Why aren't the needs of parents considered?

@dorannmwin (36698)
United States
January 11, 2013 2:33pm CST
I stated in my discussion about my husband's being cancer free that he was going to have to have his port-a-cath removed later this month. This is something that I'm really happy about. However, when they scheduled the removal of his cath, they didn't take our needs as parents into effect. You see, both of our children are in school and they catch the bus at 7:30 in the morning. We have to be at the surgical center no later than 7:00 on the 28th (a Monday). Someone has to go with Tom and be there the entire time as it is a surgical procedure. We can't take the kids and drop them off at school before 7 as they don't unlock the doors until 7:35. I can't drop him off and then take the kids to school and I can't leave a 6 and 10 year old child at home alone at home for 30 minutes and expect them to catch the bus. I really don't know what I am going to do about this yet. . . I just don't understand why they had to schedule the procedure for so very early in the morning when Tom told the nurse at the oncologist's office that the kids don't even leave the house until 7:30, couldn't they have taken that into consideration and scheduled a later surgical time for him as opposed to leaving us as parents stuck in a huge dilemma?
3 people like this
23 responses
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
11 Jan 13
Is there anyone you can leave the kids with for the night? A neighbor? Friends? School mates that might be willing to keep them for the night? Hospitals don't think about parents needing to make other arrangements for kids. Some schools have morning care and latchkey care, maybe that could be an option for one day? There isn't anyway you could reschedule for a different time? By the way, what is a port a cath? I sure hope you get this all straightened out.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
A port-a-cath is surgically implanted access to the veins so that blood can easily be drawn and infusions can be given without having to search for a good vein. It seems like the kids are going to be staying with my mother the night before the procedure and she will take them to school on the morning of the procedure.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
16 Jan 13
oh, okay..thank you for the explanation. That's great you have someone to watch the kids for you. How far away does your Mom live?
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
She does only live on the other side of town, so it isn't a huge big deal. The main issue that we have with this situation is that my brother's family does live with my mother and the schedule that they keep for their daughters is significantly different from the schedule that we keep our children on.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
12 Jan 13
Most doctors at least here, could care a less, if you want the procedure done. I know with my iron infusions it was booked every other Thursday, I had a colonsoscopy the next day a few months ago. They could care a less, it was either deal with it, or stop the entire procedure and start over with the referral. They actually say on the papers, this as well or when you go for procedures.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
It tends to typically work out well here to get procedures done and I would have considered changing the date of the procedure, but they already failed to schedule it when they said they would several months ago and it simply has to be done as soon as possible.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
17 Jan 13
I had this issue as well, I would just go for the procedure whether it was convenient or not. I wanted it over with, even my GI the secretary is a real biatch. She never calls back, when she does she is so rude.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
17 Jan 13
I really believe that the fact that hospital staff know patients will go in for procedures whether it is convenient for them or not is one of the main reasons that they will schedule like they've done here.
@ShyBear88 (17427)
• United States
12 Jan 13
Nope. They do all the surgeries early in morning and have check ins like at 6 to 8am in the morning for different things so they leave room for emergencies. That sucks of course. Do you kids have any friends that ride the same bus as them that they can go over to in the morning and there friends parent can help you out?
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
It was our hope that they would have scheduled him for an eight o'clock check in as opposed to a seven o'clock check-in because then we could have left right after the kids got on the bus.
@ShyBear88 (17427)
• United States
16 Jan 13
I know when my husband had his surgery I had to get up at 6am and drop her off at her great grandmothers house and her great grandfather fallowed me to the hospital when I dropped my husband off and waited for his surgery to be over. He wasn't scheduled till like 8 that morning and was thankfully done with in 30 minutes.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
This particular procedure should not be something that takes very long and they do not fully put their patients to sleep so the recovery time is quicker as well. I also know that I will have a lot of relief after the port is removed because there won't be as much of a constant reminder of everything that my husband has been through.
@RitterSport (2452)
• Lippstadt, Germany
13 Jan 13
Its a shame these people wont cooperate with you. After all your husband has told them about the kids needing to get to school first. I dont know how long it takes you to first drop Tom off there then get the kids to school and then get back to the hospital to be with Tom. It sure should not be a problem when you are absent from the hospital for lets say 20 minutes it takes to get the kids to school and drive to the hospital. If it really is such a big deal cant someone trusted from the neighbourhood or your family be there to get the kids to school?
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
I thought about this as well, however, the outpatient surgical rules say that the person that is providing the patient with a ride after the procedure have to remain on the premises the entire time.
• Lippstadt, Germany
16 Jan 13
oh no....... hope you find a good solution for this problem...... please update us on that.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
17 Jan 13
It looks like my mother is going to allow the children to spend the night with her before the procedure and then she will be taking them to school on Monday morning on her way to work.
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
13 Jan 13
Did he make an explicit request, giving them the child care reason? If that is the only possible time, maybe a neighbor could watch the children for a couple of hours that morning. I know that would not be a problem in our neighborhood.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
If it was just my daughter, that wouldn't be an issue at all, but with both of the children it is more difficult because there is really no one in our neighborhood that have a child the same age as my son.
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Are there no grandmotherly type women in your neighborhood who could watch the children for a couple of hours or so. I do agree, though, that the health care providers could be more obliging.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Unfortunately there really aren't. I mean I do have one really good friend in the neighborhood that would be more than willing to keep the kids if it wasn't a school day. She isn't able to keep them on a school morning because of the fact that both of her children go to school out of district and thus she has to leave her house very early in the morning to make sure that her children get to school on time.
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Well, you should adjust for your husband was not the only patient in the hospital unless you have your own family doctor. Don't you have any relatives who will look for your kids just for a moment that your husband is under his operation?
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
7 Feb 13
My mother did actually take care of the kids for us and she did make sure that they got to school on time on that morning. It definitely wasn't an ideal situation, but it was the best that we were able to come up with.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
14 Jan 13
They should be more considerate of what your needs are too...I can't imagine that they couldn't wait another hour. Usually when there is a surgery there is some waiting time anyway! My daughter waited 3 1/2 hours after they told her to be there for her surgery....
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Yeah, it seems like when you are dealing with anything that has to do with the hospital you have to abide by their schedule and when they tell you to. However, when it comes to actually getting the procedures done, you always end up waiting for hours on them.
@dee777 (1418)
• South Africa
13 Jan 13
That is unfortunately how it goes. I have learnt that we cannot put demands down when it comes to hospitalization, surgery, etc. I need to also see the specialist on Thursday 17 Jan. I must be there 6:30 the morning! The hospital is about 40km from where I stay, which means that I will have to leave 5:30 - at least!!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
When it comes to anything that has to do with medical care, I normally don't have too many demands. However when it comes to something that I have to be able to do for my children, I do need to make sure that my needs are met.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
I think that maybe there are problems with the schedule of the surgeon that even if you have informed them before hand about your request, still you were scheduled at a time where it is likely impossible for you to be there. So maybe the solution for it is either have someone to be with your hubby, like a sibling perhaps or your sibling may help you send off the kids to school.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
What we've been able to work out is that my mother is going to keep the children the night before the procedure and then take them to school on her way to work on Monday morning while we are at the hospital for the procedure.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
12 Jan 13
I think you ought to explain this to the receptionist or whoever makes the appointments. Perhaps tyhey would then make a note on your file when scheduling in the future. Sorry you were put in such a predicament
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
We tried to explain this to the scheduler at the oncologist's office, but obviously this request was lost somewhere in translation with the person at the hospital that did the scheduling.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
12 Jan 13
A lot of times we fail to see the bigger picture. You're not the only patient.. other patients have lives and responsibilities also. If they tried to accomodate everyone they may never get anything accomplished. It's just one day, not like it's the entire week. If push comes to shove, let the kids miss school that day and stay at the hospital with you. That's what I'd probably have to do as I don't have anyone who can watch my kids either.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Luckily my mother was able to work out her schedule such that the kids will be able to spend the night with her before the procedure and then she will be taking them to school on the morning of the procedure. It will be an inconvenience and might throw off the entire week, but it isn't as terrible as it could be.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
12 Jan 13
It has come tomy attention that if I have a problem with time I must request a change. Now I also understand that with in and out surgery certian proceedures may require the maximum time for recovery, or there may be other time restraines the Insurance company often puts their reauirements into the mix also. Ask questions and don't be put off until you get answers that satisfy you. Blessings
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
If we were dealing with a different hospital in our area, they would have been willing to work with us more. However, the oncologist is through the state-run hospital and they are less likely to work with their patients because they lose money so often on the care that they are providing.
• United States
12 Jan 13
I feel for you. I hope that you are able to work something out, perhaps the kids being able to stay the night at a friends or relatives being the best idea I've seen. Rescheduling may not get the procedure done as soon as the 28th. Best of luck to you and your husband!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Yeah, that was another complicating factor because we have to have the procedure done before the 1st of February as his health insurance is changing on that day. That said, my mother is going to keep the kids on the night before the procedure and then take them to school on her way to work. This will be really strange for the kids, but they will be able to make it all work.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
11 Jan 13
I think it's the same thing as having a doctor's appointment at a certain time, and yet when you get there you still end up waiting a long time because the doctor is 'running late'. They expect everybody to work around their schedule and wouldn't care if we have children to take care of or family matters to attend to. I hope you get it resolved.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
I actually was able to get my mother to tell me that she would be able to spend the night with her and that she will take them to school on her way to work that day. It is still an inconvenience for us, but not as bad as it could have very easily been.
• United States
11 Jan 13
Unfortunatly dr's office never consider the patient. It would be nice if they could remember that we are people with lives and families to consider. Hope you find some one to leave your children with for the few minutes until they get on the bus. Good luck to your husband with his procedure. So happy for you that he is cancer free. That must be such a relieve for you.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
His being cancer free really is a huge relief to me. With that said, I would think that parents could be accomodated because of the fact that we do legally have to send our children to school. If I opted to hold them out that day, it would be considered to be an unexcused absence and my husband and I could get in trouble for unexcused absences.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
11 Jan 13
I think if it comes to that nobody really cares about your personal circumstances. No matter if you tell them or not. I think they just think you should be greatfull they will help you. Although you are a client/customer and pay! I always say I am not able to make appointments before 11 am or better 12 am.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
I really don't like to do appointments before noon either, however, being as how this is a surgical procedure and my husband has to do nothing by mouth after midnight, earlier is better in this situation. I am assuming that I will actually stay up all night that night just to make sure that we do not oversleep.
• United States
11 Jan 13
Surely there must be some friend or neighbor who can either keep them for that little bit of time and take them to school or has a child who is on the same bus route and the kids can all get on the bus together. Or you could take the kids with you and either let them skip the whole day of school or take them in for a half-day of school.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Well, my mother lives on the other side of town, but she has agreed to keep the children the night before the procedure and she is going to be taking them to school on Monday morning before she goes to work. This is a little bit out of her way, but it isn't that terrible.
• Jacksonville, Florida
11 Jan 13
Most of the time people in doctors offices and hospitals do not think about people having to worry about childcare of some sort. I am so glad I have family close to us that would watch my kids if I needed them to. I really hope you can figure it out soon! And I am very happy that your husband is cancer free! Thats awesome!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
I am going to be having my mother keep the children the night before the procedure. She is more than willing to do it, but it is still a huge inconvenience for everyone because my nieces live with my mother and their schedule and my children's schedule is not the same.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Jan 13
No, they are medical people, and you must accomodate yourself to their schedule. I've had the same situation. Fortunately, I have my mother-in-law and other people who can help out in a pinch like that.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Jan 13
My mother is actually going to help us out with this situation, but even that is still a huge inconvenience for her household. I'm just thankful that I do have family support and that I can count on my family when we are in a tough situation.
@Trensue (5256)
• United States
11 Jan 13
This makes me smile. I am always wondering why people with children get preferential treatment all the time! My Mom was old and weigh less than 100 pounds, but we waited for parents. I think it goes both ways and we just all learn to deal. The great news is cancer free right.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Yes, the cancer free definitely is great news. It just frustrates me when we have to bend to the schedules of other people when we legally have to send our children to school. If our request as a parent is to make sure that our children get to school, then I really do believe that should be a request that could be met.