Children as Pets

United States
December 19, 2012 8:43pm CST
I am looking forward to having children one day, when the partner and circumstances are right. I am looking forward to taking care of them, seeing their individual strengths and interests, teaching them and learning from them, etc. Most of the time when I hear people talk about their children, they have a pretty positive attitude towards them. They might be frustrated by them or exhausted with them, but you can tell that the enrichment they feel outweighs any frustrations they have. However, I had the strange experience this week of hearing two very different people describe their children as "pets" of their mother. These are both fathers who have children under 3. They described the whole experience as something similar to having a pet: something that their wives get to feed, take care of, and play with. This was kinda disturbing for me to hear and I worried about their children. I would never want my parent to think of me in that way or if I was a mother, downgrade the parenting experience to this. I was also wondering if this kind of perspective was more typical of a father. Have you ever thought of your kids in this way or heard this perspective before?
12 responses
Heather Echola
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
20 Dec 12
My husband loved his kids and played with them, but he also was a truck driver and gone a lot, so I would have to ask their opinion of how they were treated, as he is deceased. I know my son was given way too much responsibility when he was a step dad, and his wife abdicated almost all responsibility in the home. He is no longer married. I know that my son in law is a pretty equal partner, that is what my daughter expects and he loves kids anyway. I have enjoyed watching and knowing about their relationship. They have three kids right now. He cooks and cleans or changes diapers. He does the bath time thing. They have family devotions, and he has always taken his oldest daughter to Home Depot Saturday workshops, then they both took both girls. I am not sure what will happen now that there are three kids, but it is good to see them as a family. I do not think the pet guys are the norm.
habibti320
@habibti320 (925)
• United States
20 Dec 12
I am glad to hear that the men in your life are good to children (even when they are not his blood relation, that's even more commendable!) Taking his daughters to Home Depot workshops is a great idea! I wish more girls had the opportunity to become more comfortable with projects and tools! Wow, if I ever have daughters, I would love for them to do something like this! I agree that the "pet guys" aren't the norm, but I am still extra happy when I see/hear of dads enjoying fatherhood and wanting to engage them in different activities.
1 person likes this
Heather Echola
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
20 Dec 12
Even when my first husband was dying he taught my daughter stuff. She had a headlight go out, and he no longer could use his hands, but he told her what to do and she changed it. He could coach and encourage her.
Lovegreen
@Lovegreen (376)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
hi habibti I don't have a child yet and I'm really hoping that God would give me at least one. I'm not getting any younger so I hope it will be soon. I have two nephews and one niece and they're very adorable kids I love them so much, any little thing they do bring so much joy to us especially to their parents Well pets bring us joy too but in a different way, if those men were just joking then I think it's not funny. Fathers I know don't speak of their children that way. You're right that's strange and weird
habibti320
@habibti320 (925)
• United States
20 Dec 12
Hello lovegreen I hope that you will be able to have children as you desire. You seem to have a lot of love to give them! Yeah these guys were halfway joking...I think they are not happy in their marriages as well and feel that they need to stay in order to make sure the child has a stable home. They are not mean to their children, they are just disappointed with family life. But it is strange! Thanks for your response!
al1979ex
@al1979ex (125)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
yes and i actually see this kind of parenting from my sister. she and her husband do this to their first child. yes they take care,they feed and they play. what i rarely see is the personal communication between a parent and the child as if like the child can understand.he would not understand but he will definitely remember as he grows. they dont do this. they should always talk heart to heart with the child even if he still doesnt understand. now the child is growing up a spoiled one and just learning on his own. but of course,they wouldnt want this to be called that they are treating their child as a pet, but it's just the way i see.
MarksvilleandMe
@Pegasus72 (1898)
•
30 Jan 13
Some men not all think that the attention should be on them and not the kids, which is not a good way to live, for the mother or the kids.
dee777
@dee777 (1417)
• South Africa
20 Dec 12
Children are huge gifts of God. We should remember that children have their own personalities and will exercise their own will when they're grown-ups. The task of a parent is only to set good examples and love their kids ALWAYS - even when the child make mistakes. A loving, gentle heart is all a child need from a parent. I think referring to a child as a pet is not that bad.... pets like to be loved, cuddled and taken care of... children have the same needs. The only difference is that children are the carriers of our DNA!
sunshinesophie
@sunshinesophie (794)
• China
20 Dec 12
I cannot agree this opinion that the kids are as pets,however,I hold another view on this saying. Nowdays in China,too many parents keeping their kids like pets,they spoil them too much and make the children cannot be independent at all.It is easier to keep the pets than kinds,because they just need to dote on the pets and give them the food,the place to sleep,if there is something wrong with the pets,the owner will take them to the hospital,actually,the owner will do and solve everything for the pets.But it cannot be done the same things to the children,because they need to grow up by themselves eventually,they are in need of the ability of thinking,solving the problems and ect. So I think it is cruel to keep the chilren as pets,they always say I love my chilren,I will try my best to protect them from hurt,but they are totally wrong,they strangle their ability of living independently.
Jenny1015
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
Although there are similarities on how a pet and child should be treated, it really has never crossed my mind to see my kids as pets. The fathers who might be thinking it that way doesn't love their kids as much as they should be as they maybe thinking that their children are a burden to them instead of the source of joy in the family.
toyota4k
@toyota4k (1208)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
This may be normal for a few to have a "pet" child but in my opinion, it isn't proper. Having a favorite among your children would lead to sibling rivalry that will eventually result into something not good. Of course your youngest may receive a special treatment but doesn't mean that you love that child more than the rest. Attention is given most to the weak or guidance to a child who needs it most.
Tan
@tshihmin2 (186)
• Malaysia
20 Dec 12
Yes, it's true. Children are like pets. You need to educate, nurture and care for them. You got to put in a lot of love, patient and tolerance too. When they are sick, you take care of them. When they are down, you cheer them up. When they throw tantrum, you got to be patient.
vidhyaprakash_2
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
20 Dec 12
Hi friend, why are you considering only animals or birds will be our pets? if we think our kids as out pets, is it downgrading them? i don't think so.. We love our pets a lot and give our utter most affection to the pets, in the same way we like our kids and take a lot of care about them, so we can consider our kids as our pets. My kids are always my pets and they are my world
Otanetix
@Otanetix (508)
• United States
20 Dec 12
While I do not have children yet, I do not think parents should be perceiving their children as pets. I feel as though pets are living things that provide us company and eventually become part of our lives like children, but they do not have the same type of connections we would make with children. A bond between a child and a parent is different from a bond between an owner and its pet. With children, we can communicate with them with a spoken language to understand each other. With pets, we do not speak the same spoken language as our pets, which creates a different type of bond.
ZoeJoy
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
20 Dec 12
I have met some mothers who are emotionally detached to their children, so I would not say that kind of perspective is more typical of fathers. I have seen some very responsible and caring fathers - even single fathers who are totally responsible for their children and deeply care about them. It is disturbing to hear either a mother or a father treat their children in a detached manner. I respect you for taking the time to make sure that the circumstances are right for having a child. I have always told my children, don't have a baby until you have a nest to put your baby. In other words, make sure that your life and your home is prepared and ready for a child.