Cake Vs. Pride

Canada
January 24, 2013 9:39pm CST
I had an interesting discussion with my mother, or should I say a series of discussions. My birthday is on the 30th (today's the 24th I believe). Every year for the past few years, I've had a delicious Black Forest Cake from the bakery down the street. Black Forest Cakes from there run about $25, but they're BIG, and they're DELICIOUS!! I only get them on my birthday, and they are worth every dollar. My mother usually springs for a special dinner at her house, a cake, and gives me a card with $50 in it. My husband asks me what I want, and we figure out what's in the budget. This year I got a new dress, and we're going to our favourite Serbian Restaurant for dinner on my birthday. So Mom mentioned that this year a black forest cake might not be in HER budget, and would i like another kind of cake? Hubby and I completely understand Mom's circumstances this year, and since he likes this particular kind of cake as much as I do, he said he'd gladly buy me one himself!!!! This is not me being selfish. Remember, his favourite too. :) This was him offering to make things a bit easier for Mom. Mom kept trying to convince me to get a cheaper kind of cake, even though we told her Hubby was going to pay for it. I finally just ordered the Black Forest Cake myself, and paid for it with the cash Hubby and I set aside. I called Mom, and left her a voice mail letting her know I appreciate everything, and not to worry about the cost of the cake. I mean, it's NOT like I'm buying my own birthday cake, and even if I was, I'm happy getting the cake I want, even if it means I pay for it myself. For Hubby's birthday I was able to give him a vacation in Montreal, because I had not spent an Air Mile in 10 years, and everything was free. We do what we can with what we have, and if others are not as financially able, they are not the only members of the family. If you were in Mom's position, would you be happy that someone else was happy to pay for the birthday cake your daughter really wanted, or would you insist on something cheaper, because you wanted to pay for it yourself? As the daughter in this case, no matter how big or small, if someone gives me a million bucks, and someone else only gives me a hug, every contribution to my birthday celebration is equally valued by me. Your thoughts?
5 people like this
6 responses
• United States
25 Jan 13
I'm with you on this. Everyone's gifts are equally valued. It should not come down to who can and can't so a cake. I'm glad you will have your cake.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jan 13
Thank you. I know Mom had some plans in life that may be a bit precarious now that my step-dad is losing his vision, but I've been legally blind all my life, and my husband is well on his way to joining us. My mother has the best vision in the family. LOL I'm used to living on a really low income, and that's why I've stayed in this little apartment in the middle of town instead of moving somewhere "better" and risking a disaster. That's more than understandable, what she's experiencing. The cake's going to taste the same no matter who pays for it,
• United States
25 Jan 13
I think you guys did the right thing by letting her know it was fine and your hubby would be sporting for the cost of the cake. I'm sure her feelings were hurt to some degree as she probably feels bad enough she can't do things as she had in the past. But you know many of us come under fire of different circumstances all the time... one moment you are coasting by the next you are worried about your money the next ok and so forth. It's no big deal if she feels that badly perhaps when your hubby has his b-day she can buy one for his :)
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jan 13
Thank you. In Hubby's and my view, it's not who does it that counts, it's the fact that it gets done! :)
@GardenGerty (99159)
• United States
25 Jan 13
It is your birthday and you should have the cake you want. I thought that was the unwritten birthday rule. Your mom should find something within her budget that she would like to do and do it, letting you and Walker enjoy this once a year treat and share it with family. Today is my dad's birthday, we offered to take him and his wife out. No, they did not want to eat out and Charlotte, his wife made the most delicious chicken pot pie, and we loved it. They had a pie in the freezer. We are here, my brother and his wife came by and we were all happy, relaxed and well fed. I hope your birthday turns out as well.
• Canada
25 Jan 13
Well said! We're actually SAVING Mom some money, because she won't have to buy a cake at all. She's still going to give me a nice stuffed birthday card (going to need it if I plan to go to NYC next month!!) and a nice lunch. That's perfect! She should be happy that I have a hubby who likes to spoil me! I spoil him on his birthday too. :)
@BarBaraPrz (19805)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
25 Jan 13
Mmmm... I love Black Forest cake, too. I once ate an entire cake in a day (my birthday). If the ones you get come from that bakery that was in/by the Gummer building, I know just how delicious it would be. I loved their sausage rolls, too.
@vernaC (1493)
• Romania
25 Jan 13
Once you're sitting down together and enjoying the cake, it wouldn't matter anymore who paid the cake. What matters will be the happiness you're enjoying and sharing with your family on that special day. So do whatever or buy whatever makes you happy without regreting.
• United States
25 Jan 13
I agree with GardenGerty on this one. It's your birthday, and it should be your choice of cakes. And this discussion is making me quite hungry for cake now...