..freedom in a relationship?

India
December 6, 2012 7:07am CST
Hey guys, although i have never been into any relationship but i have observed how lovers find it tough to be in a relationship just because they do not give each other space and freedom. For instance, i have a dear friend of mine who is very innocent and sober. Her boyfriend is so particular about her that he has instructed her not to open an account on FB, besides she is not allowed to talk to any male other than her friends and some school mates. Still she has no regrets and i know she must be feeling uncomfortable from within. I think this is way too much and such restrictions are really annoying and might sometimes get into your nerves. What are your thoughts regarding this? Do u believe that freedom should be given in a relationship? Please share your thoughts!
4 people like this
14 responses
@Micmac (8019)
6 Dec 12
Her boyfriend sounds manipulating and a control freak. Weird that he told her not to talk to another guy. What is he? Some kind of hypnotist? Or is he into some kind of bondage relationship? In a relationship, both parties need room to breathe, to circulate around and not be tied down in a fowl coop.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes i completely agree to u on this point that we need to provide space and freedom in a relationship otherwise that does not remain a relationship but a suffocation that does not let each other stay happy and cheerful within their own limits. I do not have any idea about that guy but i know that girl is very kind hearted and she did not take his possessiveness too seriously otherwise this relationship would not have lasted for so long. What say?
@Micmac (8019)
11 Dec 12
Looks like her boyfriend is too demanding and restrictive. She should speak her mind and let him know that his reaction of denying her freedom to talk to others is making her uncomfortable. Seems strange that she is not that much bothered. Maybe he is taking advantage of her kindness. What a weird relationship they have going. Sounds creepy if you ask me.
• India
12 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your response again. Yes he is too demanding and even when i have talked to her regarding this, she tried to divert the discussion and there after i could gauge her that she had made her used to such situations. The interesting fact is that both are working in the same company and i am wondering what would be his reaction when he would be seeing her working with other male colleagues, i suppose he would be getting jealous. He he he. I seriously do not know how long this relationship would go ahead.
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
Oh, yeah, I have been in such a relationship before. I hated it. I terminated the relationship, even when it hurts me, for good. I wanted my freedom back. Plus, nobody should be in this kind of relationship. If you are in one, better get out while it's still early or you will regret. While it's true that sometimes we have to sacrifice some things for love, it's just plain wrong because this partner is choking you already. We should learn to love ourselves first before loving someone else. Else, who would teach that someone how to love us?
• India
18 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes i completely agree to you on this that we should learn to love ourselves first, and then only we can give chance to someone else to love us. When restrictions are being made in a relationship it is like choking yourself for someone and loosing out your own identity. Seriously hats off to you that u broke off just because u did not like the way it went and i think this should be the attitude of all the partners in love. What say?
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
19 Dec 12
Thank you subho! I'm glad that relationship ended, otherwise I won't be the person I am now. I now have my own identity, my self-esteem, my self-respect, my love for myself LOL and my freedom. Plus I have a boyfriend for 5 years who respects all that. I am so happy with him! We are not perfect but we always solve problems and setbacks together. We're practically partners in crime, best friends and playmates. haha! I also want others to feel this kind of happiness in a relationship. I am aware that we aren't the typical couple people see. We are both weirdos. One of my friends stated once that we don't look like lovers but like merely friends. But I disagree that there is something wrong with us. People should be friends before they become lovers, right? It's what makes a relationship last longer. Some people also question why we don't text each other often but do it sparingly. My boyfriend and us like it that way and keeps things interesting between us. We don't feel pressured to inform each other how we are doing it, we do it in our own time when it is convenient and when we want to talk about it freely. We don't even need to ask or demand that from each other. Some also say if i am worried he might cheat on me. Frankly, I don't want to think negatively and act all paranoid. My boyfriend is old enough to know what is right from wrong. Why should I supervise? That's not really my responsibility anymore. If he chooses to cheat, then he'd lose me. His lose not mine! So sorry for dragging on this so long, haha! Hope you don't mind! So that's basically how I practice my freedom in my relationship!
• India
19 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your response again. Well that is what i call a perfect relationship and u wont believe how happy i am after hearing your story. I completely agree to u on this point that partners have to be good friends and then perfect lovers. I think if people perceive u both as friends then it is indeed a good indication that u both a good chemistry and compatibility which is forcing them to conclude this way. keeping things as simple as possible is something i would always like to conclude. What say?
@riyauro (6430)
• India
12 Dec 12
it is sad that people behave like this in relationships but I see that some people enjoy when the his or her lover is possessive. .. i am sure this is for the time being in the new new love.. haha. well later it becomes a big problem and results in disaster. it happens.. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
@prashu228 (25820)
• India
12 Dec 12
Hi riyauro, you are back is it? I mean are you serious some like this possessiveness. I never heard /seen like this one before. But they will definitely get the problems after wards/ as the time passes. I have seen people feeling sad about this .
• India
13 Dec 12
@riyauro- Thanks a ton for your valuable response again. Well yes u are absolutely right, but i am shocked that they have been in a relationship for about 4 years but still that girl has never complained about anything. She once said that she is happy and OK with him and his restrictions. So i was bound to close my mouth and give her a smile. But i think she should have at least talked to her boyfriend regarding this. What say?
• India
13 Dec 12
@prashu228- Thanks for your response prashu. Well even i have never heard about someone being happy for the other being possessive. Yes we can say that many people adjust to the possessiveness of others but i think adjusting to all such restrictions is not good as far as a relationship is concerned. If this trend continues then the guy starts dominating his girl for all matters which might not go well for their relationship in the long run. Both have to be matured enough to talk to each other regarding this. What say?
@prashu228 (25820)
• India
6 Dec 12
I wonder how the girl is bearing him. Being in love /relationship doesn't mean that we should be possessive. Freedom is necessary in every relationship. That kind of relation suffocates us.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Well yes u are absolutely right, one of the main signs of a matured relationships is where both the partners let each other have freedom and space in their relationship as one of my friend had pointed out before. This means that we are allowing them to do whatever they want to but within certain limits and boundaries and even we should have this confidence that they would never cross their limits. Being possessive about each other is absolutely fine but within certain limits. What say?
@riyauro (6430)
• India
12 Dec 12
hi prash and subhojit..it is very common that the lovers become possessive fast. it is an indication that the lovers are very immature and relationships does not last like this.. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
• India
13 Dec 12
@riyauro- Hello. Glad to see your response after so many days. Anyways thanks for your valuable response over here. Yes u are absolutely right, lovers do become possessive once they get into a relationship and they try to find ways to put all possible restrictions on each other as they fear if the other would slip away from their hands. But as u have mentioned this is indeed an indicator of immaturity and amateurishness and they have to use their conscience when in a relationship. What say?
@bwhite (1)
6 Dec 12
I think the guys who wants to control his lovers is so crazy.I guess maybe he is not so confident about himself,if a boy is confident enough,he will give enough freedom to his girlfriend. Anyway,why he wants to control the girl maybe he is afraid that he will lose the girl.
@prashu228 (25820)
• India
6 Dec 12
May be that's true .He don't have any confidence in his relationship.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes u are absolutely correct, those who have confidence upon their relationship and on their partners will never dare to doubt them in all circumstances. They believe on each other at every time and are ready to give space and freedom to each other so that both do not feel suffocated in each others company. That guy is very possessive about my friend and every time it seems as though he has this fear of losing her. What say?
@GilMegans (241)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
Hi subjhojit, everyone has entitled to exercise freedom including even those private factors in life. In a relationship, both have obtained individual responsibility to designed their affair into a merry and successful one. Both are expected to work together for the betterment of their relationship. Relative to your friend's case, I think it's not a formed part of restriction of freedom that you are referring to. My understanding herein issue, the said partners has only drawn rules that will serve as vital guidelines on their relationship which is approved by them both. However, in some point of time that a guy (boyfriend) has been ruled out and limit her girlfriend to be socialized in the FB and talk to a certain guy even if that was her biological friends and/or close friends and/or relatives is not ideal move. He is to possessive to consider if he maintain such paranoid acts. But the girl itself has been remain quite and of course the guy has been establish courage and confident to his rule and therefore consider the silence of the girl to appeal is the tacit of acceptance to his rules implemented. But in the other side of the fence, sometimes the problem starts at the girlfriend, why i said so?...because if you know how to value your rights, feelings and emotions towards your boyfriend, you can never be compel to do such things which is against your will. We all know that rules are the fundamental guidelines into a strong and successful relationship but it doesn't mean that one have to suffer the consequences of being injustice by limiting their rights.
• India
20 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes u are absolutely right, but in my opinion, having restrictions in a relationship works to a certain extent and it keeps reminding u about your commitment for your partner but those restrictions should not be such that it will suffocate the other one and it will create misunderstandings. So both have to have mutual understanding and faith upon each other that they both wont cross any limits and only then the relationship will taste success. What say?
• St. Peters, Missouri
20 Dec 12
For me, part of being in love includes wanting my world to revolve around my partner. I want to be with my partner 24/7. I think about my partner 24/7. But, an equally important part of being in love is wanting my partner to be happy, healthy, and wanting what is best for my partner. What is best does not include being in each other's company 24/7. Not socializing with others. Cutting friends out of his life. Not enjoying all interests. Someone who behaves this way, restricts the other, is selfish. This person doesn't care about what his partner wants or needs.
• India
20 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes u are absolutely right, if we really love someone then we will never suspect them for any reasons. We will have confidence and faith on them in every circumstances and just as u have said that u need to allow the other person to enjoy the freedom and not by cutting off his or her friends that will mean pure selfishness and high degree of possessiveness. What say?
• Philippines
8 Dec 12
In dealing with relationship, it should be a give and take response to your partner. One should not dominate hence they should be in a harmonious stage wherein you respect everything in your stay as a couple. One should give freedom to anything they are concerned with. Couples should not hold any restrictions to their partners be it likes, needs, wants, or hobbies etc. rather should learn and understand more on what your partner wants so that you can know them better. Moreover, like any other relationship it should be sharing and always remember that we are all human beings and we do not want someone to control over what we want it also gives us the feeling that we deserve quality time for ourselves. A mutual relationship, that one is not dominant than the other. can lead to a good and healthy lasting relationship.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Well i really loved the way u pointed out that a relationship should be based on the give and take policy. If we are giving away the space and freedom to our partners then we should not expect any misuse of such freedom. Putting restrictions on each and every aspect in a relationship will indirectly affect both of them and they would constantly feel the need of moving out from each others company. So one has to understand that without freedom, a relationship cannot be thought of to last longer. What say?
@Angelpink (4023)
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
from the story which you told , i guess there is no freedom there. Freedom is so important because it means trust and respect. You give that person the freedom to be herself that means you are trusting and respecting that person. You maybe having a relationship but each of you still lives individually , therefore you need to grow , associate with others , explore life. If freedom is being suppressed in the relationship then each will just be suffocated , which later will make the relationship die.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. yes even i feel the same, no doubt it is good that some one is caring a lot about the other but that should not take the shape of obsession and possessiveness. There has to be some freedom and space in a relationship which means that partners are trusting each other and are not doubting one another for unnecessary reasons. They have to give each other chance to enjoy their lives and yet stay within their boundaries. What say?
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
I would think that freedom in a relationship is when you and your other half feel you can be yourselves and not feel pressured to be anything else. I could never comfort to someone else's idea of what and who i should be, but then I would never expect someone else to conform for me either. How ever for me there is a natural conformation when two people begin to become insync with one another - but still enjoy being individual
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes i completely agree to you on this, a matured relationship is that relationship where partners have faith believe and confidence on each other and who never question on each others commitment. They see to it that they never cross their boundaries and never do any such thing that will hamper their relationship. They have to become sensible and intelligent enough to understand that without freedom a relationship is very difficult to survive. What say?
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
Yes of course! I too, is in a relationship but we are not like that! we can do anything as long as we telling it to each other. In order to have or be in a long time relationship, we must have the freedom, a freedom where in you are not abusing each other. Trust and honesty too.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes i am glad to know that u are into a relationship where freedom is given more importance and where restrictions and boundaries are just a thing of the past. A relationship that is built on accusation, indifference and insecurities has never lasted longer and would never be. We have to give space and freedom to our partners so that they never get this feeling of suffocation while being in a relationship. What say?
• United States
7 Dec 12
When your taking the freedom away from one person. Your basically asking them to not trust what your doing with their life. I can't imagine being with a man who told me I could not have mylot in my life. he would have to go quick.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. ha ha ha. I think no body would ever dare to ask you to stay away from mylot otherwise you would have asked him to stay away from your life and i think this should be the attitude of every one who are in a relationship. As u have mentioned that by putting some restrictions and boundaries, it simply means that one person is not trusting the other person and their relationship is comparatively weaker. Freedom has to be there in a relationship. What say?
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
6 Dec 12
Having freedom in a relationship makes it better in my book. If your mate is on top of you all the time, things wont go or turn out very well. Take care there.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes i completely agree to you on this, those who value their relationships and who have faith and confidence on each other will never doubt on each others commitment. They will always be on the right track and will have this feeling every time that they have to stay loyal to their partner at all times. Those who keep on doubting their partners and have insecurities about them will always fall on the wrong side. What say?
@hlfbldmom (743)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
One of the signs of a mature and happy relationships is where the partners let each other have a freedom. This means that we let our lover do what they want without imposing our hangups and pattens to him/her. Some impose conditions in the relationship so they do not feel triggered or anxious which is not good. We need freedom to do what we want to do but of course we have to know our boundaries and we always remember that we are in a relationship. Some don't do things they want to do because their partner don't like it. To start to live their lives based on their partners insecurities and fears. It will make them unhappy.
• India
10 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for your valuable response. Yes u are absolutely right, a relationship that is based on insecurities and doubtfulness does not last long. The partners who are in a relationship should understand the fact that each one of them have an individual life also and they both have the right to do whatever they want but not at the cost of their relationship. Any thing that is done which could potentially hurt the other person should never be attempted. What say?