Why does love have to be so hard on you?

November 28, 2012 7:53am CST
I really need some help with this. I'm really in a spot where I don't know which way to go.I love him but somedays he can be so mean. He's never physically hurt me but some of the things that are said just kills me. I don't know what to do. I'm not the type to be alone. I hate being alone. It's hard on me.I'm a single mother and I just want to make a good life for my son and Myself. So with all of this said, can a person change and learn to be nicer and learn to be thankful to someone they say they love? I don't know any more? Does true love even exist? Just something to think about. What do all of you think?Thanks.
2 people like this
13 responses
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
well we have slightly have the same situation. my boyfriend always talks to me using hurtful words. i told him that he is hurting me verbally and he made me understand that it is his habit. in your case there are positive and negative side on it. maybe your partner is just that way or he just doesn't have any respect for you. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE LOVING OTHERS, and you have a child now so always bear in mind that whatever decision you make now will affect your child in the future.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. But I guess you need to have a better communication with your partner. You know, verbal abuse is also as bad as being physically abused. Mental torture is so hard to deal with. If you feel that it is too much to handle, learn to be on your own and not worry about that person anymore. You deserve to be happy. if you no longer feel being loved, you do not have to stay in that relationship.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
True love exists, just wait for the right person to come. Don't let anyone keep hurting you. If you think this person is not worth to be loved, cherish and cared for- let it go. The more you keep holding on the more you get hurt.
@wishjui (271)
• India
29 Nov 12
Hi dear friend.Love is love not true or false, if it is false then you can't call it love.Physical scars can be removed or erased but mental scars are not treatable. If you are hurt and asking our opinion then there must be something very serious.Dear don't mock yourself.Its only one life and we all have full right to live it happily. If he is not treating you the way it should be so its the high time to have a serious discussion, if you find it worth then please try once more or else pleeeseeeee say goodbye to the relationship and wait for afresh start with a refreshing you! UN TILL YOU LEAVE OR CUT THE DISEASED PART OF YOUR BODY YOU DON'T GET WELL!!! ITS DIFFICULT TO CHANGE A MATURE PERSON. Take care!
28 Nov 12
How long were you together? If its long enough, I think you should have known each others' attitudes and you would realize the true intentions of his bitterness or rudeness. I hate men who are rude to women but they are not also perfect. Maybe they feel comfortable showing their bad sides to people close to them (like their partners) coz they think they will be understood and accepted for whoever they are. So, its just a matter of knowing each other deeply to understand their actions :) and yes, true love exists... :)
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
28 Nov 12
I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I can understand what you mean. I use to feel that I hated being alone. Now that I'm married I'm not so sure that I would hate it anymore . My husband and I are having more than our fair share of problems. I'm not sure where it is going to lead. But I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Keep working hard to make a good life for yourself. Set aside some of your earnings to go for savings. It takes a lot of work for a person to change. Even towards those that they love. When I was young I knew that my now husband loved me more than anything. And even now that he has me as his wife I'm still waiting for him to make certain changes to better our marriage. Make sure that whatever problems he has you can live with those before making any serious decisions. It is best to head the warning signs ahead of time. I unfortunately didn't have any warning signs because my husband started changing his attitude toward different things after we were already married.
• Philippines
28 Nov 12
I do believe that true love exists. When you truly love a person you will accept him/her wholeheartedly for who & what he/she is. You can never change a person but you can remind him of his bad habits and he has to be aware of it. You can also adjust with their attitude. In your case you have to analyze why he's being like that, is it due to stress or maybe ask yourself if you've done something to make him snap like that. If he says things that hurt you tell him, open up, talk to him & make him understand that what he's doing is hurting you. Nobody is perfect but if he really loves you he has to respect you & hurting you/your feelings would be the last thing he'd do.
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
28 Nov 12
I'm afraid that what you see is what you get. He is not gonna change. That is just the way he is. He doesn't care if he hurts you with his words, because he has no compassion or sensitivity in him. I don't know how many times I've heard someone say "I thought he would change", or "I thought I could change him". It doesn't happen. If anything, it will get worse. In my humble opinion, it's time to move on and find someone who appreciates you and treats you well.
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
28 Nov 12
I truly gave up on true love years ago, after two abusive relationships, now, I would much rather be alone than in bad company, sometimes we accept what our partners do to us because we see it as love, in a strange kind of way, and it's usually because our self-esteem is so low, our partners become manipulators and control freaks and see our vulnerabilities, that isn't love, that's toxic. I am the opposite to you I hate being in a partnership, I value my freedom too much, and I fully accept at 41 that I will be single for the rest of my life I wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe you should sit down with your partner and tell him how you feel, if he doesn't make changes, then surely you would be much better without him? Life is too short.
• Philippines
28 Nov 12
Maybe you misunderstood his words.Try to relax and ponder on everything that he say.I think if he really loves you ,he is willing to accept everything that you have. Dont get upset easily on some thing.It's not a good move.Focus more on your job and son.Always believe that true love exist if you can wait.
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
28 Nov 12
It's a complicated thing. I believe true love exists... at least I feel that my boyfriend now is the right one for me. He's caring, understanding and sweet. So... I'm sure it's hard for you as you have a son, but if his behavior is slowly killing you, for yor own sake, end the relationship, but only after telling him one more time how you feel and that he should change and in what. I know it's gonna be hard, because you sound a bit of a relationship-addicted and solitude-fearing person, but sometimes it's better to move out of a relationship than staying in a bad one. Money is not everything... maybe your son isn't going to get the trendiest clothes, but it's better to stay in harmony and peace.
• United States
28 Nov 12
Hi Cpan, If your mate is willing to make a change for you and your son, then it is automatically yes. He knows that he hurts you by belittling you (I hope not in front of your little one) If he does not change, then don't waste your time on waiting for him to change. It's obviously not in him. This kind of reminds me of my sister and her husband. She's on disability after ten years of working as a nurse. Being diagnosed with fibromyalgia & arthritis, she had no choice but to leave her job. Her husband is the bread winner and he does nothing but 'provide' for the family. He doesn't help her physically. She stays because 'he's the mortgage or bill payer.' It's obvious that they're unhappy, but neither of them want to leave each other only for the benefits. It's not that serious. Love is there one minute, then fades away right afterwards. I would totally make mention to him that you are unhappy. You don't want to be alone, (even if you have to for the sake of your son, you can be happy by yourself)and you don't like it when he hurts you. Speak up. If nothing happens, tell him to kick rocks.
@betty1989 (752)
• China
28 Nov 12
just ignore words that hurt you. maybe he is really not mean to hurt you, just accidently. to forgive and you will get good result. Loving one person is not so hard, but that person whould be the one that worth being loved.