With time our relationship with our children changes...

@kiran8 (15360)
Mangalore, India
December 5, 2012 12:35am CST
I think this is part of life and many parents fail to realise that their children have become mature and thinking individuals and are able to make their own decisions.I know of a case where a mother is constantly complaining about her two children who according to her talk back to her and argue which they never did when they were younger.In fact now the son wants to move into his own place which is closer to his work spot and she simply cant take this.I tell her that they are now individuals in their own right and are able to make their own decisions and to let them be and enjoy their freedom....It does not mean that their love for her has become less, in fact being older and mature she should accommodate them and see it from their point of view ...
4 people like this
12 responses
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
5 Dec 12
Kiran, you are right. People change physically and mentally with their age. Parents should understand their children are growing. Their thinking and liking are changing. Parents should understand this and behave with them accordingly. One can realize his/her children's mental change if he/she remember own past.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
7 Dec 12
Hi bhanu,Yes parents should be wise and think about their own past and their own behavior with their parents.Also, never take what you underwent as a yardstick since things may be quite different between you and your children with changed circumstances...
6 Dec 12
As parents, all we ever wanted is what's right for our children. I'm sure that the mother you mentioned here meant no harm but having said this doesn't mean that she must decide for her children when the latter are in the right ages to carry out their own decisions. The way we should deal with our children should depend on their age and level of maturity. I agree with that 100%. Parents like me should always remember that it's not about us but should always be about our children. Nurturing them as they grow for own benefits is not right. We should respect their freedom. As our children's mentors when they turn to adulthood, we can only guide them in their decisions when solicited but we can never impose. So when the right time comes that our children are matured enough to decide on their own, both on the level of maturity and the capacity to enter into agreement as prescribed by law, then we should let them decide on their own so that they will continuously grow. On second note, parenting is not an easy job. In fact, it's a 24/7 job, thus, I salute all parents who sacrifice a lot for their children's sake so that they will grow up righteous in the eyes of God.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
11 Dec 12
Hi rma, thanks a lot for sharing your views I wholeheartedly agree with your view! Parenting is a job that needs besides love and care a lot of sensitivity and understanding which many lack.They tend to think that children are their private possessions and that's where the problem lies...Have a nice day
1 person likes this
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
5 Dec 12
Sometimes, it is hard for parents to understand that their children have grown up. They spend years investing their time and effort, and yes, their hearts into raising their children. And then, all their children want is to be independent and fly out of the nest. It can be hard for parents, especially mothers, to let go and give their children their wings. This mother needs to develop her own interests, take a vacation, learn to paint, and enjoy life on her own. She will have a better relationship with her now, independent children if she is also independent.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
7 Dec 12
Hi Zoe,I too think it is that...Parents are not sure when to let go ! many parents make their children the center of their universe and find it difficult to cope when they become independent.What you say is right,one needs to develop hobbies and interests of their own and try to be independent - not many understand this point, they would rather cling on and make themselves miserable...thanks a lot and have a nice weekend
@anil02 (2968)
• India
5 Dec 12
Hello Kiran ji, it is right that with time our relation with all are changed. It is better to say that priorties are changed. When children became matured or after there marriage their changed because their priorties are changed. If parents adjusted with them no problem will rise. But parents are too must possive, they don't like to share children with any one.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
7 Dec 12
Hi anil,That is true, most parents are demanding and possessive of their children little realising that it is only going to make matters worse for both themselves and the children as well, you end up having friction all the time, but with a little understanding it is possible to lead happier lives - all the best and thanks a lot for sharing your view
@sriroshan (2586)
• India
5 Dec 12
As time pass our children from their childhood they put their step into adult and then they too become parent like us. When our children are in their first stage as Kid obviously they listen to their parent, share their views, ideas with the parent and when they grow, they do share some of their ideas with their parent but most of their ideas they prefer to share with their friends. But once they get married and begin their married life they always prefer to share everything with their life partner and they avoid sharing anything with their parent. And this circle continue as there won't be end to it as such forever
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
7 Dec 12
Hi sriroshan,thanks a lot for sharing your views I agree with your views, it is a cycle that all human beings have to go through and one should understand this and deal with as practically as possible , that way either side can remain peaceful and happy - all the best and have a great weekend
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
She must allow her son to move and live his life alone. I think it is a positive sign for her son because he has already that sense of self independence. I adore those kind of person who can stand on their own and can decide on their own without leaning to their parents when they are already a mature person.It is normal and the mother should embrace that changes with her son and just always there to support him.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
6 Dec 12
Hi kokomo, thanks a lot for your response, I agree that the lady should be more open to ideas, and even if she opposes her son is bound to leave home and make his own life some day or the other, so why not now? I too feel that people should strike out to be independent, it makes them much more responsible ..all the best and happy mylotting
• India
5 Dec 12
Kiranji You reminded me of the verse in Sanskrit that i read in high schools, it says you have to take care of kids, fulfill demands till age 3; next control them guard them, punish them till age 5; but once they are 16 years old; you must behave as friends.. Many don't realize this and think the kids as 'kid' a 'baby' always; this creates difference of opinion, ends in sadness
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
6 Dec 12
Hi Professor, what you say is very true, although I don't agree with punishment which may go out of hand at times ! But one can develop a rapport right from the early years which really helps as they grow older.Most parents only think of dominating and controlling their children without realising that after they grow up they are free thinking individuals in their own right - thanks a lot for sharing your views
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
If only we could stop time and let our kids be children all their lives.... But reality knocks us with the truth- that no matter what we do, we have to accept change. And that change can be an easy transformation if we are open to the idea and be happy to whatever decision that our kids will make. Even if we don't want to, we have to.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
6 Dec 12
Hi jenny, thanks a lot for your responsewell said, change is a part and parcel of our life and we have to be practical and look at it from all sides before taking any decision, dealing with grown up children has to be done with sensitivity and care because they need our support and love...all the best and have a great day
@Sreekala (22955)
• India
5 Dec 12
Hi Kiran, I think most of the parents treat their children as small even after they grown ups and become adults. I felt the parents must change their attitude and should realize their children become adult. They have their own individuality, likes, dislikes and opinions. If we force them for anything, the parents become bad in their eyes. It will be better to accept their likes and decision, if there is any drawbacks the parents can point out it then ask them to make a decision by their own. Here the case mentioned by you, I can understand the mother's feelings still I felt she must accept the changes in them and give priority to her children's wishes and happiness.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
5 Dec 12
Hi Sreekala, thanks a lot for sharing your views , I too feel that we need to give space in any relationship including when it concerns our children.What is important is that your children are making their own place in the world and being responsible, nothing else matters ! all the best and enjoy your evening
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
6 Dec 12
Yeah I'm sure that it is hard for most parents to accept this. But that is why we raise our children. We want them to grow up and be mature and make good decisions for their life. We never really know though how all that will feel unless we come to experience it ourselves from our children.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
7 Dec 12
Hi Dominique, Thanks a lot for sharing your views Very true and by the time understanding dawns on them it may be too late and they may have spoilt the relationship by clinging too much, thats why it is better to be realistic and let go, when there is love and that special bond nothing would take it away...all the best and happy mylotting
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 12
It is definitely a good thing to be realistic. It will make the relationship stronger in the long run. Thanks! I hope that you have a good day mylotting. Today I have to do a lot of running errands so I hope that I'm able to get everything done that I need too.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
11 Dec 12
I agree Dominique that in life we need to be practical and not get overtly emotional which does very little to help you build relationships- hope you were able to take care of everything ! have a wonderful day
1 person likes this
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
6 Dec 12
I agree with you that people just have to move with the times. When children have grown up into adults, surely the mother does not hope or expect that the mindset of her children would still stay like when they were kids. The mother has to grow with her children and respect them as adults who are capable of making their own decisions based on their own judgement now. It is good that the mother is having you to discuss it and be advised. Some people may not see it so clearly because they are just too close to the scene. It will do them a world of goodness if someone could just point out the obvious to them.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
11 Dec 12
Hi jkct, Thanks a lot for sharing your views I agree that sometimes it does help us to communicate with others and get more views on any issue, it does help us in making the right decision...The lady is a bit old fashioned with the view that the son should always be with her, but with his job being far away it is not possible to do so...all the best
1 person likes this
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 12
It is for the love of her son that the mother is trying to stay close with him. I can understand how she feels. Being a parent myself, I too have the fear that my children will be drifting away from me when they all have their own families one day. My mother is staying with one of my sisters. Me and my other brother and sisters always visit her once or twice a week. I can see her happiness when she meets us. I hope her son can visit his mother more often. Sometimes he can even take her mother to stay with him for a couple of days if the situation permits.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
11 Dec 12
It is the same with my mother who lives with my brother and I visit her every other day, the same with my sister who visits her every two or three days.And the lady I had mentioned is being a bit too demanding because the son visits her every weekend having already moved to a room close to his office...and he comes loaded with stuff for her !
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
I am also a mother and I understand your friend who only wants to protect her children. Yes, kids grows in due time and think matured. Kids think it is time for them to live independently- and that is good (that's my opinion) I want my kids to live as independent than stay as childish. Because, life is uncertain- I want my kids to stand firm when it comes to their own lives- just in case I left them (when I die) I know they are secured and they know what is wrong and what is right when it comes to decision making. That gives me assurance they can go on with their life without me around.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
11 Dec 12
Hi jaiho, thanks a lot for your responseI agree that is the right attitude,how long can one hold them back? they should be left to fend for themselves and stand on their feet and earlier the better.I too have three children and except the last one who is still studying the two older ones are independent and I feel happy to see them managing things efficiently, afterall that's what is life all about ...Have a nice dai jaiho