How do you know that you are ready for a relationship?

@Vnyard (286)
Philippines
November 21, 2012 9:58am CST
I have seen people who start in a relationship where everything is blue skies and rainbows but come 1 year they are already struggling communicating and solving their problems without someone mediating. I was once in a relationship where I thought would not end because of the idea that I am a good person and I won't do anything to ruin the relationship until something happened that connected everything to the end of that relationship. Now, I am in a relationship where we can talk about anything. The ex's, the one night stands, the flirting, family, fears and all those things you talk to a friend about. This one is practically my bestfriend now. I am not saying we'd end up with each other someday because I am not sure. We have plans but we don't want to put a period on that as yet. I am hoping that he is the one I'd spend the rest of my life with but if not, I am wishing the relationship won't end tragically or because one betrayed the other. We have a friend who broke up in a very nasty way but we stayed friends with them. Now, the guy is doing ok with his new girlfriend. The girl though, is a mess with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend always wants time alone and by alone it meant, don't call him, don't text him...don't bother him. His reason is because he wants to do this things that he can't do because he has not been single for a long time. Isn't it better if he stayed literally single until he figures out that he's ready for a relationship instead of keeping my friend on the side lines so if he needs her, she's there and if he doesn't, she won't bother him?
3 people like this
10 responses
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
28 Nov 12
Yeah it is hard to decide that. Especially when we let our emotions take over. I think that that girl's boyfriend should have stayed single. That is the way my husband acts which drives me crazy. He wants to stay up all night playing video games, going to the gym every chance he gets. Now mind you he's married and has a daughter. But he wants to live the life a bachelor. I keep telling him that if he isn't going to spend time with his family he should just move on and do his own thing. Because I do not want to take care of a full grown man who doesn't take care of his responsibilities.
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
I've also seen this with my sister's husband..makes me frustrated. It is only the reason why my sister and I sometimes argue. It's cause I don't like the way her husband is treating her. Leaving her with 3 kids and all the chores..on top of all that when he gets home from work, my sister has to literally serve him...even for a glass of water he could not stand up...he's just there glued in front of the PC.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 12
I'm sorry to hear that your sister has to deal with her husband being that way. That is really awful. She has her plate full. It is so annoying to me that it seems like some husbands don't realize all that a wife and mother has to do and yet they are grown men who should do things to help out. But they don't. My husband and I just recently had a disagreement because he had the nerve to say that I don't have interests/hobbies. For some reason it's like his brain is on mars and he forgets that I do everything and he does nothing. And I still work outside the home so my time is limited nevertheless he never offers to do something in order for me to go spend time with friends. It's like he thinks hobbies and interests has to be doing something physical. We as women enjoy spending time with our friends and talking. He really bothers me at times.
@Mavic123456 (9525)
• Thailand
22 Nov 12
I think the BF wants to establish the "alone time" for the start. The GF should also have her "alone time". There is no problem with this as long as this is discussed and understood by the two party. It is okay to have this alone time because it recharge you and the "missing" is there. They just need to talk about it and make sure that they both understand what it means and how it will affect the relationship or how long will be the "alone time" could be. But if the reason is just to do things he cant do because he has not been single... there must be something wrong. Let go. and give him the single life he is wanting. then if he is ready that's the time he can come back to the GF. good morning
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
This is exactly what I told my friend. I think now she finally got into her senses and is trying to move on with her life.
• Thailand
6 Dec 12
Glad to hear this... and who knows, the BF might also gets his senses and look for what is missing in his life
@mythociate (14978)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
2 Apr 13
The best relationship is one that you hardly even notice ... not that 'you don't notice this other person living with you & sharing your stuff,' but rather you don't have to change your life for them too much.
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
true!
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
22 Nov 12
The guy is definitely not ready for a relationship! I hate guys like taht. In fact I know one who acts that way. But there is a reason. He loves another girl. And so his girlfriend that we knew was being left on the side and now they have already broken up, while she is continuously hoping that the guy would love him back again one day.
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
I told my friend to wake up and smell the coffee...guys like that don't deserve that kind of attention anyway.
@valerievy (162)
• Guam
22 Nov 12
A guy like that isn't worth your friend's time. He's in a relationship now with your friend, so he shouldn't still act as though he's single. He has to think of how your friend, his girlfriend, feels when he does these things and shuts himself away from her. If he chooses to keep acting or doing things as though he's still single, why is he even in a relationship with friend anyway? Guys like that are no good.
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
I agree, I already told my friend this a couple of times and finally she understood her worth and now is avoiding the guy. He is an emotional abuser in my opinion.
@subhojit10 (7384)
• India
21 Nov 12
Thanks a ton for sharing this discussion. Well i have seen many guys jumping into a relationship without even realizing and understanding the nuances of how to lead a relationship and this is the reason why most of the relationships are not seeing the light of the day. The moment u realize that u can give your hundred percent to someone so that we can smoothly lead a relationship then it is the right time to be in a relationship and this is what I feel. What say?
@Vnyard (286)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I'd say, It is always better to lay down all your cards before you jump into a relationship. Let the other person decide if he wants in, If yes then great and if not then there is always someone else willing to accept even your quirks. If you are ready to accept and let the relationship lead its course then go ahead with it. Some people tend to dictate what should and shouldn't go on in the relationship. This makes them think that they are changing the situation when in fact they are changing the person. If the person changes, he/she will just don't force them to. So in a simple way, I say one is ready for a relationship when he/she is not afraid to open up. trust and communicate. When you are ready to wake up in the morning and make choices to better not only you but the both of you in a relationship, then you are ready for it.
@spicymary (558)
• Romania
22 Nov 12
I don't think there is a right time when you should have a relationship, when you are ready for it. There are always problems with yourself you have to figure out, or bad things that you haven't reached to move on, or knowledge that you still don't have. You are ready for a relationship when you find the right person to be with.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
22 Nov 12
I think you know that you are ready when you can answer your own queastion with a clear conscience. then your path to the relationship is a true one.
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
When you finally let go of your past.Then you are ready for a relationship.
@berting600 (3458)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
Love is an emotion,that can be taught of in your own home,as parental love is all about,sibling love and love of the family circle.True love is an emotion that actually develops when you keep on thinking a particular person,because you are attracted with the person's attitude towards you,that made you attracted when you both meet.When this happens to you,it does not mean that you are already ready to have a love affair with this person.You have to think and weight things up if he likes you also.If you that he loves you,you still give time for yourself if he is worthy of your love.Do not let love mandates your life,because your mind is the superior one,so you have to see if he really loves you.You can fell the intensity of his love upon his work and approaches towards you so be careful and I wish you will not be fooled by this person,so be careful and chose wisely.