My friend's husband told his girl friend (as in gal pal ) that she's ugly

@Raine38 (9113)
United States
October 27, 2012 3:59am CST
Well, not really outright "ugly" but here's the thing. My friend was browsing her husband's phone. I didn't ask why, but she came across one text message from this certain girl that's a friend of her husband from work. It says, "maybe your wife is pretty". And her husband replied, "not really, you're prettier." then she remembered that just last week she dropped by her husband's workplace so they can go home together, so she looked for that certain date to see if there is another message, and true enough there is another message from the same girl that says, "saw her. You're right!" Now she wants to confront her husband, but she's asking me if she's overreacting over something petty. I told her that's not petty at all. I may not be drop dead gorgeous, I may only have the silent good looks but my husband boasts about me to everyone in his workplace that I am the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. I mean, I know he's exaggerating but I know my man will never deliberately put me down that way. What do you think? Is this really something petty, or am I right to assume that her husband is up to something here?
4 people like this
19 responses
@donsky14 (5963)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
If that friend of his is a long time friend then she would already have an idea of how his wife looks like. Know what I mean? It sounds like this "girl friend" of his is someone new...and it sounds really like his flirting with the girl. Your friend should really talk to her husband.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
Yeah, that's a good point. Come to think of it, it would really explain a lot. I never thought of it that way, thanks for that. I will surely pass that on to her, just something for her to look into. And if ever there's something going on between that friend and her husband, at least it isn't going on for long given that she didn't know what my friend even looks like.
1 person likes this
@sishy7 (27654)
• Australia
27 Oct 12
O yeah, your friend's husband and his girl co-worker friend are flirting with each other big time! It's fate that your friend came across such text as proof. But I can also understand if she's hesitant to confront her husband just yet. With how she got the proof and based on those text only, it is pretty good chance that her husband will say nothing happened between him and that friend; worse, her husband might turn around and said his wife does not trust him by browsing his messages. They may only be flirting at this stage; I think his wife would be the one who'd be able to know best when would be the right time to confront her husband about it.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
I know right? But then I admit that being her friend, I am so biased with my "advices" to her. At first, I was all aggressive and on a fight mode for her. But now, I began to understand that she cannot just act by a text message alone. But definitely she should really have some serious talk with her husband.
2 people like this
@STOUTjodee (3417)
• United States
27 Oct 12
For one thing that isn't petty that your friend's husband is texting another woman, for another thing the husband shouldn't be saying that his wife isn't pretty to that woman. My husband also, brags to people that I'm the most beautiful woman ever born and of course he tells me this privately, even though I don't consider myself that. Maybe your friend was going through her husband's phone because she has been thinking that there was something going on and that's why she asked if it was something petty. Who knows what all this husband and gal friend have been doing besides texting? I've been around some coniving women before and they would call that number and ask who this is and hang up saying they must have got the wrong number. Then they would ask their husband who is so and so and go from there.
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
That's also what I suspect, I know she wouldn't look into his stuff if she's not suspecting anything. I just feel sorry for my friend, that's a mean thing that her husband did to her. If my husband have a problem with how I look or how I dress, I would appreciate it if he will tell me about it so I can remedy it rather than go and talk about me with another woman even. Thanks for thinking that it isn't something petty, I used to think I am just overreacting at least now I know I'm not.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 12
I use to be that way too, believing everything that a person says, but then I experienced that if a person you are suppose to be with accuses you of doing something (that you're not) they're the ones who are doing it! Sometimes one has to go with their gut instincts even though they want to believe the best in that person.
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
28 Oct 12
Right! OMG I so believe that, happened to me and my husband. He wants me to take off my Facebook because he said he doesn't trust my friends on there. But when he gave me access to his own Facebook, it seems he forgot to clear his messages. I saw some messages from women he used to date that are "pleading" to him not to marry me. And he didn't even block them. Good thing though he didn't reply or else... I pointed this out to him and he ends up deleting his account. Good thing we're way over that but yeah, whenever I'm accussed of something, I always suspect my accuser first of trying to divert the issue to me.
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
I think your friend has cause to worry because the husband sounds like he is making passes or courting the other girl. She should confront the husband about this and try to keep in touch with her husband regularly. The other girl should know her place.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
That's also the thing, the other girl already knew that he's married but she still communicates with him and in that manner. I really hate women who do that knowing that the guy is already taken. Why can't they just bother single men?
1 person likes this
• Greece
30 Oct 12
Can men have 'girl pals' - personally I doubt it. Someone is going to be the loser and that is usually the wife. I cannot think of a good reason why this girl and your friend's husband should be texting one another anyway. One of them should have drawn the line and in my opinion the husband is most at fault. We know he has a loving wife, home and security. Some men need a follow up course a few years into their marriage to remind them that variety is not an option when they have promised to 'forsake all others'.
@toniganzon (49156)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
That's definitely not something petty. That's the worst my husband could ever do to me next to cheating. Why would he tell his friend that? Does he still love his wife? Because the way I see it, he isn't in love with her anymore. And the way he said to his friend that she is prettier than the wife, it tells me that he's flirting with her.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
That's what bothers us, toni. They're newly weds, for crying out loud. They should still be in "honeymoon" mode. How on earth that her husband began this flirting is beyond me.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (49156)
• Philippines
28 Oct 12
Ouch, that's even worse. Why did he marry her in the first place and say that his wife is ugly. He's insulting his own self in choosing such an ugly wife. What a d!ck!
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
Your friend's husband was really mean! I can't imagine she married a guy like that! Besides, if I were in your fried's position, I would really confront my husband regarding to that, for him to let know that he had hurt my feelings for what he have told to other people. Besides, I would also start having suspicion that he's flirting with another girl. :)
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
Exactly! I can't imagine my husband talking about me behind my back like that. I just hope she will be okay soon. Right now I know she's hurting.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
It seems as though he is up to something. The statement sounds like he wants to get into her nerves, but why. That question is up to you, if you wanna play investigator on this. I don't wanna meddle into other people's business so I'll just leave it up to you.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
That's also what my friend feels. Something is definitely up with her husband and that girl.
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8526)
27 Oct 12
I think that this is a horrible thing to do, and I don't understand why there are so many people who feel the need to comment about other people's looks anyway. I have a friend who is always doing things like this, and she will tell us when we aren't looking at our best. This is something that annoys me a lot because of the fact that I go out to meet up with her and then the first thing that she will say to me is that I don't look good. I think that friends are supposed to make each other feel better about themselves, not worse.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
Right. Real friends and loving couples should be able to bring out the best in each other, not to make them feel worse. Of course I don't mean to lie about them looking good even though they're not, there's a big difference between being truthful and being downright cruel. Sadly, but most people really give so much weight into how a person looks rather than what a person is made of.
1 person likes this
• China
27 Oct 12
If the couple sincerely loves each other, they are both the most beatiful in each one's eyes. There may be someone who is prettier than your lover, but compare to others, your lover is the most special for you.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
I agree. My husband may not be the most handsome man on the planet but for me, he is. I imagined that if my husband did this to me, I will be heart-broken.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (9533)
• Legaspi, Philippines
27 Oct 12
Something fishy is going on. Whew! Boys! I don't know how to react, really. This was the first discussion I opened as I log in just right now, Raine. My husband would always appreciate me in front of his friends and I know by the way his friends reacted when they see for the first time. On your friend's situation, I think my blood pressure if really going up. Maybe she should do something before its too late. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
Right aries, our husbands should be the first ones to patronize us. We're so lucky that our husbands appreciate us that way. Seriously I can't believe that her husband would even start looking into other women at this very early stage of their married life. Sighs.
1 person likes this
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
27 Oct 12
Of course, If I would be your friend, I will get angry for my husband. He should be the one who will tell to the world that I am the most beautiful woman in his eyes.It seems that they are insulting your friend and that is not acceptable. He should confront her husband for that.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
My friend is a bit chubby, but she's been that way ever since. She's really big boned, but she's got a clear skin and nice hair. I mean if we're all about listing down the looks factor, she's got other things going on for her physically. But I definitely will not call her ugly even if she's not my friend. I asked my husband what he will do if someone called me ugly; he said that he will tell that person that if I'm ugly then there's no more pretty women here. I mean, our husbands and bfs should be the first ones to stand up for us, be it for looks or what not. I imagine what else those two are keeping between themselves.
1 person likes this
@subhojit10 (7384)
• India
27 Oct 12
Thanks a ton for sharing this discussion. Well i think you should feel great that your husband is praising your looks even if he is exaggerating in front of others and i do not think that is important. What is important is that he has understood your inner beauty and may be he wants other to know u more when he speaks about your beauty in front of them. U should not think about anything else and should appreciate that your hubby is by your side. What say?
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
27 Oct 12
Of course, I am more than thankful that my husband appreciates me so much, and that he's so proud of me. I wish the same for all my friends because it really feels good. I just wish my friend will finally be as happy as I am now, we're both newly weds so I have high hopes for us both. Thanks for the response!
1 person likes this
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
31 Oct 12
I would have a problem with my husband saying that I was not really pretty and that another woman was prettier to the other woman. I think she should express her embarrassment and hurt over her husbands comments. Rain38, your husband is not exaggerating your looks. Men who are truly in love with their wives do not see us as we see ourselves. Husbands see us without our flaws. In your husband's eyes, you are the most beautiful woman he has seen. I do not think that your friend is being petty. Her husband did deliberately make derrogatory remarks about her to another female. That is unacceptable. I would be wondering what that husband is up to as well. What reasonable explanation is there for a man to make such a comment about his wife to another female?
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
31 Oct 12
That's for the kid words deedee! To be fair, I also think that my husband is the most handsome man I have ever the pleasure of knowing, inside and out. I also suspected as much that my friend is already sniffing something else about her husband, I mean why would she go through his cellphone, right? I know there's more to this but I am not going to push her to tell me everything. When she's ready or if ever she wants to, I know she will share it to me eventually. I already told her what you guys think about the situation and she's glad that shes not being unreasonably paranoid. I think that her objective judgment is being clouded because she loves her husband so much, which is very understandable. I just hope this thing between her husband and that girl stops now.
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
31 Oct 12
Raine38: You are quite welcome, but I only spoke what I believe is true. I didn't say anything before, but yes, I agree, if your friend feels the need to check her husband's phone, then there is already some small problem. It is probably not wise to push her. You are right to let her open up to you in her own time. It is hard for all of us to be objective in situations that so deeply involve our hearts. I will keep a good thought and send up a prayer that all will work out for your friend in whatever way is best for her.
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
28 Oct 12
I think there is something fishy going around. I won't pretend either but rather confront my husband -the h*ck heke not talks to his officemate like that- and take note- a girl officemate huh . Your friend should not let this matter ignored before it is too late.
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
28 Oct 12
Yeah, typical office romance ek ek lol! Someone the husband gets to see everyday, 6 days a week, 8 hours a day at least. Too much time to be able to sling more crap against my friend. Grrr!
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
28 Oct 12
aw- what happened to my typing duh!! - was carried away with my emotion. I want to share my experience with these kind of girls who flirts with their officemates. I have many encounters of these kind- my ex-husband is a womanizer and many times I've caught him flirting with his secretary through text messaging. What I always did is call the number and introduce myself- and the other line (the girl) will answer " it is your husband who flirts with me" (lols) And I responded back " and you love the feeling right, that is why you keep responding to my husband's SMS" (hahaha) I wonder why there are women/girls who prefers to become a mistress instead of looking someone who is free...
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
30 Oct 12
You've perfectly said it there. It's not about you and your friend's look. It's about your husbands! :) You're husband is amazing the way I see it. His eyes sees you that way for sure even before marriage and up to now he is the same. Your friend's hubby, for sure he used to flatter your friend so much when he was still courting her. And now? He might be flirting with his office mate and even trying to humiliate his own wife to this girl. It's sad to know, among all the people to put your friend down, it's his hubby doing it. It's a shame la -.- I hope your friend is fine. And hope the hubby realized that when he is young and able to work, earning money- it's easy to find a woman to flirt with. Buy me this and buy me that. But when he gets old, or if he gets an illness that makes him really weak, I doubt if any woman would take courage taking care of him. It will always be ONLY the wife and kids to take the responsibility.. Such a flirty guy -.-
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
31 Oct 12
Thanks meowchie. I also think I'm lucky with my husband. I hope my friend gets this sorted out soon.
• India
28 Oct 12
Hi friend, Your friend's hubby's activities are not good, she must take steps to avoid it, otherwise she will face a lot of unwanted issues in her life.
@Raine38 (9113)
• United States
29 Oct 12
My friend will handle it, but I know that her husband have a lot of explaining to do and making up to my friend if he still wants their marriage to work. Goodness knows what other "extra-curricular" activities her husband is doing.
@Hatley (164672)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Oct 12
hi Raione yes he is up to something and its not his wife either. the girl gal p al is a friend with benefits and thus he is cheating his wife and belittling her'maybe to cover a little guilt or not. Yes if I were the wife I would want to'know what that hubby has been up to with the galpal.then I would file for a divorce as he cannot have me if he thinks i am ugly that is for sure.
@scheng1 (24807)
• Singapore
20 Dec 15
If both are pretty, then the husband is wrong to make such a comment. If the co-worker is indeed prettier, then that is a fair remark, but then the husband should not deliberately put his wife down.
@sjvenden27 (1850)
• United States
29 Oct 12
It does matter if it is something petty.. It does not give your friends husband the right to put her down for any reason.. And to sit there and say that another woman looks better then her; yes I would say that there is something that may be going on or about to start.. Men like that, remind me of my ex husband.. He use to do that stuff all of the time.. I would just put up with it.. When people thought that he was cheating on me I would turn a blind eye.. Even when I had proof.. But I grew up.. I will never allow someone to treat me like that.. I hope your friend can stand up for herself.. and not to allow her husband to treat her like dirt.. No one deserves to be treated this way.. Its better to be alone then stay with someone that is going to hurt you or even break you down emotionally.. Best of luck for your friend..