Do you have relatives taking advantage of your parents's kindness?

@zzyw87 (1260)
Philippines
January 24, 2013 12:38am CST
Do you have relatives taking advantage of your parents's kindness and generosity? I have such relatives. They keep getting money from my parents once in a while. Plus, they get HUGE amounts of money from them. My parents cannot resist to give them money because they always like to show to my parents that they have money enough to cover only the necessities like tuition of the kids, for grocery, electricity, etc. But I can see, thanks to facebook, they live quite a nice lifestyle, like eating out 3 times a week in moderately expensive restaurants, buy expensive branded clothes and shoes, travel once a year, go bowling, watch movies every weekend, etc. They treat my parents like their own personal ATM. I hate it. Ever since they asked for "help" in the form of money from my parents, I totally lost my entire respect for them. Plus, one would expect them to at least be generous to my parents and their kids namely me. But no, they are so stingy that they don't even give us christmas and birthday gifts. My goodness. They are so thick-faced. Do you have relatives worse than mine? In what way?
1 person likes this
13 responses
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
24 Jan 13
"Thick-faced".. I never heard of this term. What does it mean? My mom has sisters, one in particular, who would take advantage of her in a minute. In my head, this sister is a user. She owes my mom a couple hundred dollars, if not more, right now. But I know she's not going to pay. But my mom knows how she is. That's her baby sister. And it's probably the reason why she's not talking to my mom right now, because she doesn't want to pay her back. She does this to a lot of people. You just have to look at these people and shake your head, and don't let them get you.
• China
24 Jan 13
Hi,guy, "Thick-faced"means the people who is shameless .
• Pasay, Philippines
24 Jan 13
Because in Filipino term of Thick-faced is what we usually used for those people that are shameless especially in asking you something in which they don't set their limits.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Yes. I feel my relatives don't have any intention of repaying my parents also. They act like they don't owe anything to my parents. That is the worst part. They even tease my parents to treat them every time we go out.
@math21 (67)
• Philippines
24 Jan 13
Yes. I really do have this kind of relatives who always run for my mother every time they need help especially when it comes to money and they do talking behind my mothers back if they don't get anything whenever they ask. I am so irritated with this that I sometimes don't allow them to enter our house. I sometimes hate my mother for always being such a good person to everyone.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
I feel exactly the same! They just go to my parents when they need money. They don't strive to work hard to earn money. They don't even invest money given by my parents wisely. They just spend the money on superficial stuff like shopping, etc. I am also annoyed sometimes with my parents for being such generous people. Too generous, in fact.
@math21 (67)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
The brighter side is: at least we learn from our parent's that not all relatives are worthy to be helped. I have learned a lot from my mother with all of her experiences in terms of lending money.
@lampar (7597)
• United States
28 Jan 13
I am sorry to let you know that i don't have any relative with such think skin on them, most of them only have very thin skin faces on them, they don't usually ask money from my parent generosity, they only receive whatever come their way, and in time of emergency or in a very desperate situation. All of them are good people and posses very kind hearts, just like my parent, they like to give rather than take. They just not able to beat your relatives in any worse way, you got yourself one of the worst type you could ever wish for.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Wow, you are so lucky to have nice relatives! I truly envy you right now. What I'd give to have such good relatives like yours. Maybe my relatives will change for the better soon. Wishful thinking on my part. Haha.
@kiepher (55)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
We cannot evade those kind of people, pal. I can't tell if mine is worse than you or what. Mine we're my sisters-in-law. They were disrespectful but not showy. They make as if my parents were bad to my brothers, it really brought me in rage. When they were not still in the family, we have a very close relationship. It's as if they don't like my parents. But when trouble comes, they were the most obedient thing on earth, and my parents being soft hearted, they help with no words...huh.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
If only I don't have such relatives. I was also close to my relatives when they were not that shameless in asking money from my parents yet. Now that they keep asking for more, I cannot seem to look them in the eye with respect. Whenever I see them, I just see these people who look at my parents as ATM machines. They don't know when enough is enough.
@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
25 Jan 13
I think there are cases that this happens. But then not to us. hehe we do not have much of a relatives and the little relatives we have we are no longer in contact with them... the only one bothering my mom is my brother but he is family not relatives who is just taking advantage of her. hehe
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
It is good that your family don't have relatives shamelessly using your parents for money. That is a good blessing. I wish mine is the same case as yours so there won't be any problems.
@ckyera (17262)
• Philippines
25 Jan 13
Hi there! Well, your parents are really kind and generous people, its just sad that some of your relatives took advantage on it. It reminds me of my grandmother. when she's still alive and working, a lot of her relatives specially her siblings asked for her help financially. Every now and then they are writing to her telling her that they need this and that, and with my grand mom's good heart, she never say NO, she always give whatever she had... but her relatives don't give anything in return even if they promise to pay... In the end, those people that she have helped as able to have their own house & lot, or had their house renovated...while my grandmom? Ends with nothing.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
That is so sad. I hate that kind of injustice like what happened to your grandmother. At least, you can be proud to know she had a good and pure heart. She was selfless. I am also proud of my parents' kindness and generosity. Maybe it is because of that, that's why they receive good karma.
@Metatronik (5899)
• Pasay, Philippines
24 Jan 13
We have other relatives who are like that even the people that we are not so close. Others are even neighbors. There are so many stories to tell about people who are abusing the kindness of my parents especially in the case of my mom. There was a time before that other relatives are even asking for the new items and she doesn't want to be given an old clothes. Then there was this neighbor who is borrowing credit card from my father then it came to the point that she is gossiping to the neighbors that my dad was able to avail some points to claim rewards just because of our neighbor which indeed it wasn't true. I've witnessed a lot of people who are abusive to the kindness of my parents but then if we are the one who is in need then they can't give us help. As I've look at your profile then I was right that you are also Filipino. I don't really know what is wrong with the other Filipinos who had this wrong value and I am thinking otherwise that this maybe one of the reasons that our country is not improving or we have poor economy because this is the one example of the wrong value of our other fellowmen when it comes to money that they are relying it from other people. They keep on asking, begging and ranting that they don't have money but you will surprise with their lifestyle as if they are so poor like living in squatters. I've also heard the case as you mentioned like a person is asking money for the party of her daughter that is really unique and fantastic so that she can show off to people. I can't imagine people who are doing that way. I mean if they want to show off and have some luxuries then why not working hard to achieve it? How come they need to ask it from other people? This is the reason why I've decided to put limitations in any case there are people who will ask help. They may noticed that I am far different from my parents' generosity but the point is, it is not Christmas everyday. Everything has limitations.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Exactly. I think it is a really bad trait, priding themselves on superficial and materialistic things. I am also very unlike my parents. I am not stingy but I am also not generous. Well, I am generous to people who are generous to me. I don't go overboard with my money. Once in a while, I donate to charity. I prefer donating to charity than giving money to relatives or friends. I want to be able to help the needy to alleviate their pain even temporarily and not further pamper my relatives' luxurious lifestyle.
• Philippines
24 Jan 13
I have a friend who has such experience and it’s quite not a good take in dealing with family ties. Sometimes, such people are just relying or rather using you in order to satisfy themselves in terms of skills or wealth. It’s not bad to seek help and to be kind by your relatives but if they go over to the extent that it’s obviously a bad habit to keep calling your relatives just to use them, it’s totally going overboard.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Yes, you are correct. I just really hope that maybe one day, they will feel shame and remorse in always asking my parents for money. I keep believing that one day the asking of money will stop, but until now, it still has not stopped.
@Shavkat (44852)
• Philippines
24 Jan 13
It is fine to help other people but we need to balance it. Some people will be doing it as always and need to stopped. I have some relatives, but the other way around. In stead of helping other people, they just remained to be stingy.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
That's what I am also angry about with my relatives. They are stingy with my parents and us kids when my family has given them so much money and help whenever they ask for it. They don't know gratitude. They don't know how to behave properly with the proper manner.
@pomwango (1355)
• Kenya
24 Jan 13
yes i have such relatives,they only like when they are getting things from my parents.they are always begging for assistance but when we have something however small they can help in they never return the favour.you feel like telling your parents to never assist them,but i think if its in your heart to help its hard to say no.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
I know. Sometimes though, I feel as if I'd rather donate the money given to my selfish relatives to charity. At least, when given to charity, my parents could really help the very poor and needy. Actually, they do give to charity regularly. I'd rather they give more money to charity than to selfish relatives.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
24 Jan 13
My mom's brother is far worst than anyone I know. He managed to sell my grandparents' properties without them knowing it. He also loaned money from the bank and used my grandparents' ancestral home as collateral. When he could not pay up, the house was almost taken away. But my mom gave him the money to pay for it. The bad thing about it? He made the property under his name even if my mom was the one who paid it. What kind of a person is he? He still lives in that house. I don;t know if he would ever get out of that house. Maybe he's wait to be evicted!
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
I hate people like that. I cannot have respect for these kinds of people, esp. our relatives like that. I wonder if their conscience even bothers them. I am really amazed that these relatives of ours can sleep peacefully at night knowing that they did a very dishonest thing.
@Archie0 (4672)
24 Jan 13
Oh yes lot of times. Now we have broken relationships with them. At times they just blackmailed my father, harassed him emotionally, When at times he did not have that capacity to provide what they needed and refused. They tried to kill him even. Now they think that my mother is culprit as she washed my dad's brain that he should stop helping the selfish people. They are trying to apart both of them. I cannot believe if blood relations are so dangerous then non bloods must be fatal. I don't make any friends now, i don't believe as even i have had all betrayal from them. I don't wish to marry and start a new relation and a new trouble my life is happy being alone.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Your case is even worse than mine. I cannot believe your relatives would try to blackmail and kill your parent, when in fact your parents even tried to help them. People like my relatives and yours don't know the word gratitude. They don't know when enough is enough.
@ebinao (1)
• Philippines
29 May 13
Hello, im responding to a post that is a bit dated already but i just want to share my own experience... it's a vicious cycle for my mom. she has this depraved-of-love relationship with her relatives, as her family didnt plan for her to have a good life - she was supposed to be a helper of sorts, to be passed on by her siblings... but she did her best to study with her own and a bit of other people's money, had a job while being a student, and due to the effective cooperation between her and her husband she got the family a good life, a bright future.... but she's still a bit needy, i admit she's not very practical at times. many times nowadays she gets taken advantage of by her elder sister. i am sickened, the aunt has even brought in her own children to our business, and says all sorts of derogatory stuff when my dad is not around. us children have stronger spines so we get bothered less, but there were times that the aunt was just ready to have a fight with me. it sickens me, even some of her workers are taking advantage of her, stealing stuff at our house right under her nose. but i have to admit, sometimes, watching her around other people... she's really asking for it. im just waiting to be able to disconnect from this family once and for all. have my own life. any taking advantage of or any other bullshit in my life will be my fault, not anybody else's. (at least, for the most part, then) still there's the family business to think about, she wants me in there, with all those guys working for her, some of whom (i acknowledge that not all of them, at all) might assume that i am like her and would immediately give me a hard time. at times of thinking, sometimes, i feel what a relief, what a blessing it would be to have a mom that would frown at the slightest bull from the outside world and step up and shield her kids from the crap. just hoping we can all manage with our situations, and learn from them, and not repeat mistakes, and of course still recognize the greatness that is my mom, if just with those (at times torturing) imperfections.