In Long-Term Relationship but No Marriage...

United States
November 25, 2012 12:43pm CST
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years (In March.)We been living together now for about a year. I'm 27 he will be 25 the week before Christmas. Lately I have been thinking why he hasn't asked me to marry him yet. I have an idea why which is money. He is the type of person who wants to pay for everything himself with no help from anyone. And I appreciate that. But I feel if you want to marry someone you will. Not make excuses for it. I've bought this up to him many times and I get the same answer most the time which is we don't have that kind of money. I understand weddings are not cheap obviously. But at this point in the relationship I just want to be married to him. I really don't care how. He wants me or us to have the wedding of my dreams. And once again I appreciate that and I love that he wants me to actually have a wedding. I just wish he would see that I just wanna be married but he doesn't. I feel like it's never gonna happen. That sometimes i think if i should move on. But I do love him and want to be with him.
9 responses
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
25 Nov 12
Looks like a trip to the justice of the peace is in order. You can always have a bigger celebration down the road when you have the money to work with, at least the two of you will be married. If you are good enough to live with, then you are good enough to be married to, right? Is he afraid of commitment? Is he using the dream wedding as an excuse to not marry you? Sounds like he's dragging his feet. It might be just better to let him go. If I was in love, and living with someone and I really wanted to be with them, I would go to the justice of the peace and get married. You can have your dream wedding without spending a lot of money.
• United States
25 Nov 12
And that is fine with me. I don't think his afraid of commitment because he has been with me for 8 years and he did move in with me. He has never cheated or anything like that. I really cant say if his using "dream wedding" as a excuse maybe he is I will never know i guess.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
25 Nov 12
Well, best of luck to you...oh, and ask him about Justice of the Peace, and see what he says.
@TeamCholent (2844)
• United States
25 Nov 12
Pushing off a wedding due to lack of income or savings(as this is more fitting). Once a commitment is made your life will change as everything will be yours and his equally, all obligations both financially and emotionally will be shared and you will help balance each other out. What about the option to have a cheaper wedding sooner? Not wanting to get married after years is never a good sign as perhaps the person has commitment issues.
• United States
25 Nov 12
I'm fine with having a cheaper wedding. He doesn't seem to understand that. Most families pay for the wedding. The bride and groom pay little for it. He has been with me for 8 years and he is living with me so him having commitment issues is weird. But maybe. He tells me alot he wants to get married. He will ask me about how I wanna do it or ask me about the idea's I have. So maybe it is money. I can't speak for him so I dont know. I know what he tells me.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
25 Nov 12
Who says it's a money issue? I think the life you two have now is good enough to him. There is no reason to get married. If he had plans to get married with you, you both could have started saving for that already 9 years (!) ago. If you do love him then why push him into a marriage? It's clear he doesn't want to. So you have 3 options. 1: you ask him to marry you and you both set a date and start saving or 2: you are satisfied with the relationship the way it is now or 3: you leave and find someone who is willing to get married to you.
• United States
25 Nov 12
Because that's what he tells me. And I know he has a hard time with bills as it is. I don't wanna push him into marriage I dont wanna be married to someone who doesn't wanna be married. He has been talking about getting married since he was 16 when he first asked me to marry him which i thought was a joke.
@Mintlin (326)
• China
26 Nov 12
my advice is never push him into marriage.I have a friend like you already has a relationship for 5 yrs,her man never bring up this topic however my friend is already 31 yrs old.she cannot wait longer. She pushed her man to married with her otherwise it's break up. that man of course loves her and hasn't not chocie accept this. they got divorce 5 yrs later.
@valerievy (162)
• Guam
26 Nov 12
If you really want to be married to him, but he's concerned about money and he wants to give you your dream wedding.. a suggestion is that you have a small court wedding first and then once you've both settled and saved enough money, you can have your dream wedding. I think it's a win-win solution. You'll be married to him immediately at little cost, and then he can also give you your dream wedding later in life.
@cutepenguin (6458)
• Canada
26 Nov 12
What does he say when you express your concerns about this? Is he trying to save up for a wedding, assuming his finances allow extra savings? Are you okay with never getting married? Because if you're not, you should let him know, or even propose to him yourself.
• Philippines
25 Nov 12
Well, marriage is a serious thing and maybe your guy isn't ready yet. Money is one thing, responsibility and commitment with papers is another. You should talk about this and sort things out. Ask him what seems to be his reason why he isn't thinking about getting married yet.
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
25 Nov 12
If you are happily living together then be settled with it. Maybe you can open this matter to him, tell him that you can get marry on civil wedding to avoid spending a lot. What matters most is the legality and not a lavish show-off ceremony.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
25 Nov 12
He might not be ready yet. But I do think money won't be an issue if two people wants to get married. A simple wedding will do and planning for a really nice wedding for the second time can happen if you both really want it. 9 years is quite long and sometimes it really gets boring and tiring waiting especially for us ladies. I have been in an almost 6 years relationship and although we have planned for it, it never happened and just decided to end up the relationship. I just wish you both good luck and pray that he realizes it before you get tired.