when your lover is happy when she/he isn`t with you

@adhyz82 (36289)
Indonesia
December 15, 2012 10:14am CST
is it weird when your lover said that they are suffered when she or he stay with you?? is it hurt when you are alone and she or he is happy with his or her friends in the saturday night?? i can`t answer my friend question when he tell more about his situation..What about you guys?? love is mystery..sometimes it`s more complicated than learning mathematics..
3 people like this
22 responses
• Indonesia
16 Dec 12
It is very hard to hear that, but it's extremely crucial that you both communicate with each other. Although your partner can have time for her or his own with his friends but if it's constantly happen that the partner feel not happy with his/her partner but his/her friends then it's the sign of the relationship which has become colder. So talk from heart to heart with him/her, it's crucial to define whether you want to save your relationship.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
16 Dec 12
so when improving communication between of them can make everything better? how come if one side have another lover among of them? what is your solution in that situation?
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
Well what I meant is that after you improve your communication, you'll understand why he/she doesn't happy with you anymore and prefer with his/her friends, in case he/she has another lover, you'll maybe understand from the communication or talk between you so in this case, this relationship is calling for an end.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
18 Dec 12
i see but of course it`s not easy like my friend experience i told to my friend about your suggestion i do hope it will be effective for his case..thanks
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
When one feels happier to be with friends than the being with the partner ,it only means tnat the relationshp that they have is not in a loving environment. One could be too nagging or just a bore every tome tney are together.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
16 Dec 12
so what happen in that relationship? it must be ended?
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
I think that it is a waste of time to hold on to a relationship that does not make you happy or allow you to grow a a person. Might as well find somebody whom you can share your happiness and dreams.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
18 Dec 12
i see i can get your mean..thanks for responding jeny
• Philippines
16 Dec 12
well for me of course i might get hurt but for some reason we cannot be the only happiness for our love ones. we cannot insist that its only us... so i just accept the fact that he needs also time with his friends... time for his self too...
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
and what is your solution that he or she always said that he or she is happier spending the time with their friends than you?
@lkbooi (16101)
• Malaysia
16 Dec 12
Hi adhyz82, no matter how much we love the opposite side and are more than willing to be together all the time. However it's wise to have respective time to meet each others friends or family members. Or doing favorite activities respectively. I don't think the couple would have all the same activities in common. Certainly it would be ideal if the two lovers have the same interest in everything and thus could get along together all the time. My husband has his few morning tea friends. They gather and enjoy the hot pot of chinese black tea and chat happily. I don't join them and I prefer to read and type mylot posts at home. He will buy breakfast and eat together with me at home, after an hour or so having happy hour with his old bucks I think only old couple like us could live in this relaxing way. Yeah, enjoy our respective happy moment when we have our respective activity in different places. But it's hard for me to accept such situation when I was young. We have to, if we really love each other. And have to adapt such habit to suit each other for we have a long way to go on the love path. It's too much if one of them ignore the feeling of the lover even knowing that he or she would be happy to be together with the friends Happy posting
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
24 Dec 12
why we are hardly accepting if our lover didn`t give full attention to us? is it related with the age? or maybe when older, we respect to the people who want live with us?
@Jals14 (43)
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
Of course, knowing that your mate is happy without you would hurt, but what can you do? Let her be happy if you want to have a healthy relationship. Don't own her or else she would want to leave often. Just make her happy, and don't forget to stay friends with her if you want her to run back to your arms. Friendship is very important in relationships.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 12
yeah what can we do? measuring the depth of sea is easy but measuring the depth of human feeling isn`t easy right?
1 person likes this
• China
15 Dec 12
sorry to hear that. Communication is the best resolution!! Hoping everything is fine for your friend!!
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 12
communication?like what? when one side have a weird feeling with another, it can be a good communication, do you think?
1 person likes this
@sriroshan (2586)
• India
15 Dec 12
Such feeling comes up in mind many times since they feel alone or may be comparing their other friends with their lover.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 12
what is your solution in this situation? do you think that it`s better for you leaving your lover?
1 person likes this
• China
15 Dec 12
nothing weird. Because his/her world doesn't revolve around you all the time, change in mood is understandable. What need to do is to comfort your lover when he/she is unhappy.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 12
so do you think it`s not weird?and you are not jealous in that situation?
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@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
17 Dec 12
Love is when you want to be with her 7/24 and will - Love is when you want to be with her 7/24 and will die for her.
I think it will be like the end of the world when someone you love very dearly tells you that she/he is happy to be alone. Although it is all right that there are times when she/he would want to be with her/his friends to do their own things like shopping/playing futsal, a couple that is deeply in love will want to spend most of their time together. That is what I feel. Love is not really a mystery. If you love someone, surely you will want to be around her most of the time.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
so when the love isn`t really a mystery, we can measure or predict what happen in our love relationship?
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
17 Dec 12
If what you mean by mystery is the ability to understand what it is, then, no, it is not something we can predict nor measure, as it is a kind of emotion, just like your mood. What I meant was that love is simple in the sense that you could just love someone with all that you have. No one can stop you if you want to love someone.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
18 Dec 12
yes i mean the mystery like that.. you remind me(your last word) the song of George Benson "nothing change my love to you"
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
It is okay to ask for personal time away from your partner. I believe everyone has that right, but it's different when he/she says that he/she is happier with other people than his/her partner in the relationship. That's definitely a sign of problem in the relationship. They must lay it on the table and have a good talk about it, maybe sort things out and see where it goes. Some damages can be fixed especially when it's still in the early stage.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
16 Dec 12
so in the situation, one of the party must have initiative for starting the discussion among of them about the situation? what about if both of them is still in "hot", can the discussion among of them fix everything?
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
Well, if by hot you mean angry or something like that, then I can tell from experience that having a discussion when at that state only results to more problem than cure. It's best to have the discussion when both parties have calmed down so that words being exchange are more rational and not just emotional. It's easier to fix it without adding more damage and apologizing later on.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
18 Dec 12
i see and when the situation isn`t in calm down, is it better for us not to call her or his?
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
I haven't been in a relationship before but I would say that it's normal when you would want to spent more time with your special someone. However, everyone still needs time with themselves. Each one still has his or her own life to live. Being so, your friend should understand and not force her partner too stay with her all the time.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 12
of course..everyone sometimes is tired when they are in similar situation every second.. but are you not surprised when your man say that he isn`t happy when spending time with you??
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
Well.. I'm not saying that I won't be surprised. I would actually get hurt and would probably shout at him. Hahaha. But after I calm down, we have to sort things out. You have to know whether you are being too tight or what makes him feel uncomfortable around you. If it something that can't be resolved then I guess there's no helping it.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
16 Dec 12
i see. but the option for leaving her or him is the best solution for you now?
@UmiNoor (3487)
• Malaysia
19 Dec 12
I guess if that's the way your gf or bf feels about you then he/she isn't still in love with you anymore. It's best to just let go and find someone else who would love to be in your company. This is what I will tell your friend who is in this complicated relationship.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
21 Dec 12
but what about if the man or woman had loved deeply and found difficult when leave their couple? what is your suggestion for the people who live in that situation?
@babyeve (1051)
• Seychelles
18 Dec 12
Most of time partners grow tired of each other and they come up with silly excuses to break up. Love can sometimes be complicated and play tricks on you. It hurts to be in your shoes Dear. But don't worry, because after bad times, comes good times.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
18 Dec 12
i see.. i will tell to my friend the sad day can be replaced with the happy day thanks for your optimistic my friend
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
16 Dec 12
I think that a person should be happy with or without his partner by his side. Even though you have a mutual feelings and commitment with each other, it doesn't mean that his world only revolves around you and whenever your not around, he should be sad. Everybody has its own life outside the relationship and I believe that being happy with friends is their own right.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
but is it not weird if your lover is happier with their friends than you? so what is the meaning of the relationship if there are situation like that?
• Indonesia
16 Dec 12
Indeed mathematics much easier than love Well, being not always with our lover is normal. One needs time for him/her too, sometimes. Even for a married couple. But if this going on and on, well, it's definitely not healthy at all. Better clear it up, whether the couple still want to continue their relationship, or just break it now for good. Before it will be more pain in the future ... That's my opinion, my friend ...
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
you are right we can learn about any difficult equation in mathematic but many people are failed in love relationship it show that love sometimes is too mysterious.. the conflict happen among of them sometimes irritated, annoyed, makes both of them tired because of the conflict..right?
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
16 Dec 12
I think that's normal. We can be happy without the presence of our lover or partner. We can be happy with the presence of our friends, workmates and family. There are different degree which how can we feel the happiness with our loved ones.But if our loved ones told us that we are their burden then it is so much very hurtful with our side.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
what about if she or he only test your feeling to them? is it joke for you? do you accept any jokes like that?
@JamesKYTan (1607)
• Malaysia
16 Dec 12
Love is a very complicated subject. It is beyond our understanding. When two lovers are in love, they are willing to scarify for each other so that the other half can be happy. One is willing to die for the other so the other half can live and be happy. This is called the mystery of love.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
21 Dec 12
yes, sometimes love make crazy the people people can be sick because of love people can be happy because of love too
@irene66 (1671)
• Philippines
16 Dec 12
oh my!!! I cannot imagine if my lover is not happy with me. I would rather separate him if that is the case But for sure my lover is always happy with me We love each other! !
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
wow..it`s cool irene how you and your couple always making a good situation every second?
• Mexico
16 Dec 12
Hi adhyz: I think it's normal to feel this way. In fact it's depressing when you start feeling that you don't care about the person you love. Love is a feeling that must be cultivated day after day. ALVARO
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
cultivated day after day? is it enough? the feeling can change every second my friend welcome back Alvaro, nice to see you again here
@Otanetix (509)
• United States
16 Dec 12
Well, I would say it's inevitable for people wanting to spend some time away from their lover if they are always together. However, if a lover says something like he/she is suffering by being with you, that is very harsh. Anyway, if your lover tries to balance out time spent with you and time spent with their friends, then I would not worry. I would start worrying if your lover seems like they are trying to avoid spending time with you by always spending time with friends. If you are in a relationship where you don't feel appreciated enough, you need to speak up and tell your partner.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
what about if he or she only test you? do you forgive his or her jokes?