Family Favors

Philippines
December 29, 2012 7:54am CST
I just need somewhere to vent this out, and I don't want to talk to my friends about it, nor to my family, and most especially, not with my husband. Sometimes I feel that my husband belittles my family. Well, his parents are not relying on us or his brothers for their financial needs, because they have their life savings supporting them. And, his brothers are all professional, have their own families, houses and careers. While, my family is so unfortunate striving to live each day, plus the problems that never ceases to haunt us, since my father left us. My mother is relying on me for her monthly allowance, and my siblings are not successful. When my family needs something, like an emergency, or so, he is willing to help, however, the kind of help he gives is never comparable to what he willingly offers to his parents or brothers. For example, when my mother got sick, we only checked her in on a ward room, where there are a lot of other patients. When his father came for an eye operation, he willingly pays for their hotel accommodation, hospital bills, even if he knows, his parents can pay for those on their own. There was also a time when my cousin had to borrow a few thousand pesos for her business, and I got it from my bank account. My cousin promised to pay it on a certain date, and when it came, he won't stop asking me to contact my cousin to get the money back. But, when his brother borrowed 6x worth the money my cousin asked, he didn't even want to rush his brother to pay it. I know he has his reasons, and he's really a generous person, and not as bad as this post may sound. But, sometimes, I just can't help but feel this way. I don't want to open this up with him, because I don't want this to cause us a problem.
1 person likes this
7 responses
@bluespygirl (2112)
• Philippines
30 Dec 12
I had been following most of your discussions and I think we are on the same boat. I mean, I have some issues with my friends, family and my life that I can't share on anyone. I think its a good thing that you share it here at myLot. You need an outlet to say these things. I consider myLot as my friend and it is here that I share my thoughts too especially I can't share it to anyone. My husband also favors his family so much that he give them money even if there's almost nothing left for us. I don't like her younger sister even if she is married, she still depends on my husband. She even sneaks at my things whenever she visits us here. I am willing to help people if they are willing to help themselves too. This sister in law of mine always need money because she gambles (Tong its) daily. :( I wish she could even sweep our floor whenver she is here but she just sleep and sneaks into my things. I mean, don't she know how to return favors? I had discussed this with her. At a time, she did our laundry but she only chose few clothes to wash. Nowadays, whenever we meet, I am annoyed and irritated.
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
It felt rather ironic and weird, at first, when I started posting my problems and issues here on myLot to be viewed and read by strangers. But, I got used to it, and it feels good to have these strangers turn to listeners, advisers, and even, friends. That sister-in-law can really get in to your nerves. I am surprised you haven't said a word to her about her intrusion. Actually, that SIL is like my brother who is very immature and irresponsible. I think you've ready my posts about him, too. And, I make sure that my brother won't intrude our privacy. I created a wall against him, because I don't want him to be dependent on me, considering he's an adult, too. And, also out of respect for my husband, because I know that he doesn't appreciate that behavior. I'm glad that my brother gets my message and doesn't do those things that your SIL does.
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
We need an outlet to say things that annoys us. In my case, I write it in a journal before. Good thing I have found myLot so it is here that I can write things that I feel I need to share. I like the thing in here that what we get responded to what we share.. I try to hold my feelings because I have this attitude that when I talk, I oversay things. And I have this attitude that it is okay for me to say all things and I might regret.
• Philippines
4 Jan 13
That makes two of us. I also have that problem of throwing words I don't really mean to say and would hurt other people. And, the last persons I would want to hurt unreasonably would be my husband and family, of course.
• St. Peters, Missouri
30 Dec 12
When I was married and this type of thing came up, I would always discuss it with my husband. If you go to him and explain your case and have possible compromises, you will stand a better chance of him not taking it as whining.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
Most likely he'd apologize to me for feeling that way about his reactions. But, I just don't know how to start it. I always feel weird and awkward talking about those kind of issues.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
29 Dec 12
I think it's kind of normal that your husband helps out his family, even may do things not needed (or to pay for) just to show to his parents/family he is succesful as well. He is helping out your family as well if you ask for it. That there is a difference is normal too. These are not his parents, it's also possible that he might think they won't feel comfortable if he would let them stay in a hotel overnight or... (it was once something my husband told me as I wanted his dad to stay in a hotel with us). If it comes to the loan of your cousin: might be your husband is afraid your cousin won't pay you back because he is poor? Might be he is sure his will do so since he is "rich" (although it's my experience rich people seldom pay back since there first priority is not to stay friends with you and if they are family as well they find it normal you give it instead of borrowing it). I think you should talk about this with your husband. If you both have a bank account of your own, can save on that for yourself, it's up to each what to do with that money. If it's shared money you have to aks eachother how to spend it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Dec 12
No, my cousin isn't poor. In fact, she only had to borrow the money because she got short on her budget to buy a few more stuff for the opening of her spa. She is a businesswoman. My husband knows, she can pay. It's just that, she got delayed on her payment because she was just starting on her business. But now, she's very successful, and opening other businesses. I don't know what's gotten in to him and why he did that.
@allknowing (55077)
• India
3 Jan 13
You need to sort it out with your husband as ultimately you have to face this situation every single day of your life. May as well clear the air and earlier the better.
• Philippines
4 Jan 13
Sure, we will, and there will be a right time for that. As for now, I think the situation is still bearable and may just come out as something too petty to even think about.
@allknowing (55077)
• India
4 Jan 13
I have already said that the earlier you clear the air the better for the two of you.
• United States
30 Dec 12
This is a difficult situation to be in. It's understandable that you want to vent and Mylot is a good outlet, however in my OPINION I think you should address this topic with your husband and let him know your feelings. He may not be even be aware of how this is looking to you. His actions will only make your relationship with him and his family members strained. I hope that you and your husband come to a successful understanding.
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
I believe there will be a right time for me to sit and discuss this issue, and when that time comes, I hope it'll be for the better.
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
I believe there will be a right time for me to sit and discuss this issue, and when that time comes, I hope it'll be for the better.
@Pegasus72 (1904)
28 Jan 13
I think you find that most times each person in marriage will help their family out more over the spouse's family. I think you both need to sit down and decide how to make things more even. Also if he makes most of the money that would be a reason for him to be the way he is too.
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
So do you think that is just fine? If your married, do you do the same?
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
We just have to admit that we do not feel the same towards our family and relatives the way that our husbands do. Coz they think that since we, the wives are capable of helping out our own families, then we should be the ones giving all the effort. As for the money being borrowed by others, well, they think other people is not as trustworthy as their own flesh and blood.