How to deal with flirty friend?

@ckyera (17261)
Philippines
December 22, 2012 5:33am CST
Hi everyone! I just wonder if anyone of you have encountered someone who seems to be a "friend" to you and then turned out to be a flirt to your husband or boyfriend... Like just because she feels that you are already "close" she can already act as if she's also that close to your partner? I think I have encountered one in my life now...haha well I thought she will be a good friend but she seems to be too much that sometimes I think she forget her boundaries... Maybe some people will think that I am just jealous...but well all I can say is that its not really jealousy that I feel...its annoyance! haha How about you guys if you happen to have a "friend" like that, what would you do? Coz in my case I started to avoid her and let her feel that I don't like what she's doing and I think its just right to avoid people who do no good in our life but just giving us stress,... hehe
1 person likes this
9 responses
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
If I had a friend like that I would confront her and tell her how I feel and how I see her actions. If she becomes defensive then that would cause problems. I would tell her that I trust her and that I know she will understand how I feel then stop doing that thing I think is flirting with my partner. That will attack her conscience and maybe she will stop and all is well. But if she keeps doing it, I think I will have to cut our friendship because she doesn't respect and care for my feelings. Fortunately, I don't have such friends. In fact, they don't like my boyfriend all that much. But some of my friends do find him funny and they are like play mates.
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
Hi Aja! Actually, I have no problems with my friends being close to my husband as well, but hey they should know their boundaries. Most of my friends knows me very well and I am open in telling them from the start what I don't like when it comes to my husband.. haha call me, jealous, selfish...I don't care... she knows that and yet she still act that way... I didn't confront her yet because I don't want to have bigger issues and troubles. I just keep quite and talk to my husband instead. You know, another friend told me that the girl told her that she noticed my aloofness towards her, maybe because I am jealous of her... (what a nerve!) And then my friend replied that maybe because you are flirting, teasing too much with her husband...and the flirt friend said, nah I thought we are already close friends and such acts are just fine...and keep quiet afterwards as if she lost of words to say...
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
I think you have a point of not confronting that friend of yours. She seems to be not the type who can easily understand. I don't think it's necessary for a friend to act flirty with someone else's husband just because they are close. Some people just can be abusive and insensitive.
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
24 Dec 12
Yeah, and maybe if I confront her, I will be the bad one in the story, she can easily deny things and turn everything against me, so its better for me to give her a silent treatment and kick her out in our life. True, because even the two of us are close before, I never flirt with her husband! I agree, you got it...abusive and insensitive!
• United States
23 Dec 12
Yes I HAD one of those friends.She was constantly causing problems.a guy I was dating spoke to her and she said he licked his lips and was flirting(I.laughed..little did she know he wasn't going to speak until I nudged him)I knew she was a flirt but I tried to overlook it.but one day I left my phone in a seperate room and she was texting my boyfriend flirty messages (on MY phone).I broke friendship with her after that.I can't be friends with a scandalous female.if I can't trust you around my guy I can't trust you around my purse or annything else for that matter.I think its time for you to find a real friend
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
Hi there! Yeah, those kind of women will bring no good to us. I think I am just doing the right thing of kicking her out in my life...I really feel bad that I fall for her "kindness"& "sweetness" before... now I find it difficult to trust people around me, because I don't really know who have good intentions and who are fake...
• United States
24 Dec 12
Right...drop her and go out and find you some REAL friends.She won't do anything but create drama between you and your guy,just not worth it.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
24 Dec 12
Yeah right...but too bad, she already created drama between me and my husband and it took me a while before I make my husband understand my point of wanting him to stay away from that girl...
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
i had a friend like that. we never talked after i learned that she was actually sleeping with my ex. that was gross. but after 4 years she asked for my forgiveness. since i already forgot everything and i am no longer bitter, i forgive her and we are now back on being good friends as if nothing happens
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
Hi Jamie! I think you're such a good friend and a true friend to her being able to forgive and forget and even manage to be friends with her again. Well maybe since the guy is already your ex. But what if you're still with that guy who slept with her? would you still able to forgive her and forget? Or can you still trust her?
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
i think i can forgive the girl but never the guy. why? because i treasure my friends more than those kind of boys. i do believe that my friend wont flirt if my ex did not shown any motives that he wants to be flirted.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
24 Dec 12
hmmmm...but what if its really the girl who gave motives first?
@sjvg1976 (18381)
• Delhi, India
23 Dec 12
Hello CK, That's true it happens with us in life and its always better to forget such people and try to get them out of our lives as soon as possible. Its like stabbing at the back when some one whom you think to be your "friend' comes out not to be your friend at a time when you need him/her.
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
Hi there! That's very true! A lot of back stabbers these days...really difficult to find real friends. actually, her being flirty is only one thing, another thing that I don't like about her is that she say not so good things about me to other people and twisted some stories in favor of her...
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
hello amiga You are doing the right thing...avoid her and make her feel that she is not welcome. Yes, it's more on feeling annoyed than jealousy. Since you're not yet confirmed with the flirting- that's why you feel annoyed. I can say that- a friend must know her boundaries, and for values wise, she shouldn't be acting that way. She should know her boundaries as a woman. No decent woman will ever flirt with a married man. I myself knows my limitations when it comes to friendship- because I want to be respected. I hope that "friend" will realize that she's doing something wrong that might cause trouble between you and your husband. What a..flirt...
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
Hi Jaiho, Amiga! Yeah, she's no longer welcome in our house and as much as possible I turn down her invitations to me & my husband. I regret (a bit) being close to her before...I asked myself how can I be so wrong in choosing a friend this time... Maybe next time I should really trust my instinct towards a person, because I remember when I first met her, I already feel something about her, but I give her a chance and that benefit of the doubt... but my first impression on her is right and now she cause troubles with me & my husband... You know, my husband & I even have a bad fight just because I told him what I am feeling and my observation...he gets mad because he thought that I am mistrusting him, but I already explain my side and my sentiments and thanks that finally he understands, and now we agreed to avoid her and anyone who will cause troubles in our marriage...
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
Oh that's annoying especially if she's doing it in front of you. Well we know the difference between friend and friendlier so a woman's instincts are mostly right. But let's give her the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe she's not aware that she's already flirting. But if I were in your situation, I would tell my husband that I think she's flirting and he has to stay away from her.
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
Yeah, really annoying and everything started in our outing, its actually a vacation for me & my husband and she just ask me if she and her family can join...(yes, she's also married) so I said yes because I feel like it will be offending if I said no, specially when e are also with other company... okay, hen we are already in the island, there she started being too much...attention seeker, I don't know, I just let it pass, but its not only me who noticed her actions, I guess she's also flirting with my other friend's husband... haha Do I just think bad? maybe, but imagine, she left her husband and spend more time talking to my friend's husband and with my husband, whenever e took photos, she keeps on joining us and even anted to take pictures with my husband alone... that's the time I started to feel bad towards her coz she don't respect my husband & I's time.
@Sreekala (22720)
• India
22 Dec 12
I am supporting the views of Jenny. Be frank and tell it openly to your friend. It may be bit hard and rude but no other way dear. If you stop talking with this friend it may encourage her to become close with your hubby. If she didn't intend in that way, she will tell you the same and maintain the distance for sure.
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
Hi Sreekala! Well, I don't really like talking to her anymore, I don't even want to see her face...haha But I guess she already know by now where to place herself, I don't know what's in her mind, maybe that's her natural, being too close with guys, but you know, from the very start I already told her that I don't like women who act too close to my husband! hehe
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@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
I wife has that "instinct". And I know how you feel about it. I think that it is better to let your friend know that you are not comfortable with the way she act around your husband and it would be much better of you would be seeing less of her. It might be brutally frank, but it is the best way you can avoid future problems.
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@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
Hi Jenny! Yeah that's right, that "instict" that's something that pushes me to feel different towards her... haiz! I didn't tell her personally hat I feel but I guess she knew it already, and what I don't like is that she even tell to another friend that I am a different person already because I feel jealous towards her and say a lot of bad things about me, I ask myself, how can I be so wrong in choosing her to be a "friend" I already told my husband about hat I feel and what I noticed, and actually we have a fight just because of that because he feels that I am just thinking bad about him and that girl... it makes me really sad that time, but its better no, my husband and I decided to avoid people who cause troubles and fights between us...
@Jennlee3 (292)
• United Kingdom
28 Dec 12
Jealousy is only "bad" if it is manifesting itself unhealthily in a relationship--meaning you accuse your partner, get jealous over innocent, platonic friendships etc. But that's between you and your partner. If your friend is over stepping a line, you have a right to feel uncomfortable because she is disrespecting both your friendship and your relationship with your partner. I wouldn't blow up or throw away the friendship or anything drastic, but perhaps you could just take her aside and explain calmly and politely that you feel she is coming off a bit too forward with your partner and it makes you uncomfortable. If she is a true friend, she will understand and have enough respect for you to back off. x
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
30 Dec 12
Hi Jennlee! Thanks for the advise and I think its really a good thing to do, but I chose not to discuss it with her. Why? because I know that in the end I will just appear to be the "bad" person her, accusing her of things that she thought is just fine, and worst is, I know that she will just tell it to her other friends and again, I will appear to be just a jealous girl, and I don't want it to happen, to be the subject of their "gossips". What I did is just, I talk to my husband instead. And by the way, I guess she's starting to back off now since I started being cold to her.
@Jennlee3 (292)
• United Kingdom
30 Dec 12
It sucks she can't be a more mature and rational person but I guess it's good she got the hint and started to back off after you gave her the cold shoulder. Also, I'm glad you talked to your husband because I think honest communication in a relationship is key!