Distance breaks our friendship
November 12, 2012 4:50am CST
I have a bestfriend and we were really close when we were in highschool. After highschool, I went abroad to study college, leaving my friends behind. I don't want to lose contact wiht this close friend of mine so I still send her message through facebook. But recently, she started to get annoyed with my messages and even though I can see her online she's not answering my messages. I was so sad and mad at the same time because I know she already found new friends but she can't shut me just like that because she knows that I was there for her always when she needed me. I'm not sure but I think she started to hate me when I told her about the time when I was talking to the guy that she likes when we were in highschool. But that's a long time ago. We both like the guy so it's one thing that we still have in common and can talk about despite already studying in different schools. I mean, I don't care if she likes the guy and maybe I'm not sensitive enough to tell her about my previous experience with the guy but she also told me that the guy kiss her out of fun. I don't know if she's trying to make me jealous but that's fine with me but why does she have to be upset when I told her about the thing that happened a long time ago? And now, she completely is not talking to me as if she doesn't care how am I. Whenever I'm asking her how she is, she's always saying that she's fine without even asking about my condition. Now, I'm planning to go home and visit my friends but I was having second thoughts if I should invite her or not as I was planning to invite freind s in my house. I know she will find out about it as we have common friends. It's not that I dont want her to come but I'm really hurt and I want her to know that. I want her to feel how to be forgotten by someone and left alone. But I'm afraid she's going to ruin my image with my other friends.
2 people like this
13 Nov 12
Maybe she's not a "true friend" as you thought she was. Maybe you are just acquaintances with the same interests when you were in High School. No distance can take in between friendship. True friends are people who pick up phones and talk endlessly as if they were together just yesterday, when in fact they were parted for years already and have entirely lost contacts thru many circumtances such as busy schedules or coping studies. True friends are people that when see each other as if no other people are around them. Question is do you think she is worthy of your time and loyalty as a friend. Now that you have brought this up I am sure you have sencond thoughts of having her as her friend now. Forget about your image to your other friends. I am sure nothing and no one can ruin your reputation if these "other" friends are your true friends, too. Cheer up girl, there are many people in this world. You can have me as your friend if you like. :)
13 Nov 12
Your post made me cry. Thank you for your message. You're right. I have a bestfriend in elementary too and we've never seen each other for a very long time,longer than the years i spent apart from this friend that I'm talking about. But when I recently had contact with her, we talk like everything was just yesterday and even wants me to be the god mother of her son. I know relialize who my real friends are. Thank you really for this message. You're right. There's a lot of friends who I can spend my time with and not regret it. :)
13 Nov 12
When I was in pupil, I had three very good friends. After entering different middle school, we do not have many chances to connect with each other, with time went on, we all made new friends and our former friendship faded. The other very important reason for hard to keep a long distance friendship is new and different value from new friends. When you find that you do not own the same value with your former friends, they are no longer your friends at all.
13 Nov 12
I think you're right. It's like being away from them then you come back and you don't kno them at all. I think the only way to still be friends with that friend is to contact her through facebook but since she doesn't want to talk to me anymore I think i need to find new freinds now who has the same value with me.
12 Nov 12
Hi there. Uhm. If she's like that then let her be. We can't change the person quickly right? But I think you should still invite her. You just want to have fun with your highschool friends I think. If you invite her, atleast you did your move and your part. You don't have to be guilty at the end because you didn't invite her. And anyway, it was long time ago and you two shouldn't ruin your friendship with just a guy. Yeah, just invite her and if she feels awkward, don't be guilty because that was what she has chosen. Let her be.
12 Nov 12
I know and even if I still feel bad about it because as much as I don't want to ruin our frinedship because of a guy, she doesn't seem to care about it. But thank you for your advice. That's right, I can't really change her and I can't force her to hang out with me if she doesn't want. But I will try to invite her and make the move one more, if she refuse to accept my effort, then it's her choice.
12 Nov 12
Don't feel bad about your friend's behavior. I think she was just jealous about what you have been divulge to her. You must talk to her heart by heart. Do not judge her that fast.Ask her why she has been like that. Ask what's on her mind. Say sorry if you done something with her. Save your friendship.Just invite her. We can not tell maybe your invitation would be the way the two of you will be alright then.
• United States
12 Nov 12
It might be premature to "burn the bridge" with her. If she was feeling hurt that you hadn't told her about your experience before, not inviting her will be further proof that you don't consider her friendship to be that important. She might just be feeling insecure. Of course, if she does try to ruin your image, call her out on it. That isn't some kind of power she can hold over you--if she treats knowledge like that, then she obviously shouldn't be trusted with private matters and that reflects negatively on her. If she doesn't and things go well, then it's possible that this fear was out of your own insecurity. Hope you have a great time with your friends!