Blind or Don't Care...

Jacksonville, Florida
January 20, 2013 12:19pm CST
I find that many people I know personally are so blind to the pain they cause when they do or say certain things. Or they just don't care. I'm not really sure which, maybe each of them are different, some are blind to it, and some don't care... I am so mindful of my actions and words. Almost to the point of being a little weird I guess. I am very careful to think before hurtful things escape my lips. I have always been this way, so for me, it bothers me when others are not the same way. I don't find it hard to not be hurtful or not cause others pain...
5 people like this
23 responses
@celticeagle (119872)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jan 13
People don't seem to care now days at all. They are out for themselves and only themselves. Being mindful of what we say and do is not the norm now days. It's really pretty sad. I hope that those of us that are mindful teach our children well and atleast those will be caring.
@vandana7 (67684)
• India
21 Jan 13
Actually I too try my level best to think before I speak...at times...I am simply too preoccupied or what has been identified as laziness to converse..and learn the art of conversation that I speak half sentences ...which leaves the matter open to conjecture..and people use it to understand what I didnt mean. :( I have improved considerably...thanks to my teachers. They noticed this flaw. I still have it..because off and on, it does create rotten misunderstandings. Strangely, I dont have it when I write..possibly because I get to read it..lol But when I am hurt, I do give people a fair chance. I tell them this hurts. I explain why it hurts. This is because there are things we dont realize or understand unless we experience something similar. If the person is unmindful and still persists, then I can be really bichchy because I think such a person deserves a dose of his or her medicine and realize that he or she too has weak spots. The only difference is, being a sensitive person, I can retaliate so bad that the person will be in pain for the rest of their lives.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
21 Jan 13
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
See the people that talk before thinking that I know say things that are really mean and hurtful and I think at times it is done on purpose. It's too often not to be purposely done. Well, there is no option to tell them that they are hurting me because then they get defensive or go into pity party mode. Just doesn't work with them unfortunately...
@vandana7 (67684)
• India
22 Jan 13
"talk before thinking"...that is the crucial aspect. Some people think and still go ahead because they want to undermine your confidence, irritate you into doing something nasty, or simply express their jealous nature. However, there is a small section in this group that does not ...I repeat...does not ...intend to hurt. The ones who intended to hurt you deliberately would say...we just thought of it as joke...as if your problems were something to joke about. Others who realize it would be silent and correct themselves. I normally offer a fair chance...because I dont want to be losing out on sensitive souls as friends.
21 Jan 13
I couldn’t agree more with you. It actually astounds me how some people can be so blind as you put it, to the feelings of others, and of the negative effect their actions can have. I personally know someone who used to be a good friend, who has slowly but surely started becoming less of one, due to her insensitive and downright horrible attitude! Even something as simple as, if I phone her with a problem, or needing a chat about something, she actually manages to turn the entire conversation round on herself, to the point where at the end of the phone call I’M the one giving HER advice. I mean how used and uncared about do I feel then?? I don’t get some people at all..
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
Yeah so many people don't think at all that they are really hurting people. And they should be much more aware of it. I have 2 people in my life who do the same exact thing every time I call them. It is very hurtful and its annoying at the same time. I feel like for once they should listen to me! I totally understand what your saying!
22 Jan 13
It's awful! It actually makes me feel really ued or something. Like it isn't even my friendship they want, they just want me to be like an agony aunt or something!!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
21 Jan 13
Hi Lovin, I am much the the same way. I am very sensitive and so I do try to be careful with how I word things so as not to hurt anyone. Some people just have a knack for over-stepping their bounds & their business and saying all the wrong things even when they don't really mean to be hurtful. You did mention that at least you know where you stand and that is so true. I would rather see someone's true colors and have them say everything right to my face than to talk behind my back or let it build up inside and then explode unexpectedly someday over something trivial. If I say something in anger that is hurtful to someone I love or if my words and meaning have been misunderstood then I am very quick to apologize. It literally hurts me to hurt someone I care for even when Im upset with them. I will say though that I don't mince words when someone is being mean to someone else...I will be quick to defend that person and I really don't care what comes out of my mouth. I'm sorry that it is a family member that is doing this to you. It makes it all the more painful and harder to avoid the person.
@vandana7 (67684)
• India
21 Jan 13
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
It is hard to be this way sometimes because I end up getting hurt more than I care to think about! And its especially hard when its family that hurts me so bad. They just know they can get away with it because I won't say anything back to them to be mean or as bad as they are to me. That is just not me. I am the same way I defend people when they need it, I just cannot do it for myself...
@echoforever (5192)
• United States
20 Jan 13
I experience this a lot too. It is either their apathy for others feelings or they don't realize it. I know when I am being hurtful, I will do my best to stop that action when I get to that point of anger. I know why others wish to cause others pain on purpose.
• Jacksonville, Florida
21 Jan 13
I am so careful to watch what I say so I don't hurt anyone but if I do I would definitely apologize quickly. But the difference is I know when I have messed up and I do apologize, unlike some people I know. You would think they would know when they hurt someone so badly...
• United States
22 Jan 13
Some are heartless even if they do realize what they've done. Its a sick fact of our world I suppose.
• United States
20 Jan 13
Awww, does this have anything to do with your party today? Some people don't care one way or the other on how they hurt or offend people. Some people do this on purpose too. Others are too dumb to know. Take your pick. When someone talks to me in a way that is hurtful or nasty, sparks will fly. I'm not normally a nasty person but can certainly dish it out if I have to at the drop of a hat. I'm very mindful of my words to people, as you are, and try to be tactful even in the most difficult discussions. I won't put up with bullies of any kind.
• United States
20 Jan 13
Mylot is full of glitches today it seems. I'm having all kinds of problems, just letting you know. I had to do my response to you 3 times to get it to take, thank goodness for copy and paste...grrr.
• Jacksonville, Florida
20 Jan 13
Well that is just one of the many things that has been said by my family against me or my husband, so yeah it is part of it. I can be nasty with certain people if they are super mean to me but most things I don't lash back at them. Like with my mother, I just said okay that's fine we will have the party by ourselves then... Not really what I wanted to say but I just could not find it in me to say what I was really thinking. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, even though mine were hurt... I know I am having some issues with MyLot today too! Lol.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
21 Jan 13
I think we're just wired that way! That although we take great pains to make sure we don't hurt or offend anyone, it seems that the people around us are the ones who just don't care. Maybe that's their nature! They come close to 'our' kind so they could thrive. Sometimes I wish too that I'd get blind or don't care to what they do or say too. So that even if I watch what I do and say, I wouldn't get hurt as much.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
Yup! I wish I could stop caring sometimes too. It is crazy that most of the time its the people closest to us that treat us the worst!
• China
21 Jan 13
Hi LMB, We are on the same page and I feel the same way. I am always cautious when I talk with someone. But I find that a few of my friends or many people talk to the someone straight from the shoulder.And the truth hurts.To speak frankly, someetimes I am mad at this kind of people.But I should admit there are two kinds people who tell people what they think directly. One is the kind of person who always calls a spade a spade.They don't mean to.But the other one is that they do it on purpose in order to hurt you. But anyway, we should accept this kind of person and learn to be stronger enough so as to be hit by these unkind words.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
I am always cautious too, I never want to hurt anyone. It's not even the truth always. My family has a way to be mean on purpose and for no reason. Like putting my children down, putting my husband down, putting my house down, putting my marriage down, etc... There is no reason for it they just do it and I don't understand why.
• Philippines
21 Jan 13
Sometimes it seems like what you're doing is not hurting anyone but we don't know that someone is affected. Let's say you're proud and it shows but then others might perceive it as bragging and then they get jealous. Another example is when you are too careful about something and then others might think that you don't trust them and that also hurts. It could help you analyze a person why they act badly if you think about the persons background, you don't know about what they had to go through. Not everyone who make mistakes when hurting someone are actually doing it on purpose.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
Not everyone does it on purpose but since they are family I know what they are doing and what they mean by things they say...
@averygirl72 (16617)
• Philippines
21 Jan 13
Some people does not really care and even wants to hurt you intentionally because they don't like you for whatever reason they have. Like the bullies they take fun in hurting your feelings.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
Yeah I think these people do take pleasure in upsetting me for whatever reason...Not really sure why when we have done nothing but helped them.
@allknowing (69483)
• India
21 Jan 13
I am in the process of culling out people in my life that make me uncomfortable. There is no point in having loads of 'friends'and family if all what they do is hurt.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
I wish I could do that, I am just not strong enough to cut my family out of my life... Not yet anyway.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
21 Jan 13
My friend is like that, now it depends on what is being said. I tend to be more open, and well opinionated. But I wont be like you stink like sh*t, I mean if they ask me, then I will tell them. I know my coworker always says I would never say what you say, that's so bold. Sometimes I simple say what I think. The otehr day my boss said about not using the staff discount with coupons, saying those using coupons are cheap and poor. I said fine I will go to the competitor and shop, my boss just stared at me, and walked off.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
My sister is more like you, she has no problem telling people the way it is. And sometimes that is a good thing because no one takes advantage of her the way they do to me... With me, everyone knows they can get away with being mean and I won't do or say anything to defend myself...
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
20 Jan 13
The truth of the matter is you have a good heart and some are not as sensitive as you are. Well, I am guilty of being insensitive sometimes coz of too much pain or anger. But I also try to ask for forgiveness to whom ever I have hurt. I do not intentionally want to hurt anyone, and as much as possible, too, I would want to be at peace with everyone.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
Thank you, most people are not as sensitive to other people's feelings as I am. Well at times when we are angry that is different but when your just doing to be mean that is wrong. And that is what I'm talking about here.
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
20 Jan 13
It is nice to hear that you want to be careful about what you say. I do try to be careful as well but occasionally, end up saying the wrong thing without meaning to. I remember one mother said to another mother: 'How did you and your husband have such good looking children?' I really don't think she thought out what she was saying. She was trying to compliment that mother but oooops, she ended up insulting that mother. Good thing that mother had a sense of humor. She told me this story as a joke. I had a good laugh, (I wasn't laughing at her but at me) because I know my kids are better looking than me. It is probably better to appear a little 'weird' in being careful about what you say, (I hope this is said the right way), then slipping up and ending up saying something that is more hurtful. Anyways, I do appreciate people like yourself who take the time to be careful with what you say to make sure you are always kind towards others. We do need more people like you in the world. Many Blessings to you.
• Jacksonville, Florida
22 Jan 13
I am so super careful but I am wondering why since so many people treat me the opposite way... Yeah I would have taken that one as an insult too! Lol. My sister does the same kinds of things, she constantly insults other people without meaning to because she doesn't think before she speaks. Thank you, I know its a good thing but sometimes it stinks being hurt all the time.
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
20 Jan 13
I tell my daughter that you can't take back what you say. Her best friend and her got into a fight over something childish and she had said a few things that were out of line. My daughter was so upset, she had been friends with this girl for twenty years and now she wanted to do this to her. It hurts but she can't make her friend do the right thing and she had expressed to me that this time what was said couldn't be forgiven. This is strong for my daughter because she has rolled over for this girl for so long, in a way I'm glad that the cord is finally broke.
• Jacksonville, Florida
21 Jan 13
That is the truth. You cannot take back what you say, that is why I am always so careful of what I say. I'm sorry for your daughter, maybe it is for the best if your daughter always had to back down to this person and forgive them. I still feel bad that she lost a friend, I know that can be hard. But no one deserves to be treated badly.
• United States
20 Jan 13
There are times when one cannot simply tiptoe around things. For instance, if a dear friend was doing something that was harming her child (not directly abusive but causing long-term damage to the child), would you really be overly mindful of whether or not your words would cause her pain? My closest friends and I are not opposed to being a tad blunt in addressing each other. The fact is, we each sometimes need a swift boot to the behind in order for us to open our eyes to certain things. That doesn't mean that one should bully others or go out of one's way to cause people pain just for the sake of causing pain. However, there are times when one needs to be quite stern and direct in order to help prevent a person from doing things that are not good for her or him or others.
• Jacksonville, Florida
21 Jan 13
Honestly knowing myself I would be worried about them being angry with me over it or lashing out at me so I would be honest but still be nice about it... I have never really been blunt my entire life although I should start to figure out how to be that way, at least a little bit more than I am now. I am always the nice one and always either getting walked on or treated like crap. Guess I should change a little bit...
• United States
20 Jan 13
I know what you mean LMB. I try to spare people's feelings online and offline. I do try to be honest with people while being tactful. I care much about people.
• Jacksonville, Florida
20 Jan 13
Yeah we are very much alike with that but in the end, we are the ones who end up being hurt. We do tons of good and yet we are brought down like we are nothing...I don't get it.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Jan 13
LovingMyBabies I think at times either reason may play a part in thoughtless comments. You are wise to be considerate and think before you speak. You are a better person for doing so. Many speak before thinking..sometimes I have. I think we all have an 'oops' moment when it is just a slip. When speaking to bullies I have been too harsh ....while killing them with kindness would have been more effective. I never mean to be unkind, but I think I have stepped on toes without knowing it and only found out later. I think I have gotten better about it, but I have to be careful. Another consideration is if we have our feelings hurt, perhaps we are being overly sensitive.. and the person who made a nasty comment was unaware how it would come across or was in pain themselves and just lashing out..no excuse but a possible explanation? I am not sure where it comes from. Possibly insecurity and so to compensate, one becomes more forceful? Or one is being forceful to cover ones own weakness? I have both participated and observed it.
• Jacksonville, Florida
20 Jan 13
It is better to think before you speak but I am also hurt a lot because of other's thoughtless comments. So I am really not sure which is better right now...Maybe I am thinking of joining the dark side, but only for a moment while I am hurting. Give me a few minutes and I will be back to being the sweet me again. Lol. I always kill people with kindness, I know it works because it has plenty of times for me but sometimes it gets frustrating always being the nice one. It is an explanation, I have been overly sensitive in the past but its not just one comment from these same people. It is all the time with them. The first time, okay maybe I was being too emotional or sensitive, over 100 times I don't think so...
• United States
6 Feb 13
You are a good , kind, considerate person. Not everybody is. It is sad but true. All you can do is be you.
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
24 Jan 13
Hi LMB! It is said that - Look before your leap.. I always measure my words before uttering anything. I do not use harsh words for any person, even if s/he has offended me. I try to control my emotions and just leave the scene. I know once I've spoken harsh words it could hurt the other person like a sharp arrow and that person is not going to forget those words easily.