Do you listen to your partner/spouse when they say you are going to do somethin

United States
December 26, 2012 8:12am CST
I think that it is very annoying when anyone tells me that I have to do this or that. As if I'm suppose to obey there every word. My husband tries to do this often. For example if I get a full time job he says that I will be the one paying for our daughter to go to daycare. When we talked about if I got pregnant again he said I would HAVE TO nurse or that I would be the one paying for formula. I mentioned wanting to get my tubes tied and for some reason he seems to think that this is a crazy idea. I don't know why he would think that I want to keep having children when he thinks that I should be paying for everything. Sometimes I think he has lost it.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@dee777 (1418)
• South Africa
27 Dec 12
Question: Has he always been as controlling like this, or is this new? If its new, you need to know why he reacts like this. It seems as if you two need to sit down and have a discussion about all these issues where you tell him your concerns. Do not attack him, talk nicely and tell him how his actions make you feel. It's good to have a soundboard, but we must be so careful not to control our partners.
27 Dec 12
well its good to set together and talk about that as everything is resolved by discuss it
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 12
@dee in some areas he is controlling and other areas not. I didn't imagine that he would want to be controlling this area. I'm sure that we will have this conversation more as time goes on. My problem is that I literally have to do everything and he helps with nothing. I have to work outside the home, I have to take care of my daughter, take care of the home,clean,etc, I also plan on going to college sometime in 2013. So I really have my plate full already with the responsibilities I have now. And unfortunately he doesn't help with any of it. If he were a more supportive husband then it might be different. But I don't see that happening anytime soon. He expects me to do everything. Whatever my goals are he expects me to put them all on hold. He seems to think that if I want to work full time then I have to pay for daycare (as if she isn't his daughter and he doesn't want to use HIS money to pay for daycare). Or if I don't want to nurse then I have to pay the $100 or more a month for the infant formula. Although he already knows that nursing my daughter made her super attached to me that she didn't want to be with anyone else. Which was exhausting because I always had to rush when I did anything because she couldn't stay home with him for very long. I do not want to go through that process all over again. He views HIS money as HIS. And he doesn't want to pay or help with things like birth control. I have a huge doctors bill that I have to get paid off and then I plan to go back and get back on the pills. I tried the shot for a time but that caused a lot of joint pain.
• United States
27 Dec 12
@drpt I'm sure that my husband and I will have to talk about this more. I know how I feel about it and I will have to make the best decision for myself, my daughter and my life. It will take time but hopefully he will start to see my viewpoint.
26 Dec 12
I'm in a similar situation. My husband wants a ton of kids but once we had our daughter he was too busy or just didn't help like he said he would. He barely changed diapers, didn't help with feeding or baths. I think the idea he had in his head was much different then when she was actually here. Now I'm EXTREMELY reluctant on having any more children. Maybe after we married them their ego just became ridiculously high. They feel that they now have a say in every aspect of our lives. Sorry you feel that way but know that you're not alone.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 12
Yeah you can definitely relate to what I'm going through. Your situation described is very similar to mine. My husband as well thought things would be great if we have kids. And I guess if I were in his shoes it would be great. Because I'm the one who has to do everything. My day never seems to end. With him he works full time and that's it. I have to work part time outside the home, part time at home, raise our child, take care of the home,etc. And yet after work he is free to do what he wants. I really don't want to have anymore kids. One child is enough for me.
• India
27 Dec 12
Ohhh kitana your husband wants tons of kids means more kids but now we should take care and only 1 or 2 is sufficient. Wow!! your husband change the diapher also great my husband will throw the diapher if this situation arise. Ego is the danger for both life husband or wife.
• Philippines
27 Dec 12
Sometimes my husband tells me what to do I obey him if I know he's right but if not I'm telling him I won't do it and telling him the reasons, we sometimes quarrel about it but after that things were cleared to us. He knows my reasons and I know his reasons. If we have some problems we talked about it because if we just keep it into our selves it will just explode like a bomb one day, it's better to prevent it at its early signs. In your case I think you must tell your husband what you feel and make him understand your situation. A good communication and understand is what you need. I know it's not easy for some couples but as a wife you are the one responsible to build that because that is one of the most essential things in relationship. Sometimes husbands can't just face problems they won't say that they're afraid of it but as a wife you will feel it.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 12
Yeah I agree with you that communication is very important for a relationship to grow and do well. I'm sure that my husband and I will talk more about this. He has to remember to put himself in my shoes and see why I want to do things the way I do. When he does this he will start to understand my reasoning better.