Why do people focus on a wife being 'obedient' or 'listening' and there is no...

Sharing duties and responsibilities within a relationship is the way it should be. Many people don't like their bosses at work and most almost-grown teenagers who still live at home have arguments with their parents over who gets control. If anything, in your most important adult relationship, there should not be any of this control and obedience issue going on.

When you grow up in a life where you have had to count on yourself because other people left or failed you, you learn quickly how not to count on anybody but yourself. You also learn that in order to get anything done right, you have to do it yourself, because there are a lot of lazy people, a lot of people who offer to help but don't follow through, and people who don't pay any attention to how things were asked to be done, so you end up wasting more time having to do it OVER after them. Princes are nice in theory but sometimes all they want in return is an arm ornament. That really doesn't work for a lot of women - who have other goals and dreams in mind. In all actuality, good matches only come to people who don't wait around for anybody.

Worth every bit of it too, isn't it?

True so true. My b/f calls my ex the "Prince"...LOL...and that is exactly what he was all about. Appearances and all the fake stuff that goes with it. I called my home at that time a beautiful prison. I don't have near the things now that I did when I left but there is one very important thing that I gained..freedom to be.

Except by people who are highly religious and believe that society still operates the way it did when Jesus lived on earth lol.

Peace is important, but so is being free to make choices and never to feel like one person is lording anything or holding anything over the other. The reason the whole 'obedient' thing rubbed me the wrong way is that it makes it sound like any husband has a final say on everything, which is just not true. It's not true that any wife should have a final say on everything either, really what should be happening is they both come to an agreement together - or in the event of no agreement, whomever feels stronger about a topic, since sometimes one or the other really doesn't care that much.

There is something inherently wrong with any woman who does not KNOW that she is equal to any other person on the planet, regardless of age or gender. The only way to ensure that little girls grow up to have skills and confidence is in teaching them the truth - that they are absolutely equal to and the same as any other girl or boy which means they can DO anything that another girl or boy can do, and they NEVER have to bow down or defer to anybody else - if it doesn't benefit or suit them. Keep in mind this is absolutely equal opportunity here - no boy should think he is 'less-than' another boy or a girl either, I just think an attitude like that happens less often since many people seem to think boys are dominant or something. In this day and age, it's not very appropriate for a guy to think that way, it will probably turn off a lot of girls. I know I don't want my daughter having anything to do with a chauvinist or narcissistic non-gentleman, and I'm sure she knows she is above that.

I agree entirely! This is a great post and exactly what I was looking for. I learned from example that equality is something to strive for, which doesn't necessarily equal 50/50, but it does equal out to each partner being able to focus on whatever tasks they excel at vs both of them having to do distasteful things they hate or are not good at lol. Within a relationship, both people will have strengths and weaknesses, it is not about superior... in a good relationship, NOBODY is 'superior'. If someone thinks they are, then they'd better think again - and hope the other person doesn't find out what they are thinking.

Thanks! I use to instill in my children (as a single parent)this, hoping that they would treat their partner in the same respect. Now I'm married to a man that is this way we complete each other!

I would be even LESS likely to listen to someone I did not choose myself lol. Arranged marriages to me are an aberration, I would NEVER consider choosing for MY children because they are not me. I think that is wrong to try and make someone else's relationship choice for them, since it's not only longterm, you make a commitment and in most cases, people have children with that person and they get old together. The only way someone is ever going to make every single decision about everything for and by themselves is if they do not ever get in any longterm dedicated relationship with ANYBODY. And that's probably how it should be.....

I really don't see how anybody should be taking commands from anybody, not within a relationship. That is not a sign of a healthy relationship, usually it's a sign of control or abuse lol. Even friendships that go that direction break down and usually the people stop spending time together or doing things for each other because it becomes a wedge between them. So many people keep focusing on 'roles' in a family or a relationship. We must remember it is not 1920 and 'roles' regardless of gender are very different, and should be.

Yes, but you each fill the roles you are best at and prefer, and you compromise where you each see fit. I DO take issue whenever I see discussion about one person being 'over' another or having any kind of final say, because it makes more sense for people to compromise or put the burden of proof on the other to show them why what they ask is reasonable. I am the LAST person to EVER just go along with something, whatever it is has to make sense, the reason has to make sense, TO ME. People get mad at me all the time because of what I question but you know what.... in hindsight, many of them are glad, especially if something bad we didn't think about happened, almost happened, etc. I also don't care if people want to string me up for my view, I happen to be verbal about things and I will SAY what other people are only thinking and don't have the guts to say. I get many thank yous later. The point of the matter is that you both 'get some' when it comes down to choices and decisions, and if you are truly tuned into each other, 99.9% of the time you are able to make them together and it never comes down to either of you ever pulling rank on each other. Nothing causes a fight faster than that - and for a stupid reason.

It sounds like a cultural thing maybe - where do you live? One of the biggest things I made a point of is telling our kids - basically all of us - to clean up after yourself. I am not a slave, nobody is. If each person cleans up after themselves, there is MUCH LESS for any one person to have to deal with, and it works. What usually happens is kids complain because they don't like picking up, well, what gets learned hopefully is to not be messy to begin with, and that means less cleaning up which takes less time, and then they have more time for other things they would rather do. Same deal with partners, husbands, wives. We are not each other's maids, slaves, or chore boys. Each of us should take care of ourselves best we can, which in turn usually translates into being taken care of. There's nothing as sexy as a man who puts their laundry in the hamper, makes a bed, tucks a baby in, or puts dishes in the dishwasher.

While this makes sense, there are many different ways partners divide the workload, so to speak. It just irritates me to see or hear anybody say things like 'the wife should be obedient' because that just comes across as if the husband is a dictator and whatever he says, goes. I know a few relationships that are like this and you want to know my suggestion to the wife or girlfriend in it? Or... to be fair, if the roles are reversed, the husband or the boyfriend? I tell them 'GET OUT NOW'. Seriously. In a good relationship, BOTH people matter EQUALLY. This means BOTH people discuss things and make decisions, sometimes together, sometimes separately, but there is none of this 'one thinks they have the final say and the other has to listen' type of thing. Of course you have mutual love and respect, but in my world, mutual respect and love means nobody is 'under' another or 'obedient' to the other.

You are a very wise man then . It sounds like you have divided up things according to what you would each rather do, or I hope so. Keep in mind - we do love when you help out a bit at home too - unless you're like my husband and you're just not very messy.

I feel sorry for women who live in places where men believe they are above them. It's even worse when the WOMAN also believes that to be true, as it couldn't be farther from the truth!! Regardless of gender, we are ALL human beings and as such, we are ALL equal, regardless of something as ridiculous as GENDER. Obviously it is socially and/or culturally acceptable for ignorant and immature people to THINK that men are somehow superior or somehow 'the head of the household', but wise people know better. Also, there are plenty of single parent households, which could be either a man OR a woman, as well as partners who raise children together. It has been my experience that GOOD men look for an independent woman and they don't seek to destroy or keep her down, they don't aim to tell her what to do, and they certainly do not ask for her to listen and obey. I don't know what year people believe it is but submissive doormat people really don't get anywhere, and they also don't tend to find anybody but abusers, who seem drawn to them like bugs to a light!