Should I feel responsible?

@celticeagle (119865)
Boise, Idaho
January 22, 2013 10:50am CST
As most of you know I live with my daughter and grandson. We have a real problem with him missing the bus. As he did this morning after having a holiday yesterday. Now I am the only one who drives and my poor old car doesn't want to go in this fridgid weather. It is -2 out right now and its 9:44a. His class starts at 8:45a. and he catches the bus at 7:47a. If he misses the bus I am allected to take him. It is too cold for my car. I hate going out anyway because of arthritis. He used to go to the school right here close-only about four blocks away. Now it is clear across town to a school where they have a special program for kids with emotional, psychological and behavioral problems. He has Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I really have a problem with going out into the cold to taking him when he misses the bus. Should I just buck up or what? What are your thoghts?
5 people like this
9 responses
• United States
22 Jan 13
Why is he missing the bus? I'm confused. Is it just no one is waking him up in time to catch the bus? Or is he just not getting up? I don't understand why it is up to you to get him to the busstop on time. I can understand this happening once in a while but if it's happening all the time, it's not fair for you to use your car and go out in the cold with arthritis.
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
He is woke up and has plenty of time to catch the bus. This morning it was because he refused to get out of the bath tub. He was told to get out several time. No, it is n't fair for me to have to go out but if he misses the bus how else is he goig to get to school?
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 13
Sorry, as usual I didn't get your comment because of the myLot problem. I'm so sorry for you and no, it's not fair. Couldn't your daughter make him get out of the bathtub? What if you would have let the water out? This can't go on and you are going to have a nervous breakdown one of these days. I feel so bad for you. Maybe no more baths in the morning would help.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Jan 13
My daughter does all she can to get him to mind her but he just ignores her. He just puts the thing back in so the water stays in. It can't go on! I am near a nervous breakdown but what is going to change things. He doesn't seem to care and what else can be taken away or done to make him do what he is told to do? I think no more baths too but then he refuses to dress or do anything until he gets his way. Then what? I have thought of spankings but what is the good in that? So I feel like I am hitting my head up against a cement wall.
@LaDeBoheme (1992)
• United States
23 Jan 13
Should you feel responsible? My first reaction was no for all the reasons honor06 stated, but then I read your response about how you "committed to be hear and help her raise him". The rules change when you agree to share the responsibility. However, if your car or you don't run in cold weather, that answers that question and I say the ball's back in your daughter's court.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
I guess so and she doesn't drive or have money for other options.
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
I just let him stay home yesterday. It was single digits until noon. My daughter doesn't drive. No other way but public bus to get them to school if I don't take them. He doesn't go to the regular school here close. He is going to a different one clear across town.
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
1 Feb 13
Hi dear friend Celticeagle it isn´t your fault. I´m facing just the same problems as you do with my children, I have three. I have Betty of 14 whom I take to school, and I have Gus and Andy, from 12 and 10 whom my hubby takes to school. The problem is that they(we) should go to bed early, so they(we) can rest and get awake early. I have changed alarm clocks 15 mins earlier and this helped a lot yesterday. I worked late night today, and I went to bed at 1 am, they went to bed at 11. And we get awake 30 mins later. But we were on time with a rush. But it´s discipline, my home needs to be disciplined. They should go to bed early, and me too, and wake early. So everyone will be on time in the morning. Isn´t it? Blessings Celtic...dainy
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Feb 13
Yes, people who work need their rest and so do children that go to school. Kids need alot of sleep because they are growing and expell so much energy during the day. I hope you can change your ways. Kids also enjoy a schedule and it really helps them feel good. I hope you can make these changes. I am sure they were help you feel better each day.
1 person likes this
@MandaLee (3738)
• United States
22 Jan 13
Hi celtic, I understand how you feel. Cold weather causes me pain also. Do you know any of his classmates? Can he get a ride to school with a classmate? I hope you don't have to go out in the cold. I hope it all works out.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
His classmates all take a bus. The same bus he is supposed to get on in the morning. He goes to a special class at a different school. His regular school is only about 3-4 blocks away. This school with the special class is clear across town.
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Jan 13
hi celticeagle I know you have a lot on your plate and i am trying to think what to say.Can his mom help him to get up earlier so he can take the bus.? or is she working? I hate thinking of you out in that frigid weather with arthritis as I have it too and know how it can hurt.I really think he just has to get up earlier so he can catch that bus.
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Jan 13
He is up at between 6a. to 6:30a. and catches the bus at 7:47a. It was -2 this morning and my poor ole car squeels if I try to run it that cold. What am I to do? It is my daughters responsibility to get her there but she doesn't drive. The bus means walking for ages one way or the other. Can't afford a taxi. Not other family members or friends available either. Any ideas?
• United States
23 Jan 13
He needs to know that there are consequences for his actions. If he does not get out of the tub and misses the bus, he has no way to get to school; as his grandmother, you bear no responsibility to be his personal taxi, and his mother does not drive. If he does not go to school, he will eventually be removed from the home. If he is removed from the home, he shall likely find himself in a situation far less generous to his stubborn refusals to behave as he should. After a certain point, you simply have to say that you shall do no more. You have been held hostage for so very long. He will do nothing to help you help him.
• United States
23 Jan 13
Thats a tough position to be in. I think for today you should take him. By doing so in the past you kind of gave the impression that you would do it when needed. But I would sit down with your daughter and let her know that it can't keep happening. Taht with your arthritis it is difficult for you on these cold days. The school won't tolerate too many absences before she gets in some major trouble. Maybe you need to make sure he is up earlier. If your daughter needs help raising him do to her own health issues. Maybe you could take it upon yourself to wake him up early and make sure he gets ready and to the bus on time.
• India
23 Jan 13
If you are too old, you shouldnt expose yourself to too much cold, you might get some strange physical conditions and could be danger to others on the road.
@Anduts (13)
• Romania
23 Jan 13
You should have a serious conversation with him. Tell him the whole situation from your point of view. I mean, he wouldn't like to drive you somewhere when is cold outside, or would he ? Make him "walk in your shoes" a little.