what would you do???

United States
December 9, 2012 11:19pm CST
If your 19 year old said they were having a child with a married person? would you be the parent and let your child do what they feel is right with their life? Or would you make it your business and get involved?
2 people like this
11 responses
• St. Peters, Missouri
10 Dec 12
That is a tough one, Gifts. I did get in my daughter's business last year when she was 19. I didn't agree with her decision to run off with this guy she only knew for 2 weeks, was 15 years older than her, didn't have a job, and was insisting she should get pregnant and start getting a paycheck from the state for being a mother with a young baby and no means of support. His plan was to put themselves into a situation that would qualify for assistance. They had already gone to get a marriage license. I kind of flipped. I got involved as I could be. I found all kinds of information about him through Missouri courts online regarding his past relationships, things he had done, kids he already had and didn't support, and talked to him about it. But bottom line, she was an adult and all I could do was say I didn't approve and wouldn't support either of them financially.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
10 Dec 12
Good response!! My girls are all grown too and that is all I can do is offer up my opinion and hope they will listen. In the end, I just am always here for them...not much help financially because I can't but emotionally I have their backs and they know that.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 12
Oh that was just out there big time crazy. I am sure hoping she does not get pregnant. that is a sad case for sure.
• St. Peters, Missouri
10 Dec 12
Fortunately, at least as far as I'm concerned, it turned out well. She and this man took off together one afternoon while I was at work and refused to tell me where they went. She told me they were planning on getting married in less than a week. That night, I talked to her grandfather (my dad) and my brother, a sheriff. They both helped me by telling me what information I needed to find out and where I could get it. It's wonderful to have a supportive family! After I had the information, I talked to her boyfriend and told him what information I had. Of course he denied the importance of any of it. But I also made sure my daughter knew the information. She might not want to know, but I figured she should at least know what she was in for. The next morning, first thing, she called me crying and begging me to come and get her and let her come back home. I didn't hesitate! When I arrived at the location she gave me, I found out he had taken her to live in a condemned building - oh yea, he's going to protect her. He tried to convince her she was being a baby by calling me. We left. She thought at first she might be pregnant, but fortunately she wasn't. She's told me numerous times since that she learned a lot from the incident. She has made tremendous changes for the positive in the way she approaches the dating scene. She now seems to understand when I tell her to stay in public at least for the first few dates and if he doesn't like that, he's probably wanting something other than her company anyway and she doesn't need him.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
10 Dec 12
That is sort of hard to speculate about since I don't have a 19 year old...However I have a 19 year old grandson and that just have not even crossed my mind.. So what would I do...I don't know..I would hope his mom/I would know about this married person before knowing about pregnancy occurred....
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 12
Your no fun dear buddy of mine. what if you had a child this age..
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
10 Dec 12
And you are a NUT...You know I don't make up stuff just to answer anyone here or in real life..IDK means IDK...lol
@caopaopao (1044)
• China
10 Dec 12
Hi, I feel I can't accept that kind of thing happen in my family. It's a horrible thing for me. . I know I am so traditional, so I hope I can never face this kind of problem.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 12
I sure do hope not as well it would be a disgrace as well to some family members.
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
10 Dec 12
At 19 years old they are an adult and whether you think they are wrong or right it is their decision to be with whomever they choose. I would let them make up their own mind about it.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 12
I would agree with you and still I think I would have to try to talk to my child.
@jenny1015 (13391)
• Philippines
10 Dec 12
I think that no parent would want their child to be in such complicated situation. I for one, would never approve of that. But if it does happen to my child, I think that I would require the father of the child to support the baby until he grows up (granted that my child was the one who got pregnant).
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
25 Jan 13
Hiya gifts, If it were my daughter especially my daughter I would support her all I could even though she might not listen to me at all. I would be thinking about her welfare and the future child the most as well. However if the "boyfriend" was a person who I could not get on with I would still communicate but only through my daughter. I donĀ“t have a daughter but I do have very close family that have gone through these situations not saying who. But that is what I would do.xxx
@asliah (11149)
• Philippines
25 Jan 13
hi, for me if that will happen to me of course i will never let my child to abort the child,instead i will let the baby to live and my child need my support and i will give it to her/him,and aside from that they would learn from it and will be careful in the next time.
• United States
11 Dec 12
No child of mine would ever do that. I can be certain of that right now--just as I can be certain that I would never get a tattoo or that my boyfriend would never get his ear pierced. After we spend years raising our daughters within the Jewish faith and helping instill a strong sense of self within them, they simply would not so degrade themselves in such a manner.
@Blondie2222 (19941)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Well their old enough at that age to make their own decisions they may be good decisions, may be bad. If she chooses to keep the child then let her do it, she'll have to deal with the consequences later of the other wife and stuff like that. She knew from the beginning he was married so she could've left before it all happened but obviously she didn't want too. But I would still talk to her and let her know what she is doing is wrong and try to get her some help.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
10 Dec 12
It's their business. I would support her decision, but I would not get involved unless I thought for a minute the child was going to be hurt; after all, it is my grandchild and the child of my daughter. I want what is best for both of them. I was married at 18, had my first child at 19 and raised that child with my spouse. It was my decision. I would allow my children to do the same thing. It is their right, and we all learn by our own actions.
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
10 Dec 12
Wow, well if my stepson, my husband's son got a married woman pregnant, we would try to figure out what they were going to do about it and just go from there. Either way we would support the decision. I mean there isn't much that you could do about it since the deed has already been done. He's an adult and well he made that decision.