Criticisms: How much you can handle?

@Sreekala (18777)
India
December 10, 2012 2:27am CST
Dear mylotters Criticism is something which can’t tolerate by many of us. Same time criticism will help us to improve ourselves if we can take it on the positive way. How about you, do you get down easily with criticisms? Or will you able to make it as blessing? How you handle criticism in mylot? However, I felt mylot admin is not allowing criticism and posts are getting deleted if any one try to criticize others in the form of posts. How do you handle criticism in your day to day life? Please share. Thanks to all. December 10, 2010.
10 people like this
37 responses
@thesids (22455)
• Bhubaneswar, India
10 Dec 12
Hi didi I dont feel bad when someone close criticizes me. Instead I appreciate that many times and when I dont appreciate, I simply dont listen And when someone who is not close criticizes... I cannot do much. I simply ignore if it is not my fault. If it is my fault, I say sorry and move on. What else can a skeleton do? Fight? or Hire someome to bash them up?...
3 people like this
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
10 Dec 12
Sid, Yu can frighten people at midnite... many are afraid of skeleton
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello Sidhu, It seems (on watching your photo) you are going down on health wise. Anything wrong? I know the issues are complicated with you and you still need chocos and ice-cream. Regarding the topic, criticism from dear people may acceptable as they may do it as a lovable way.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Viju, Won't you get afraid if you see it in midnight?
1 person likes this
• India
10 Dec 12
Hi sree, if the mistake is from my side, i will accept it and try my maximum to rectify my fault, if it is not my mistake, i will report about the comment and avoid this kind of critics topics. We don't get any benefits by participating in such kind of negative persons topics
2 people like this
@Jotomy (5760)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hi anna, yes we must avoid such kind of topics no use of participating because they will be deleted. Here we are there as friends and be good with each other, ofcourse we do mistakes but we must tell them in a soft way not in the way of hurting. They should not hurt with our words. Have a nice day anna.
2 people like this
• India
10 Dec 12
Jo, you are right, we must avoid hurting others. There is nothing wrong in pointing out the mistake, but we must do it in a friendly way without hurting others feelings
2 people like this
@Hatley (152656)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 12
hi vidhyparakash Yes I can accept someone here pointing out an error if it is done kindly. I once hurt a fellow mylotters feelings with an expression I used and another mylotter, friend to us both told me I had hurt my mylotter friend's feelings and she was sure I had done so unintentionally. "Well I had indeed not intended to hurt here feelings and private messaged her. \I explained that the expression I had used w as meant merely as a joke nothin more and apologized for hurting her.She accepted my apology and we a re still friends. I was a lot more careful about expressions that might be misunderstood after that. I have never flamed anyone bu t once and it was so stupid of me then. I got a really insulting response to a discussion of mind. Instead of reporting it to the admins as I should have done I commented back with an even more insulting comment. both our response were deleted along with my discussion for starting a f laming war. I accepted the deletion gracefully knowing I had indeed done wrong.
@akp100 (13163)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hi Sree December 2010 !!! You can't avoid December 2012 World End month like this.. About Criticisms, well people have different opinion for different people. So getting down with someone's criticisms is not good one. If someone is correct in that thing , than we can take it in positive way and correct our self, otherwise we having second ear to let it go.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello Anand, You caught me, I have not seen the same until you point out it. I typed 2012 only then where comes this ‘0’. Regarding the topic, yes the way of criticism is playing an important role. If it is on a sarcastic way then it hurts for sure. Positive criticism may help us to change and encourage.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22455)
• Bhubaneswar, India
10 Dec 12
I hope the year 2012 does not mind it... you living way back in 2010 and talk about criticism... hope The year 2012 does not feel bad and criticized
2 people like this
@thesids (22455)
• Bhubaneswar, India
10 Dec 12
hi b'rather
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Dec 12
Oh, I guess some myLotters write too much sometimes and they could really hurt other myLotters here. It's good to criticize but they shouldn't be so rude or mean. They should just give advice and not pinpointing much about the mistakes. I guess I can take criticisms; constructive or destructive. Constructive criticisms are better though than destructive ones. They are sometimes so blunt that they could hurt your feelings that much.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello angelkarah, Actually criticism is not allowed in mylot. We can express our opinion without hurting or criticizing anyone. I have face criticism and I didn’t care and replied back in a polite way. In real life it is very much different, I think. Thank you so much for your views.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Dec 12
I guess some discussions are being criticized here and yeah, they're often deleted. Some mylotters are even sarcastic. It's good that myLot admins don't allow criticisms here. That's one of the violations in myLot guidelines. My pleasure to respond here.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hello angel, Criticism is violating guidelines but suggestions are welcome. If the starter can make their criticism in the other way then it may survive and will be beneficial for others. It is my pleasure to have you here. Have a nice day.
• St. Peters, Missouri
10 Dec 12
I respond very differently to criticism in the real world and criticism on myLot. In real life, I'm embarassed to admit I can't take criticism in the least. Not about anything. I guess I'm a fairly insecure person. This is one of the main things I'm working on improving right now. But on myLot, I can handle criticism if it's about ideas. I'm ok with being criticized for thinking or believing a certain way. But I haven't been able to handle well yet being criticized for something more personal. What about you? How do you handle criticism in your day-to-day life?
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello, I think I am also like you in personal life. I can’t face criticism in my real life on the first instant. Later I may ready to think and change. But it can hurt me enough on hearing it. In Mylot, it depends on the way getting criticized. But I must admit I am not facing much criticism in mylot.
1 person likes this
• St. Peters, Missouri
10 Dec 12
For me, I think it's much as Mavic said. I think I have somewhat low self-confidence. So when someone criticises me, I feel threatened. At least in real life. It doesn't matter what the criticism is about. I wonder if it's a case of feeling like I have to react immediately, so I don't take the time to think about the criticism rationally. I just hear hate, no matter how or what is said, and react poorly. Whereas on here, if someone criticises my thought process, before reacting, I have time to let it sink in and I can react appropriately. I have to say, so far that I've been here, my statements of fact and opinions have been questioned numerous times. And always in a kind way. I've often learned to see things in a new light and have gained tremendously from someone else making me think. Even those cases where I've stood by my statements, I've had to think in order to explain my statements. But even here, if the criticism is more about me personally or anything other than my statement of facts/opinions, I don't take the time to think rationally before responding. And I tend to not respond appropriately.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hurt will be there in any case, but it is up to us how quickly we can recover from it.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
10 Dec 12
I am not so sure about that. I think it's way more about the kind of subjects written over here (each time the same for example/nothing new or no discussion at all) why answers are deleted. And if it comes to criticism.. what one person considers as critism (what doesn't need to be negative at all) other people see as an other point of view. I don't have sleepless nights because I think other people will break me down. I do spend many hours thinking about other people their opinion/point of view which is fine with me. That is the reason why I am here/joining/reading/thinking/new horizons. In my daily life I have less criticism, I do try to stay away from people who always agree with me (I can't stand people without an own opinion).
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello Wakeupkitty, Regarding the criticism in mylot, I have seen that the topics started on criticizing other members are getting deleted. I agree there are other deletions also going on but I don't want to discuss those here. The recent trend in mylot is, highest rated discussions getting deleted (not regularly). I have faced criticism here. However, I felt we can express our opinion without hurting others. Thank you so much for your views.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (152656)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 12
to me criticism meant to straighten out a misunderstanding I have accepted as I was at fault and did not know that I had hurt another mylotter so was glad the other mylotter p messaged me about it and I at once told my friend I had never meant to hurt her feelings and that the expression I had used was meant as a joke. I apologized to her and we are agan good friends.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
My dear Hatley, You never hurt anyone. You are responding in a bit strict way. I didn't felt is as a hurt as I have been reading you for long years here and I know it is your style of talking.
• India
10 Dec 12
Sree beti In my teaching career and administrative career i have faced criticism from students, staff; i really enjoyed it; it made me more bold more positive in my attitude..
2 people like this
@Jotomy (5760)
• India
10 Dec 12
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hello Sir, I agree the criticism in your professional life will be helpful for your improvement in teaching. It will definitely encourage your creative skills.
@Jotomy (5760)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hi sree, Criticism are the one which help us to what we are and what we did, if we take it in a positive way and we try to correct our faults then i feel we are real humans. Some people didn't like to hear their faults and feel they are correct always and never accept their faults if some one says they try to avoid them and loose a good people because of the ego. And they get angry too. We must welcome the criticisms otherwise we does not know what we did and we may repeat the same mistakes now and then.
2 people like this
@Hatley (152656)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 12
but jotomy not all criticisms are meant to be helpful some are done to hurt yuour feelings and those I do resent as they were painful.Iwill not sit still and let someone make fun of me at all;.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hi Jo, I need time to take accept criticism dear. Even if I accept it the hurt may there for some time. But I agree it changes who criticize me and how?
@dpk262006 (52503)
• Delhi, India
10 Dec 12
Hi Sree! You see if someone criticizes me for the sake of it then I feel bad. There are some people who just want to highlight your negative points/traits and they least bother whether regular criticism affects you in heart of your hearts. There are others who come out with constructive criticism and they want you to improve in your life. I welcome those who criticize me for betterment in my life.
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello Deepak, If someone deliberately criticizes to make us down, it may hurt. Positive criticism can help us in a great way. Thank you so much for your views.
1 person likes this
@Jotomy (5760)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hi friends, i don't think people wanted they do criticism unnecessarily, if they do then we must leave it.
2 people like this
@Mavic123456 (7910)
• Thailand
10 Dec 12
Criticism is such a very delicate feelings one could feel. A criticism can either break or make a person. However, criticism is a part of life, and in one way or the other we were once criticized. Yes, that's true, how a criticism can be detrimental to a person who has low self concept, low self esteem and no self confidence. Thus giving giving this person more reasons to doubt in his capabilities, abilities and yes his self worth. As far as I know, I have established myself already I am built as a person now, I know what I want, I decide on my own and I know what I am capable of. Criticism for me is just "look who's talking" specially if the person criticizing me has not proven anything yet. However, I don't fight, I am a lover not a fighter. I will look into his point and if I see that he has a point I will admit and thank. But if he is just merely criticizing, I just keep quiet, do my own thing and wait for the outcome of my actions. If he is right.. oppsies.. he is right and if I am wrong. but If I am right i give him this --- . and say to myself. "see you are just an empty can, so noisy and yet nothing inside" and another
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello Mavic, Yes, you are right. We must care who is criticizing us. If the person is not qualified enough to criticize, we don’t want to care. Thank you so much for your wonderful views.
1 person likes this
• Thailand
10 Dec 12
Yes.. just don't mind and don't feel offended right away, that's my point. You are always at the losing end... why make a heck out of it. in other words.
2 people like this
@Hatley (152656)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 12
hi Sreekala it depends a lot on who is criticizing me as to how I take it. When I worked as a nurse's aide and later in the library I had little' criticism and it was well meant and I took it as it was meant to be a learning experience. But from someone who has not the right in the first place to criticize me I do not accept that criticism at all. AS for mylotting if I broke a rule in my post I will accept it as it is meant gracefully and politely. I can handle the occasional criticism from my best friend or from my son as I know they are meant with love.From a stranger I am not going to be a patsy to someone who is just jer0ing me around. I have grown past that since coming here to Gold Crest.Dec 10,2012.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
My dear Hatley I understand your views. In my case, my sons criticize me; I felt for them and will ready to change quickly. The same time I felt I am right, I will make them understand. But from hubby, I won’t take it quickly; I have to analyze myself whether I am right or not.
@mohkanari (1957)
• India
10 Dec 12
Tone or purpose of person making criticism is very important to me. Some persons are making criticism to find others degraded and troubled. In my case, I never mind that person's criticism. My such approach bring uneasiness to themselves. They wanted to see me nerves in the matter. On the other hand criticism made by my well wishers make me annoyed. I try maximum to rectify myself.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hello Mohkaari, Criticism hurt all of us. That is the point I learnt from this discussion. But many are ready to accept the same and recover from it quickly and change themselves. Somebody told me the ‘internal hurt’, I think that is the key point. But we have to move on as this is life
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
10 Dec 12
Mylot unfortunately forbids criticisms probably they fear that some people couldn't accept criticism as people here come from different backgrounds. Admin only believe in civil discussions to avoid battle of words that could turn ugly. For me I am quite flexible and accept constructive criticisms in good faith.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hello zandi, I think the administration is right with their rules. Encouraging the right way of discussions is very necessary. Making a good platform for different cultured people all over the world is not an easy task. Hats off to mylot admin. Glad to see you after a long time. Hope you are doing fine.
@yuekim123 (161)
• Philippines
10 Dec 12
Indeed, I am somehow easily affected by what others would say to me that is why I am having a somewhat difficult time handling those criticisms. Whenever I hear them say skeptical about me, I got hurt, to say the least. But despite of all of that, I was still able to ignore all of those by building a foundation of my unfathomable confidence and acceptance from my God. I recognized that as a human person, I am not perfect and subject to limitations, and that's the reason I still live happily in spite of the criticisms handed down to me. :)
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hello yuekim, There is nothing to worry, we all are human beings and it is natural to get hurt. But recovering from the hurt that is important.
@dragon54u (31184)
• United States
10 Dec 12
I have a problem with criticism in certain areas where I think I do better than most. I know that is unreasonable, I am not perfect. I accept it as gracefully as I can but inside I am very upset. Without criticism none of us would get any better at anything but it still bruises our ego. I have to improve my attitude and am working on it!
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hi dragon54u, Yes, I understand that internal hurt, even if we say it is alright and take it in a positive way, that internal hurt will exist and we need time to come out of it.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hi Sree The closed ones try not to criticise me but give me suggestions to improve upon and if i like the suggestions, i go for it or tell them i'll try. There are few who always criticise and it is a timepass for them - i just ignore those negative vibes. By the way, we are nearning end of 2012 and not going back to 2010.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hi Viju, Even if the close people criticize we don't care or consider it as criticism, that is the truth. Well, I really can’t understand how ‘0’ came instead of ‘2’ both keys are in different sides. I typed 2012 only. Seems I am getting aged.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (54673)
• India
10 Dec 12
Constructive criticism is always welcome. I am selective about who can criticise me. I will not tolerate criticism from those who have no knowledge on the issue under criticism. As far as myLot goes, any criticism if tolerated,is fine, else it will lead to a flame war which is a no no here.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello allknowing, Over the years I have seen many members said good bye to mylot just because of that. I can’t judge who was right and who was wrong. I think we are not here to fight each other.
1 person likes this
@devonavis (1857)
• Greece
10 Dec 12
I appreciate people who have the guts to criticize. Criticizing is not easy unless you are a stone-hearted person. Personally, I think that there are three major reasons why people criticize others. First, to help others to improve. Second, to turn other people down, and thirdly, people criticize because of talkativeness and or for the sake of just gossip-making, I don't know if I hit the right word. I don't take criticisms very lightly, in fact I take them very seriously, regardless of what's the reason behind. Why? Because I simply think that all of these will actually help me to improve myself. Of course I feel irritated right then and there when people say negative things about me or what I did but later on I just try to keep myself calm and take those hurting words as stepping stones to make myself better.
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello devonavis, I really appreciate your positive attitude and the true spirit. It is not easy to think the way you think. I agree the criticism is different types and the intention is also vary. The first category may come under the constructive criticism and most of the time dear people may make the criticism in this way. The second two categories we really don’t want to care, I felt. Thank you so much for your views.
1 person likes this
@Angelpink (4023)
• Philippines
10 Dec 12
Criticism depends on how one delivers it because some people say it so rudely to the extent that it could already hurt , it's no longer critiquing but hurting. Criticism is good if it is being said in a gentle, well mannered way. In this way one will see her weaknesses and will strive to do something about it so it won't be repeated. Criticism must be taken positively inorder for us to grow and improve ourselves. We must be open minded , so ourselves can embrace change .
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello Anglepink, You are absolutely right. In fact the intention of criticism (upto a certain extent) is to improve the person’s work or actions. If it creates hurt then the intention may not be good. If it is said in a gentle and well mannered way then definitely it works positively. Thank you so much for the wonderful explanation.
1 person likes this
@UmiNoor (3279)
• Malaysia
10 Dec 12
It really depends a lot on how I'm being criticized. If it's said with much sarcasm and hatred then I will not tolerate it but if it's said with love and much care then I might listen to it. As for criticism on myLot, I just ignore them. I've been criticized for my grammar before and I just ignore the myLotter who criticized me. I know she has her own opinion and it't a free country so I'm also free to just ignore her.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (18777)
• India
10 Dec 12
Hello UmiNoor, I agree, if it is done with love we never get any hurt. Unfortunately people become rude on making criticism. In mylot criticizing us on our language or grammar is against the rule. We don’t want to care such criticism and can ignore those people. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this