Husband out of love

@Neriz69 (1042)
Philippines
January 6, 2013 11:21am CST
I believe my husband does not love me anymore. I tried to talk to him heart to heart but he does not want to participate. It's like he is just going home to us because of his responsibility. I feel that after he is done with all of his obligations he will leave us. I don't want to live with him anymore. I feel so much pain seeing him around, pointing all the wrong things I've done everyday. Perhaps if I get a job he will go away and leave us, if he sees that we are self sufficient maybe he will go away.
3 people like this
22 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
6 Jan 13
marriages can seem like this at times. I think the more that you push him for answers that the more he will back away. He might not even have any answers. Try to get your mind off of this situation for a bit by getting involved in your own things. Maybe take up a new hobby or even getting at least a part time job would get you out and around other people. Don't make any decisions to leave just yet...give it time and be sure you are making the right decisions. It could be that he simply has too much on his mind at this time.How old are you and how long have you been married? Do you have children?
1 person likes this
@Neriz69 (1042)
• Philippines
6 Jan 13
we've been married for 20 years, have 4 kids. Eldest is 20, youngest is 8.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
6 Jan 13
20 years is a really long time.sounds to me as if you two have just gotten into a rut and need to spice things up a bit.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
11 Jan 13
I am so sorry that you are going through this. But how long have you been together? And how long have you noticed that he has become cold? Do you recall any instances that you might have argued about which made him really upset? I hope that you two could still have a chance to work it out. I am hoping for the best.. Good Luck!
• India
11 Jan 13
It feels really bad when you want to somebody love you but he/she doesn't pay any attention. I believe it happens in every married life. just try to be uncomlicated, he would really like it. Try to talk to him. let him know that you love him, care a lot about him and he is the first person, you want to see. True love will show its power itself.
@MDELGADO (21)
• United States
8 Jan 13
Neriz69, I believe you are ready to move on too by what you described. Sometimes people fall out of love, the best thing to do is look for that window of opportunity to speak to each other as civilized people, maybe in a crowded place and say what is right for both of you. The reason why i say that is because when we discuss things at home, it many times turns into a pissing contest instead of thinking of how to handle it where you and him can move on without any hearts broken. I am in the current situation, but the other way around, i feel out of love of my husband, we had so many arguments, he disrespected me verbally, twice almost hit me (lifted his hand or got close to me as if) he tired to hurt himself, etc. With all that i resent him. I am not a perfect person but not once in our marriage when i was upset did i threaten him, make him feel fear of getting hurt, or felt worried of what he would do. I dont trust him anymore. Right now i cant leave him because he just lost his job, but i am waiting until he gets back on his feet and i can figure how i manage on my own. Its not easy because he expects me to forget everything, and i cant, so he still expects sxx, etc. So i do it to keep peace, but my hearts is not their anymore. Anyway i wish you luck, and remain strong.
@Shavkat (65113)
• Philippines
8 Jan 13
I am not expert on this my friend. The only thing I can say is to keep on trying to make a conversation with your husband. He might be having some personal issues and taking time to say something when he is ready.
• Greece
7 Jan 13
You may have jumped to the wrong conclusion Nerizn't assume the worst at this stage. He doesn't want to talk about personal matters and he is critical of you. There could be other reasons for this. Some men are unable as well as unwilling to share their emotions with someone else and even people we love can get on our nerves and we can become critical of them. Perhaps he has money problems or difficulties at work that he does not want to share with you and worry you. He could be depressed and that would account for his unhappy state of mind. Just don't rock the boat at present. It might just be a storm that will pass over and it is worth exercising some patience for the sake of your marriage.
• China
7 Jan 13
I feel pity about that.But I think there is still way to save this situation.He may be tired and need time to have a break.Don't push him and keep asking him.You'd better calm down for a while and then see if anyone who are both you and your husband's friend.It may help.Don't talk to him directly if he escapes from you and at the same time,please keep your chin up.Do not be upset when everything still has a favorable turn.Wish you all the best.
• India
7 Jan 13
Hi friend, sad to hear about this, it is hard to regain the last love. As you mentioned he is pointing out all your mistakes, it is not a good activity and he will leave you if you are self sufficient, it is hard to trust such kind of person. Try to find a good job for you and stand in your own leg. You mentioned you don't want to live him, so stay away and live your life based on your wish. All the best
@neelia27 (896)
• Philippines
7 Jan 13
Your situation right now is really hard.. but I guess it is all up to you on how you can make a difference.. make up your mind on what you should do and if you really are decided then go on.. but I think why not consider marriage counselling.. have both of you already tried it? For me I will do all the things that make my marriage work before giving up.. I know there is still a spot for you in your husbands heart..anyways it is really up to the both of you on what will happen in your marriage..
7 Jan 13
I'm sorry to hear about that... I think, you can still try saving your relationship with him. It's normal for couples to have arguments because of lot of misunderstandings but you can still try to work it out. With all the pointing, still try to make him feel how you love him and how important he is in your family.. Don't just give up, try to do everything you can...
@imAbigael (475)
• Philippines
7 Jan 13
Dear don't ever think such things like that. Maybe you can still fix it like, bring back the old memories method, show him the woman she fell in love with. If it didn't work, just be yourself. Be strong. Be happy for you're kid/s. Love yourself. Girl there is more to life than love. Be the woman who deserve everything, I know if it didn't work its very painful but you can still get over it, for your kid/s and for yourself.
@maximax8 (28559)
• United Kingdom
7 Jan 13
It is very sad to hear your husband doesn't love you anymore. You are such a lovely person and he doesn't deserve you. I hope you find an excellent job and he will move out. You two need to split up and you could in time find someone new. He is mean to keep mentioning things you have done wrong. He isn't giving you a quality time full of everlasting love. Good luck splitting up with him and moving on successfully.
@mranjaan (137)
7 Jan 13
Never take a sudden decision. Relationship of husband & wife is very strong simultaneously its weak. So be wait. Find a suitable opportunity to talk with your husband. May be he is depressed under some bad circumstances.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
7 Jan 13
I am sorry to hear what you say. It looks like you both do not want to be with each other but remember Neriz, every relationship has its ups and down. There are time in life when we feel our relationship has finished and that is the time of its test. If you pass it then surely everything becomes good but most relationship break during this time only. SO take your pick.
@Archie0 (4669)
7 Jan 13
Do you also don't love your husband? You got any idea why is he going far away from you? any specific reason for it. I think if you still love him and want to sort things out i believe which you can. You should try and take out what is that, making him run away from his own family. I think you still try and save your relationship rather than ending it up. We get relationships very rarely and i think they should be cherished.
@pomwango (1355)
• Kenya
7 Jan 13
very sorry about that,i hope he turns around there is nothing bad like thinking you are just a burden on our husband.you need to figure out if you still want the relationship to work out and see if you can turn things around.otherwise try and get your own financial independence so that you can focus your energy elsewhere.
@trisha27 (3498)
• United States
7 Jan 13
Have you talked to him with how you are feeling. But if you are already noticing the signs, then maybe it is time to end it. But maybe you should talk to him first and see what is going on. Do you just not want to be in the relationship with him any more with how he is acting. If so then just end it now, don't stay for the kids, make your self happy and just leave. Your kids will be happier too.
• United States
6 Jan 13
That might help you in the future for sure. I would not want to live with him either. I guess all you really can do now is go look for that job.
@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Jan 13
I feel for you, I really do.There is nothing worse than feeling the way that you do and you can do nothing about it. At the end of the day you are the only person who can decide what to do.If you stay together can you live the way that you are now and if so how long for, if you finish it are you giving up on your marriage. Tell him how you feel and tell him things need to change now, not in a years time or so, tell him how unhappy you are with living like it as well.
@misjoseph (162)
6 Jan 13
It is so said to hear this but you find many people in love today and tomorrow the are no longer together so be strong and take care