Are You Coming home for Christmas Mummy?

@cynthiann (18635)
Jamaica
December 10, 2012 12:49pm CST
This is what my GD said to her mother this morning when they were speaking by Skype. The twins had had their School Carol Service function yesterday and I took photos of them all dressed up for the event and sent them to their mother so she called them before school this morning to say how much she liked the photos. My son also videoed them singing and my GD did a dance and looked like a little angel so their mother should have received this by now. I try to keep her informed of what is happening but she gets angry when I do not take calls after 6pm. This is because my GS is slightly OCD and we have a routine that is carried out for a peaceful bedtime. So if my DIL calls then the routine is upset and then I have the fall out as they are upset and may not settle until nearly 9pm instead of 7.30pm. She says she wants to say goodnight but then when she says goodnight and and hangs up the phone, I am left to carry out damage control. I told her that they are her children, and yes, she does have every right to call them and speak to them when she wants to but please, not at bedtime as it makes it so difficult for me to get them settled. But back to the question asked to her by my GD. Her Mummy did not respond and started to talk about something else
3 people like this
10 responses
@AmbiePam (45853)
• United States
11 Dec 12
You know, if she happens to be anywhere near Oklahoma where I live I'm more than happy to find her and inflict some damage.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Loved your response , Ambie.
3 people like this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
mymylot friends are just amazing. I love you all. Thanks Ambie
2 people like this
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Preach it, AmbiePam!!
2 people like this
• United States
10 Dec 12
I am confused but I am understanding the part about the bed time. I think she should be able to cal her kids and if that means a little earlier so be it. many kids are not bonding with thier parents while they are away for some reason or another. then when mommie comes back they can't get the kids to listen to them or behave.. let her call and you work out the rest later. unless you plan to keep them forever..
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
10 Dec 12
If she calls at bedtime they begin to cry for her and get upset and act out. This is hard on me to deal with as I am not yet in good health. She left without telling them that she would be staying in the US. They were given a date for her to return and she is not coming back. Obviously they are upset. I have a calming routine that they enjoy which includes a story, carol singing and watching an advent calenmdar on my laptop. We then say prayers and I give them cuddles and they fall asleep. Their mother has every right to even take them. If she came today I could not and would not stop her. They have been or feel abandoned and my son is in the city for three nights a week. But I am doing the best I can and they like the bedtime routine so I am asking that she call before 6pm and not at 7.30 when they are about to sleep. She is not working yet in the US so this should not be a problem for her. I am not stopping her at all and would never do so as that would be wicked and cruel
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
10 Dec 12
Gifts, i think u are way off base to censor Cynthi in any way. U must not know her too well or u would know what a great lady she is. This dil has abandoned her children for her good times in the u.s.a.I don't have any sympathy for her at all. Good mothers don't go off & leave their children to have a good time or whatever.
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
10 Dec 12
Thanks Jo for the support.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
12 Dec 12
If she wants to control thing too bad you can't tell her to start acting like their mother....and be there when she should! Don't you just wish instead of keeping peace you could just give them the boot where it would hurt the most? My ex daughter in law should get together with yours....they would make a great pair!
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
13 Dec 12
yes, I have got angry but it does not good really as I do not verbalise but try to keep things pleasant because of the children. She says that she found Jesus but I believe that not only Jesus lives in Florida - someone else does too. She is just so darn selfish and neglectful of her children. They will have trust issues in life. Lord- three schools this past year not only in three countries but in three continents!!!
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
11 Dec 12
You keep saying that children need their mother, but I don't think that's always true. When the mother shows no interest in her children and doesn't care if she hurts them, what good is she? A bad mother (which is what she is) doesn't deserve to have custody of children.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
I do believe that she loves them but is just putting herself before their welfare. Break ups can be done in a civilised manner and that causes lesst hurt to the children. She will hurt the children to suit her own selfish needs. They do miss her but when she calls they sometimes get angry and keep asking her when she is coming home. My son will not battle her over the children as this would make her try for him not to see them regularly. He is tryng to keep it civilised. It is all difficult but they are becoming more settled with me and they have done well with their exams at school this term. So that is a sign of them settling down
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
10 Dec 12
I think your dil is acting like an a$$, sorry but u know me i tell it like it is. I don't blame u for not wanting the twins to get upset at bedtime. If she gets mad at u for not accepting phone calls after 6pm she's got the same britches to get glad in. She should understand that the children probably get upset most any time she calls.She is not considering the children's feelings at all. She is just thinking about herself. SHAME ON HER!!!!!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
10 Dec 12
The sad thing is that she keeps saying that she's found Jesus. I did n ot know he lived in Florida! I am sorry to make fun but I do this when I just don't know what else to do. she is thinking of herself and not them. I am left to get it right again for therm and it is hard. Have to stop typing. Time for story
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
11 Dec 12
What a cop-out for her to use. That's ridiculous!!!!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
I know it is an excuse but she now has visions and can phrophesise. I know I spelled that word wrong. Something else has happened that I cannot reveal on mylot.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Dec 12
Sounds like everything must revolve around you know who. Also sounds like she probably won't be back for Christmas.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
10 Dec 12
No, I don't think that she will be coming. I just wish that she would tell them straight so that they could be helped to deal with it.
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Dec 12
She should tell you straight out too so you can plan.
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
10 Dec 12
If she does come then she would be staying with her mother who lives about 15 minutes away. By the way, their other GM has not called me or my son to express any desire to see them She has said that she would move in with me again and that I must drive the twins to see her at her mother's house and then pick them up and take them ome for the night. So guess who gets the wrong end of the stick when this happens?
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Let me get this straight. She left her children with you on a permanent basis for a year without consulting you, and she has the nerve to try to tell you how to take care of them? Tell her that she could always just come on home and have her own rules for them. Currently, she is a mother in name only.....
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
11 Dec 12
You are doing what a grandmother who loves her grandchildren should do. You are keeping them safe, fed, clothed and loved while not belittling their mother. It is the best thing for the children. You have my admiration. I will continue to pray for you. This is so challenging.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
She is their mother and would always be treated with respect especially in frint of the children. There is something else that is really bad so when I get the time I will email you and a few other close friends. It is not adultry. Adultry is nothing on what has taken place
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
Iforgot to thank you for yur kind words. It is not easy and I am ot perfect as I have lost my temper a few times but I do try and they know that I love them unconditionally.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
11 Dec 12
It is difficult for both mother and children to be separated, most especially during Christmas time. But I guess something can not be avoided. And even if your daughter in law might not be able to join you this Christmas, you can all be together via Skype and enjoy it as it is. I hope her kids will be happy even if they would just be having their mom on Skype.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
The problem is that she told the twins that she would be gone for the weekend - and that was a month ago. They feel abandoned and that their Mummy doesn't love them because she effectively abandoned them. Told me that she was not coming back the night before she left. She did not have to go as she ws offered a well paid job here but she chose to leave the children to live in the US. I will do my best to give them a happy Christmas and yes, they will skype her. I would not separate a mother from her children but she cannot mess up our evening routine. It is too hard on me.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
11 Dec 12
I see....but she should have been more honest to her kids, right? I think that you are doing great with your grandkids. I feel your love for them. They sure are happy to have you around. I pray for your good health so that you may always be there for them while their mom is away. And also, I wish that your Christmas would still be a happy one despite your daughter in law not being with you.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
Thank you so very much and may I wish for you and your family a very happy Christmas too
• United States
12 Dec 12
Actually, she doesn't have a right to keep upsetting them like that. Your first concern should be protecting the children. If that means limiting calls from the woman who gave birth to them and has since apparently forgotten that she is a mother, so be it. If she wants to talk to them so badly, she can go back to where she is supposed to be.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
13 Dec 12
You summed this situation up so right. She should be here with her children.
@bunnybon7 (32618)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Dec 12
you know what? your son is also taking advantage of you. he should put his foot down and tell her its either or she should come back home or stay gone and he hire someone to help you or put a little more effort in himself. if she wants to stay gone you need to figure something to tell the kids and get it over with. this daily upset should stop. have you talked with a therepist? this is just torture for all concerned. jeesh at least my nasty daughter in law has severed all ties from the kids dad. not good but at least the kids can move on and my son can start getting over some grief. bet you wish someone could just put her over their knee and straighten her out. shes no good mother. sounds like your son needs to let her go also and move on.
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
10 Dec 12
He has got me help Bon as I have help for five days a week and he has filed for divorce. He is here for four days a week in the evenings and tries to clear every Saturday as a family day for the children. She is being incredibly selfish but all kids need their mother and so I am trying to make it okay for them. I just wish that she would be straight with them and tell them that she will not be home for Christmas. This is what she has told other people but she is a bit od a lose cannon at the moment.
@bunnybon7 (32618)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Dec 12
this is so wrong of her. maybe you should tell her stop calling. tell the kids mommy is sick and in a place where they can help her and will come when she gets better. maybe years from now
@cynthiann (18635)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 12
She will come for them but I don't think that it will be soon. Probably next year when she has a job and is settled. All I am asking is that she be straight with them and not tell them any more lies. My son will not fight her for custody as he says that small children should be with their mother and also a custody battle would make it worse for the children abd then she may try to stop him from seeig them or get nasty about him to them. I am just trying to do my best but it is hard when they get angry and transfer their feelings to me sometimes. This past week has been better with them as they have been more setttled.