Funny child...

@vandana7 (57749)
India
December 26, 2012 12:04pm CST
One of my neighbors has a child who is yet to turn one. Of late, my maid started working with them, and she has been bringing the baby over. For some strange reason, the child has taken fancy to me. So when he comes to me, he refuses to leave, no...he cries. He does not even go to his mother and has to be pulled away from me. Its very strange for me, and I feel that the mother must be hurting inside when her baby is not going to her. But the child is irresistable like all babies are. I lie to me that I am merely helping. But I feel guilty. Am I trying to steal away her kid or something? So my question to you all is, have you met a baby who refuses to go to his mother from the arms of another lady. Is it a normal behavior or is the baby trying to tell us something?
3 people like this
20 responses
@hora_fugit (5433)
• India
27 Dec 12
I am not a working mother, but I will pitch in anyway :) In my opinion the lady should be hurting... feeling guilty. Children love undivided attention which you are offering him. His mother is not able to do that. So she felt sad and guilty when the child's action demonstrated the very same fact. Enough with bookish talk. It is quite natural and you shoud not be worried. It is now up to the mother and others in family to make the bond stronger. You don't have to get away from the child as long as you don't actively turn him against his mother! ;) I wanted to ask how come the maid takes the child from ths home to that. It is a little bit strange and unsafe.... Children tend to be attached to me a lot too. I accept they are very amiable cute ones, but just too much for me. Sometimes I am happier than a child when its mother comes to take it from me. One more thing: even if you don't intend to steal away the child and feel guilty about it all, how does it feel when the child starts having acceptable tendencies, feels happier with the mother and does not come to you much any more? You in generic sense...
• India
27 Dec 12
I don't think the child is trying to convey an SOS. He would have cried all the time the mother took him - from anyone - if he had some problem with her. Maybe she can do something to make her time with him limited but so special that he is delighted to see her back. Don't ask me what :s
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
And I am aware that it will hurt me later. I am not his mother. I am not his family member. As he grows up, and his presence in our home decreases, we will miss him. I want to be careful on that, especially for the sake of papa. He will feel very left out. Right now, the kiddo goes very easily to papa and pulls out his pen, his glasses, whatever is there in his shirt pockets, and plays with laptop keys. But as he grows up, and starts going to school, this entertainment or time pass would be missing. That void will be felt.
@allknowing (56799)
• India
27 Dec 12
Children are unpredictable and this baby is no exception. Perhaps you create better vibes than the mother does. But this is a temporary phase. So you need not feel guilty.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Thanks allknowing. I think this is because his grandmother does not play much with him being an osteoporosis patient, and mother is at office most of the time that he is awake, and he is left to maids in between who may not be doing a real good job, so he jumps when he sees me. He gets to bang the door ring the door bell, switch on lights and play with the torch when he comes to me. I guess those are the things he likes doing..lol Hope the attachment wont be there at a later stage in a way that the mother feels left out. The intention is not that.
@allknowing (56799)
• India
27 Dec 12
Oh no vandana!!! - You are spoiling him, wholesale! This took me back to a time when a little boy would come and visit me. He would slowly get down the stairs - this was when I was living in a flat in the Metro - and knock at the door. He was just around 2. He would straight away go to our bedroom and have a ball of a time picking things from my dressing table. His favourite pass time was opening the lipstick tubes one by one. He never destroyed anything. His mother was very strict with him and never allowed him to touch anything in the house except his own toys.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
You dont know how relieved I am feeling with that. I have played with a lot of kids in my lifetime. But they have always gone back to their mothers. This is the first time I have come across this type of child. I did have a neighbor's kid who would lift a screwdriver everytime he got a chance and come down to our place to repair our old cooler. And he would be annoyed if we tried to take away that screw driver. Kids..lol. So lovable na..:)
@rambansal (576)
• India
27 Dec 12
Ohhh yes, I often confront such situations while I move around my village in the evenings. Children recognize true joy of affiliation instinctively for their unbiased minds. Even a 4 year hyperactive girl is so much attached to me that she likes food that is cooked by me and forcefully shares it with me. Otherwise, she remains hungry for the whole day waiting for some food from me while the food prepared by me is very rough as compared to foods prepared by women in her own house.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Oh...:) That is sweet...:) But after sometime ..they will forget us. I remember there was a guy whom I met when I was in 8th standard. I was told this man used to carry me around in the entire town. He was a laborer, and must not be eating much to be carrying me around. His name was Mahipal. But then, I didnt recall though he carried me around at the age of 5 or so. Hope you dont hurt later on.
• India
31 Dec 12
No, surely, I know they can't afford to remember about me. I too have forgotten the man in my mother's native village who used to take me around the village daily when I was 4. Life is like that. Somebody served us and made us debtors. We are just repaying that debt with gratitude.
@dollar3235 (2063)
• India
26 Dec 12
This happens with kids, when I was at home, my cousins had similar problem, if I was there, they never used to leave me. Don't blame yourself for something that doesn't even exist, enjoy the time with the kid.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Yeah...I realize that now. As many people have had similar experiences, it means it is not unusual.
• India
28 Dec 12
We think kids are small and have no brain but they are very clever, they know who will better take care of them and they prefer those people only.
@vernaC (1493)
• Romania
26 Dec 12
That's not normal at all. It's the mother that every baby won't leave but in this case it's the other way round. Something's wrong inside that baby's house that makes me think the baby isn't happy there. Might really the mother is hurting the baby, maybe you should ask your helper if she knows something wrong in there.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Oh no...its not that bad. Its just that he possibly finds me entertaining him more. Sparing more time for him. And better than the maids or nanny that he has. I dont think he is unhappy there. His mother dotes on him. This is their first child. May be the kind of games he gets to play with me are more pleasing to him at that point of time. He gets to ring the bell, switch on fans and lights, and play with some torch light. He finds those things very fascinating. Closing and opening the door. Maids are hardly going to do that, and the mother is busy with her job, cooking, cleaning, feeding...just about everything that she cant spare much time for this type of play may be. All I know is, I feel guilty when she tries to take the kid from me and the kiddo gives her a royal snub. I feel bad when they have to lift the kid from behind for feeding, and he cries. I have apologized a couple of times and the lady is ok with that. But in the heart of heart she must find it strange.
@vernaC (1493)
• Romania
27 Dec 12
Ahh I'm sorry for jumping into conclusion. In this case, it just showed that your giving this kid the fun time that he should be experiencing with his mother instead that's why he doesn't like to leave you.
@carolbee (16243)
• United States
26 Dec 12
Something doesn't sound right here. Am not saying you aren't a caring, loving person but it is odd that a baby doesn't want to go to his mom. The baby must feel secure in your arms but again I say this doesn't sound quite right. Most babies want their mommy and the love of that mom. I hope everything is ok within family. Are there other children in the family you are talking about?
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Carolbee...there are no other children. The child is loved much. I think it is because the mother is working and returns late, and during the daytime, there are maids who are looking after the child, and the child feels better with me than maids, and possibly does not give much recognition to his mom because she is hardly around when he is awake. Whatever be the reason, he likes being with me. And in all my life, I too have never come across a case where the baby prefers to be with outsider or me rather than with his mother.
@carolbee (16243)
• United States
27 Dec 12
Makes sense to me. Thanks for the explanation.
@subhojit10 (7384)
• India
26 Dec 12
Thanks a ton for sharing this discussion. Ha ha ha, i seriously do not know how to react on this matter but to be very honest, i think because of this child both u and his mother are into trouble as his mother must be thinking negative about u and even u are not able to help either. I think since he is too small, may be he is finding it comfortable to spend time at your home and may be u can talk to his mother and clear all issues. What say?
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
May be because I am fat and old so he likes to be held by me, rather than his mother. Hope the lady is not hurting.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Hope so. I did apologize to her when her face looked crestfallen. After all, working ladies hardly get time to spend with their kids. I have seen her kneeling in front of sofa to play with him. And she has tried to take him out every weekend to some toy shop or the other. She truly and sincerely loves him. It is just that she does not get time during the weekdays. And when he turned away from her, for a fraction of second her face did look crestfallen. Its natural for mother to expect the child to love her.
@dawnald (84157)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jan 13
No, but I've met a few cats at the adoption center that have really taken to me.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
8 Jan 13
I think his mother felt very bad at being so badly rejected twice so she has not allowed the kid at my place for the last ten days now ..taken leave to be with the child.
• China
27 Dec 12
Yes, I once read from a book, that before baby can speak to express their ideas, they will communicate with the outside world through facial expressions or body gestures. Maybe his mother just spoke loudly to him so he felt unhappy and wanted to get rid of his mother. Just guess.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
No..his mother dotes on him. :) She loves him a lot. :) That is hardly a possibility. :) I have seen her kneeling on floor trying to get his attention and play peek a boo with him. So no..its just that she leaves in the morning around 10.30 am, and returns around 8 pm. That leaves very little time if you consider the fact that in the morning she has to do some household chores as well as get ready to go to office. Traveling consumes much of her time I guess, and the traffic in the evening can be really bad. I feel sorry for her.
1 person likes this
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
27 Dec 12
Hi vannie maybe he just feel comfort with you and you spend time more than his mother maybe that is why he feel closer with you than with her mother my first son rejected me when he was a baby He prefered to be with my hubby because I was away from house to finish my college me and my son were very rare to meet each other
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
So...did you feel hurt when the child preferred others to you? Actually the lady wanted to take the kid out on the weekend. I was going out to buy some bread, and there he was jumping off the maid at me, and after he came to me, he wouldnt go back to his mother, even though she called him. I could see a fleeting expression of sadness, and that pinched me bad.
@dee777 (1418)
• South Africa
27 Dec 12
You are a good, loving person, and the child can feel it. Enjoy being there for him. I know he's still very small, but have you tried to explain to him that if he cries again when his mommy fetches him, he might not come to visit you again?
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
I dont think he will understand because he is not even one as yet..lol
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
27 Dec 12
Hi, The baby is feeling very much comfortable (lovable) when he's with you. I have sen kids who behave in this way. Even my daughter was very much attached to a lady next door and used to cry when i want to take her. Well, that stage was not there for a long time but i felt the babies feel a change and enjoy that change too. My next door baby (of 2 year old) also loves to stay in my house. She even take her afternoon nap and is very close to her Unca (uncle - i.e. my husband). You too enjoy being with the little one for a while and stop guilt feeling as it is not yur fault.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
viju ...I am so glad I started this discussion. I am feeling relieved with such information. I have not met any child like this prior to this one, though my pa says I was like that.
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
27 Dec 12
I am thinking that maybe the child's mother is not giving her or him enough love. Otherwise, kids would always go to their mothers.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Love is there, time is not..:(
@deiusz (194)
• Indonesia
27 Dec 12
great for you ..thanks for sharing this. it was happened to me with my sister son. when they came to our home i take him and play together, ride bike around the kompleks of my house, he like it very much and still wanna going arround, and he will cried if stopped my bike at my house. hahaha...but i gave him dark chocolate, and then stopped crying but still can not eat the chocolate bar..
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Exactly. I think they like how we play with them. Each one of us entertains a little differently. We try to find what fascinates the child. And as of now he is more interested in switches, door knobs and torch lights, and door bells. :)
@salonga (28073)
• Philippines
27 Dec 12
Well if that is the first time that child have seen you that would be quite strange but if she has been seeing you and have developed some kind of liking on you then that is not strange. If you've been really loving and nice to child then she might be getting more attention from you than from her own Mom. Her Mom must start to think by now what is lacking with the way she treats her kid.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Oops...that is exactly what I dont want his mother to think!!! She is not lacking in anything. She is a great mother. Its her job that keeps her away from him most of the time. And her responsibilities at home I guess. That is exactly what I was thinking - she must be feeling she lacks something when he displays so much affection towards me. I think it is time...and attention. And possible fat old self he feels as if he is being carried around in a cushion..lol
• China
27 Dec 12
Yes, children are so lovely because they are naive and pure. They say everything without thinking too much. They will not hide emotions or feelings. That is why people love kids.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
They are adorable, kissable, huggable, and simply a great pleasure to be with. Best bosses if you ask me. They get the maximum done by adults, and dont pay a thing for that..lol just a sweet smile..lol
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
26 Dec 12
That does happen from time to time. Sometimes a baby or small child will get bonded to someone else besides his mother. Does his mother spend time with her baby? Is she lovingly taking care of her baby? Perhaps this baby feels more love or more of a genuine concerned for small children from you. How does the mother feel? I would stay away from this baby for awhile because it is important that all babies are bonded to their mothers. You don't want to cause problems for the mother. Yes, babies are irresistible, but you must resist for the sake of this baby and his mother. You must do what is best for this baby, which is bond with his mother.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Oh his mother loves him a lot. In fact all members of his family love him. His father is usually on move. And grandfather is working. Grandmother is elderly lady who has osteoporosis so she cant lift him. And mother being a working lady can only spare him time after eight pm every evening, and the kid possibly sleeps by nine or so. Effectively, he does not see much of her during the weekdays but she makes it a point to spend the weekends with him. He even sleeps by her side. But he is up early and she being too tired gets up a bit late, and is in a rush to leave for office.
• United States
26 Dec 12
all children have someone they feel loved with. I would not feel anyway about this. I would just be happy with the child and he will be fine too.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
Children trust easily. And when they find one neighbor trustworthy, they think others would be same too, which is not always the case, isn't it? Anyway, I will try to move out of his life slowly and steadily say from March 2013. :)
@Nelisa22 (40)
• United States
26 Dec 12
I have had this experience before, sometimes babies just latch on to people. Sometimes babies can sense things in people: maybe the child sense's that you are a good person.
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
If you have had this experience, I must say you have redeemed my soul. I mean, I was finding it odd that the baby has taken so much to me, when I am not with him as much as his mother is. And feeling very guilty when the baby cries to be with me when his mother is around. But if it is just a natural thing, and other kids do it, then it is not abnormal. So I am ok I guess. Good person or not...lol.. well, I know I am not that good. :)
@Huyubo (14)
• China
26 Dec 12
Obviously the child like you ,may be his has not the concept of mother ,he who cares is who do good to him ,so i think you leave a good impression on him . you should feel luck ,may be he is the presenter of god,hh
@vandana7 (57749)
• India
27 Dec 12
He is so adorable...I must be playing with him hardly for half an hour to one hour each day, and some days not at all. Still the kiddo jumps when he sees me. I too feel i must be doing something that amounts to pampering.