Be yourself or fit in?

United States
November 9, 2012 9:13am CST
Whoopi Goldberg said her mom gave her the choice when she very young . Her mom told her that she could be herself and sometimes be disliked or she could go with the crowd and be liked. Anyone who knows Whoopi can guess her choice! All of this made me wonder.Are parents giving their kids these choices? Or are they saying nothing. My mom tried to support me when I was bullied but she didn't give me the choice why? I think she Knew I was going to be me and no one else. I was willing to not fit in. In fact by age 8 I never thought I was suppose to fit in. So to this day I'm my true self 24/7!How about you? If given the choice of being your true self or fitting in?
6 people like this
16 responses
@marguicha (97533)
• Chile
9 Nov 12
I will not try to bend my personality in order to fit in. I will not wear a mask so that other people like the mask I`m wearing. That means soometimes that some people don`t like me much (I`m not that fond of them either) but it also means that my friends are true friends.
4 people like this
@riyauro (6428)
• India
9 Nov 12
yeah those who accept the way you are, are the real friends and real people. I would stay away from fake people.
3 people like this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
10 Nov 12
:-)... I was punished whenever I tried to be myself... I was never fit for my surroundings... As a kid, I'd super-adventures planned, but when we tried it and got caught, I was punished for planning it... In school, I was punished because I liked to think different... They still hate me because they think I'm crazy... Oh Sarah, I never got to be myself, until I got away... Life's a mess now!
3 people like this
• United States
11 Nov 12
Oh Bhai. It is almost the end of November.I have been so busy with my life to ask you about yours! All I can say is follow your bliss. Never say yes to something that will make you miserable. That is what I'm doing. Many would give up but I am not. Don't give up.
@iamma3e (68)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
I'd rather be my true self than anything else. I don't want to change who I am just to make other people like me. Besides, if I change who I really am just to fit in, I will spend my whole life pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm going to have a hard time really knowing who I am behind the facade I put up for people to see.
3 people like this
• United States
9 Nov 12
1 person likes this
@riyauro (6428)
• India
9 Nov 12
I would say just be who you are and let the people accept how you are. It is a fake world out there and I know that many people are putting a mask on their face. they not the real them and I would not suggest anyone to be a fake person. Just be yourself. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
3 people like this
@inertia4 (27679)
• United States
10 Nov 12
I like Whoopi Goldberg. I am myself. I have always been myself. I will say this, I did try to see what it was like to fit in. I played a game with myself. I hung out with my other cousin and tried to be the cool dude. I know I would never fit in and never succeed with the girls. But I gave it a try. It was unpleasant to say the least. I stopped. I knew my choice was to be who I am. I was just curious how the other side lived and thought. They were real @ssholes.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Nov 12
Let me guess. They are over aggressive, arrogant, dim witted ladies men? Definitely not you! In fact I believe that is why T fell for you. You are different from your cousin.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27679)
• United States
12 Nov 12
You got that right. I am totally different from him. He is a massive ladies man. He was also married twice and twice they failed. And he is a major hypocrite. And he would go behind my back and steal a women from me. That is a story I will eventually tell. T made a huge mistake being with him years ago, she knows that now. You hit it on the head with him. Nice!!!
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27679)
• United States
13 Nov 12
She knows she's in a better place now. No, not Jersey shore. Remember, Brooklyn created that. Jersey just stole it. LOL. But I am not a fan of that. Look, I knew a few italians back then that looked like that but were actually normal people. That was also the style. T does sometimes kick herself for making the choices she made. But, it is over now. Its not like we cna go back and change it. Too bad though. Hind site really is 20/20.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
I think it is good to have a fine balance between being yourself and fitting in. I do not really encourage much for our kid to be herself because that would encourage her to do anything and to go wild. I just remind her to listen to the teacher when the teacher is talking and such other simple rules which I hope would help her when she grows up.
• United States
9 Nov 12
I'm living proof you can be yourself And listen to others. Follow others? Maybe not but be respectful and listen ? Yes!
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12308)
• Paso Robles, California
9 Nov 12
My mother had a need to be liked and fit in. She wanted me to be that way, too, and modeled that. It didn't work for me, since at my core I was too individualistic. Through part of my college years I was split, trying to not assert my personality and ideas, until I became more secure in who I was. I try not to be rude, but I no longer go along to get along when it means going against my own values. Perhaps I've gone too far in this direction and gotten too selfish, too willing to say no.
• United States
9 Nov 12
Well I was the opposite, it would take me 10 seconds to say no and mean it! Many are still waiting for me to change my mind. I was born with a great sense of self. That is why if a person sees me one way, I will just appear that way Always. So these days I do say ok more often than I used to. But I can't go against my core. Luckily many find me likable. that is still a surprise to me!
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Nov 12
hi Whoopi Goldberg was on of my favorites well she still is as a matter of fact. I think as a farm kid I was programmed to f it in but I grew older I learned I had to be myself as I did not like some of t he thinsg the popular'kids i n school did. And my parents really helped me to be myself as they had taught me certain values perhaps some of the town kids were not taught.So now when I fit in its my choice as most of the time I am just me.I think there are times when discretion tells you better fit in for this time. But I am still me anyway.Also for me I can always be my true self even when supposedly fitting in.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 12
Having been bullied for most of my childhood and teenage life for not fitting in, I know what it is like to be on the receiving end, being ignored, missed out deliberately, picked upon because of my difference, I would say I would rather fit in than be myself, maybe that is cowardice, but if I had to go through all the trauma of being picked on and cruelly humiliated through school then I know what I would choose no questions. It shouldn't be like that, in an ideal world I would love to stand out in the crowd, be different, be the true me, but sadly we do not live in an ideal world.
• United States
9 Nov 12
I hope you have found a place where you belong. Me? I was lucky at age 9 I found a place for me, music class. There I had good friends and all the trash were left behind.My wish is that you find somewhere to be loved and respected.
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
10 Nov 12
Thank you, I find a place now at the gym because I am left alone, it's a solitary leisure pursuit so I don't have to talk to anyone and no one talks to me, it works really well and I get on and do what I want to do, and I don't feel like I am being judged either.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 12
Enjoy!
• Philippines
10 Nov 12
I don't like the idea that you have to conform to be accepted. I believe in being your true self whether people like or not. It's only recently that I really appreciated my mom for not controlling my life, like I see some people do. I used to get upset if my mom doesn't help me with decisions and stuff like that. But now, I'm more than grateful that she didn't. It's good to know she trusts me when I can barely trust myself. It only makes me want to trust myself more. And for that I'm really grateful.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Nov 12
edit: I said I get upset when my mom doesn't help me with decisions. That's a blunder. My mom does help me with decisions. What I meant to say was, I used to get upset when my mom doesn't tell me her opinions or things like that.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 12
Oh! I can understand that.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
26 Nov 12
sarahruthbeth22 It seems to me the only friends one should want is where they can be themselves. If a group loyalty means compromising ones standards, then that group isn't worth it..hard lesson for some kids to learn, but an important one.. It's the old to Thine Own Self Be True..and finding others who share that can make for the closest and best freinds..
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Nov 12
Thanks! Where were you when I was a teen?Probably you weren't even born! This is what Needed to hear way back then. These days I know how good it feels to be liked and loved for being myself.
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
9 Nov 12
Well Im a be myself kinda gal. If people like me great, if not their loss. Im not a follower, Im the leader of the pack. great post, have a good day there.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 12
Thanks.
@hlfbldmom (743)
• Philippines
11 Nov 12
I will be my best self but it depends on the situation. If the situation is giving me no choice but to fit in then I will.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
11 Nov 12
I think we are both sometime in our lives. It just depends on what kind of situation we are in.
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Nov 12
I would never give a kid that choice. I'd explain that people are going to create pressure to fit in, and that it's never necessary to cave. People who sincerely lime someone are going to like them for who they are. I never wanted to fit in. As my best friend says: Here's to those who wish us well All the rest can go to Hell.
1 person likes this
@shylade (3137)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
I always try to be myself all the time. I don't need to act differently just to fit in. If I know I can't be in a group, I would walk away and find where to fit in. Though at times you are left with no choice, but I think this will not be long for you will never be happy doing that.
1 person likes this