Why won't new parents listen to their parents?

@ctryhnny (3463)
United States
October 31, 2012 10:30am CST
My sons baby is 9 months old and he and his wife think they know everything there is about raising a child! I brought up 3 kids on my own and they are living happy, healthy lives as adults. So, why do they think everything I tell them is wrong? It seems there have been a lot of changes since my kids were babies and that's what they go by! This is their first baby...what do they know other than what they read? Isn't it better to listen to someone who has been there and had the experiences?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
4 Nov 12
Hi, You are right. It is better to listen to someone who has been there and had the experiences. We can learn something from others experiences. But if your daughter in law thinks that she knows how to raise her child then you should not give her any advice. It is obvious that you love your grandson and want to give some good advice about raising him. But it is better to give advice to someone when it is asked for. When someone doesn't listen us we feel offended.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
4 Nov 12
Sometimes my son does ask me for advice but my daughter in law never does. I only offer advice if it's asked for or I will get my son alone and tell him something I see isn't right. This baby is only 9 mos. old and already needs to have a television on constantly. When he comes to see me I always shut my tv off so he will pay attention to me.
• Kenya
1 Nov 12
Each parent(S) is unique and also in the way they bring up their children. They are new parents; allow them to learn through an experience of their own. If they get stuck am sure they would come running to you for help and treasure wisdom.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
1 Nov 12
Yes, every parent has their own way of doing things. They have come to me with questions and when I have an answer they always say that's what the babys dr. told them. So they see that I can be right sometimes.
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
31 Oct 12
Please don't take it as offence, but everyone should be granted the choice how to bring up their children. If you always tell them to do their things in another way, they are going to feel as if you think they are stupid or that you won't let them have their way. Bringing up a child is not an exact science, it doesn't mean that if they don't follow your advice they are going to mess up the kid. Also, the world is a whole lot different now. Let them decide how THEY want to educate and bring up the children. If you really think they're doing something wrong (and something really wrong, not something like what brand of baby food to give), you should tell them, but you should tell that you accept if they do it in a different way and you are really not telling this to pick up a fight... and please don't try to give advice on EVERY SINGLE thing. I'm seeing this whole situation with the eyes of a wife-to-be, and my future mother-in-low sometimes drives me crazy by always giving advice on everything, like nothing I do is fine, because she's more experienced and older and blah-blah-blah... it's just too much, because I feel as if everyone thinks that because I'm not as experienced I'm gonna make thosands of mistakes just because I think about issues in another way than they do.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
1 Nov 12
No offense taken. Everyone has the option to speak their mind. I give my advice very subtly and don't just come out saying they are wrong. I don't think they will make a lot of mistakes and if they do they will learn from them. Thanks for the input!
• Canada
31 Oct 12
What you did 20 years ago while raising your children may not be right nowadays. You need to understand that things evolve and change all the time. Toys are different now, as are cribs, strollers, highchairs, etc. Modern technology has made things safer. Research has even proven over the years that the way you put your baby down for sleep has changed. What was right back then may not be right now. I would never listen to my parents when raising my children because I know that time has changed. I've seen first hand how things have changed over the years and how raising children has changed as well.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
1 Nov 12
I agree with you a lot has changed but there are still the fundamentals that have not changed. This child is 9 months old and already addicted to television. I have to turn my tv off when he comes here so he will pay attention to me! I can see him playing video games already....much to young.
• United States
31 Oct 12
There is nothing wrong with giving them advice when it comes to their newborn. In fact if given the right way I'm sure they would appreciate it. But that being said no one wants to feel like everything they are doing is wrong either. Just like you learned from your mistakes they will have to learn from their mistakes as well. Everything right now is new to them as far as being parents & they want to make sure that they are being the best parents that they can be. Just be patient with them & I'm sure given enough time that they will be seeking you out for advice. They just don't want to feel like they can't take care of their own child & even though you may not mean to make them feel that way they feel like you are by always telling them that they should be doing this or that.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
3 Nov 12
I'm always telling them what a good job they are doing because basically they are. My grandson was a premie and you would never know it now 9 months later.
@subhojit10 (7382)
• India
31 Oct 12
Thanks a ton for sharing this discussion. Well yes u are absolutely right, nowadays new parents are no more listening to their own parents and they think that they do not require any advises even from their parents as that would mean that they are being spoonfeeded by them and hence they want to be independent in their lives. But this is very much bad and they should listen to whatever their parents say to them. What say?
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
1 Nov 12
I do understand that they want to be independent but also think they should take advantage of my experience and wisdom.
@Hatley (164468)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Nov 12
yes and no as some new ideas are bettewr than what we knew ctryhnny so give them a little slack and too they want to be parents and learn for themselves.you mean well bu t nothing beats that feeling that" yes I can raise my baby correctly after all.its my child." Of course you have a l ot to g ive them but remember they really are the parents not y ou and they have to stand on their own two feet,they are adu lts now with a family of th e ir own,also a lot of mothering for most moms is instinctual. as I say cut them a little slack and no not make f un of them theyh will learn by doing.