How do you deal with answering certain question

United States
January 10, 2013 5:54pm CST
I have a big sister that I have never met in person , we talk on Facebook occasionally and her mother is also my friend . Whenever she visit Jamaica I am always in another country . So she was asking me something about my relationship and saying her ex used to be like mines . I find it kinda awkward because I dont know her in person and we only start talking 2 years ago online. I really dont like sharing personal things with strangers , but I dont want to react negatively and maybe hurt her feelings if she is rally genuine . So I decided to just ignore her questions and stay off facebook for month lol . What would you do ? how do you handle people that want to know everything about you but you have no interest in sharing and you dont want to just say it ?
4 people like this
13 responses
• United States
11 Jan 13
I think after 2 years of talking online you are not what I consider strangers. now someone i meet on the elevator for the first time is a stranger to me. I feel bad for your sister she is going to get hurt. I would answer the persons questions because after 2 years of talking we are no longer strangers.
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 13
I have to agree here. If you've been talking for 2 years, why do you feel she is a stranger? She obviously is looking for some advice and doesn't feel that "you" are a stranger. Maybe you should give her a chance.
• United States
11 Jan 13
I talk to her occasionally , that is like 4 time a year and hi and by in between . I am not close to her so I will not share everything with her . I am closer to people I know , that I laugh with . I feel she is a stranger because I still dont know nothing about her except we have the same father and the basic things . I dont know how she really feels , what she like and dislike and then suddenly she asking me question lol I was just shock.
3 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 13
hi just wondering have you askes her questions about herself as that might be why she thinks she can ask that of you? I actually sense some hostility here and her having the same father is not her fault so why take it out on her?Aren't you a little curious about a half sister?
2 people like this
@5mahi05 (667)
• India
11 Jan 13
How do you call your sister a stranger? I mean even after 2 yrs? There is no point in doubting the your sister and think about whether she is genuine or not. Just go ahead and do not stop yourself from being close to her . May be she is trying hard from her side to get close to you and you are standing back not giving her enough space for her. You will never know until and unless you speak and open your heart out to her. I would suggest, if meeting in person is your only problem, then you should be planing a small trip for you both to hang out together. In case of responding to strangers , like you mentioned, I just say a plain nothing and I don't know answers. I guess that itself is enough for them to understand that I am no more interested in telling them anything about me.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 13
We cant get a long with everyone we relate to , I just feel she only want to check up on me and not really be a sister that I can talk to . She will just take what I tell her and tell the rest of the family . I hope to meet her soon though , as you said I wish I never had any doubt but right now I just do . Have a good day
3 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 13
hi have to tease, whatever is so awful that you have done that you dolnt want the rest of the family to know lol lol
2 people like this
@5mahi05 (667)
• India
11 Jan 13
When you cannot relate to a person, then why are you trying to act good just for the sake of it? Its been 2yrs and if you think that she is talking to you juts to keep tabs on what you are doing and things like that , then why do you even stay in touch with her? I'm sorry, no offense to you, but then, I would rather not be in touch with anyone, than to say sisters ( You have mentioned her as your sister and not someone you just know who claims you as sister ) and not trust them. Personally, i feel that you are in a way insulting that person , who could be even genuine in the way she is. We never know and you too do not know. Just in case, she turns out to be genuine, then, just place yourself in a position, where-in you care for someone like a sister, and they think that you are with them for nothing but to just get to know things about you and keep tabs about you and your life. Other than that, I guess you do not share much with her by the way you told that you go offline on facebook and things like that. I don't think a person would be all so jobless to the heights that they would continuously be trying even after 2yrs just to make gossips out of your life and spread it to your family. specially when you are not telling her anything about you. @hatley : That was a good one! Do you really do such awful things in your life?? Just kidding dear.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 13
Maybe she is just trying to get to know you. What better way is there to get to know someone than by asking question about thier life. If you feel you don't know her that well. Ask her some questions about herself. If you don't want to do that on face book then call her or send her a letter by snail mail. Lots of people use to have pen pals. Unless she has done something to hurt you I don't see the harm in getting to know your sister better.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 13
No I am ok with her asking about my life , I just dont want her asking personal things . I had to call her because she say its too expensive to call me all the time . i will try to get to know her though , I did reply to her odd question .
@allknowing (65054)
• India
11 Jan 13
How does she know about you in the first place.Have you been talking about it. She must have shared information about her life with you. How far have you already gone?
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 13
She grow up knowing about me . WE both share information about our life , what we dont share are personal things .
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
11 Jan 13
I probably would be brief, and not go into detail. I think ignoring her would be the worse thing to do. I would simple say I don;t feel comfortable talking about my ex.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 13
She was comparing her ex with my Fiance , she was saying she and her boyfriend used to be close like how my fiance and I are now . I just dont know if things I tell her will be kept between us . Thanks for your advice
1 person likes this
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
11 Jan 13
Oh Ok, I guess I read that wrong, I thought she was comparing you to your ex. That would be odd, maybe she is jealous of your relationship, or trying to warn you of what could happen.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 13
Maybe that is it , she is trying to warn me of what could happen " she say dont let anyone come between us" which I find really nice but because I dont know if I can trust her, since she like to blabber about others .
1 person likes this
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
11 Jan 13
Hah! I've been asked that many times. Even in person. And when you are asked in person it's even harder to avoid them Isn't it. I've been asked by complete strangers too. Now isn't that awkward. So when people ask me If I gave a boyfriend or if there is someone I'm attracted to, the magic line is "I'm not seeing anyone special" and then voila, they stop asking. And im free. :D in other instances you could just blurt out something and then change the topic. One time I had a boyfriend but my friend set me up for a blind date. And then my date was so handsome, and all that, so he asked me if I had a boyfriend and then I just laughed and said "are you hungry? Let's eat?" then he started laughing at me and then he never asked again. Now isn't that for convenience, I didnt lie too. Well you're not really obligated to answer anybody's questions if you don't want to. Don't stress, just relax and then you'll think of something that will Help you get out of the situation. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 13
Lol thats funny and its true you never lied , you just didnt answer . Sometimes you really cant bother to answer certain question at certain time . You are right there is no obligation to answer anybody's question . Thank you
• Penrith, Australia
13 Jan 13
You are welcome, experience is the best teacher after all. :D I'm glad to be of help and will always be. :D
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 13
hi silverfoz seems to me in two years you both should be knowing one other more so why is she a stranger to you as she is a relative?.I would not call her a stranger to you but what you want to shgre is ttotally your own business.Look how can you not tell her that you are not comfortable with sharing some things yet and will be more open when you two finally meet.She should understand that as we all are different. Me i am an open book bu t thats just me.But if someone I barely knew were to question me about my marriage I might tell them I am not comfortable yet maybe in due time.
• United States
11 Jan 13
That is how I feel , I want to know her but some things are better to talk about in person . You know the feeling you get when laughing with friends and you just want to talk all night long , I dont get that with her . Maybe in time we will be close , as sisters should be .
• United States
11 Jan 13
I think gifts (above) is right. Maybe she wants to get closer to you? It's a shame you haven't met yet, and that might break the ice a bit. I would just let her know what she wants to know...so what.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 13
Maybe she want to be closer but I cant really tell so I think she should not have just throw so many at me at once, especially I only share certain secret with my best friends . She know about me all her life and she never contact me until I was on facebook, we hardly talk about real things just like blah blah how are you!? ... I remember when I really wanted a sister and now I feel I dont anymore .
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35035)
• United States
23 Feb 13
Personally, that can be one of the issues with Facebook. Everyone expects you to share everything and air your dirty laundry sometimes even if you do not really know them. There are people there I have shared things with, but I am picky with who I choose as to not wanting to share too much where someone ends up making a big deal of it later. So maybe not answering them for a while like this might be Best.
• United States
24 Feb 13
Agree , a lot of people share any and everything on facebook but I just dont find it comfortable . I would much rather talk in person are over the phone about certain issue. I am complete with you on that. Have a nice day
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
5 Feb 13
hi silver, I think you have a legit issue...I would feel the exact same way and I would also advised the person I am chatting with over FB that I am not comfortable talking about such subjects in a public forum at all even with PM...but we will eventually get a chance to discuss same...
• United States
24 Feb 13
Thank you Bjc I mean you cant really trust anyone on facebook , what if its a stranger is her account it could be anyone . I have never met her in person so I just was not comfortable talking to her about personal things online .
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
11 Jan 13
Maybe she is trying to get close to you dear silverfox. As you say she is your cousin, and you have never met, maybe she wants to break this distance between you both and get really close and friendly with you. But then, it is FB and I would never share anything that personal with any stranger either. So I guess, I would simply tell out the facts and let the other know, that I am not interested in chatting anything which is quite personal to me. Then, if the person still wants to continue, okay with me, and if not, then too okay for me.
• United States
11 Jan 13
I feel what you are saying , I am going to really give her a chance. I will try my hardest lol . I agree I rather if we could talk over the phone are in person , but I am the only one that call her .
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
11 Jan 13
I could just tell her that I'd rather kept some things in private. I don't think she'd feel bad f you'd tell her in a nice way. she would realize that not because you are sisters, you can openly tell everything to her. Well, maybe not just as of yet.
• United States
11 Jan 13
That is the exact feeling I got , I just didnt know how to express it to her since text can be interpret wrongly . I just wanted her to know that even though we are sisters something I rather kept private for now (just like you said) . Thank you , I will tell her that next time I dont want to share something with her .
@joliefille (3696)
• Philippines
11 Jan 13
Facebook Sabbatical - Image showing Facebook sabbatical
I don't know how to explain it but I can feel ya on this. But when I read she is your sister, then that's a different story. I have taken down my original Facebook account because I was annoyed with some friends who keep questioning things that I don't like to answer. However since she is your sister, I think she deserves to also get to know you better and be able to share stories like normal sisters do.
• United States
11 Jan 13
I wish we could be like normal sisters , but when we talk I just dont get that feeling like "yeah lets keep talking" .... I have answer her question and I hope we do become close and have a good sister relationship .
1 person likes this