I need an advice about my family .

Philippines
January 21, 2013 5:49am CST
Before i was just depending of my family .about money and i really dont care if my family is suffering especially my sister who is a bread winner of the family. when the time comes that my sister said to do not support money to us. I was very Down and weak and decide to work . to be short I am now the bread winner then i can say that its not really that you supported to your family but they didnt do good to you .they didnt cooperate and not help you.theey just spent the money with no reason even its not important . so i know the feeling right now why my sister did that to us.and i woke up with that situation. i hate being supported to my family because they have already married but i still support the. i think this is not a good way to help them.i love them but i cant stand seeing them nothing. can anybody help me what to do ? or do i need to talk to them and stop my support to all of them ?
3 people like this
11 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
21 Jan 13
Your sister did support you and your family for a long time. Now you know why she did stop with it. I think this is good since if you are an adult, start working you have to be able to build a future for yourself. This is not possible if you have to work for your whole family. I am not saying that you never should support your family. If they all would work and would earn less, or be sick or need some extra you could give a hand. But in the case of your family they do not work. They find it easy to work and as long as there is "an idiot" who is doing that, there is no need to find work. First your sister was doing it, now you decided to do so. I think the good thing your sister did is that it did open your eyes. Now you know how it feels to be abused by people who only spend your money and do nothing in return. I think you should tell your family that from now on you will work for yourself and you will only support them with a very small amount of money for a certain period (say 2 or 3 months). After that time you will NOT give them any money anymore. In 2-3 months time they should be able to find work, all of them! You start saving a part of your income from nowone. The best on a bankaccount. This way you are not easily able to give the money to them and you can build a future for yourself. BTW the only thing your sister and now you learned your family is that there is no need to take care of themselves. There is no need to work and that it's way easier to abuse someone to beg, to take what is not theirs.
2 people like this
• Philippines
21 Jan 13
Set some ground rules. talk about deals. If you can provide this, they shoudl give this task in return. Don't overwork yourself physically and mentally. The situation comes full circle. It doesn't need to be abusive.
2 people like this
• Philippines
21 Jan 13
Let me ask. Are you the one doing the household chores? Or is it your parents? Are you also the one cooking breakfast before you go to your work? Or is it them? Are you the one doing the laundry for your working clothes? Or is it them again?
• Philippines
21 Jan 13
because sometimes we used to neglect or refuse to appreciate things while we have it. and now we learn from them if we are in that situation. try to tell them how you feel. and teach them to become independent and helpful to each other. because you will not be doing that forever. think about your future too. besides its for their own good!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Jan 13
thank you . have you also encountered like this? or just by your observation or just by your friends situation?i am almost tired helping them because they. its really hard to find money then they just seat and wait then never helping their self to be independent. yes your right i am not doing this forever ,beside they have also their own family so i will be better talk to them and explain them.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
21 Jan 13
Are you referring to your parents? It's good to help our parents even if we are already married. But if you are referring to your other siblings- that is another thing. If your parents are already old and are not capable of working and you still have small siblings- I think you really need to help your parents and little siblings. But, if your other siblings are already matured and are legal to look for a job- I think you need to talk to them.
1 person likes this
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
21 Jan 13
People will take advantage of you if you let them. Now you know how it feels on both sides. My suggestion - stop cooking the meals. Don't get into looong discussions with you, they won't listen. So, just tell them that you only feel obligated to look after your mom. Yes, stop your support towards your sister and brother. Just stop. Put your money in a bank where they can't touch it. And tell them to get a job, just as you did. My suggestion is that you and your mother live by yourselves. Why is it necessary for all the family members to live in the same house? Your brother and sister are grown adults, so they are responsible for their own family, not you. So, now you know that family members will take advantage of other family members. It is best if each adult family member is responsible for their own finances, so that means every adult needs to get a job.
@vernaC (1493)
• Romania
21 Jan 13
Now you know the feeling of a bread winner. Your sister did just the right thing because if she continue supporting you, you'll grow old knowing nothing about this life. At least now you still have the chance of getting a job, what if you're already old and your sister cannot support you anymore, what would you do for a living since you don't have any experience in working? Thing like this you should realize while you're still young and work hard for your future.
1 person likes this
@Mavic123456 (16166)
• Thailand
21 Jan 13
what happened to your sister is called burned out. You may still talk to her about matters like this if she has cool down. If your family is like a patient who needs her life support she can not just call it quits. what the family can do is to make some settlements with her like, saving on electricity and water consumption and so many things like not spending too much. until everyone is ready to stand on his/her own feet like you for example. I assume that you can work already at this time because you are a member of mylot that means to say that you are over 18 years old. You can find some job to help her a bit. But again, not to burn out yourself too in the future. Now, if the family is caught on this compromising situation you will need time to stand on your own. You must understand her.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (9539)
• Legaspi, Philippines
21 Jan 13
Perhaps you could have to talk to them about this matter and agree on the schedule. Write it on paper for everybody to see. This way, you can remind them with their obligations if in case they tend to forget. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8357)
21 Jan 13
I think it is about time you explained to them ,they must do more to support themselves.Make a budget and if your family want luxuries then they must earn it themselves,Say you don't mind paying your bit but it is unfair to keep all of them.You need to make your own life,maybe that is why your sister took off,lets face it I don't blame her.If you took off tomorrow they would manage.I do hope you can sort this out without falling out with your family.Perhaps you won't be able to.The married ones must learn to stand on their own two feet and all the time you are dishing out the money they never will.Take care.
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Jan 13
hi galactic girl If you feel that way for goodness sakes break it off as yuu cannot forever be the bread winner for a large family. Let them all get jobs and earn their won bread so to speak. Live your own life for once as nobody now days can support a large family all alone.Its not right to make you the breadwinner. All should be working not depending on one person. Get out get your own apartment and build your own life.Good Lck.