighting with X, Y and Z who we do not know. so problems come only with close people. depending on issues we may not forgive others. there have been instances where i did not talk to my aunt for a few years and thereafter i started talking. man is an animal. some animals are good. some are rude. some vary in behavior.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Great, comparison. Some are rude and some are not. Why don't I just simply accept that reality of life. Okay, I will just forgive, since nothing will be lost on my part but to trust them again that's another thing.
• India
23 Oct 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about your stage, it is really hard to forgive others, we must have more patience and maturity to forgive the persons whoever do ills to us. We need a good and kind heart to forgive others for their mistakes, i think we must be mercy to forget about others fault and forgive them. Being mercy is very important to forgive others, a person don't have mercy and kindness don't have the ability to forgive others for their faults. We have lot of friends, relatives and beloved persons in our life, some times they are doing some mistakes and we are affected with their mistakes in such kind of situation we will forgive them if they ask sorry for their mistake and we must have mercy to forgive their faults, some persons will do continuous mistakes and ask sorry for that. It is very hard to forgive this kind of persons, since they will think that we are very mercy and kind heart person to forgive them for their faults, we don't encourage this kind of persons.. There is nothing wrong in forgiving our best friends and beloved ones for their silly mistakes and giving second chance to them, but still they are doing mistakes, it is very hard to forgive this kind of persons. If we have lot of mercy and kindness, we may forgive them. But most of the people are not interested in forgiving a lot of times.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
30 Oct 12
Right now, I need to master this skill of forgiving other people. It's a lesson in life that we must learn to forgive anyone who has offended us. It's one test of life that is a really challenge for me.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
22 Oct 12
Hi averygirl, Forgiveness does not come easy to most people but I have finally been able to forgive all who have offended me, or at least I think so. There are still thoughts that come to me that bother me a little with a couple of people, but that is all that's left of it now. I've learned too that forgivness is not just for the other person but for ourselves as well. We are the ones who really benefit when we forgive another. I've also come to believe that we are all connected in a spiritual sense and what we do to another we are also doing to ourselves. Blessings.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
That is true, when we forgive them, we do ourselves a great favor. I actually forgive them but the feeling is the not the same.
• United States
22 Oct 12
Forgiveness is a process, it doesn't just happen, it takes time. It doesn't let them off the hook either, they will be judged, let God have his judgement on them. I know its hard, we've all been hurt deeply by somebody and if we can't forgive them they we can't expect forgiveness for ourselves. I have a link from a sermon that talks about forgiveness, I'll be glad to send it to you in a private message.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
This is a challenge for me because it seems that the relationship is tainted and I can't face the people that hurt me deeply- out of sight, out of mind is my way of forgetting them but at times the memories comes back. I just try to be busy and erase the memories so they won'bother me again.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
22 Oct 12
It all depends on what the person have done somethings hurt more than some and especially from certain person . If I dont know the person and they offend me is easier for me to forgive them because we could just have a misunderstanding are just two different to get a long . Take time to think about how and why they offend you , because sometime we are not as innocent as we want to think . When you look at things from the other person point of view maybe you will start to forgive them . And if you are innocent as you seems then you will also forgive them in due time . You dont have to be friend with someone , just have to set your mind free from hate .
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
I figured out the reason for the offense. I just need to set my mind free! Anyway, we don't need all people we see in this world, we just select few that can help us along in this life, those who would just like to hurt us why bother our time with them?
@rberon1985 (5359)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
I know how you feel.I understand your frustration.i know what you are going through.You just have to breath.Inhale, exhale!It is a normal feeling to be felt by a mad person.I'm sure sooner or later everything willbe fine. At first,it is hard to forgive.That's natural.Try to give a space for yourself.if god can forgive,why can't you.i know it takes time to heal the wounds.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
Right, I just give myself some space. Take a big breath and puff all those hatred away, they will sure go away not now but later.
• Maldives
22 Oct 12
Offenders needs no forgiving so there is no point of getting too balloon like or else you would burst.keep your self calm and live with goods and bad as they keeps on following each other no one is spared.... I think you should listen to the song "Don't worry be happy" often...
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
Why, that is right, there are always offenders. Anyway, if they intentionally want to harm me why should I forgive them but if they unintentionally offended me then I can forgive them for sure!
• Qatar
22 Oct 12
It is really hard to forgive especially when you are deeply hurt by the person that it so important to you. However, time heals all wounds and eventually we will learn to forgive although we may not be able to forget.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
It's easy to say I forgive you, but the memories is left intact so we cannot forget. Therefore, I need to forgive them every now and then.