Can You Live With Someone You Cannot Trust?

Jacksonville, Florida
December 27, 2012 2:33pm CST
Can you live with someone who constantly lies about everything? Has secrets? Does that make you comfortable to live with them? To be honest it would make me a little nervous to live with someone who lies all the time and has secrets...What are your thoughts?
9 people like this
53 responses
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
28 Dec 12
Depend on person if the person is family members or partner then I cant live with them because may be not trust but after all are family members.
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Dec 12
It is a family member. We had a talk tonight so hopefully the lies and secrets will stop. I am praying so anyway!
1 person likes this
@Mavic123456 (9702)
• Thailand
28 Dec 12
No. They say, you can love someone without trust but you can not trust someone without love. That's a bit odd. I can live with someone who has secrets I can live with them because i don't mind if the person is keeping a secret from me, that's how he/she lives her/his life. However I can not live with someone who can not keep secrets. I mean all the private things in the house will surely go out. That's just too disgusting.
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 12
Nothing to do with love on this one. I do have an issue with secrets and lies, it makes me very nervous!
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
28 Dec 12
Depends on the situation. Based on your responses I see that this pertains to house guests, in which case I say it is perfectly fine for your house guests to expect a certain level of privacy. This is the problem when you combine two households, different people are used to things a certain way. Perhaps your house guests are used to a little more freedom and privacy. Perhaps you are being a little over-sensitive in assuming they're keeping secrets. Maybe them lying and keeping secrets is just their way of keeping their lives private even though they're sharing your home. Maybe you should just talk to them and see what's going on instead of assuming something is wrong with them.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 12
To me there's a difference between being private and keeping secrets and telling lies. If they just wanted to keep things private they would say that's not your concern or I don't want to talk about it. Instead, they lie all the time about everything. They have changed passwords too. This person let me use their computer when my husband was using mine... then out of no where they changed the password so I could not get on, didn't tell me and didn't first say please don't use my computer anymore...Nothing it was just changed one day. To me if I have a problem with someone using something I will talk to them about it, not just change my password!
• United States
28 Dec 12
Perhaps they're just uncomfortable about expressing their needs and wants such as not sharing their computer. They might feel that if they tell you not to use their computer you might get upset with them since you're letting them stay in your house. So instead of dealing with a possible negative reaction, they just change the password and make up lies. If you would be fine with creating a confrontation such as that, why haven't you confronted them about their behavior yet?
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 12
I am planning on talking to the person tonight about everything. They have done everything in their power to avoid us lately... Tonight their not working, will be home and I have the chance to bring things up to them...
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
27 Dec 12
Nope, I wouldn't trust them. I would be leary of leaving things out such as money, gift cards, or so on. I went to college with a girl she use to lie about everything. I mean once she lied about being raped, and getting pregnent over it. She came to my place, and little things, she lied about. Once she threw her recipe in the sink, where my roomate had a dish soaking, I asked her who threw the paper in, meanwhile I stood watching her. I caught her going through my roomates laundry once, and I thought what the h*ll is she doing. I never invited her back after a feww times of catching her doing odd things (I never caught her stealing par say), and asked my roomates to lock everything up. Remmeber what they had and if it were missing. I couldn't trust her, and her lies constantly.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
27 Dec 12
I'm thinking the same thing. Right now its little things but what if those little things become bigger things? That is the concern right now... This person LIES about pretty much everything and it is usually over really stupid things too! Why do that? I don't like living with people who lie all the time or have secrets constantly, guarding phones and computers with their life! Worries me...a lot.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99286)
• United States
28 Dec 12
I have family members who cannot tell a story straight if their life depended on it.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
28 Dec 12
It would worry me as well, it telling they have a secret and something to hide. I know living with someone you don;t share everything, my roomates never shared everything, but we weren't lieing about it. Other than them lying saying they weren't talking about my sister and I meanwhile they were. But I think that was just them being immature, and irresponsible. I would sit down and bring this up, and see their reaction.
@JamesKYTan (1607)
• Malaysia
28 Dec 12
I definitely cannot live with anyone whom I cannot trust. I cannot trust liars too. If I cannot them I don't believe them. I try to distance myself from. I trust my wife and my son completely. This is because I truly know them well. That is why I fell in love with my wife who is sincere and trustworthy. She knows how to bring up my son and gives him good teachings. God Bless.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Dec 12
I can't either. Thank God I can trust my husband and kids! But I can't trust someone that's living with us right now... Its not a good feeling at all!
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
31 Dec 12
It is because of your love in God who brings you and your husband together to have a happy family. You trust your husband and kids mean your are good loving wife and mother. God bless you and Blessed New Year.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
28 Dec 12
I would be feeling uncomfortable myself. Coz if a person seem to be hiding all about his true self, who knows what he might think about you while you are sleeping, right? I wouldn't be feeling safe around that person.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 12
Yeah its a very uncomfortable feeling. Were going to have a talk with the person. Not looking forward to it but its gotta be done...
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
29 Dec 12
I sure hope that everything turns out well. But of course, you also have to expect for the worse.... Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Dec 12
Sometimes people have no other choice but to live together because of things out of their control with that said,no I would not want to live with this kind of person.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 12
We let family stay with us and its not working because of the lies and secrets all the time!
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Dec 12
hi LovingMyBabies oh that makes i t really bad when its family and you will feel really uneasy around someone who lies and you never know when to believe him or her. Not a good situation at all.You are too kind you and your husband. God love you./
• United States
27 Dec 12
It depends on what they're lying about. I know that I haven't fully disclosed everything to my boyfriend about my past, but that's because I know that he can't handle it. He won't talk about a lot of his past either; some of it I've gotten from his brother but he's denied it all. I don't think he lies to me all the time, but if you're going to deliberately omit large chunks of your past, don't expect me to come clean either.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 12
How about lying about every single thing that comes out of their mouth! And secrets about everything... I'm not their mother and their lying to me like they will get in trouble for things their doing...Acting like their 16 years old or something. Its getting old and annoying plus making me nervous as well...
• United States
29 Dec 12
It definitely gets old. During my last relationship, I learned slowly just how much my boyfriend lied to me. I put up with it for a long time, but once I began to put the pieces together, I was done. This isn't a relative, is it? Or someone you're intimate with? That's where you have to take a good hard look and decide if it's worth it to keep them in your life on a regular basis.
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (4353)
• United Kingdom
27 Dec 12
I hope you are not talking about your cousin, as I had a thing for her and I hoped she had a soft spot for me. P.S. Just so's you know - I only lie about 8 hours a day. The rest of the time I am mostly sitting, with the occasional standing up and moving around.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 12
Sorry to disappoint you orson... I cannot live with someone who lies and has secrets all the time. I don't like feeling like I'm living with someone in the cia!
• United Kingdom
29 Dec 12
I am sorry to hear 'tis she. Obviously you know her better than I do, but maybe she is acting this way for a good reason? I also cannot see a response from her on here, so has she given up with mylot or still at work? You might have frightened her off! I hope you get it all sorted and things aren't as bad as they appear to you. Blood is thicker than water you know.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 12
Ok, this is family that is living with you? Why in the world would they HAVE to lie to you, would be my question. You only lie when you have something to hide and that's a problem. I saw in one of your comments that they hide the phone and computer? Do you mean YOUR computer and phone or theirs? This is a bit confusing to me...haha, what else is new. You know me, I have a thousand questions already that I'm curious about. Is this the cousin you mentioned?
• Jacksonville, Florida
27 Dec 12
I don't understand why anyone has to lie about so many silly things but that is just me I suppose...Yes, lying to me equals hiding things, sometimes important things! Problem for me... Their computer and phone. But it just makes me wonder why that is the way it is... I don't hide or guard my phone or computer, I have NOTHING to hide from anyone! I sent you a PM if you want to get all of your questions answered!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 12
Yes, got your message. I'm just like you, I have nothing to hide and would never act like that around someone who is being so nice to me. Some people are habitual liars and will never change. They are always on the lookout, and that makes me wonder why. Not my kind of people. Having privacy is one thing, that's fine, but lying and hiding things is in a different category.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (17427)
• United States
27 Dec 12
I don't think I could live with anyone that I don't trust and that lies to me about everything. I would rather live with someone that I trust and know they won't always keep things from me.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
27 Dec 12
Yeah it is a problem, major issue now. I don't like this at all. Why does someone have to lie so often? Sometimes about stupid things?
@ShyBear88 (17427)
• United States
29 Dec 12
Good question. Well I guess it's like they say one lie normally leads to more lies till your caught up in nothing but lies. Instead of fallowing the golden rule. The truth shall set you fee.
1 person likes this
@jodylee (968)
• United States
27 Dec 12
I could not live with someone I did not trust. I would also be nervous to live with them and it would make me crazy to always wonder what is really going on. I have a husband, two kids and two roommates and I trust each of them deeply. It would be crazy to have someone live in my home that I can't know what they are really thinking or really up to. I have never tolerated lying and I tend to call people out quickly when I discover they are not being truthful to me, that does not seem like it would be a very good environment for anyone!
• Jacksonville, Florida
27 Dec 12
I cannot either. Yeah, I don't like being nervous or wondering what's going on in their little world... Yes! Exactly, I never know what the person is thinking or up to and it makes me wonder sometimes...I don't feel comfortable with it at all. Well I am going to have to start calling out the lies as well, maybe they will get the hint that I don't like it nor will I ignore it anymore...
@jodylee (968)
• United States
27 Dec 12
Take back your voice and solve the problem. Be strong and confident when conveying your message and give yourself a world where you are appreciated and understood. There is nothing in life that is worth living with if you are not feeling good about it, life is just too short!
1 person likes this
@robspeakman (1705)
27 Dec 12
I think I have discussed before that I am nothing but a liar, I lie to the Neighbours I lie to the kids and I lie to the good lady. However I don't think that one should lie all the time, I see nothing wrong with telling the truth now and again. Secrets? Are they really so bad? Do you really want to find out everything about someone in the first few dates? Surely better to reveal things gradually and keep things interesting over the course of a hopefully long relationship. I have been with my other half for over 20 years and there are still things that I don't know about her and there are still things she doesn't know about me... Between you and me, I still haven't told her that I was once a woman or I won the lottery Honestly though, every couple is different and everyone has different levels of acceptance. As long as your partner does not have secret kids or arrest warrants, then everything should be fine.... I think
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
27 Dec 12
Well we all lie sometimes...But ALL the time? About EVERYTHING? Most people don't do that. It is not a man that I am trying to be in a relationship I am happily married, 9 years now. It is family who we were nice enough to let stay with us... Now its becoming a problem! I don't like lies and secrets in my own home. I don't feel comfortable in my home because of it! Not fair to me or my family...
1 person likes this
27 Dec 12
Ok, granted. I was being overly flippant. Seriously though, why do people lie and keep secrets? We all lie at some point, but there are many types of liars There are some that are pathological liars - Nothing you can do about these folk. Or are they lying because they are trying to criminally can you? What about the others? The people that lie to mask self confidence problems, we all know those people - always trying to top others and appear better and more exciting than they really are. Then we are left with the last group. The ones that lie to hide something that they are ashamed of - we have all done that haven't we? I think you need to consider what is the best for you and your family
1 person likes this
@Ollanna11 (372)
• United States
29 Dec 12
No I have low tolerance for bulls... I had a roomate in the past that never had rent when it came time to pay. This person would also act as if they didn't know rent was due on the 1st of each month. I let this act continue for about a month or two to see if things would iron out. When I saw this becoming a routine I kinldly exited out of the lease agreement and moved out.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
31 Dec 12
Yeah its definitely not living like that... It was the same with her, she never gave us any money for bills and such. I guess she thought we would take care of and let her live here rent free. I don't know... She left tonight to go stay at my parents house, probably for the best...
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
29 Dec 12
I cannot think of one good reason to continue to live with a liar and a cheat.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
31 Dec 12
Yeah, me either. That is why she left tonight...
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Dec 12
Oh my God. I can't live those people. I feel uncomfortable with that. Because the more you live with those people, the more gain of problems you may have.. Believe me..
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
31 Dec 12
Yeah it is definitely an uncomfortable feeling that is for sure. More problems indeed come from people you cannot trust...
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Dec 12
No way. I can not live with or love someone that I can not trust. If I can not trust someone, they are not worth my time, energy, or affection. Likewise, if I am untrustworthy, I am not worth the time, energy, or affection of those around me. That is why I aim to be trustworthy.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Dec 12
Yeah it is definitely not good to have someone around that you cannot trust. We had a talk tonight about the lies and the secrets so I am hoping it will stop but you just never know... We shall see.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10902)
28 Dec 12
When it comes to trust in a relationship, I could not stay in a relationship until there is truth. I can forgive a white lie easily enough, but constant lies is something that I don't feel would help the relationship to grow. If I say something or promise something, I will carry out that promise unless I was physically prevented from doing so by illness or injury. My wife is the same and we both feel very secure with each other. At first there was a little uncertainty because we had both come from previous relationships in which lies were told. It is worth every to both of us to feel that there is trust in our relationship. _Derek
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Dec 12
In a relationship if there is no trust it could never work. Thank God in my marriage there are no trust issues like that going on... It is someone that is living with us here. But we had a talk tonight and I am hoping there will be no more lies and secrets from now on.
• Philippines
28 Dec 12
I can't live with someone I can't trust. Maybe I'll look like I have a mental disorder then because of being paranoid all the time. I don't know what he/she is thinking and I can't predict what he/she's gonna do next. Even the person you can trust can betray you, what more with the person who constantly lie to you.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Dec 12
Yes living with someone like this would make anyone paranoid! Lol. Your not the only one. That's the issue you never know what their going to do and that's a scary thought indeed.
1 person likes this
• Marikina, Philippines
28 Dec 12
No. I don't want to live with someone who keeps lying at me. That person is a negative energy. If it is a negative energy, it would make me became very miserable. It would not make me healthy at all, but I can find a way to resolve it.
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Dec 12
Yeah its not a good thing at all. Were going to have a talk with the person tonight about this...
1 person likes this