I found out that he is married

@chiwasaki (4694)
Philippines
December 24, 2012 5:56pm CST
I found out that he is married... I have a crush in the office. Of course it is just a crush, an admiration. But I found out that he is married. Well that is fine, it is not as if I will have a relationship with him. But I have some office mates who has a relationship with my other office mates though the guy is married. What do you think about this? If a married guy will court you, will you accept him? If you are a married guy, will you court a pretty girl that you like?
4 people like this
27 responses
@dollar3235 (2062)
• India
25 Dec 12
Of course not that's why I'm still single....
3 people like this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi dollar3235! I am sure that you will find the right person for you. Love takes time but I guess we all need to wait. It is good that you do not want to engage to a married person as this will complicate your life.
• United States
25 Dec 12
If the guy is married that should not be done. Marriage means staying with one person. If the employers stay with a married man, that is real bad unless he is divorced. They should not accept it even if it is the husband opinion.
3 people like this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi momworker41! Yes marriage means you are bonded to your wife or husband. I think since they are binded by God or by law, people should not break it. It is like breaking the law of God and society.
1 person likes this
@AdalieM (1134)
• United States
25 Dec 12
Nope, because the married ones always say they are going to leave their wives, but they never do. If he is divorced that's a different thing. Is hard enough as it is to maintain a relationship with a single a guy, and getting involved with one who is married--you are just asking for trouble and drama. Not to mention, a married man cannot give you full attention if he already has other responsibilities with his family. Why have just a tiny piece of cake, when you can have the whole cake.
3 people like this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi AdalieM! What you just said is perfect, yes why not wait for the whole cake. I agree with you that a married man can not give you his full attention. Having a relationship with a married guy is very complicated. And maintaining a a relationship with a single guy is hard as well.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
25 Dec 12
Kind of weird that you say: I discovered that he is married. Can't everybody in your office see at once who is married and who is single? Everybody should know by him/herself what to do, they are responsible for their own deeds.
3 people like this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi WakeUpKitty! We are a very big company with around 3000 employees. Our floor alone has almost one hundred of employees. We do not know each other here personally. Our team has 20 people and I know these people. But we do not even know everyone's name in the floor. You will just see this office mate and their face will just look familiar to you. The crush that I am referring to is my office mate but not my team mate. Where are on the same building, same floor, but we are working on a different LOB. He does not even know my name. I just know his name but no details about him. I guess it is weird if you are in a regular office that has 20 or 30 employees who also belongs to same town or city. But in my case, employees are from different cities and towns so I guess it is normal not to know their status.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
25 Dec 12
To me married means hands off. Not for one of them but for both of them. Wed feel bad if our husbands or even boy friends were cheating on us. Its not good. Merry xmas to you there. Take care....
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi mariaperalta! A cheating boy friend is hard to accept, how much more a cheating husband. Specially if this person made a vow to you that there will be no one else. Merry Christmas to you Maria and you have a wonderful day. God bless you always.
25 Dec 12
I really think it is messed up when a married person goes and dates someone or pretends to not be married. All it does is hurt everybody involved. I would never date anybody who is married. I feel it is a wrong thing to do.
3 people like this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi fjordan327! You are right but some people feel it is right though it is wrong. I will never date a married man as well. I will just think about their family all over and over again. I will be guilty and in the end, I will just be hurt.
• United States
25 Dec 12
I had developed a close friendship with a man that I worked with. When I first started at the company, I was still married, albeit quite unhappily. I did develop a crush on him, but that was as far as it went-I wasn't out to jeopardize my marriage. One day, we took our kids to the local science museum-totally platonic, but when I arrived home, my husband announced that he was leaving. That was when our divorce proceedings started. I found that he had just stopped paying certain bills that he was responsible for for about six months prior to making the announcement. Ed (my office mate) stopped to talk to me one afternoon while I was alone, and I told him about what was happening. He was upset, and worried that it was because of him. I didn't think so, but in hindsight, I'm sure that was a lot of the reason for my husband leaving. My husband left, and a week later, Ed and I began a seven year relationship. Ed just left something out-the 'friend' that he shared a house with was his common law wife! We knew of one another, but had never really spoken to one another. I was so in love with him, but once I realized what was going on (after putting bits and pieces together), I stopped seeing him. And it broke my heart. I wasn't aware that he was involved, and couldn't understand how he could lie the way he did. Sometimes people make decisions without knowing all the facts , like I did.
1 person likes this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi scorpiobabes! I do not know as to why he lied but sometimes, people lied because of love. I think this person really loves you but it will be difficult to be on your situation. Your decision might be painful but I guess it is for the best. You will find the guy who is truly right for you.
• United States
26 Dec 12
Thank you. I think Ed DID care for me more than he was ready to admit. His issue with us being together was the eleven year age difference. He actually has been in contact twice-once he sent me a text message (last April, about six months after we had last spoke) and just this past August, he phoned me and left a message. Most of my friends didn't like me seeing him either, but I went with my heart. They turned out to not really be good friends. I did start seeing someone else, but to be honest, Jim (my new boyfriend) is rather self-centered. Not sure I'll ever find the right guy-I did but because he lied to me, I had to leave him.
@1corner (744)
• Canada
25 Dec 12
Absolutely not! Why waste your time with someone who's already taken, & probably have children too? That'll destroy the couple's bond, and ruin the children's lives. That is one thing children - and even spouses - don't bounce back from so easily. Takes years to heal, if at all. I know of someone who couldn't forgive her dad for taking up with a client - who apparently had little moral scruples as to cohabitate with a married man & father- until he lay on his deathbed (when his kids had teenage kids of their own). He had no contact with his original family after deciding to take up with his mistress and her kids. He left his wife & kids with nothing too- house, money, food. His wife forgave hime earlier than their children, but never married again.
@1corner (744)
• Canada
28 Dec 12
Am glad to hear that. Count yourself better than someone who'd fall for this. I'm quite sure God has someone else reserved for you. You're Christian, right? If it's your desire to have a boyfriend/husband someday, you can ask Him to let your paths cross. (He has to share your faith, too).
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi 1corner! That is also my belief, I will never engage myself to a married man. If the man is married, I believe he already belongs to someone else. Also, this will make their children suffer and healing takes a lot of time.
@gerald_lian (2188)
• Australia
25 Dec 12
I guess it really boils down to individual principles, what you value in life and religious beliefs. In terms of relationships, it's hard to say what is right and what is wrong. But if you ask me personally, if someone who is already hitched wants to court me, I would reject the person because in my beliefs it isn't the right thing to do (and in hindsight, the problems that will come after that would be a lot to handle too). My personal belief is that if someone is already married, getting into a relationship with that person is breaking up an existing family and basically consenting the person to "cheat" on their partner (since we already know that he/she is married), which I think is not a very good or nice thing to do.
1 person likes this
• Australia
26 Dec 12
Haha, you might be surprised to know that a "considerate" person like me is still very much single and available! But in addition to being considerate of others' feelings, I am also one that tries to avoid potential problems if I can foresee them, because handling problems which can be avoided in the first place is stressful and time consuming.
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi gerald_lian! It is nice to hear that there are people who are very considerate of other people's feelings. Most people now a days normally follow their heart and feeling without regard to the people that they will hurt. I think it is not good to break one's family no matter what the reason is. Couples should try their hardest to preserve their marriage.
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Dec 12
As far as courting a married person I think morals come into question. And why spend this time with someone who is already taken? I think you can be friends with people who are married but must also keep in mind that this person is married and respect that. I am sure it is very ego bursting to be liked or know that a pretty girl has a crush on you. Marriage should be respected or why get married to begine with? And when you start letting the boundaries get fuzzy then you are for trouble and alot of hurt feelings on both sides.
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Dec 12
Ya, it causes all kinds of problems for everyone involved.
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi celticeagle! Yes we should respect marriage. I for one believe that marriage is sacred. If I will be married, I will not involve myself to another person. Now since I am single, I will not also involve myself to a married guy. This kind of relationship causes a lot of trouble.
1 person likes this
@dainy1313 (2370)
• Leon, Mexico
25 Dec 12
I wouldn´t do it. Because real love doesn´t hurt people. Nobody. Real love doesn´t hurt nobody. And I mean real love doesn´t hurt anybody I mean, if you really love him, you wouldn´t like to cause pain to him, and to innocent people behind him, in the longterm. And if he really loves you he shouldn´t make you suffer. If you really love a person you don´t want to ruin his/her life, if you really love a person you don´t want to cause him/her pain. Don´t you think so? Blessings chiwasaki... dainy
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi dainy1313! Love is patient and keeps no records of wrong. So I guess falling in love with a married guy is not love at all. I do not know but I guess being attached to a married guy will cause pain to both parties.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
25 Dec 12
I think that is wrong. If a person is married they need to make a decision. Either they want to be with the person they married or get a divorce. To many innocent people get hurt this way. It is best for them to just decide what they want and to be honest with their spouse. Not go around behind their back.
2 people like this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi Dominique25! Yes I also think having a relationship with a married person is wrong. For me, it feels wrong and I know it is wrong. There are a lot of people who will get hurt in the end with this kind of relationship.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Dec 12
Yeah so many people get hurt when this is done. That is why it is best for that person to make a decision and talk with their spouse about. That way their is no deception or lying involved. There will still be pain but the spouse will at least no what is going on or happening.
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
"Pretty Girl" huh? and if i am married would i court her? i cannot say i wouldn't neither can i say i would. because things like a married man courting a "PRETTY GIRL" that they like, happens. but if my wife would provide me one good reason why i would consider courting another "pretty girl" then i believe i will be tempted to do so. so it depends really on my relationship with my wife. i am single and despite my being one i never courted another girl married or not, when i am still into a relationship.
1 person likes this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi Pen_Pal777! Your relationship with your wife will definitely be a factor. I know some married guys who are still courting pretty girls. Yes married guys with kids and they will say they will give up their wives and kids for them. That is sad as it will just ruin another family.
• China
25 Dec 12
Iam sorry to hear that, i think you need to control yourself, not to contine this relationship again.Althought you thought you love each other, but i think the responsibilities to the family members are of the most important. Everyone needs to think twice before taking action.
2 people like this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi echo060201! I think you have misunderstood what my discussion is all about. The title of the discussion is, I found out that he is married. But I do not have a relationship with this guy. I guess you have not read the content of the discussion. I mentioned that he is my crush, not my boy friend and I do not have an intention to have a relationship with him at all.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
It is okay to admire someone - physically, or maybe because he is smart and intelligent... But then knowing he is married, you should really not do anything more than to admire this person and have a crush on him. Having thought of something like this, to have a relationship with a married man, nor to a man who is attached is a no no for me, that is against my values and i will not let myself fall into such a trap. I think this is not what we should be doing, just because others are okay with it... does not mean we should be doing it as well. If a married guy courts me, i would decline him, i will not give him a chance, nor myself that chance to be hurt and be part of this person's infidelity.
1 person likes this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi chiyosan! Yes I have a crush on him because he is cute and smart. But I really do not know him very well. And since he is married, that is a no no for me as well. I do not want to get involve with a married guy. Well, crush is like admiration, its not as if I want to have a relationship with him. I definitely agree with you, being together with a married guy is also against my values.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
25 Dec 12
No way I would never consider a married guy! why? because he is a cheater not just to his wife but to you as well...and if I was a guy would I court a pretty girl? I probably would but then she would be stupid enough to follow a courtship from a married man really? a married man got a wife and children and a home they built do you think for a moment that they would give all this away for a pretty thing in short skirts?
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi alottodo! I agree with you, that is also considered as cheating. As for a married man courting a pretty girl, not all men are honest and will stick to their wives and children. I know some men who will give up everything just to be with a young woman. You probably have not encountered these men but they do exist. I have a friend and her parents are together for 20 years. Then his father suddenly left them because of a young woman. To answer your question, yes, some men will give away everything for a pretty thing in short skirts. That is one example of that and I am sure there are a lot of men who already done that.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
As much as possible refrain from having a relationship with a married man or woman. It will create so much complications in your life.
1 person likes this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi pahak627! You are right, we should not get involved with married individuals. But just to clear this, I do not see him as someone who I want to have a relationship with. He is just my crush, I just admire him for being cute and smart. I guess I just appreciate him.
@Arieles (2473)
• United States
25 Dec 12
I think it is fine to court a married man as long as they are married to each other. Many office mates work together are also married. I think it is perfectly fine. It is not okay if they are cheating on each other. When he says "he is married" he means that he is married to the she. I probably sound like I am so confused, but I had this figured out a long time a-go. It would not be okay to date someone else in the office if they are married to each other.
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi Arieles! I guess that would be fine to both of them. But I think that is not fine with the wife and kids of the guy. It is like her husband or the father is being taken away from them. It is hard if there are kids involved.
• Vietnam
25 Dec 12
I won't court a pretty girl that i like if I was a married. It not good. Friendship is accept.
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi nguyenloan! That is nice to hear that you are considering their status. Some guys are not like that. As long as she is pretty, they will still court her though she is married. Some guys do not care if they will ruin a family or not. They just care about how they feel.
• China
25 Dec 12
I definitely can not accept the guy who already had a family.It is really a dangerous relationship with a married one.It will broke the whole family,what if your husband /wife courts someone else.how do you feel?
1 person likes this
@chiwasaki (4694)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi summer0614! Yes it is actually a dangerous relationship. If I will be the wife and my husband will have an affair, I will be really hurt. But just to be clear summer, I do not have relationship with this married guy. He is just my crush and I admire him that is all.