I had a break down in church today,and I could hear the lamb in my head .

United States
January 20, 2013 2:51pm CST
I will be back later ok,I just wanted to make this post now. I should have walked back home when I felt bad going to church. but,something kept making me walk to church. I get in church and the service was wonderful but,my head starting working on me. I went to the alter for prayer and asked god to please take this bad spirit away from me. But,it did not happen and this stranger next to me must have seen something I did not know anyway she asked if I was ok and I said yes. then I saw robin and called to her to tell her I needed help. so,I told her I could not help it but I was going to kill myself if I did not get to the hospital. so,she took me to another woman who brought me back to the seat in church. and then I started feeling worse and told the woman please take me to the hospital. and she said can she call someone first so I gave her adrains number and by the time she came back I had already broke down. I screamed really loud that I don't want to live in this world any more and that I wanted my mother. and after that I forgot what I said. then people were all over me praying for me and the preacher came and sat down next to me and started saying something like rebuke the name of something. and it was crazy after that. they took me to the alter and laid me on the floor and everyone was around me crying and praying for me. I was far gone by this time and could only see darkness and feel pain. then when they stof me up the put the mic to my mouth and had me repeat after them stuff with jesus in it and I did and they still held on to me and prayed for me and then the tears started to slow down. I felt a feeling of something come over my body and then I was able to see light again. then I could hear them clearly and feel that I was holding someones hand. then the preacher called all the people who wanted to join the church and they came up. then he looked at me and asked my name and I whipers sharon. then I went to his ear and asked if I could join the church too. aand he screamed praise god. and then said god is a healer and then he said.you want to know what she just asked. and he said sharon just asked can she join the church. and they started crying and all hugging me. then I saw adrain by the door. and then they walked me to adrian and then outside people came with their phone numbers giving it to me telling me to call them any time day or night for any reason. I started crying again because I was feeling better and something strange was going on in my mind and body and all I wanted was to live. I thought about pointless,and hately saying to pray to god. and I heard something funny in my head and it was like I could here the lamb talking to me. then all I could feel was mylot pulling me in. and I thought i was going crazy. but,the feeling felt like a big hug. I am crazy I know. so this lady walked behind me and said your still crying and I said no. and quickly stopped. and I told adrain I want to go to the hospital. and he said,we are going home if you go to the hospital your going to kill your mother. so,I am home now and I am feeling better and just now this lady called from the church to see how I am doing. so,please don't judge me for not being normal. I get down and can't help myself. I am going in the room to take my other pill and sleep. I will be back later ok. thanks for reading my post. Sorry,please forgive me for writing more. I just want to say that you might think that mylot is not such a good place for everyone. but it is for me.I can't see my everyday life without all of you. even when my life is about to crumble I can feel all of you loving me. I am glad to have you all to turn to when stuff get me down. I just hope I don't get on your nerves. If you have my phone number you can call me when it is free for you. thanks.
6 people like this
16 responses
@GardenGerty (99159)
• United States
20 Jan 13
Sharon, there are many ways that MyLot is a really good place. I have often heard that having a good friend to talk to is almost as good as therapy. Here you have many friends.You just have to remember all the people that love you. You do also need to take the medicines you have been prescribed and work on getting enough sleep. All of those things are important. Being on a regular routine is important, and so is having something to look forward to. be good to yourself, okay? You are right, many people pray for you and many people care about you.
• United States
20 Jan 13
I have been getting good rest and meals. I am just so stressed it is killing me. I know something bad is going to happen as well. I keep saying it and no one is hearing me. I can feel it in my bones. that is why I am so worried about kay.
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
20 Jan 13
Hi Gifts! I hope you are okay now. I think we just need to let go of bottled up emotions sometimes and you did just that at church. You have to get a grip of yourself. Always remember that whatever problems we are facing now are just temporary. Here's hoping that you are now fine and back to your normal routine. Just take it easy and pray.
3 people like this
• United States
20 Jan 13
I tried to pray as hard as I could but it was not working for me. I just lost control and I felt so bad for it. But,I am doing better right now. and adrain is here with me adn staying right by my side. I am here on the computer because he went to the store. I needed something to keep my mind busy.
• United States
21 Jan 13
It is good that you are going to talk with your doctor about adjusting your medications. I was away from my email and myLot for much of today. When I came back, I saw the notifications on your various discussions. It looks like today has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for you.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 13
The day was terrible for me and my mind lost the battle I have been suffering with over three weeks now. I am home alone and a bit scared too.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 13
But Adrian will be back later today. In the meantime, you have plenty to do online. Chamomile tea is good for its calming effect.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 13
He came right back when I called him so we are home together. I am going to buy some when I go food shopping. thanks..
• United States
20 Jan 13
Hi Gifts! You go to a good church, because churches are supposed to be hospitals for the spiritually wounded. Most churches nowadays are just places to sit and listen and nothing more. Your new Brothers and Sisters in Christ want to help you. Rebuke the devil and he must flee from you; I think that is what the preacher was saying to you. Keep going and keep opening your heart to Jesus, Gifts. You will be healed in your spirit. I will never judge you for this because this is what churches are supposed to be about. Too many aren't anymore. Love God and love yourself. Love you!
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jan 13
Adrain might go to bible study with me wednesday night. I am going to tel them I need to learn to read the bible and hope I am not too shame.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 13
Don't be ashamed. There's no reason to be. It takes practice to understand the bible. It sort of has a language all it's own, if you think about it.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 13
Thanks I sure can't wait to move and get into another church and know the songs and how to read the bible.
@wongchoiyee (7348)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 13
I am sorry to hear that you broke down, I too happen to broke down last Saturday. It has been weeks, but I still remember that something like God, I don't know maybe satan want to take my life and all I wish is please give me one more chance. I understand what you are going through, the my mom say prayers to the altar and I saw stars circulating me, asking me to accept the stars, I accepted it and in the midnight I recover after taking meds. I don't know why people still suffer even though they take meds at the time required, maybe mental problem is hard to deal with. Anyway glad you are ok now, we don't want something bad happen to our fellow mylotters. Good Night!
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 13
I know that was bad for you as well. it was just terrible for me to deal with. I am taking my meds and adjusting them soon to get some help in my head. it will be ok for the both of us.
@Archie0 (4669)
21 Jan 13
Hi sharon, i hope you are fine after a deep relaxing sleep. It happens sometimes when we are too frustrated or need to breath in some fresh breath of air. I hope all the negative vibes around you are wiped off with lords grace. He loves everyone, and he cares for you too. You will be fine in no time. Of course we all here who know you a lot or bit love you a lot and want you to be happy and safe.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 13
Thanks very much. I am doing much better now. take care.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
21 Jan 13
Im glad to hear that you are feeling somewhat better now. Like the others have said there is no need to feel ashamed. It sounds like a wonderful church. Im also glad that you will be talking to your doctor. Make sure you tell him about this episode so that he can either change or adjust your meds. You must of been so scared. I am glad that you were surrounded by people that cared and not alone. We all care about you and just would love to see good things happen in your life.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 13
yes,I am going to talk to my doctor on thursday and he will help me figure something out as well. I know it will get better as soon as I can get a grip on my stress.
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
20 Jan 13
I'm so sorry you broke down in church but maybe it was for the best that it happened there. Since there were so many people there to help you in your time of need. You need to not let everything be bottled up inside of you. You have to many problems on your plate and you need to let them go and live for yourself. I feel so bad that you have so many troubles I just hope the church, Adrian and praying will help you in the long run. You are in my prays each and everyday. God Bless and hope you are feeling better tonight.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 13
He is going to be right here by my side.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
20 Jan 13
wow! gifts this was very powerful to read. i have the moments often. it isn't fun. i too, get spiritual relief by going to my temple, chanting, and praying (i am a buddhist). it doesn't matter what your spiritual beliefs are, it's important you have something to hang on to when times get like this. you have your friends, family, and us here on mylot (which are like your friends/family). anytime you get ready to come on here break down, you are safe to do it here with us. if that is what you need to do. just please, no more thoughts about taking your life. i know it's hard, but you must remember all the people who would be destroyed if you were gone. know that you are loved and safe. i can't wait to find that you are back on here and doing okay again. in the mean time, sleep and focus on peace and joy. focus on making that the cause in your life that will have that same effect...peace and joy.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jan 13
I am doing a little better now. I still feel like crying and i don't know why. I just know I want my mother and can't have her now. I really want my daughter too. thanks you for being my friend.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Jan 13
Hi Sharon I am glad we are here on mylot for you just g ot overloaded in your mind in church.l I am glad people there did care for you; There is no shame in mental or physical problems and we all care so much for you. Hold on now, take your medications and be glad you can come here to us.I had a favorite minister who always said to people "God loves you and so do I." Somehow that always comforted me. Relax and know you are going to be okay You need to just take life one day at a time not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. Cling to Adrian and your best friend here and do not let yourself be alone for awhile. You are going to be okay.You just take care of you for now.Stress is a killer so pretend you are in this stress proof bubble and no stress c an touch you.Now lie down and get some sleep.Later you will w ake and feel so much better. We all do care about yu. hugs from hatley
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jan 13
Oh,you have no idea how bad it was for me today. I could not see any light in front of me at all. I just saw darkness. I am going to go back in the room to lay down. I still feel like crying and I don't know why either. I am feeling a lot better about things. I called kay and got no answer so I am going to rest in a few minutes.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
22 Jan 13
I am so happy that the people of the church were able to help you and if you really felt the lord talking to you that is wonderful. I feel him talking to me too.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 13
I don't know how I felt better so fast but it was a good thing I did or I would have been messed up and gone to the hospital for real.
@MandaLee (3726)
• United States
20 Jan 13
Hi Sharon, I am sorry that happened. I am here if you need me. You are in my prayers.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 13
Thanks so much . I really like having you all here for me.
@shante2 (338)
• United States
22 Jan 13
Hi, I am so sorry to hear all the pain that your are facing in your life, I feel that many people don't understand what one may be going through, and you don't have a reason to feel like any one will judge you, because you are a honest sweet person, from what I see, and I would never look down on you or call you crazy, no one is perfect and we all face things for some reason, but I just want you to knwo you are very much loved and don't never give up hope and faith and pray to God and jesus they will see you through always no matter what, You are here to live and not die and you will make it you are a strong person and you are a blessing. !!!:)
1 person likes this
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
21 Jan 13
I hate to say this.... but you sound like someone who has a problem and needs help. I cant believe you talk about this great guy Adrian, and then you come here and post this. That is something you and him should talk about.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (64741)
• India
21 Jan 13
You talking about my bro? He is a saint...:)
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
21 Jan 13
you two look nothing alike. I think you are lying AGAIN brownie
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
21 Jan 13
I am praying for you along with all your other mylot friends. God bless you and may He keep yhou close to Him always.