when is it ok to tell your children there us no santa?

United States
December 5, 2012 10:28am CST
I am a mother of 3...ages 1 month, 7, and 11. Every year christmas time is so joyous in our household. We love drinking hot cocoa, listening to christmas music, watching holiday movies, and decorating the house and our tree. Lately ive been starting to wonder when or is it ok to tell your children there is no santa. For reason being, my children are getting extremely carried away with their christmas list. I mean there are at least 15 major things on each list and each year it is becoming more and more costly. When i tell them that they are being greedy and santa has other kids to bring gifts to they just say..." Santa will make it happen". Do you think they already know he is not real and they at just using it to their advantage? What would you do?
3 people like this
29 responses
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
5 Dec 12
Never..better for them to find out on their own. Most kids around 7 or 8 realize it in school that there is no santa. For the ones that still believe let them.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 12
That's what has kept me from telling them. If they truly do still believe, i would hate to be the one that messes that magic up. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
My thoughts exactly. I don't remember when I stopped believing but I know eventually some kids will find out for themselves so just let them enjoy it.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 12
I remember it was very disappointing when i found out, but it was a relief for my mom lol
1 person likes this
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
I think that this belief is a way to let children exercise their power of believing and experience the joy of it. This is not about teaching them to believe in false promises or in something unreal, but rather letting their imaginations go to as far as can be because, honestly when we grow up we learn the truth about most things in life and it is hard. Having experience the joy of being a kid may also provide them tales to share with peers and their future children. They would only be taking advantage if they get to receive all or most of the things in their list, and I'd say that they would be very lucky if they do.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 12
You are right, my husband and i have agreed to only get half if the list.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
Half of the list is already generous in my book. I would be happy to get one from my list, just any at all.
• United States
5 Dec 12
Its really nice to get opinions from other adults, it doesn't make me feel bad anymore to not get all they've asked for.
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I gotta say...I see some comments here about lying to your kids about there being a Santa. Why is it a lie? There are myths and legends everywhere about all kinds of things. Does that make them a lie, too? Santa is a fairy tale...so all fairy tales then lies? Myths, legends and fairy tales teach lessons and morals. Isn't that what they are supposed to do? Doesn't Santa do that? Santa is a tradition. Santa is in your heart. If people kept the concept of "Santa" in their hearts all year, this would be a wonderful world. I know there is no actual person who sits in the North Pole and makes toys, but the spirit of Santa should be kept alive always. On a more practical note...no...you don't have to tell your children. They already know, and when they are ready, they will admit it. About their lists...I used to tell my kids that, although Santa brought the toys, mom and dad had to pay for them and help put them together. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Dec 12
Honestly, we have raised our children to be grateful for anything they get. My kids are SO happy when they anything from the dollar tree. It does not have to be anything big or expensive... My daughter is 7 years old and the biggest thing she has asked for from santa this year is paints and a doll! They are just like that. Lol. But they have been raised that way too... It is expensive, I am not even sure how were going to do Christmas this year so I am glad that we have raised them this way. Kids that always want electronics and such each year and get it, they are being taught bigger is better. My children can believe in Santa forever, I want them to enjoy the magic of Christmas as long as possible. When I stopped believing in Santa, the magic was gone for me and I regret asking about it... But my children are also being Home Schooled so they won't have the influence of other kids saying santa isn't real.
• United States
5 Dec 12
I think that i have spoiled my kids because i missed out on a lot growing up, they are very greatful for all they get they just want to much now....that's my fault.
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Dec 12
They know all about the birth of Christ, more than I did as a child. It's not my fault when I was a child that Santa was more important than Jesus, that was my parents fault. My children know all about Jesus and why that day is important...They know its MUCH more than just santa...
• United States
5 Dec 12
You did a great job with them.
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
Oh, that's really a difficult situation. I'm glad our son knows that Santa Claus is not real. I guess we didn't introduce Santa Claus to him. We didn't pretend that there's Santa. LOL. So he usually gets his wishes from us every Christmas. He doesn't want to tell me the gift he wants this year. He says I already know it and I'm puzzled. I guess you should not tell your children yet. Just tell them that Santa can't give their wish this year because he needs to provide presents to a lot of children this year.
• United States
5 Dec 12
I wish i would have started off that way too, then it would not be so difficult each year. Good luck on figuring out which gift he wants, its probably something he always talks about but you never really pay it any attention. Any clue?
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
I only see him on the weekends and he only stays with us when we eat our meals and watch movies together. He often plays with his cousins. When I'm there, it's his chance to escape coz his father is a bit busy chit chatting with me. LOL. My son seldom tells stories. I guess he just want some toys but I don't know which toy. I guess I'll just go out and window shop first til I get a good one. Oh, I hope your children will ask to you if Santa's really real so that you can start telling them the truth. :)
@asyria51 (2870)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I teach kids that are in the 7-11 range. Most 7 year olds still believe. In my experience there are few at the 11 age that still believe. Let them approach you and be honest about it. Encourage them to still show the giving nature of the season. Also encourage them to let their younger siblings to continue believing.
• United States
5 Dec 12
Ok, i will definitely do that. The little ones have the right to continue to believe.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
5 Dec 12
But the children's parents don't have the right to lie to their kids!
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
7 Dec 12
I think we owe our children the truth in my household santa was just a myth! I never believe it and my children never did either we just take it as a tradition Santa is not real it never was it's just a myth an story tale like Cinderella and so on.
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
7 Dec 12
At the end of the day when I was a child I never heard about santa there was not such thing about santa...we only had the 3 kings day on january 6 or 7 when the 3 kings came to give little Jesus hes presents that was then we as children we have presents in the name of Jesus to celebrate his birthday!
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I would take them down to the store and have them help you pick out a Christmas present to give to a poor child. Then I would supervise your children while they drop that Christmas present into the bin. Then, I would sit my children down and tell them that parents actually help Santa pay for the presents. The elves need to be paid for their hard work and so, parents actual pay for their wages. Rich parents who pay more, will get more presents to give to their children. Poor parents who can not afford to pay the elves, well, the elves don't make presents for those poor children. The 7 and 11 year old are old enough to start earning an allowance. Not be given an allowance but to EARN his allowance. So, tell your children that you are only paying Santa and the elves enough money for the elves to make 2-3 gifts. I think they are able to deal with this reality.
• United States
5 Dec 12
Wow, I think that I'd the first time I heard of thus idea, it sounds very realistic and I would really consider doing this. We always discuss ways to help the less fortunate. This would be something they would enjoy doing. Thank you.
@mzz663 (2775)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I always waited until the kids asked if there was a Santa. I would ask them what they thought and usually they would tell me. When they explained themselves and convinced me that they kind of really knew there was no Santa, I would let them know that they were getting to be a grown up and I had to let them know that they were a part of a grown up secret now and couldn't let the little ones know. As far as Santa and gifts, I always got the kids the one or two things they wanted most from St. Nick and the rest was from Mom and Dad. Most of what they got that wasn't from Santa was practical things, clothes, books, stuff like that. I did it that way because I remember realizing there was no Santa when I was 10 and it was like the 'magical' feelings went away until I seen the younger brothers, nieces and nephews with their own magic. Of course, with my older kids, if they ever said there was no santa, they wouldn't get that one thing that they really wanted. If there is no santa, santa don't stop at my house.
• United States
5 Dec 12
Its funny you said that, my mom did the same at our house, if you did not believe and ruined it for ones who did she did not get many gifts. One Christmas my brother got socks and t shirts!!! He learned his lesson.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
5 Dec 12
Ho Ho Ho, your kids have you by the short hair and they're pulling!I was 6 when I learned the truth at school. I was so disappointed with my parents, whom I had trusted with my very life.I'm 79, and remembering how I never really forgave them for this outright lie they pulled over my eyes. My advise to you- never tell your kids there is a Santa Claus, and they can't accuse you of lying. If they wanna take it for-granted, well and good, but downplay the presents by just giving each kid one gift, and some candy in the stocking. Merry Christmas!
• United States
5 Dec 12
That's funny, I was about 12 when I finally realized that my friends were telling the truth about there being no Santa. It was such a depressing moment for me and oh my goodness when I told my mom she said well since you don't believe anymore you won't get many gifts...and low and behold my presents were reduced to just a few and I hated that I told her I knew! Maybe that's why my daughter won't say anything lol.
@Asylum (48282)
• Manchester, England
5 Dec 12
Well this is obviously a decision for each individual parent to decide on because there is no recommended or right age, so only the parent will know their child well enough. My personal opinion is that a child should not be told by their parents but allowed to discover the truth for himself or herself. Most children find out through other children in due course. I can not remember at what age I became aware, but it was definitely while I was at junior school and therefore before I was eleven years old. I suspect tha your oldest child will already know, but can you really take the chance of destroying the dream?
• United States
5 Dec 12
I agree, we will not tell them, eventually they will fund out at school, I hate to crush their dreams.
@robspeakman (1705)
5 Dec 12
Never tell them, let them find out for themselves. A child starts to lose their innocence when they stop believing, and that becomes a very sad time. Even now in my Adult years I miss the days when I believed, they were simplier times and they were happier times... Do you not agree? I never told my Children, the found out for themselves. They are older now, teenagers. I miss the days when they would get excited by Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny
• United States
5 Dec 12
I'd hate to be the one to take their innocence. I won't say a word, I will just be patient.
@namiya (1599)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
There is no need. The kids will discover it as they grow older and will likewise understand why older people seemed to have made them believe that Santa exists at their innocent age.
• United States
5 Dec 12
I agree, thanks
@betty1989 (752)
• China
5 Dec 12
when they grow to certain age, they will finally know that parents are Santa. They will be disappointed to find it, but anyway, they should know this. At least, you prepare Christmas gifts for them every year.
• United States
5 Dec 12
You are right. I even go all out to have a Santa letter delivered to them from a website on line.
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
When I was a kid, I used to believe also that there is Santa. I was always been very excited of Christmas to come. I love Christmas because that's the only time that I can wear different new wonderful dresses that has been given by my parents and aunts. I love the music, the air and the spirit of Christmas. I used to hang also my sock on our Christmas tree for the thought that Santa Claus will put any amount in there or any candies and stuff. But as I grew older and older I realized that my Santa Claus are grannies and my parents. Now, I used to be a Santa Claus too to my brothers and some of nephews and nieces.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
It's not bad to tell them that santa claus is a kind of fiction. Even if they are kid which is love to hear about santa. Just educate them about the reality and the truth. Because making them believe till they are growing old. It will be influence them to share with their kids when they get married too...
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
6 Dec 12
Well typically you just wait until they get into school, and all their classmates mock and insult them for believing a fairytale. Then they learn that mommy and daddy, are liars. At least that's how it went for some of my classmates when I was in school. As for me, my parents never taught us anything about Santa, and that the real story of Christmas was Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, who gave us the most wonderful gift in the world, his own life to save ours. And that because of his gift, we celebrate Christmas by giving gifts to each other. So while my class mates got a rude reality check about the fact Santa doesn't exist, I never believed in Santa to begin with. I always believed in Jesus Christ, our Lord, who does exist, and will return someday.
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
6 Dec 12
I don't have any kids, so I'm not really qualified to say, but I don't think you need to tell them. They will find out for themselves. When they are in school there is always someone who tells the "believers" that they are wrong. In my case, my older brother told me. As for thinking they can ask for a lot expensive gifts maybe you could tell them that even Santa can't manage and with the way the economy is it is even harder. If they already know he is not real, they probably wouldn't have asked for so much!
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
6 Dec 12
Hi... I would say let them understand it naturally.. Every kid understands the 'reality' at a certain point of life. They might revolt if the reality is broken on them, all of a sudden. Think of their dreams and fantastic ideas... Would you like to break those? I wouldn't! The nature has its ways to bring maturity to everyone... Some get it early, some get it late... But all of them get the reality... Let it happen! Take care...
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
I did not brought up my kids believing about Santa. I ask them to write one wish or anything they want to receive on New Years- as a gift. But I told them that they must behave and do good things to deserve the wish/gift that they want. I also explained to them that...not every wish are granted and it all depends on what are their wishes are. Some wish takes time to be granted while some wishes are achieved easily. Yes, it is good to tell our kids about Santa the earliest possible time..