Is it noRmaL beinG aLone aLL the timE?!?

Philippines
November 26, 2012 7:03am CST
I know someone who love being alone, She hates being around with people. She is not happier and energized. And I don't think it's normal. She don't like activities, hobbies, drama or people or conversations. She is just writing poetry and listening music all day long (she said that's what she would like to do). I am worried about her, she don't like talking to people because she said she gets headache.She always thinks that being around people can be a burden. There's nothing wrong to be alone but hers is kinda bit abnormal. What you you think?
18 responses
• Philippines
26 Nov 12
its not abnormal if she hangs out with close friends and family members. she is in poetry and listening to music with that kind of interest she needs to be in a quiet place to be able to concentrate and instead of talking to people he prefers to observe them. talking about her hate of being around people well maybe she is hanging out with the wrong people. well when you hang out with people that you cant relate with then you wont have the interest in talking to them. if you're worried for her try to understand her interest then maybe she would talk.
• Philippines
26 Nov 12
Actually she is not hanging out with anyone even to her mother. Her mother is so worried about her and ask her for counseling but of course she told her mum that she don't need it.
• Philippines
27 Nov 12
well.. thats kinda serious.. if she not hanging out with any people then thats something to worry about. have you tried to ask her about her interests?
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
People need to be around other people. Maybe when you like to be alone you just have not find the perfect person to be with always.
• Indonesia
29 Nov 12
Maybe she don't like talking to people because she think people don't understand her world, that's why being surrounded by people who don't understand her is like a torment for her. She loves writing poetry and listening music, I think deep inside she is a passionate woman and a sensitive person but she just have a hard time to express who she is with people whom she thinks not suit her world. Perhaps you can introduce her to poetry community so she can meet people who share the same interest as her. Sometime I like to be alone when I need to focus on something, being alone in a completely quiet room and I don't need to talk to anyone. But I still go out with friends, going to beach or eat outside with my family. I don't avoid people who don't share the same interest as me. Her habit to lock herself from other people sound odd, but maybe if somebody could approach her and talk to her little by little she might open herself and socialize with other people.
• Uganda
28 Nov 12
if she continue being like that she is most likely going to run mad because according to research people who like being alone tend to secret certain hormones that lead somebody to run mad so you friend needs some bit of counselling or else things will get worse.
@rockyk (160)
• India
28 Nov 12
Well, if she totally shuns people, then maybe there is something abnormal about her. But she is talking to you. So, she isn't really abnormal. She probably just doesn't like to put up a show to be around people. She can be real with you. So, she doesn't mind interacting with you. Basically, I think there is nothing abnormal here. She likes to be alone. She is a poet. She likes writing. Let her be. Just allow her to be herself with you. And she will be fine.
@ladygator (3469)
• United States
27 Nov 12
How old is she? Another important part is if she has done this her whole life, or this is a new thing that she has started in the last few years or so. The very good thing to keep in mind is there is something that she likes. Has she begun to eat more or has her sleeping changed? If she has always been this way she could just be a shy or have what they call and introvert personality. Here is the definition to this, see if it might be similar to your friend. Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. DEFINITION: Found on ABOUT.COM Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population. So being that the general pop isn't as prevalent, maybe that's why it seems so strange to you.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
27 Nov 12
I would say if she still interacted with family, it would be normal. Excluding everyone is not. I do not like a lot of drama in my life and will try to avoid it if possible.
@joycseer (845)
• Malaysia
27 Nov 12
Hi hlfbldmom, i have seen this type of people. Some people have their preference and lifestyle. Some may shuts themselves from others due to illness. They couldn't participate in activities, couldn't stay under the sun, can't mix with the crowd and many other reasons. Besides, some may due to the influence of their brought up or family background. We will need to respect that. So, we need to know why they are like that. But they will only share with you the truth if they finds you a sincere and truthful friend. Normally people would laugh at them, tease them, making fun of them, and disrespect them. However, i believe she has her reason for it. Maybe you try to be her friend. Normally is not easy, unless you have the same hobby as she does. I find her activities aren't heavy, mostly are light and uses only brain and heart for poetry. Guess, she's not the outing type nor aggressive type. So, we cannot force her to be as open and active as others. I prefer quiet too when i was in school, i prefer to do my things rather than wasting my time around with classmates chatting in the air. However, i am more active in sports. So, different people has different lifestyle. Don't worry about it.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
27 Nov 12
I think that being alone sometimes is okay. But being alone all the time is a bit weird. People like them should see a therapist so that they may be able to express what they feel and let go of whatever bad feeling they have. If you do not get to talk too much, there are a lot of questions on your mind that are left unanswered. or you try to put reason on everything without realizing that you are wrong about it. It is better to interact with someone. It helps relieve pain and pressure.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
27 Nov 12
I think it's fine to be alone, if that is what the person wants to do. Some of the greatest thinkers did their best thinking when they were alone. Einstein was one of those people. He dislike big crowds and didn't like socializing much. I love being alone and with people. The more time I spend by myself, the more time I want to be by myself. It seems to be a new character trait. I am really finding out how annoying some people can be in public, and rather than put up with their silliness I'd just rather be alone, it makes me happy. I don't know of anyone person that actual wants drama in their life..that is pretty crazy. Teenagers go through cycles like this too, and it's perfectly normal.
@edvc77 (2143)
• Philippines
26 Nov 12
I write poetry too. It's my hobby but I'm not that a loner. I'm an artist too in a sense but I have few trusted friends who keep me company. I think it depends on how you socialize with people. I think you should talk to your friend about many things, about God and about being with people for one cannot stand alone. She might have problems or fear too that keeps her away from people and she must release and conquer that. Just a suggestion. Have a nice day!
@challs12 (549)
• Malaysia
26 Nov 12
I think it's not a problem if someone want to be alone if he/she wants to concentrate on something like composing a music, writing, study, etc. But to be alone all the time and refuse to be in a group of people when it's necessary is not a good development. That person must be anti social or has some problem like over shy. This is not good indeed.
@Ahana123 (139)
• India
26 Nov 12
She seems to be a loner... keeping all emotions confined to oneself which may be dangerous in the long run. She must be having some fear which abstains her from mixing with people. Professional help from councilors can help her to change to a different person since she is having some finer quality like flair for writing...which can be explored once is comes back to the normal course of life.
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
26 Nov 12
Hi! Not interacting with others is not good. This could be termed as abnormal. Confining one's self to its surroundings and not talking to others does not give you a clear perspective about life. It is said that - man is a social animal and it is necessary to socialize.
@Mavic123456 (14372)
• Thailand
26 Nov 12
I am alone at times. I have no choice but to be alone. Some people are just like that, it is not abnormal or normal, it is who they are? If they say they are suffocated with the crowd they really feel that. Being a loner is not a bad thing it is their personality. It is called, Ochlophobia. www.fearofstuff.com/humans/fear-of-crowds Just let her be of what she feels now, she will eventually find friends on her own that will make her feel secured and safe. Just be with her is good enough, and you are helping here that way already.
@gilenie (190)
26 Nov 12
we cannot tell whats her real reason why she wants to be alone. maybe she is just at peace doing all things alone, as long as she is happy i dont think it matters.
@Lovegreen (376)
• Philippines
26 Nov 12
Well poetry and loners go together right? Maybe she's bound to be an artist, that's how artists are they can't concentrate with many people around. She does have hobbies, poetry and listening to music are hobbies too, but you're right it's a little worrisome that her desire to be with other people is very low. It could also be a sign of depression I think.
@chatoang (61)
• Philippines
26 Nov 12
Yes. It is not normal for a person to be alone all the time. I suggest you being her friend to talk to her and tell her that there are many people around her that loves her and wants her company and love as well. That there is no need for her to be a prisoner in a four corner walls because there is a nice world outside waiting for her to be explored. Above all God is just around waiting for her.