male friends and sleepovers?
By ap0calyptic
@ap0calyptic (921)
Slovenia
November 17, 2012 3:57pm CST
so as some of you may already know I have a boyfriend from another country, its a long distance relationship, we haven't met yet. however, I was wondering is it normal for you guys to have sleepovers with your male friends? I know girls have them, but when guys have them sometimes you know its hard to determine. like I know male friends they have this inside jokes that may sounds gayish at times, but thats a contry that has many gays, so It struck me a bit as odd as he had an excuse he couldnt talk to me because it was cold at his place and friend suggested they should lay a little, so they laid and he overslept and didnt come tzalk to me. is something like this possible? I really find it weird. This friend came to eat lunch with him and by my logic he should say I'm going home if next day he works not lets lay a bit? and in morning he went to work.
what do you think, guys, should i be worried? I really can't believe I'm having this doubt, I think i'd rather hear he had a girl over than ever be jalous over a male friend, i can't believe myself, but its eating me.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@franseman (516)
• Philippines
18 Nov 12
In a way this is funny (but bitter at the same time) my by now ex-bf, who lives far away as well, has lied to me for years. I was his one and only. Yeah right! On his fb he stated he's married. When I asked about that he said "Don't worry, she's a props". But 2 weeks ago word came out: "Sorry but I lied to you. I also like girls".
Well, there were other matters as well but this was it and I told him to come over and get his stuff, give me back my belongings and that I never want to see him again after that. He betrayed me while I kept on defending him when people were questioning about him.
I am not saying these cases are similar, I just don't know. But some people can talk with a 'double tongue'. And in the end they are not the ones that get hurt. That's for us. So if I were you my goal was to confront him and find out the truth.
I wish you all luck!!!
2 people like this
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 12
I'm very sorry to hear that, I understand it must have hurt too much and still does. And yes, I'll get aback to him on that matter for sure, really I couldn't take it if it was true and I don't wanna turn blind eyes on it if there's something going on.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
17 Nov 12
ap0calyptic
I am not sure I understand what you are saying..are you worried your boyfriend may be gay?
Seems to me if he was and was trying to keep it from you he would make up a lie to tell you ..I would just ask him directly...and see what he says...A long distance romance is tough...
1 person likes this
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
17 Nov 12
as I said, when I implied to it he got sad and angry... I don't know what to think of this reaction, maybe I'm just overthinking and guys can be such close friends?
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
17 Nov 12
ap0calyptic
It's hard to say...maybe he is innocent but maybe he got mad because you found out the truth...I am sorry it will be hard for you to figure it out..I think I would just talk to him some more about it and tell him your feelings..you will also learn how receptive he is to discussing things that bother you..all the best..Do you skype? It's easier to communicate when you see facial emotions..Good luck to you
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~~1 person likes this
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
17 Nov 12
Its not the first time I found his mate's behaviour weird, I already told him that few times before, always he defended his friends and in a joke he said hey, I don't know I have gay friends, could be that friend is, but he doesnt see it or sth, yes, we do, i'll talk to him more about it, thank you :)
1 person likes this
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
17 Nov 12
I have never really hear about guys planning sleep over with other guys . I have seen guys watching movie until it was too late to go home and they just spend the night at their male friends home.
He could be gay are bi , some gays still date woman because they are hiding . Its OK to be jealous because there is a possibility you are right .
1 person likes this
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
17 Nov 12
yeah, i only hope my doubts are just me overthinking, he never showed any signs of it otherwise and when we talked he joked around, but I didn't get a vibe he'd swing any other way...
1 person likes this
@sriroshan (2585)
• India
18 Nov 12
If you have the faith and confidence in your boyfriend then I will say you have to believe what he is saying. If you have any doubt don't express it to your friend, have a control on your emotion since it may turn on your relationship itself.
1 person likes this
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 12
I do have it, but its hard sometimes you know. Like this example, I don't know what to think, maybe there in his culture (hes muclim, im christian for now) maybe there that's normal for guys, I have no idea, but to me not being used to hearing it before its not.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
18 Nov 12
How long have you known your boyfriend? And have you net any of his friends? have you heard any feedback from people who know him? it is hard to judge a person by just that scenario. But let's make things easier for you. If you love your boyfriend, you will trust him. Guys have bonding moments, too. I wouldn't want to think he is someone that you wouldn't dare think of. But just give him the benefit of the doubt for now.
1 person likes this
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 12
It'll be a year soon and its a long distance relationship, we haven't met yet, so I didn't meet any of his friends yet. I don't want to doubt to and I know him enough I could say he was straight, but as I said, his friend could totally pass for gay if he has ideas such as this 'its cold, lets lay a bit and talk' I've never heard guy friends ever have any conversations or sleepovers like that and I have nothing against homosexuals, just I think it's enough to have to deal with being jealous over girls and then also for men, that is just something I can't take.
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
21 Nov 12
for me its not usual, I mean i didnt have many male friends ever, but none of them actually ever mentioned they had sleepovers, but as i said, its different culture, it could be to him its nothing weird, but to me coming from other culture is
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Nov 12
ap0calypitic oh my you need to talk to him again. I have never heard of males having sleep overs like girls have. but I would give him the benefit of the doubt until you two can have a heart to heart talk again and this time make sure he does
not use this anger ploy to keeping from telling you the whole truth. I can see where his language is making it seem like he is gay.If he does admit it you need to break it off now before this goes any farther. a
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 12
Thank you, I know I shouldn't let his anger and him being sad I'd think something like that let me stop from wanting to know. He usually has sleepovers like that if they stay late, i dont say they're same sleepovers as girls, but still I never heard of guys having them too.
@ap0calyptic (921)
• Slovenia
21 Nov 12
how do you mean by I'm not in the place? because I cant be with him? and its not so hard if you really want it, just it needs lots of trust and daily communication, though believe me, its not for the weak ones, it eats soo much of your energy, fights, everything is multiplied compared to normal relationship.
