She loves him but He loves him

@chiwasaki (4678)
Philippines
December 18, 2012 4:58pm CST
She loves him but He loves him My friend is so in love with this guy. But this guy has a boy friend already. Yes, a boy friend. But my friend really likes him and she do not care if he has a boy friend. She is willing to accept the guy. If you are a girl and a guy who previously had a boy friend courted you, will you accept him? What can you advise about my friend's situation?
15 responses
@sriroshan (2586)
• India
19 Dec 12
I would asked him again to choose between us two. And if he choose him then surely I will not try to step in his life even though I love him too much. In love sacrifice plays very important role, so I will prefer to sacrifices my Love for his Love.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi sriroshan! That is right, if he choose the guy then I think my friend should let go. I think she should not hold on to someone who can not love her back. It will just hurt her and will make her really depressed.
@sriroshan (2586)
• India
29 Dec 12
I know she just wasting her time behind such boy instead she should go after right boy who love her. Knowing such secrete of the boy it is not good to run after him if she really wants to lead happy life.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
Actually, I had a boyfriend back then that I never knew from the start that he was in another relationship with another guy. I was shocked of course. I wanted to cry when I found out. I told him that I do not feel comfortable that he is still in that relationship while we are involved with one another. He promised he would stay away from that guy. I just believed him when he said it. And I never asked about it anymore. I loved my boyfriend, and that was all that matters. If he really left him, I do not know...until this day.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi jenny1015! I have a friend who was also in that situation. But they broke up when she found out. According to her, if a guy fell in love with another guy, she can never changed the guy anymore. As she can no longer give him the happiness that he is looking for.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Actually, I also had a short-lived relationship with that guy. It was not because of the third party. But I just found out that I didn't want to have a long distance relationship with him coz he graduated from High School a few months after.
@dorannmwin (36654)
• United States
20 Dec 12
I tend to believe that it is somewhat common for people to be confused about their sexuality and for that reason, I would accept a man that admitted that he had had relationships with other men in the past. However, he would have to assure me that it was a thing of the past and he is not using me as an experiment to see if he is able to learn to love a woman the same way that he has loved men in the past. I am probably a much more forgiving person than a lot of other people would be.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi dorannmwin! You are so kind to accept a guy that has previous relationship with other guys. I am a forgiving person but for me, I think it will not work. It will be very difficult for me to accept him as a boy friend.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
19 Dec 12
I don't think there is anything "wrong" with your friend liking a guy that likes a guy but it would probably be a good idea to consider that he just may not be attracted to her. If it ever came around to where they got together, I think it would totally depend on her self confidence level as to how she accepts it.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi JenInTN! The things is she does not like him, she loves him. I think she is obsessed with him and do not want to let go. She is already aware that he will not love her back but she keeps on holding on. I do not know if you call it love or something else.
@pomwango (1355)
• Kenya
19 Dec 12
i think she is playing with fire,if he prefers men she should just keep off,she will remain second place always and will be used just for appearances.she should know thats not a relation that can work.its like me falling in love with my pet and it has a mate of its own, lets remain with our type.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi pomwango! That is right, she will just be on the second place for him. That is because he will still prefer guys over girls. I think she should wait for someone who will prioritize her instead. I hope she will be able to see this.
@Shavkat (44844)
• Philippines
19 Dec 12
I don't have the issue on love preferences, if a guy is having two sides of persona; then you accept him fully, there is no issue. But if you are not aware a person is such, that's a big question.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi Shavkat! My friend also feels the same way. It is fine with her if there is another party. What she care only is for the guy to love her back. I know she will get hurt but she is willing to do so.
• Thailand
19 Dec 12
I never been in this of feeling.I feel sympathy for her. She should let go of him. Time to start over with a new man that a good fit for her.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi middle072! Yes it is really the time to start over. I guess there is another man out there who will love her. A man who does not have feelings with another man. A man who will love her alone.
@edvc77 (2143)
• Philippines
19 Dec 12
I think that is not acceptable to society. I mean one will have an affair to a man who has a boyfriend. I would not get into that relationship even though I love him. I don't think I can really love him for doing that. Anyway, I'm not judging. This is my opinion if I will be in her shoes. have a nice day!
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi edvc77! Yes I will also do the same. I mean if he has a boy friend though I like him, I will never pursue him. I think I will let go of the guy since he do not have feelings with me. But its her choice really, and I do not know if I can convince her.
@ElicBxn (60046)
• United States
19 Dec 12
If I were courted by a guy who previously had a boyfriend, I would make sure he was tested for HIV...
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi ElicBxn! That is a very good suggestion, just to be safe. But I guess my friend do not care about this. She is so blinded with her feelings. I am not really sure if this is love or just plain obsession.
@silverfox09 (4727)
• United States
19 Dec 12
She sound desperate to me , if he is already involved she should either move on are wait until he is available . Also if he is gay , why would she want to be with him ? she sound weird !! I would not accept to be in a trio , she is just plain desperate in my opinion , I would advice her to quite while she can , she is just setting up herself to get hurt .
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi silverfox09! I agree with you as I feel like she will just be hurt in the end. It is weird for her to be in love with a gay but she loves him. I already express my opinion about her pursuing him. For me it is better to let go of a guy who does not love her back.
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
19 Dec 12
Well first of all if he has a boyfriend I would not try to pursue him any more. Because he is already taken. Now if they were not together any more, then what are his feelings towards her. Does he like her back. If so, then sure she should give him a chance and see how things go. I would give him a chance, yeah maybe at one time he liked guys, but now maybe he likes girls, so yeah I would give him a chance. But he would have to remain faithful to me and be honest. Like if he later on decided he just want to be with guys, well then he best have tell me. Or he just not want to be together any more, then he should tell me.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi trisha27! They are friends before the guy met his boy friend. I know the guy is already happy with his boy friend but my friend really wants to fight for him. She do not want to let go and fight for her feelings. I know she is going nowhere as the guy is really into his boy friend.
• United States
19 Dec 12
You should not make choices for your friend. If she likes him then, she likes him. Let her choose on her own on what is good and bad for her. You can give her a suggestion but not choices.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi momworker41! Of course, at the end of the day, it is up to her to decide. I am not making any choices for her but I am just giving her an option and possibility as a concern friend. It is hard if I will make decisions for her and in the end, she will blame me for it. It is her life, it is up to her.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
19 Dec 12
Hmmm...I would probably accept him, as the past is the past and this is where it should remain; however, I would only accept him as long as he had changed completely. I want my guy to be 100% faithful to me, so back sliding is not allowed. If two people are compatible, then sure have a relationship, you never know, they may end up being the love of your life.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi Arieles! Being faithful is really important I guess. If this guy will court her, he should be faithful with her. There should not be any third party. Also, she should feel secured with her relationship with him.
• Philippines
19 Dec 12
Well, there's no problem about your friend's part. She likes a guy who likes a guy? That's cool. But, how about the guy she likes? Will the guy she likes show the same type of emotions she is feeling towards him? Always remember, Girls are the ones to be chased... I know that's kind of classic of me but it should be that way. I'm a guy and I hate how women are looked down upon nowadays. Something like 10 years ago, girls wear decent clothing and still they look good. They wear formal clothes and yet they get a lot of attention from guys. Now, the less clothes you wear.. the hotter you are or the more appealing you are. I have a girlfriend and she's not conservative... she's also wild but i keep on telling her to only be wild when with me privately.. because seriously.. who's going to respect a girl who's not even respecting herself?...I miss the demure girls! anyway, I'm getting a little bit off topic here.. going back! What I wanna say is.. She shouldn't chase the guy. She just likes the guy right? Stop it there, and don't let it escalate to "love". Loving a guy you don't even know is just pure stupidity and just a waste of time.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi jamborieman! I agree with you. If I can only tell her that she is so stupid to fight for a guy who loves another guy. But who am I to blame her, its her feelings not mine. She is completely in love with him. I am just concern that if this guy will like her back, she might get hurt also eventually. I do not want to tell her, I told you so.
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
chiwasaki, If I'm am in your friend's situation I will certainly accept him for a condition; his relationship with the other man is over and he's now changing really change.Past, is important but it's not so important that it will affect my future and will hinder my present. But, of course it's not that easy let your friend make a very wise decision and think it more than twice for it's about her future.
@chiwasaki (4678)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi BethelSophia! It is really up to her and we are just here to advise her. If ever this guy will become his boy friend, I hope she will not be hurt. I agree, I hope he can really changed and stick to her. But as of now, the guy seems to be happy with his boy friend.