Ok, now the truth!

Sad and lonely - that's me
@ctryhnny (3463)
United States
January 27, 2013 6:34am CST
I usually try to come off as a happy person but for me that's a lot of work. I'm a very sad and lonely person. I have 3 kids and 4 grandkids. I can't blame the grandkids because they are too young. But my daughter who lives about 30 minutes away isn't speaking too me and even when she was she never came to visit me. She says it's too far to drive but I can take 2 busses to visit her. My son lives ten minutes away from me and it's been almost a month since I've seen him and my 11 month old grandson who isn't getting to know me his Nana. I have a few medical problems so I seldom if ever leave my apartment except to go shopping and do errands. I have no friends except for my cats and nobody to visit. The few friends I have either remarried or moved out of state. I have a couple of acquaintances that I very seldom see or talk to on the phone. My biggest fear is that I will die and my body won't be found for days and I'm serious about this. It's one of my biggest worrries. Except for my daughter 2000 miles away my kids never call me. I realize they have their families to take care of but I'm not getting any younger but my kids think I"m not old. Maybe 65 isn't old but I need my family in my life. I don't want anyone feeling bad for me but this is my life and it sux.
2 people like this
12 responses
@Stirtime (269)
• United States
28 Jan 13
Wow ctryhnny, your posts almost exactly mirrors my life as it was not too long ago. I'm 50 years I have 3 children (boys) and 4 grandchildren (3 boys 1 girl) the youngest a boy just turned 1. My kids are all men now 1 of which I am living with or should I say he with me not sure bout that one, my other 2 live about 40 minutes from me here in IL. and 1 of my grand sons I have not seen in over 6 weeks because his mom feels she shouldn't have to come here all the time, but what am I to do I don't have a car and there are no buses. I have my ups and downs but try to stay on the ups more often doing whatever I can to stimulate my mind like being on here. Not too long ago I hardly ever saw my oldest with my grand daughter and I would hear of all the things they were doing with my brother and sister-in-law and how my grand daughter called them Mamma Lori and Uncle Poppy that hurt so much and seeing the time they spent together made the green eyed monster really come out. I had several health issues and had applied for disability but my son thought I should still look for work, I guess my brothers thinking I should give it up rubbed off on him. That all hurt too. One day after I moved back to my old home state of CT and followed up on my disability, the doctors looking into my records did more test and found I have a cysts in my spinal cord and Chiari Malformation (a deformity of the base of the brain stem causing a tonsil looking protrusion into my spinal column) I made a joke on Facebook to my family telling them about it saying see and you all thought it was all in my head, oh wait it is!!! They were all of a sudden interested in my health. Not my sons they were mostly there but my extended family made me feel like a leper, I think they tried telling my sons this and that before making them believe I was just being lazy or crazy because when I came home to IL things were different as far as visits and such. I won my case and they really believed me then. I still stay in my apartment mostly all the time but I babysit every other fri or sat. I don't like being around people even my other family The Brother and Sis in law but could you blame me. I find writing calms the achy heart and even talking on here can help a great bit. It would be very hard if I couldn't see my boys and grand kids so there I feel you may need a strong support line from anywhere else because I know it hurts. I too fear of being alone and dying my son that lives here works all night and sleeps most of the day. I would hate to have him find me either, I guess we all have those fears but we can't let them take us over. Well You Take Care I need to get some sleep. I hope this helped even a little.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
28 Jan 13
As much as I hate to say it I'm happy to see that I'm not alone! We didn't raise our kids to be this way did we? I have a granddaughter who has Downes Syndrome who totally loves/loved me and I saw her often even babysitting her during her summer vacation from school. Now her mother, my daughter doesn't speak to me for a stupid reason so I don't get to see her any more. My grandson is 11 months old and I"ve only seen him a few times. My green eyed monster comes out when I see on fb that my d/i/l's mother who lives in a nearby state babysat for him when I live ten minutes away. I just don't get it!
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
29 Jan 13
These stupid reasons why people don't talk to eachother anymore. I would suggest you to go over or call and tell her you are sorry (about the stupid reason whatever it may be, who cares) and you would love to see her (your daughter) and your grandchildren. That you miss them. There also should be a time to forgive, esp. if you are family. No need to explain a lot, since I think we all have our periods we don't feel great, we see or hear things differently from what is really ment.
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
28 Jan 13
Hello, ctryhnny! I am sorry that you feel sad and alone. But I sure do hope your kids realize that you need them more than ever. Weren't you ever close to your kids? I mean, why not invite all of them on one weekend and tell then how you feel. You should have atleast somebody with you all the time. I know it would be crazy to be living alone and there is nobody to talk to. Try going out and meet new friends. maybe you'd build good relationships.
1 person likes this
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
28 Jan 13
There was a time when I was very close with my kids but since they've had their own families they've left me by the wayside. I invite them here all the time but no matter what day it is they are always busy. I have a difficult time being around people because of my hearing problem. I've tried and if it's more than 2 people my hearing gets confused and very uncomfortable for me.
1 person likes this
@gary23 (425)
• India
28 Jan 13
I can understand how you feel. But you can't blame your kids.They are busy in their lives and when they get some days off they just forget spending time with you.Your expectation is justified but if your kids doesn't feel that way for you there's nothing you can do about it.try spending time in parks where you can talk to people
1 person likes this
28 Jan 13
Hi, I am a college student in China, I am 20. A lot of people as old as you are happy in China. If you are telling the truth, I'd like to say you have to change your perspective toward life. Old people in China basically are pool and cannot receive social security and medical security, life is hard and their son works in another city, it takes them serval days to see their son. What's more, they have to pay a lot for the expensive train ticket. Their son only has one chance to go home every year in the spring festival(a festival like christmas in the western county),and the train stations are extremely crowded,even so,people are keen to go home just for a dinner and have a rest. These old people, have not much money, have no car,have no social life,suffering from different kinds of diseases, not enough nursing house available here, I think you can find that your life quality is much better.
1 person likes this
@echoforever (5192)
• United States
28 Jan 13
Life can be hard, especially when we're away from the ones we love. I am still young but i hardly ever get out either. I know how it can be to be locked, or, feel locked up sometimes. Its hard when you're alone. I have no friends here except one woman and her 2 boys that come over mostly just to visit my dad though. Sorry for your situation...
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 13
Why don't you go and visit them so you can see your grandkids? Do you drive? They do sell those medical devices that hang around your neck in case of accidents in the home, where you just press the button I believe. You can always invest in one of those if you're afraid that something will happen to you because you live by yourself.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
28 Jan 13
No, I don't drive but I can get to my sons house but the problem is I can't go unless I"m invited! I am in the process of getting the medical device you are talking about. I hope to get it soon.
• United States
29 Jan 13
That's good you'll have that in case of something happening. At least that can ease your fears a bit.
28 Jan 13
I'm sorry to hear your story. I begin to worry about my old age life. How can they treat you like this?! Since conversation has no use, I think you should build up some new hobbies. Don't rely on them any more.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
28 Jan 13
I never did rely on my kids for anything but a little bit of love. It seems that's a lot to ask of them.
@Mintlin (326)
• China
28 Jan 13
I'm sorry to feel such kind of story again. your kinds are such cold-hearted. I suggest you to be indenpendent,develop some interests,like gardening,reading,writing etc. 65 yrs old is actually not that old. in my place,many people still work in their 65 yrs old. so you shouldn't be sad,go out more and try to get yourself busy,do not rely on your kids.they may always have busy schedule but it's absolutely not the excuse to put you alone.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
28 Jan 13
I do do a lot of reading and keep a few plants in my apartment but there's no place I could start a garden outside. I have to admit my daughter and son are very cold hearted but my daughter who lives 2000 miles away from me is so different. I look forward to our chats on the phone because she's always telling me she loves me and that means a lot to me.
• United States
28 Jan 13
You have been sitting around obsessing over your own mortality and letting the world pass you by. Stop that. Really, you are still relatively young. If you need inspiration, take a look at Betty White; she has two-and-a-half decades on you, and she's still going strong. Find a volunteer opportunity nearby. Become a mentor. Volunteer in a charity thrift shop. Serve at a soup kitchen. Find something that puts you in contact with other people, gets you up and out of that apartment and gives you some meaning in life. Go out and take an enrichment course. A local college may offer something for members of the community. Or, you could get really wild and pursue a degree. Your medical problems are mostly, if not wholly, lifestyle-induced. Get active--preferably in places that do not allow smoking--and embrace a better diet; odds are, you will see serious improvement both in terms of your medical issues and in your outlook on life.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
29 Jan 13
Right now it's tough for me to be in a room with more than 2 people. I just started wearing 2 hearing aids and everything gets so confusing to me. I've tried a number of things like bingo here in my building and I couldn't stay too long because with all of those people talking at the same time was driving me crazy. I admire Betty White!
@rishini (20)
27 Jan 13
I am really sorry to hear about your situation. May be you should talk to your children about this. Tell them how you feel. Tell them everything you told us. If you find it difficult to speak about this, write to them about how you feel. I am sure they will understand and pay more attention to you. Its difficult to be happy when you bottle up your feelings. Let them out and you'll feel much better.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
27 Jan 13
Letting that all out did make me feel better! I've told my kids all this a hundred times and they really don't care. I think about everything I did bringing them up as a single parent and wonder how they can forget all that. I'm just learning to deal with it and am happy I have mylot to vent on.
@Mavic123456 (9704)
• Thailand
27 Jan 13
no offense and I dont know how possible it this... how about homes? don't you like to stay in institution like that. This is what I am scared of... living alone in old age.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
27 Jan 13
lol...are you trying to put me in an old age home? I'm not THAT old yet. I do live in a building where you have to be 62 to get an apartment in. The problem is I'm the youngest resident here at 65 years old. Most of these people use walkers and mobile chairs. They go to places where they just sit all day doing nothing which I do very well in my apt. without having to go out.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
28 Jan 13
I am so sorry to hear about how you feel. It's hard to make friends, real friends but it's possible and it's also possible to have a great life with acquintances. In real life or by the internet. But if you would like that you have to take action yourself as well. So use the internet to start chatting or mailing with people. Also I would advice you to try to visit your children yourself as well. I know by experience it will be hard to travel, especially if you don't feel well but after you have done it you might feel way better and be proud of yourself (plus you have plenty of time to rest for a week if you need that). It's also not about how frequently you meet your family/friends but about the quality of these meetings. Also tell them you do need them in your lives and ask them to visit you every ... and when you can visit them. Perhaps it's also possible you go by buss over there and they drive you back? A relationship has to come from both sides, both have to invest in it. If you need them in your life show them you do and go visit them as well!