Falling Out of Love

@flapiz (4160)
Australia
December 12, 2012 5:52am CST
I never thought that it is truly possible to fall out of love until it happened to me. I don't exactly know how it happened but I can only guess. Maybe it's because of the lack of effort from my partner. Maybe it's the distance. Maybe something's wrong with me. Just one day, I woke up feeling nothing at all. I tried my best to pretend that I still feel something but in the end he felt my lack of love and asked me. And so I told him and asked for a break up. I use to think that "falling out of love" is a crappy reason for breaking up but it happened to me. Now my ex is asking me to give our relationship another chance. Do you think I should give it a go? Is is possible to fall in love again to someone you fell out of love with? Have you tried being in this predicament? What did you do? What do you think are some reasons why people fall out of love?
5 people like this
23 responses
• India
12 Dec 12
Hi friend, some times we will get bored with love and fall out of it, too much of love is also not good. As you mentioned your ex partner is asking for second chance, there is nothing wrong in falling in love with him again, if you really have some feelings with him, otherwise don't change your stand. Yes, it is possible to fall in love again with our ex partner, if we are impressed with them again.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
12 Dec 12
Hi! I have some feelings for him. But I am not sure what these feelings are. Is this friendship, like, attachment, love, or just pity. I miss him but I don't think I love him. If this is my case is it possible to fall in love with him again?
• India
13 Dec 12
As you mentioned you have feelings with him. Are you always thinking about him? Do you have the ability to do the things without thinking about him? If you have his thoughts forever and don't do anything properly due to his memory, then you are in love. Otherwise, you can come out from his memory easily with your diversions
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Oh my gosh now I am really confused one person told me what I felt was just friendship but now that I read your comment I feel all those. I cannot concentrate in work. This love thing is pretty confusing. I need to sort my feelings out.
@alottodo (3062)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Love is very fragile is like made of glass once it's falls and brake is very hard to put it back together again!
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Yes very true. But then there is a possibility to put it back together. But it will never be as good as it was before?
@alottodo (3062)
• Australia
14 Dec 12
If the possibility is good then give it a chance you never know if you don't try!
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
14 Dec 12
Nah. I think for now I should just try to live alone and maybe after three months or so get back with him if he's still waiting or find a new fish. I don't think I can be in a relationship at the moment. I'm messed up.
• Philippines
12 Dec 12
It's really hard to dictate the heart to fall in love with someone. If you think you still have feelings left for him then, giving it another chance is an option. For sure, that feeling left can still be nurtured and developed to make your relationship work again.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
12 Dec 12
Hi! I think I have feelings for him but I don't think it's the love thing. I thing it's somewhere between pity, friendship, and attachment. I miss him but I don't love him? Is that possible?
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
I think the feelings that you have for him is somewhat like for friendship only and not for an intimate relationship with him. It would be difficult for you to maintain a relationship with him more than friendship if you really don't love him at all. Chances are, it will lead to a break up again and the more he would just be hurt. Better tell him your true feelings for him now so he would be awakened to that reality.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
I guess you're right. It is better to hurt him once than give him false hopes and hurt him more. I'll just leave while he still doesn't hate me. I hope someday he'll realize I'm doing this for his own good.
@adnileb (5017)
• Philippines
12 Dec 12
Many people fall out of love. Even though the married couples experience it. But if you really want the person to be with you for the rest of your life, falling out of love is not that hard to fight with. Staying in the relationship with that kind of feeling is difficult. If you really want him, there are lots of things you can think of do to save your relationship. But if you don't like him or you don't see your future with him, then it's okay to give yourself a break and look for someone you know you can share your life with. Evaluate your feelings. It's only you who can decide for it.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
12 Dec 12
That's my problem. I do not see a future with him. But when we broke up I sort of kinda miss him. I really hate what I'm feeling. It's as if I do not know myself at all.
@adnileb (5017)
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
If don't see your future with him, don't give yourselves a burden. Let each other go. Missing him is just a normal feeling after break up. Of course, you will miss your times together, the happy moments and everything. But if you really cannot see yourself with him as you get old, you have to fight those memories and move on with another chapter of your life.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
14 Dec 12
Hi friend! At the moment I am trying to move on. But I don't think I'll engage in another relationship any sooner. Maybe after 3 months I could try again.
@AdalieM (1137)
• United States
12 Dec 12
Do I think you should give it a go? Well, I don't think I can answer that question for you because nobody knows you better than you know yourself. However, if you had strong feelings for this person in the past, you can reinstate those feelings with more passion than ever before. For me the only time when you can't fall in love again is when a person hurts you so badly that the damage is forever, and you just can't forget that horrible thing they did to you. For me love is hard work, and is never enough just to love someone, you need to nourish the love and forget about yourself and put the other person first. Many people think they are falling out love when they are not really falling out of love, they just need sometime to be by themselves. Could be wrong for all I know, but if the feeling is not there, it probably will never be there.
@ecaron (678)
• Canada
13 Dec 12
I have to agree with you because perhaps if we don't feel like we're in love with them it's not worth continuing its time to move on with life.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Hi Adalie. You are right. I think I need to listen to myself for once. I need to think it through because right now I feel like I'm a mess. I am not sure how I even feel. He hadn't hurt me like that. It's just the loss of spark. I always believed that love is like magic everyday. Maybe this is a dose of reality.
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
you are not in love with him at all, because if there is anything else that never changes, it is the truth. if you love someone it never stops, even if you break away for some reasons, so let him go as your "partner" as you call him. it is good for you both.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
18 Dec 12
Okay. Maybe I was just in love of the idea of being in love. I guess I had been too lonely for too long that when he came along I thought it was love. I think it's time to move on.
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
13 Dec 12
Well it depends on what partner is. Does partner mean boy friend? Or does partner mean Husband? If it's a husband, then typically the problem is you are just not putting in enough 1 on 1 time. You still need to date, to talk alone, to do things that you do together, just to be together. And a marriage is something worth saving. It's worth it to put in the time to fix the relationship. If it's a boy friend, then this is very normal. The average life span of a sleeping together, living together unmarried couple is about 3 years. If you are anywhere close to that time, then the relationship is falling apart naturally. This is normal. Chances are you you will not save this relationship no matter what you do, so you should move on sooner rather than later. The bottom line is that you if you are not married, then you are not married, and there is no level of commitment that comes with marriage. As for the ex "partner", again it depends on what the "partner" was. Was he a husband? Then you might try and rekindle the relationship. It may work. If the ex "partner" was a boy friend, then chances are you might get back together, and it may last a few months, possibly a year, but typically it won't last very long. Again, "boy friends" are called "boy friends" because they are not "husbands". The two are not the same. Further, before even considering getting back with the ex husband, I would carefully consider why you are not with him now. What was that reason. Because that reason hasn't changed. People typically don't change. So you have to establish that either he has in fact changed whatever it was about him that drove you away, or that you are now going to accept that all men are imperfect and they are going to do some things that drive you crazy. This is normal. Happily married couple have just as many fights as unhappy divorced couples. Same number of fights. The happily married couples choose to accept each other, and their imperfections.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
18 Dec 12
It's my first serious boyfriend. But then again It's a boyfriend not a husband. Hmm so I guess that answers my question. Moving on with my life with no regrets from now on. Thanks.
@Shavkat (42823)
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
This is true, I also experience such overpowering moment to let go. At first, you might feel in denial. Eventually, you will just accept it and move on.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
I am thinking that right now I am indeed in the denial phase. Although I was the one who broke up with him I still have this weird feeling of wrongness. Maybe I'll get over this somehow.
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
Aw that sounds sad.. I really was happy when I found out you're getting well with this guy :/ But the moment you said you felt nothing anymore, then if I were in your place I won't pursue.. I hope you will be fine soon and also your ex..
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Hi Meowchie! I am kinda confused because when we broke up I started missing him. But well I am not sure If I still love him or I just miss the companionship as he has already been a part of my routine.
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
It really happens... Falling out of love truly exist. I never felt that with my husband but I experienced that with my ex. I fall out of love with him but when he begged and cried in front of me then my conscience is disturbing me... so instead to break up with him then, I indulge myself with that relationship and that thing is the thing I regret that I had done. Because after a year, he is the one who fall out of love with me. LOL... Sounds complicated but it happened 13 years ago I think. It doesn't matter to me when he get married for I don't really love him at all and I just making myself stupid for letting him with me even I fall with other guy then. Well, I am happy now with my life and hope he is happy too. It was so wrong to indulge yourself to a relationship you don't want to anymore. Give yourself space and put some distance with him so both of you will realize what the right thing to do. What really matters is what you feel and your happiness. It is so hard to pretend that you are still in love even the truth is you don't love him at all. Think twice and decide but never let pity leads your decision.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Laughing on the floor. This is a funny story. I hope it doesn't happen to me. I will take your advice about not letting pity affect my decision. I will try to see if I still have a little love for him or what. And hope I make the right choice.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
It happen to me also but I still tried to to put things back like what it used to be but it is really hard for me. I tried to save our relationship because I dont want to regret it someday. i dont know what happened to us why i fell out of love from my partner, but it just happened. I realized that I dont love him anymore so i stopped pretending and leave him. Yo better think of this deeply, if things are worth saving for then give it a try. But if you really feel that he's no longer give a spark in your life, then better leave him.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Hi! I exactly feel the same about being scared of regretting. But then yup pretending is not good. It's like prolonging the agony. I will evaluate my feelings some more and hope my decision will be right.
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
My sister who was married for 8 years felt the same thing. She just told me that she woke up one day feeling nothing with her husband. They tried to make their relationship work but they ended up splitting. Maybe because they seldom go out. They don't have time for themselves and always focus on work and their kids. I guess even if you are in a relationship for a long time, you still have to do some things that will make the relationship exciting.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Correct! I told him I felt no spark and all he told me was it's normal instead of trying to make it a bit more exciting so I guess that contributed to the loss of feelings. For me love should still be fun even after the dating phase.
• China
13 Dec 12
Falling out of love is kind of phenomenon after the lovers spend many years after, with no original passion left and no such kinds of crazy mind for love. During the relationship, our fresh feeling for love has faded away and frequency for intimacy lowerd, which is a deadly toll for the lover, an indication for their coming break up. So should we accpet and restore the past relationship? We really need to make it clear. There are some reasons between the two of you to break up. If you can find out a compensation jointly, then just accpet it. Sometimes people tend to feel lonely when being alone, and they begin to fill in the blank with the past memories. The more they feel lonely, the more they want their relationship back. At this moment you just keep your mind clear that your love has passed away, and it will never restore to the original state. To me, i will never hang on the old relationship but start a new one. I have heard a sentence that never look back the past scenery, whatever beautiful it was, and just keep your eyes froward. I hope you can survive yourself from the past and win your real Mr Right..Lol..
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Well this kinda explained why I feel lonely and missed him after we broke up even though I feel no spark at all. Thank you so much for enlightening me. Now I would try to do new things and see if I don't miss him after that. If I don't then it's time to move forward and say goodbye to the beautiful past.
• Jacksonville, Florida
13 Dec 12
I have never fallen out of love with my husband but at times I felt like I did not know him anymore or myself. I felt like we were falling apart at times. When I felt this way I did not want to end my marriage I wanted to fight it. So, that is what happened. We made time for him and I to have a night out like we used to do and had a romantic night. It all came flooding back, our feelings and love was rekindled. We have also been together for 9 years though. I am so glad I did not end my marriage for what happens to many people. Life and the stress of things gets to everyone, that is what happened to us. There was so much talk about lack of money, bills, the children, etc that we forgot about him and I in the mix of things... I am not saying this is your situation because its not. I am just saying if you ever do get married don't give up that easily. There are ways to work on things, otherwise I would not be married for 8 years now! I hope you figure out what you want and I hope you do what makes you happy.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Hi! I like your response. I will take it by heart that if ever I get married I should fight for it and not give up so easy. As for now in my situation since I am not yet married I must think if this is the person that I want to marry. If I get the answer to that and it's a yes then I'd give it another go.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
12 Dec 12
Pretending is no good, you have to be honest with yourself. What is your heart telling you? Why be with someone if you just don't love them, it's not fair to you and it's not fair to him. I fell out of love with my partner and I lived with them, the feelings weren't there, I was upfront and honest with them, we decided to move because the area we were living in wasn't very safe and I was having trouble at work. So we both made a big effort and the move went ahead, we had a beautiful house together in a much safer area, trouble is after ten months in being in our new home, I just couldn't love them, I moved into the spare bedroom, got my own bed, and eventually we became house mates. For me it didn't work, you have to give 100% to the relationship and without love, it's doomed for failure, if you think it's worth saving go for it, but be certain and honest to yourself.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
I agree with you. I must first inspect myself and well sort out my feelings. And whatever this thing I'm feeling is I must be honest and follow my heart. I don't want to pretend too as eventually people get tired of pretending and that would be more hurtful to my ex and me. This love thing is very complicated.
@dorannmwin (36608)
• United States
12 Dec 12
I honestly believe that it is possible to fall back into love with a person that you've fallen out of love with. You see, I've had something similar happen with my husband. He was going through some serious problems with addiction and it was something that was hurting me and then one day I realized that I didn't feel love for him and I didn't feel anger toward him, I felt nothing. However, because of the fact that I take my vows seriously and because of the fact that we do have two beautiful children, I didn't want to end our relationship. Instead, we've both made a conscious effort to be there for each other and to show that we care about each other. Now, about a year after I felt nothing for him, I can definitely say that I'm more in love with him today than I have ever been in the past.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Hi there! Reading your response I had the urge to try to fall in love again. But I am taking it slow this time as I don't want to hurt him the second time because of my unsureness. Your story had a good and happy ending. I hope mine would be too. Or at least my ex's story will have a great ending with or without me.
@suzzy3 (8401)
12 Dec 12
What a shame but you are away from your partner a lot maybe distance does not make the heart fonder.Sit down and listen to what your partner has to say after all you did love your ex once.It would be a shame if you did not give it a chance.We all feel something like this at times you feel lonley and your imagination works overtime.Maybe you just miss your partner and to deal with it in your mind it is easier to end it and stop putting yourself through these feelings.Anything good is worth fighting for.Give it a go.If it does not work at least you can honestly say you gave it a good go.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Hi Suzzy! Well we did have a lot of good moments. But I am worried that if I fight for it and give it a go and it doesn't work I'll lose him even more. I want to keep him as my friend as I know that he is an important piece in my life. He is after all my first serious boyfriend.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
12 Dec 12
I don't think that anybody asks to fall out of love. it is just somethibg that happens to us. we usually don;t evrn see it coming. we just drift apart from relationships and before we know it the love is not what is used to be and it can leave an empty place in our hearts and minds.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
13 Dec 12
Yes I didn't see it coming. It just hit me one day. I hate it because I am hurting someone I truly care about because of this stupid uncontrollable phenomenon.
• Hungary
12 Dec 12
Sadly it's possible. It's not your fault it's biology. After a time our body says: okay it was a nice 2-3 year but let's move on. You can revive your love or accept its over and say goodbye to your partner as a friend.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
12 Dec 12
I really feel sorry for him. But I am reluctant to be his girlfriend again. I wish we could just go back to the flirting stage. I am not sure If I still love him or I am just missing the friendship or just plainly pitying him.
@hlfbldmom (743)
• Philippines
12 Dec 12
It happens to anyone most of the time. Even to a married couple maybe it's because they don't have time for each other, lack of communication and the love for each other is not strong enough. And plus people changed, especially when you are far from each other or if too busy with something. My ex fall out of love when we were apart and he told me so I accepted it. We broke up but after 2 weeks he said lets give it another chance so I did give him another chance. We give our best shots but it didn't work maybe because he don't love me anymore. He wanted me as a friend but I don't make friends with my ex so we parted ways for good.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
12 Dec 12
Well I want him to still be my friend. But yup if worst comes to worst then it's friendship over too. I don't think another shot is worth it then. If I base things on your experience. But I do not want to ruin his Christmas as he says I'm the best Christmas gift. Now I am really regretting why I entered in a relationship.